I think I started to realize this yesterday, but it really became clear this morning. As it was happening, I was mad at Lion because he wouldn’t make things easier for me by using a wheelchair in the airport. However, I think I was really mad because it felt like he was dismissing all my ideas and criticizing things I did.
For example, since I was carrying the bags, he’d hand me things to put away so we could get through security or board the plane. He’d need them right away so I thought it would be fine to put his iPad with my iPad and his wallet in my bag. Nope. He’s been traveling for over 30 years and he knows how he wants things done. He’d never be able to find that item again unless it was where he always put it when he was traveling alone. Fair point, but he wasn’t traveling alone. I was getting things for him. Wouldn’t it be easier to put it all together rather than opening multiple bags? Nope.
The bigger issue was the criticism. He does not like when I say vague things like, “let’s go this way.” Valid. I’ve been working on giving clearer directions. Not well enough, apparently. He’d tell me he didn’t know where he was going despite my saying we were going left. One time he went in the opposite direction. If I have to walk backwards through a narrow spot so I can keep guiding him, he doesn’t like the fact I’m walking backwards. If people come upon us suddenly while I’m snarking back at him, I look like a horrible person. They haven’t been there for the snarkiness launched in my direction.
Yesterday, I noticed The Fantasticks is being performed in a local theater. Lion talks about seeing that a long time ago in NYC. Knowing he likes it and knowing it’s a local theater so it’s easier to navigate, I bought tickets for the last preview night. Tickets were cheaper and, being a “school night” I figured there’d be fewer kids and it may be fewer people in general. I sent Lion a copy of the email confirmation. Was he excited? No idea. All he said was it was weird that they’d have previews because it was an older musical.
This morning was the real eye-opener. After work yesterday, I did some things that needed to be done. I also made scones and corn muffins. When I cut the muffins to toast them in butter this morning, I cut them in half from the top down. That was wrong. I should have cut them in half from the side. Does it matter? Does it change the flavor?
These little criticisms may not seem like much individually, but they do add up. It’s not like the cut of the muffin or where I put his wallet is crucial. Nobody’s bleeding. Nobody’s dead. The wallet was just easier for me. I forgot which way he likes the muffin cut.
I didn’t spank him last night. Maybe I should have. Maybe I will tonight. I was going to mow the lawn, but clearly he needs the attention more.
[Lion — I don’t see most of the comments Mrs. Lion mentioned as criticisms. They weren’t meant that way. I’m very grateful for all she does for me. When I mentioned cutting the muffins this morning, I didn’t suggest that she did something wrong. I just asked that she cut them the other way. As for where things are put, I’m really sensitive about that. I can’t see well enough to find stuff if it isn’t where I expect it. True, Mrs. Lion was going to return items to me…but not necessarily all items. I generally leave my wallet in my computer bag during a flight. It’s uncomfortable sitting on the wallet for six hours. If she put it where I expect to find it, I don’t need help getting it later. I guess I will just shut up from now on.]