Stop Breathing So Loud

Lion has a sore on my weenie. He asked me to unlock him because it was bothering him. Since I was having such a crappy day yesterday, I didn’t feel like doing anything with him but unlocking him was certainly not a problem. Today is going minimally better so maybe, if he’s up for it, we’ll play tonight.

I had a meeting at work this morning. I hate meetings. First, we’ve already had email versions of whatever is being said. Second, everyone nods like a bobblehead that they understand and will do X from now on and, inevitably, nothing changes. It’s a waste of time. When I got out of my meeting, there was an email from Lion. Any other day, I might have shaken my head and wondered if he thought I had cloned myself on the way to work, but my first thought today was that he was being unreasonable and what the hell was he thinking. Before I replied, however, I had talked myself off the ledge and sent a different reply.

So what was the problem? He had an item that needed to be returned to Amazon. Since I’m near a UPS store, I can return it. Obviously they aren’t open before work and I wouldn’t have had time anyway so the “any day” response might have been teasing him about what the rush was to getting it in before work. Today, I read it as his telling me I was a slacker and don’t I know it needs to be done before anything else. Of course, he was asking if I’d remembered to take the return with me. I do forget a lot. It’s a reasonable question. Even though I made a point of putting it by the front door, I’d be just as likely to walk right past it as take it. I tempered my response by saying the place isn’t open before work and I normally drop things off after work.

I know Lion wants me to punish him when he annoys me, but if I am a giant raw nerve right now, is it reasonable to punish him for asking a question? Sure, he could have phrased it differently. I could have read it differently. To me, being mad at him about his question would be like being mad at him for breathing too loudly. He may breathe at that same decibel all the time. It’s just this one instance that it annoys me.

I do understand the concept of punishing him to get used to punishing him. I don’t really care if he spills food on his shirt. It was just something he was bound to do that would give both of us an opportunity to get used to our roles. If I punish him for every “oh, that Lion” moment, I’ll be able to punish him for the “dammit, Lion!” moments. In theory, it all makes sense. When he reminds me I have to punish him in the same moment I’m having a mini-meltdown, I’m much more likely to want to cry rather than spank him. My choice, in that moment, is to get myself under control instead of getting him under control.

I don’t have any idea how long my meltdown will last. It may go away as suddenly as it came. Maybe it will even sneak away. I may wake up a few days from now thinking that the day before was a pretty good day and wonder how that happened. Maybe it will require some action on my part. I used to go to the batting cages and pretend every ball was my husband’s (at the time) face. Symbolically knocking the snot out of him helped sometimes. Ironically, actually knocking the snot out of Lion doesn’t seem to have the same effect. Lion wishes it would.

[Lion comments — Actually I don’t expect spanking me right now to have any healing effect on Mrs. Lion. All I want is for her to get used to punishing me for any and all “Oh that Lion” moments. It’s just like when we first started and Mrs. Lion was getting used to punishing me.]

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