Last night was punishment night. I had one (major) offense. As discussed further in this post, I had hurt her feelings by inappropriately responding to an idea of hers. As she promised, she got out the restraints and fixed me firmly to the bed, face down. I don’t know how many swats I got, but each one was very painful and I tried hard to escape them. Of course, as she planned, I couldn’t. It still hurts, a stinging sensation when I sit. She used the bloodwood paddle, hitting me with the side that has the non-skid sandpaper-like material applied. When she was done, she said she used very hard swats. I told her that I guessed she might have. She took a picture. I don’t look as sore as I feel. I’m not including the picture. You have to be tired of looking at my ass. If you do want to see the result, click here for a picture.

Once I was tied down, she asked me why I needed to be spanked. I told her. It felt humiliating to admit it while in such a vulnerable position. I was not looking forward to this punishment. For the record, while I normally love to be tied down, I did not enjoy or find tonight’s bondage arousing. Tonight was not a play night. The last time I was punished it did happen on a play night. Staying locked in my cage and having no release or play to anticipate heightens the punishment. Our next scheduled punishment day is April 6. I hope there will be no need for any spanking. It’s also not a play night.

I’m not sure if these scheduled punishment nights are working for Mrs. Lion. We set this up when it was anticipated that various small offenses would quickly accumulate and by scheduling specific days for punishment (Monday and Thursday), it would make things easier on Mrs. Lion. We don’t seem to be accumulating little things. Of course, Mrs. Lion may be planning to find more things that need correction. In that case, the schedule does make sense. If not, perhaps she should punish when she decides it would be helpful. If too much time goes by without punishment (a week?), it might be helpful to provide a “maintenance” spanking so neither of us forgets the power exchange.

At least for me, nothing is as simple as it seems. This is particularly true of enforced chastity and FLR (Female Led Relationship). I’ve managed to make every mistake in the book. The longer we are doing this, the more effect my mistakes have on Mrs. Lion. For example, the other night we were snuggling. I just had to remind her that I was horny. Obviously I was. It had been more than a week since my last orgasm. My commercial for an orgasm was a mood killer for her. Earlier, I objected strongly to her idea of giving me “honey-do” lists of chores. It made her feel badly. She felt it was her fault that I was unhappy. In a perfect world that stuff would make her angry rather than hurt. But that isn’t going to happen. She loves me and feels sad when she thinks she has made me unhappy.

So, my dear lioness internalizes my missteps instead of correcting them. That isn’t a criticism of her. She is as new to all this as I am. She is particularly vulnerable now. I’m being selfish if I think she should automatically know exactly what to do in every case. She shouldn’t. It’s too easy for her to think this is her problem. If she only had a thicker skin. If she only disciplined me when I react badly. So many “If only’s”. So much lioness internalizing. No lion blaming. I have to take responsibility for my actions, especially the ones that cause my love pain.

Blogs that feature male-submissive fantasies like to include lists of things that a submissive should do. I hate those lists. Most of the time they include absolutely stupid “rules”. Today I am publishing a list. This list is not a set of rules for anyone but me. It is my list of things I need to do in order to make my enforced chastity and submission work for both of us. I’m sure there are more things I need to do as well. This list addresses the things that have hurt Mrs. Lion’s feelings.

  1. Never object to any thoughts Mrs. Lion has to enhance or change my submission or chastity. Accept her ideas and encourage her to implement them. The only answer to questions about advancing her authority is “Yes”.
  2. Never remind Mrs. Lion that I am horny. She knows me and doesn’t need commercials for an orgasm.
  3. Never remind Mrs. Lion it is play night. Only remind her of things she asks me to remember for her.
  4. Gracefully accept punishments, restrictions, and rules.
  5. Obey any requests or orders. Do not object. Ever!
  6. Always thank her for anything she does: punishments, orders, chores, and rewards.
  7. Enthusiastically embrace my chastity and submission.
  8. Always remember that Mrs. Lion is doing things in my best interest. No questions. No objections.

That’s my current list. If I expect FLR to work, I have to make these changes now. Our chastity is running smoothly, but it will be better for Mrs. Lion if I follow these rules. I suspect this list is applicable to anyone in FLR or enforced chastity. I know I won’t always successfully implement every item. Mrs. Lion, please punish me if I forget. The more successful I am in following these rules, the better our life under FLR will be.


  1. Author

    I think it is important that you keep reminding Lioness that you want to be punished when you need to be. You say you don’t like it .. As in it is not pleasurable/play. But she may be hearing it as I don’t like it … I really don’t want this happening. Which makes it harder for her to do to you. Thank her, for correcting your behavior. For punishing you. Not a rote “thank you” after, but often and on other days.
    You may also consider posting that you are greatful to have a Lioness who is willing to give you what you need, even tho you complain about receiving it. Of course these are just my thoughts, but I too have a hard time disciplining mine

    Thank you for so openly sharing your journey with us.

    1. Author

      Good point. I make a point of letting Mrs. Lion know she is doing the right thing.

  2. Author

    I’ve mostly been reminding myself as I read that everybody has to feel out what works for their own relationship; nobody’s relationship is exactly like anybody else’s; and it’s not anyone’s place to tell anyone else they’re doing their relationship wrong.

    I say all that to emphasize my endorsement of this post. I think with those rules, including the acknowledgment that you won’t follow them perfectly at every moment you’re showing a perspective that will really help both you and Mrs. Lion as you deepen your FLR.

    I’m happy for you!

  3. Author

    These rules are, I believe, spot on. I think they advance the line to move beyond “acceptance” and forward to “supporting” the FLR. I never really thought about it quite that way until reading them.

    I think the no-commercials rule is both funny and dead-on. I know in my case, Charmer knows when I’m interested. You know, pretty much always. Why I feel the need to announce and nag is beyond me. It’s one area I’ve worked really hard to modify in our own relationship. She’s in charge, play time comes when she wants. Period. Just an example, but it’s something you see a lot as people talk about the FANTASY of chastity – “she’ll tease me *constantly*! Several times daily even!” vs. reality of chastity. People see that fantasy and feel they need to remind the keyholder that that’s what chastity is all about. Nope. It’s not.

    Chastity and keyholder in charge is worth it. It’s not anything like the fantasy I or anyone I’ve ever read initially expected. It’s so much more and so worth it.

    Your rules are a great foundation for moving it forward, not only chastity, but FLR.

    Good stuff, and thank you.

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