Yesterday, I presented some of the statistics about our relationship. Mrs. Lion reviewed my post before I scheduled it for release. After she gave her approval, I asked her if she thought I would be wearing a chastity device after all this time. She admitted that she didn’t. I didn’t either. It seemed out of character for Mrs. Lion to consistently keep me in enforced chastity. She isn’t wired that way. Throughout our life together she has always taken a very laid-back approach to life. Things like mess don’t bother her. Enforcing anything was not a pattern she ever displayed.
In the past, when I expressed my interest in being tied up, spanked and teased, Mrs. Lion would do it a few times and then stop. If I reminded her, she would do it. But if I was silent, we didn’t play. She was always willing to do things I asked, but she very rarely initiated. I tend to be more driven. I have always taken the lead. There was one big hole in that leadership: sex. I just couldn’t initiate sexual activity. I did it once in a while, but I was very uncomfortable doing it. Over the years this resulted in sex disappearing from our marriage. To make matters more difficult, Mrs. Lion lost her interest in sex for herself. She still isn’t interested.
I’m sure she thought that enforced chastity would stop after I grew tired of it. In the beginning, I was driving the entire experience. Mrs. Lion was taking direction from me. After all, as she said, she was doing this because it made me happy. Many of her posts here clearly state that she prefers to give me orgasms and not withhold them. I wondered if we would continue for long. After all, if I am controlling the experience, it loses the point. Almost at the same time we started enforced chastity, I started this blog. My intention was to share my long experience in power exchange and to chronicle our enforced chastity experiences.
For the first few months I became frustrated with this self-directed chastity. I noted that guys who wrote other blogs about this subject also seemed to be providing the ground rules that their keyholders more or less followed. Some were at the extreme where only the men put on and took off the device and their keyholders directed them to jerk off when an orgasm was due. There was virtually no interaction. I knew I didn’t want that. Others had keyholders who were fully engaged and controlled everything including daily teases and keyholder orgasms.
We fit somewhere in the middle. Our biggest challenge is that I am the only one who actually wants sex. Mrs. Lion’s libido has not returned. I suspect that she just isn’t turned on by me. Maybe someone she considers sexier would turn her on. No, I am not interested in her finding that man. It would break my heart. But I am concerned that I am the problem.
Anyway, right up to the present, all of our sexual activities are aimed at me. Mrs. Lion has been working hard to become more consistent. She teases (and denies) me every other day without fail. I get orgasms when she decides it is time. I am locked in my Bird Cage at all times. It only comes off for sexual activity with her, or if circumstances require it off. That almost never happens. She has steadily taken more control. At this point, the only way I can get any sexual activity is if she decides I should have it, or if I use a coupon she has given me.
Even more surprising than our continuing enforced chastity is that Mrs. Lion has agreed to FLR (Female Led Relationship). We are starting off slowly, but not as slowly as with enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion now has a system to add things to our lives. She is following it for FLR. She started by daily spankings to help her learn to be able to actually hurt me with a spanking and to be able to continue no matter how I feel about it: Domestic Discipline 101. Now, she has added more reasons that I will be punished. She is much more observant of my behavior and is ready to correct my errors on our twice-weekly (Monday and Thursday) punishment days.
All of this can sound contrived. To some extent it is. But if we are to truly add enforced chastity and FLR to our lives, we need these contrived tools to allow us to build the patterns that will end up as parts of our daily lives. I think that is the secret to successful integration of power exchange into daily life. It starts out with specific, scheduled activities and rules. After months, perhaps years, of gradually increasing the intensity of these planned activities, they become ingrained and a natural part of our lives. I think it is a good way to make the changes enforced chastity and FLR demand of both of us. If we didn’t stumble on this technique, I think we would have quit after the first few weeks.