When Lion and I first started playing I thought perhaps I would have a better understanding of why he wanted what he wanted if he did it to me. He refused because he was sure I’d then want to be a bottom and he wanted to be the bottom. Since I didn’t really want to be tied up or spanked in the first place I let it go. But I still wonder if I would understand him better if I had had the same experiences. However, if sushi and opera are any indication, experiencing it would not make me understand the appeal at all anyway.

At one point he did try electrical stimulation on me. I don’t remember exactly where he put the needles, in the area of the labia but it could have been near the clitoris. In any case, it had no effect. I remember feeling a tingling and then some stabbing pain but no excitement or pleasure. At the time he was somewhat annoyed it didn’t work. The other day when I reminded him of it he said it doesn’t work for everyone. Other than an errant nipple pinch while he was falling asleep and the occasional love tap on the behind, that is the extent of my being on the receiving end of play. I don’t have a need like Lion does to be tied up and spanked, but I do wonder if I’m missing something.

On the other hand, there are millions of people who watch American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. I don’t understand that either. Figure skating. I don’t get it. Am I just perpetually in the dark about things that give others pleasure? Possibly. So perhaps Lion is correct when he says that I just need to do unto him what he wants me to do. Don’t think. Just do.

I need to get meaner or, as he calls it, more strict. I need to understand that he’s asking for it. I am only doing what he wants. What other catch phrases can I use as my mantra? This will hurt me more than it hurts you. No. Maybe not that one.


  1. Author

    lion is right you do need to become more strict . For you may not understand all of it but it is a need he has and you are having trouble hurting or hitting him because of your feelings for him. You need to take on a new personality when it’s playtime. Set up playtime on your terms have him ready and waiting at a certain time and go in hood him and cuff him and put him somewhere til you are ready to tie him down ( like a closet) . Speak no words and if he starts talking beat him until he is quiet . Through out your session he only speaks when spoken
    to and when your done with him return him to the closet and go get changed settle down and return and uncuff and un hood him and walk away. The only discussion about your stricter session should be through email and you should never aknowledge you recieve them and never respond to them . This will be his place to speak up and vent as the rest of the time he will be in service to you

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