I haven’t looked through all the posts, there are over 300, but I don’t think I was the first one to mention Lion’s inability to maintain an erection. I posted something about his inability to initiate and it went from there. It’s never my intent to belittle him. I’ve been learning a lot about myself, sometimes as I’m writing, which may be why Lion says my posts come as a surprise to him. Me too, a lot of the time.
While I say I can trace a lot of my issues back to some point way back when, I’m just speculating. Lack of libido is not something I consciously decided to give a try. Yes, at various points I stopped playing with Lion in reaction to the lack of reciprocation, but I never consciously flipped the switch on my libido. It’s only now that we’ve got our sex life under a microscope and I’m trying to trace back to a time when sex worked for me that I think I may have found it. I think. I may have. Not definite. Not positive. And, if anything, I think that puts me in the hot seat.
Why didn’t I say something at the time? I could have headed off the problems we’ve had over the past however many years. I could have made Lion happier. But I wasn’t aware of what the problem was. Now I realize it’s me. Not Lion. Whatever he can or cannot do. Whatever I can or cannot do. I’m the only one who can fix me. I don’t know how to do that yet but, as they say, admitting you have a problem is the first step.
On to last night. I wasn’t really in the mood to play with Lion, but it was one of our agreed upon nights. I unlocked Lion and thought we’d just snuggle a bit with me holding his penis. But of course I started stroking and he started bucking. But I put a stop to that. I decided to use my mouth. He loves it and once I started, I wanted to give him an orgasm. I asked if he wanted to come and of course he did. I would say I allowed him to come, but he really had no choice in the matter. I wasn’t stopping.
Afterward I was thinking about leaving him wild. He was satisfied so there was no danger of him masturbating. I was worried, however, that he would think I no longer wanted him caged. When he asked if he should put his ring on, I told him he could stay wild. He asked why and I told him I wanted him to be comfortable. I’m not done with the cage yet. We have more to learn and more to do.