determined woman
I’m making steady progress taming my lion. His complaining used to make me feel guilty. Now I just laugh. I still have to build up my determination to punish him the way he says he wants. He may be sorry he wished for this!

At first I thought the next phase was amusement with Lion’s predicament. But then I realized it’s actually determination, on my part. While I still often feel inadequate in my role as top to my wonderful Lion, I have moments of clarity when I know exactly what needs to be done and how to accomplish it. I need to learn to run with those moments because, while they seem to be lasting longer lately, they are fleeting.

Part of the problem, of course, is that life gets in the way. For example, I’m sitting at work and I think of something I think Lion would love to do (or more correctly, he would hate to have done to him) but the implements are home and I’m not sure if things will work exactly like I want them to work. By the time I get home, there are six other things on my plate, so I forget to look at those implements. I need to be more determined to follow up on my evil plans.

Another problem is that, although his pathetic look is amusing most of the time, I know he is suffering to some degree. And if I’ve already got him out of his cage for teasing, then what’s the harm in actually making him come? He feels better. I feel better. Maybe I get a snack. Maybe he gets a snack. I’m my own worst enemy! I need to be more determined to make him wait by making myself wait.

I think the hardest part is punishment. I know Lion wants it. I also know I am horrible at it. I was horrible at punishing my kids and that was usually just sending them to their room or grounding them. Lion wants physical punishment. I don’t mind the swats for dropping food, etc. Those are quick and now I find out he likes them. What he is really looking for is the very hard swats that really hurt, to correct behavior. That will take some doing. Not only because I don’t know if I can force myself to swat him that hard, but also because I can’t think of anything he does that is so wrong that it needs to be corrected in that manner. It’s very difficult for me to wrap my mind around that. Not that he’s perfect. But I’m not wired to change him. Toilet seat up; toilet seat down. Wherever it is just move the damn thing and get on with it. So that may require more determination than I have. But I’ll certainly work on it.