From Bottom To Top And Back Again

letherman's guide cover
The Leatherman’s Handbook by Larry Townsend was the first book about topping and bottoming that I read. While it was directed to gay men, it gave me ideas about how things worked, and it gave my partner specific things she could do to me.

(Saturday, May 17, 2014) Mrs. Lion wrote about how we met and how I hypnotized her into becoming a top. I didn’t really hypnotize her. For some odd reason she decided that she liked me enough to indulge my perversions. My story starts a long time ago in a distant land, Greenwich Village. I was in my thirties and my marriage was over. For at least ten years I had found myself turned on by the idea of being tied up and spanked or tying someone up and spanking her. My ex-wife refused to even consider trying it. That didn’t break us up. That’s a much longer story. But once on the loose, I met a woman who thought these ideas were interesting. We got books (the Web wasn’t around then) and read up on the various activities involved in power exchange. We decided to try this out.

We went to the Pleasure Chest on Seventh Avenue in the Village and bought a set of wrist and ankle restraints, a riding crop, and a leather paddle. We were ready to go. The first night I was the top and I tied her up and spanked her. We followed that with some hot sex. It was fun! The next morning she was quite cranky. That night she tied me up and spanked me. I really had fun. Well, the spanking was close to unbearable at first, but once the endorphins kicked in, I really got into it. So did she. Hot sex followed. The next two nights we repeated this; I topped her and she topped me. Again she was cranky the morning after I topped her. We decided that the problem was that she didn’t like to bottom. I certainly did.

For the next year or so while we lived together she topped me. Our activities were restricted to the bedroom for play sessions. We both had a good time. I learned a lot about play. Being a bottom, it turns out, is the best way to learn how to top. For the next few years my top/bottom activity was only occasional. Most of the time I topped, but I got to bottom occasionally. I joined a leather (BDSM) organization in New York and attended workshops and parties. Invariably I topped. The reason for this is simple: there are very few dominant women and lots of submissive ones. As they said in the seventies, I went with the flow. My skills improved and I became fairly well known as a top. This went on for two decades.

At one point a full-time submissive woman (she identified herself as a slave) moved in with me. We spent ten years together. It was intense and sometimes frustrating. She had a need to be in her slave role all the time. There was no opportunity to step out of role and deal with things as a couple. We did have fun and we cared deeply for each other. Inevitably, the relationship ran its course. I haven’t seen any relationship based on power exchange last forever. In fact, most end within a couple of years. We lasted longer than anyone we knew.

Once we decided that the relationship would not work, I decided that I needed to rethink what I really wanted. My first decision was that I wanted a relationship based on love and not on power exchange. Yes, it would be great if play could be part of the relationship, but more important was the way we, as man and woman felt about one another. I also considered my long experience as a top. I realized that I was much happier during those brief periods when I was the bottom. I had also learned that for many bottoms the role is addictive. They want more and more until it becomes all they think about; just like my former submissive. That experience convinced me that I didn’t want to be the top in a relationship. So, I decided that my ideal partner would be loving and accepting of me, smart, funny, and dedicated to “us”. I was also getting very horny and I didn’t want to find a partner in the BDSM community.

frenum piercing
My frenum piercing. Aside from the look, it also pushes the most sensitive part of the penis front and center and enhances most sexual activity. Originally I had a ring there which, when I bottomed, was a convenient attachment point for a leash and other things.

I found a dating site and put out my profile. I read lots of profiles posted by women in the area. One struck me. The picture was of a woman with the most amazing smile and her profile was charming. I sent her a note and she replied. Eventually she became Mrs. Lion. Since I decided that I wanted to put relationship ahead of play, I purposely kept it out of our initial meetings. I had a frenum piercing and removed it when we met. I was worried it would scare her. When I finally let her see it, she didn’t bat an eye. She was more than a little nervous when I suggested spanking. Her first attempt was so gentle, I hardly knew she touched me. To her credit, she learned very quickly and soon I was feeling the result for hours.

Eventually we married and our play, her as top, continued occasionally. Over time we played less and less. As she mentioned, it felt one-way to her. Sex, in general became infrequent too. I was frustrated because I missed bottoming and the hot sex we had in the past. But I had no plans to fix it. We talked about it occasionally, but it didn’t change anything. Our relationship remained strong because we both felt the other things we have together are far more important than sex.

In December 2013 I happened to be prowling around and discovered that they listed chastity devices. I have had a longstanding interest in forced male chastity. I have been testing and reviewing chastity devices for over fifteen years. None of the devices I had reviewed were comfortable enough to wear long term. So, when I saw inexpensive chastity devices available in various sizes, my interest was piqued. Every device I tested in the past was either too big – my flaccid penis is only two inches long – or were uncomfortable. I found cages and plastic tubes that looked like they might actually fit. So, in the spirit of the good reviewer I ordered a couple. One turned out to be quite comfortable and close to a good fit.

I decided to ask Mrs. Lion how she felt about locking me up. I wasn’t sure what would happen once I was  locked up, but the idea of surrendering control really excited me. When I asked her, she agreed and I was locked up. Shortly after that, we started this blog. You can read the rest here.