(Monday, May 5 2014) We seem to be settling into an interesting pattern. For one thing, our sexual communications, both verbal and physical has improved dramatically. A long sexual log jam is breaking up. Mrs. Lion and I are talking about improving our sex lives. Part of this is due to me being caged. We discuss my expectations about how I want my new role to work. No, this isn’t topping from the bottom; it’s more a chance to mutually explore how we see things working. Mrs. Lion is doing her own research and has her own ideas about my sexual fate. This is exactly what I was hoping would happen. I know a lot of people believe that the keyholder should disregard her caged male’s wishes and simply take over everything sexual. In practice, this won’t work in a relationship.
A key submissive fantasy is total surrender of control. This can be sexual control or expanded into other areas of life. Regardless of the limits, this fantasy can not work in the real world. The top/keyholder is very unlikely to get off on ham-handed domination of her mate. The reality is that a lot of communication is required especially at the beginning.
One area that I have always found difficult to talk about is what I would like to be trained to do; what changes I would like my keyholder to make in me. Just because I want to be trained in a certain way doesn’t mean my keyholder is obligated to do it. It is a conversation we can have. For example, I would like to be trained to orgasm only when told I can. I want to be able to provide sex without an orgasm unless my keyholder gives permission. To be trained to do this, my keyholder will need to work out ways to teach me to recognize and control impending orgasm. This might involve me having to go longer than I might like without release in order to properly condition me to successfully control my orgasms. It also involves considerable effort for my keyholder. To be successful, we both need to make a serious commitment.
My keyholder is signing up to make whatever efforts are necessary to achieve the goal and to disregard any complaints or requests to stop that I make. I have to recognize that once I sign up for something, I am committed to it. Hopefully she will remind me of this before I finally agree.
What’s in it for us as a couple? The benefits are significant. We have committed to change our behavior and to stick with a difficult process until we succeed. This gives us a new area to grow; an area that isn’t as emotionally charged as many topics in a longstanding relationship. It’s also fun. Lioness and I are just starting to explore this. So far we don’t have a specific training target, but we are experimenting with techniques that could result in my being trained to control my orgasms so that I only come when she lets me.
We both have a lot to learn. We need to communicate freely and easily about our new chastity lifestyle. this isn’t easy for Mrs. Lion. I am grateful for her efforts and I hope she will find this exciting and rewarding.