One of my fantasies about how our power exchange would work out was that Mrs. Lion would punish me when I made her angry. No, I didn’t expect her to do it while she was massively pissed off. I expected her to save it until she was calm and then relive it as she spanked me. I wanted her to have a way to vent her anger and frustration in a way that would allow me to get the import of correcting my ways.
We started out with simple rules: waiting for her to eat first, not spilling on my clothes, and asking before leaving the room. I was also not to interrupt, something that truly annoys her. I’ve observed that the closer to the core her upset is, the less likely I will hear about it. Generally, she just gets quiet and I have to pry my offense out of her.
I get it. When something is upsetting on a deep, personal level it’s hard to take the risk of exposing it. What if it’s unfair to be upset? What if I won’t accept the revealed feelings? There’s a lot of risk there; or at least it appears there is. I think that all of us share this reluctance to express anger from deep inside. I certainly feel that way. It took years for me to even start to be willing to let those feelings out.
Then I come along and ask her to not only let me know when I upset her, but also to punish me. That’s really asking a lot. Too much, actually. I realize that and I don’t expect her to do that. But it does leave a problem. Where is the line between punishable anger and the kind of anger that needs a quiet talk, not a spanking?
This is one of those issues that can cause a partner to give up on a power exchange. I wanted Mrs. Lion to use her role to express the kind of anger that she suppresses. How naive of me. It’s going to take a lot more than an agreement to dominate me to help her express those deep feelings. In fact, I’m convinced that she will never spank me for one of those issues. I don’t think she should. I do hope she will talk to me about them as her equal and husband. I think that would help us get closer.
On the other hand, I think it is reasonable to expect her to punish me for things that piss her off. Maybe she shouldn’t do it while still angry, but she should do it once she calms down. We started out with punishment for me spilling food on my shirt. This offense isn’t important to her. It’s just an excuse to practice punishing me. It worked. If I get any visible food on my shirt I am punished severely. I expect it and accept it.
It may be time to step up the practice. The objective is to connect annoyance with retribution for me. It’s difficult for her to decide what annoyance to punish me for. It makes sense. So, in the same spirit that we used with the spill-on-shirt offense, I propose that anything that upsets her is punishable. This doesn’t mean I have to do it. If something pisses her off, it comes out of my hide.
The value of this exercise, beyond more punishment practice, is that Mrs. Lion learns on a deep level to associate annoyance with punishment for me. Just like with the shirt spills, after a while she will be able to punish me for anything I do to upset her. Yes, for a while, it will be unfair. That’s fine with me. The goal is worth the pain.
There is another lesson in this. Perhaps my lioness will learn to find stress release in spanking me. Right now, she says that she is concentrating on technique to get anything out of the exercise. She probably needs more practice to feel comfortable that she is properly beating me. When it becomes second nature, maybe I can provide her with some stress relief. I would like that.