this is the beef stew i made for mrs. lion's birthday.
This is the beef stew I made for Mrs. Lion’s birthday.

Last night didn’t work out quite the way I had hoped. We had a good (I think) birthday dinner for Mrs. Lion. Later, we enjoyed the black forest cake I made for her. It tasted good. That was a relief! I don’t bake very often. We then relaxed for the evening. I watched TV and Mrs. Lion buried herself in her iPad.

Promptly at ten O’clock Mrs. Lion unlocked me and tried masturbating me. I just wasn’t enjoying it. Finally she stopped. It wasn’t going to work. After a while we talked. I realized that things haven’t been going well sexually. If you read the blog, we both write enthusiastically about enforced chastity and, more recently, FLR. Both of these things were suggested by me. That, in itself isn’t unusual. It’s very rare that the woman would suggest either.

Over the last weeks, most of the enforced chastity and all of the FLR activity came from me. Mrs. Lion committed to teasing me every other day and has kept that commitment faithfully until last week. She spanked me a few times, generally after I wrote something about spanking. I can’t complain about that. She had experimented with ruined orgasms and has gotten good at giving them to me.

So, what’s wrong? I finally realized that I’m driving all of this. It isn’t topping from the bottom as much as it is that I’ve been convincing myself that Mrs. Lion is actively dominant. If you read our earlier posts, I think you’ll agree that she has had great ideas and appeared to be evolving in her skill and interest in enforced chastity. I’ve been encouraged. But in real life it hasn’t really been happening for some time. Last night, when she tried to get me off, it felt like it did before we got started with enforced chastity. She was silently jerking me off. That’s what she did in the past when I got grumpy after weeks of neglect.

I don’t think I have unrealistic fantasies about how my submission should work. I also don’t think this is purely a chastity issue.  After we talked last night, I learned she has been worrying about her kids who live with their father across the country. I can certainly understand how that could distract her from me.

If you read back, it’s clear that the subtext in my recent posts is about “easier” ways to help me feel her control. As recently as yesterday I wrote about just using words that affect me. I have been trying to script my submission. That just won’t work. This is a communication and expectation issue. We aren’t communicating the way we should. Without good communication, it’s hard to make anything work, much less enforced chastity.

After the failed attempt to get me off, Mrs. Lion decided to leave me unlocked. Previously, I would put the ring on and then she would lock me. Again, it was me initiating. At least last night, the decision was hers.

This isn’t about Mrs. Lion being a bad keyholder. I don’t think it is about me having unrealistic expectations. It seems to me that this is just the same problem we had before we started enforced chastity. We can’t keep external problems from intruding. I can’t force Mrs. Lion to like the same things I do. And I can’t do enforced chastity on my own with minimal participation from my keyholder. I guess I could do it, but it isn’t working for me.