Maybe I’m Already Mean

Since I was feeling under the weather on Wednesday, I didn’t play with Lion on his regularly scheduled play day. Last night I made up for that by edging him five times. I think that’s the most I’ve ever edged him at one time. And the last three times were fairly rapid fire. I gave him only a few seconds before I started stroking him again. I knew I was playing with fire and at first I thought maybe I had gone too far and given him a ruined orgasm. Somehow I must have stopped just short of that.

I realized last night that something has changed. Almost like the novelty has worn off. When we first started I needed to give Lion orgasms as much as he wanted to have them. I still love to make him come and I still reserve the right to give him a bonus orgasm any time I feel like it. But it seems like I feel less and less like doing it. Now this is not to say that I love Lion less. Or that I’m tired of playing with him. Maybe I’ve just turned some corner and I don’t feel as bad for leaving him hanging. After I was done edging him last night he said he really wanted to come. I told him it was too bad he had eleven days left to wait. In the past I might have given in and let him come. Or I might have been tempted to let him come the next night. I don’t think I’ll do that now. Denying him wouldn’t be my choice, but I guess it doesn’t bother me as much as it once did.

Maybe it’s like spanking. My first attempts were pathetic. I don’t think they had enough force to kill a fly. Eventually I got better. Lion still wants harder swats for punishment. Maybe, over time, I’ll turn that corner too. Maybe punishing him won’t be as distasteful to me. Maybe I can be as mean as he needs me to be.