I worked later than normal on a Friday yesterday and I was very busy. I usually write a post in the morning and have it ready to go by deadline. I even thought I’d write when I got home but Lion was already home and we decided to jam even more tours and reservations into our vacation. I forgot all about my post by the time we had it all sorted out.

We went out to dinner and then Lion fell asleep watching TV. This isn’t necessarily a death knell to snuggling or sex but I was tired too. He is correct that I will send him off on his trip with a smile on his face. I usually do. It’s sort of a tradition because most of the time he’ll be off by himself and lonely. This time I’ll be joining him in a few days. That certainly doesn’t mean he won’t get his send off. I’m actually wondering about the opportunities for snuggling and edging while we’re together. Our dinner reservations are quite late and Lion still has to work at least two of the mornings. I’m sure we’ll find time to have some private fun mixed in with all the vacation fun.

Neither of us knows what’s going to happen with the cage. The morning I wrote about the cage being permanently gone I was still trying to figure out how I felt about him asking to be wild. I really think I was just annoyed at having to get out of bed again to unlock him. I don’t think it signaled retirement. In some ways it served its purpose so why bother? In other ways it’s still a useful reminder to both of us. I know Lion thinks he shouldn’t have a say in the matter but certain things need feedback from both sides. I do know we’ll work it out eventually. Right now we’re too excited about our adventures next week to think about it too much.

Neither of us have slept very well this past week. I’m hoping that trend ends this weekend. I’m heading out of town to (hopefully) warmer weather. I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Lion will send me off with a smile on my face. At times when sleep is missed, our interest in play naturally diminishes. I can’t say my interest in sex goes down proportionately.

But it does go down. I fell asleep last night while we watched TV. It’s something I don’t particularly like. I also don’t like the lost opportunity for some snuggling and teasing.

I’m not looking forward to another long flight on a full plane. I travel enough to hate being crammed in coach and not enough to rate first class  upgrades. Transcontinental fights used to be on wide-body planes with room even in the back of the plane. The food was good and was free. I don’t mind paying for a meal, but the quality of what’s offered is less than spectacular. Enough air travel whining!

Last week when I asked to be unlocked for the night, I hadn’t given any thought to asking Mrs. Lion to retire the chastity device. Based on one of her posts last week, apparently she thought I was asking to be permanently wild. She mentioned that years ago she said that if I want out of the cage, I would also give up all the other power exchanges we have. She went on to say that she no longer feels that way.

I want to be very clear. I was not asking to be released permanently. I was just having a bad night and didn’t want the distraction of the cage. If she had refused to unlock me, I would have been fine with that decision. She decided that I could remain wild since I was leaving on my trip in a few days.

The question is what happens when I get back? Does the cage go back on? If so, are we returning to full-time lockup? I don’t know. I also don’t think Mrs. Lion knows either. We agree that regardless of whether or not hardware is  locked onto my penis, I will not masturbate. I will always be completely dependent on Mrs. Lion for any sexual satisfaction. We both like this arrangement. That isn’t going to change. Ever.

I never really spent a lot of time thinking about how my masturbation might affect others. I was genuinely surprised that Mrs. Lion had no idea that I jerked off. I barely gave it a thought. It was just something I did when horny and the prospect of partner sex was unlikely.

I will admit that I had the occasional fantasy of women making me masturbate while they watched. It was never a very hot fantasy, but sometimes while playing with myself it played on my fantasy movie screen. It was far from my go-to fantasy. It’s been so long that I’m not sure what got me across the goal line.

It almost certainly had some BDSM components. I always imagined it was someone else’s hand stroking me. Mostly it was just a way to scratch an itch. I’m not claiming I never liked jerking off. It was usually fun to come. Sometimes, even that wasn’t particularly pleasant.

On the other hand, I genuinely enjoy hand jobs. Mrs. Lion is an expert at delivering them. We both agree she doesn’t need lube. I never used any when I did it myself. Sometimes Mrs. Lion does use lube. It’s nice as a change, but dry rubs usually feel best.

As I said before, I never gave masturbation a lot of thought. The fact is that over the last four years the vast majority of sexual attention I’ve received is via Mrs. Lion’s hand. She almost always edges me with her hand. On rare occasions she uses the Magic Wand. Even less frequently, I get edged orally.

Actual orgasms are two-thirds by hand or vibrator. About a third of the time I get to come in her mouth. We haven’t had vaginal sex in over a year. I haven’t used my hand since December 2013.

A hand job is masturbation. It’s just not my hand doing it. So I can’t claim I don’t like it. I love it. I’m masturbated instead of masturbating. That is, for me at least, a big difference. Mrs. Lion’s hand feels orders of magnitude better than mine.

That brings me to a point I only considered for the first time today: Would I be as humiliated if I were masturbated in front of others as I would if I did it myself? If Mrs. Lion brought a friend home, had me strip, and then gave me a hand job in front of her friend, I think I would be more humiliated than if I did it with my own hand.

There’s the aspect of being naked and aroused in front of fully dressed women. That would be the same in both cases. If I had to jerk off, I could drift away into my own world. I would be embarrassed. However, if Mrs. Lion jerked me off and carried on a conversation while doing it, there would be a heightened sense of humiliation because making me come would just be part of a demonstration of how I am sexually treated.

I would feel more like an animal giving a “donation” by being dispassionately milked. Since this has never happened and is unlikely to be something that Mrs. Lion would do, I’ll never find out what it’s like. I can imagine that I would have a hard time getting off if treated this way. I’m sure that eventually I would. What do you think about this sort of treatment?

We went out to dinner last night and had some very juicy hamburgers. I had more ooze on my fingers than on the hamburger after a while. Yum!

Later on we snuggled and I attempted to get Lion aroused. Nothing doing. He wasn’t horny. I was wondering if it was because he thought I was upset that he asked to be wild. Or maybe it was because he had an orgasm on Monday and the natural course of things just means he’s not horny yet.

I’m not mad about him being wild. I was just turning it over in my mind yesterday. It was probably the fact that I was trying to get to sleep and had to get out of bed to unlock him that bothered me. For now I’ll leave him wild. It really is easier for me. I don’t need to look for the key when I want to play with him. He’s long past the point of masturbating and he was never going to cheat on me.

Speaking of masturbating, Julie’s suggestion of making him masturbate in front of me to humiliate him won’t work. First of all, in his post this morning, Lion said masturbation has lost its appeal to him and he’s not sure if he’d even feel humiliated in front of me anyway. Second, I don’t want him masturbating. He left that world behind him when I locked him up. I asked him to show me how he masturbated so I could see how he did it. And that was it. Done. Finito. From that point forward he’s been self-love free. He’s never asked to be allowed to masturbate again. I hope that’s because I give him all the stimulation he requires now.

I also think I’ve softened my thoughts about his asking me to do away with the cage. In the past I’ve said if he wants to stop wearing the cage we’ll just stop everything. No domestic discipline, no FLR, no nothing. However, I think we’ve evolved to a point where being wild is not grounds for capsizing the whole boat. We do just fine without the cage. Lion is punished when necessary. I make decisions. I edge him. I decide when he gets an orgasm. Cage or no cage.