The Movie In My Head
I seem to get it wrong very often. When Mrs. Lion does something that hits a hot button, I tend to believe that she has somehow changed, turned over a new leaf. This happened the other night when she used the Njoy butt plug on me. She inserted it in a direct, rather impersonal way — lube it, lube me a bit, firmly insert it with no pause. Her usual pattern is to be much gentler, stopping frequently to let me adjust to the intruding device. She wasn’t rough about it. It hurt, but that lasted only a couple of minutes after it was nestled inside me.
I liked what she did. I didn’t care too much for the pain, but I liked feeling that authority. The problem is that she didn’t see it that way. She said that my position was a bit awkward and she inserted it the best she could. I guess you could say this is classic lion; I read far too much into small things.
The reason for this is that the movie playing in my head casts Mrs. Lion as a loving, but firm keyholder who efficiently exer cises her power over me. I don’t see her as an impersonal department of motor vehicles clerk dispensing punishments and pleasure as part of her job. But I do see her as my loving lioness who sets her mind to do something to/with me and then just proceeds without being overly concerned about my acceptance or reaction. Spankings, anal insertions, even teasing is performed in a loving and efficient way without my feedback being considered.
That’s my movie. I’m not a cruelly treated prisoner who suffers at every turn. Nor am I a naughty boy who needs mommy to keep him on the straight and narrow. I’m much less role play centric. In my movie Mrs. Lion is my loving partner who, for unknown reasons — psst: we know it is cause I asked her, but don’t tell, that’s not in the script — has sexual and behavioral control of me and exercises that control to “train” me. Again, my script is silent as to why in world she would want to do this, or what I do that needs correction. Clearly my screenplay needs a lot of work.
The plot does contain lots of toys that range from butt plugs to devices to give my genitals a shock when I do something wrong — again the script is silent on exactly what I am doing wrong. Similarly I get spanked, get my wait extended, or some other horrific-but-sexy punishments are meted out as needed.
That’s the basic movie. It’s very hot to me when it runs in my head. When Mrs. Lion actually does some of those things, I genuinely dislike them at the time, but they are deeply satisfying later. So, when Mrs. Lion does something as small as slightly changing how she plugs my butt, I react by believing she has taken her role to heart. It isn’t realistic of me to make that assumption, but wow, she just acted a scene in my movie. Has she decided to take the part?
It really doesn’t matter if she follows my script at all. She is already giving me exactly what I want: she keeps my penis locked up, she makes me wait no matter how horny I get, and she spanks me now and then. That’s a lot. It’s more than I have any right to expect. I’m not an ungrateful lion. I just want to explain why I can blow a small change up into a lioness transformation. Mea culpa.
Out of Control
My post yesterday was rather snarky. I had just had a run-in with an annoying website and I was frustrated. I said what I meant to say, but I didn’t say it the way I should have. Here’s how I see our chastity life.
Lion asked me to cage him. I did. I really thought it would be a short term deal. Am I upset that it’s still going? No way! We’ve learned a lot about each other and we’ve grown sexually.
Lion asked me to punish him. I try to, but I am failing at it. I need to work at that. I have no real desire to change him so the problem is finding something to punish him for.
Lion asked me to be in control sexually. I’m trying to do that. I instituted the every-other-play-day rule (for myself). I set dates for his orgasms. I decide what kind of play he gets, when he gets it, and how much he gets. I decide when I want to take an orgasm (bonus orgasm).
Lion asked me to figure out why my libido is in the crapper. I haven’t been able to figure out why, but I have set orgasm date for myself to see if we can jump start it. At this point it has done little for my desire, although Lion continues to be able to give me orgasms. The mechanics were never an issue. Actually wanting sex is the issue.
Lion asked me to be more in control by learning independently about chastity and controlling him. This is the part that frustrates me. He wants me to find something that I like to do. I’ve told him repeatedly that making him happy is what I like about it. I don’t have a deep-seated need to cage him or spank him. He has that need. I know he sees any advice or suggestions he gives me as topping from the bottom. I know he wants me to find things to make chastity and topping him better. However, since it isn’t something I need, how do I know if it will make it better? Am I just supposed to randomly try things? What if it’s not what he wants? Why do something that’s not what he wants? It won’t be something I want. As I said, it’s not a need I have.
I don’t believe I am suddenly going to have an aha moment and decide that the integral part of my life that has been missing is suspending Lion with fish hooks. Or wrapping his body in plastic wrap. Or making him scrub my back in the bathtub. Or going to the opera (not sexual, but still a fantasy of his that I will suddenly “get culture”).
I thought we were doing pretty well. I know I fail in the punishment department and even playing most of the time just involves cock and ball play. We’d decided that we didn’t want long wait times. We’d decided that the scheduling of orgasms was going well. He liked knowing how long he had to wait. I liked knowing I could give him a bonus orgasm if I wanted to. Apparently I’m doing that too often so I’ll try to restrain myself.
Having said all this, I’m not going to stop doing what we’ve been doing. I’m still convinced the cage has been helping our sex life. Well, Lion’s sex life. Mine is still dormant. I think we’re happier. I just think that my trying to find things he’s interested in will fail. Of course if we do enough things then by brut force we’ll find things, but that will be exhausting and even more frustrating.
I’m sure a lot of this is the PMS talking. Maybe I just need to wait until I feel less out of control.
[Lion — I don’t usually comment to my sweet lioness’ posts, but in this case I feel I have to. I am deeply grateful for all the hard work and study that Mrs. Lion has put into her efforts to make me happy. She has succeeded far beyond my wildest dreams. Typically, we write posts on similar topics (and no, we don’t cheat and read each other’s first).
I wrote my post for tomorrow before I read this post. It’s about how I see pretty much the same stuff. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow to read it (mean Lion!).
Mrs. Lion is right. I want her to like what she does to me. I want her to make enforced chastity her own. I understand that is very unlikely to happen, at least the way I imagine it.
But it has happened in a surprising way. Mrs. Lion is making me sexually happy. Things have changed massively over the last year in that department. She has told you and I that she feels things are better as well. For whatever reason, enforced chastity has improved our lives.
The reason I asked her to look beyond me for input and inspiration isn’t because I want her to magically change, or even learn new things. It’s because I want her to have resources beyond me. They may never pan out, but at least her perspective on enforced chastity won’t be just what she hears from me]
Tight, Sexual Focus
I’ve been thinking about changes enforced chastity has made in me; not the obvious ones like losing access to my penis, but more subtle effects it has had on me. Most interesting I think is that I am much more sexually focused. Before being locked in a chastity device, my thoughts of sex were fairly random. If I saw a pretty woman or something else happened to turn my thoughts toward sex, I enjoyed a short diverting fantasy. But sex was never top of mind for me unless it was about to happen.
That may be oversimplifying, but in fact, sexual thoughts were more diffused and reserved for situations where there was some sort of stimulus. Of course, I’m no teenager and my hormones are not running wild. If I were much younger things might be different.
Now that I have been wearing a chastity device for a year, I’ve noticed that the way I think about sex has changed. I rarely, if ever, respond to visual stimulus. Yes, I still really like a cute female ass, but I don’t react. It’s less visceral and more academic, like seeing a fine painting and admiring the artist’s technique. I’m aware that the Jail Bird is locked on my penis and that I couldn’t do anything about that cute butt even if she wanted me to have sex with her. The fantasy just won’t work that way.
I am much more aware that I am horny when I am wearing the device. I want release. My attention is focused on getting penile stimulation; maybe not orgasm, but attention. My sexual thoughts are on what could happen to my penis if Mrs. Lion unlocks it.
Of course it isn’t that simple. In my case, Mrs. Lion hasn’t been interested in having me sexually please her. So my focus has been on my own sensations. However, while I’ve always loved giving her orgasms, the ones she lets me give her now are much more intense for me. They arouse me more and I love seeing her experience intense orgasms.
My release or teasing is generally by hand; not mine, hers. In the last month or so, I have been out of my cage twice for about ten days each time. During that time, I’ve noticed that in the shower and in bed, I don’t react at all to my own touch. I wasn’t trying to get off, but I was curious to see how it felt to get hard on my own. I didn’t.
I think that the cage has the effect of sexually focusing me on those very short intervals when I am unlocked for sexual activities. I can feel myself getting conditioned to respond to the stimulus Mrs. Lion gives me at those times. I find myself craving her touch since I associate that with my only source of sexual pleasure. She also uses her mouth, but only after manual stimulation. Another blogger who has been involved in enforced chastity for years commented that his wife almost always provides him with stimulation by letting him fuck her. He has learned to associate her vagina with his pleasure.
You may be thinking that all heterosexual men associate vaginas with sexual pleasure. Of course you are right. But his focus is more intense I think. Most of us think of vaginal sex as a most desirable activity, but to him it is his only opportunity for arousal and occasional release.
The very nature of our chastity devices makes this sort of focus inevitable over time. I wonder how many of our keyholders realize this. I suspect that we get conditioned without conscious planning by our keyholders. I’m sure Mrs. Lion didn’t plan on conditioning me to strong sexual response to her touch.
Be that as it may, there is an opportunity for a keyholder to shape her partner’s sexual responses. It doesn’t require any conversations with him or careful planning. All that has to happen is she consistently give him stimulation (tease and deny) and release in the way she wishes him to focus. If he is like me, he will unconsciously focus on any pattern of behavior that occurs when he is unlocked. For example, if you always spank him before unlocking him, he will associate the spanking with his sexual stimulation. Or if you do any sort of ritual immediately prior to stimulating him, he will associate that ritual with sexual pleasure. I suspect as a keyholder, you might be able to make use of this conditioning for your amusement and pleasure.
Books and Blogs
Lion gives me way too much credit. I used the butt plug last night because after my post yesterday he said he might be too sore for anything else. I told him there were a lot of other ways to play with him than just teasing him. Why did I seem a little more abrupt with it than other times? He was in an awkward position. I probably should have used more lube, but I figured it wouldn’t have gone in as well as it did if he needed more lube. There has been no new leaf turned over.
I did download some e-books to do research. Lion says he doesn’t want to be my only source. He suggested reading some of the blogs he reads. Wouldn’t they then be the same source? Am I over thinking that? Probably. The first book I read was all about reawakening the intimacy and then moved into why and how people do chastity. Very basic. We’re past that. I haven’t looked at the second book yet. I haven’t looked at any of the blogs.
I guess I’m unsure what I’m supposed to be learning. Is he waiting for me to discover a new thing that I just have to try? Why would I want to try it? Does he want to try it? I know he wants me to find something I enjoy. I know he thinks if I don’t get something out of it then it will never last. I do get something out of it. It makes him happy. Why can’t that be my thing?
I’ll look at the blogs and the other book. I’ll try to figure out some way to punish him for things. One thing will be for interrupting me. Another might be suggesting I read blogs and books to find something I enjoy. Just kidding, Lion. Sort of.
