It’s Good to be Good
Lion was a very good boy yesterday. He reminded me it was punishment day. He had nothing on his punishment list. He did the laundry. He ran some errands. He cooked dinner. It was only fitting that I give him a reward for his hard work.
I wasn’t sure what his reward would be. Should I give him an extra play session last night? Should I give him a get-out-of-jail-free orgasm? Should I make breakfast on the weekend? So many choices. As is usually the case, it came to me in the shower. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought he should have two separate rewards. One for doing all those chores and one for not having anything on the punishment list.
Reward number one, for the chores, is an extra play session. This is not a play session of his choosing. I may ask him what he wants, but I am not bound by it. He gets to choose a non-play night that he would like some Lion attention. This coupon expires August 1 for no reason other than the fact that I thought it should expire.
Reward number two, for not having anything on the punishment list, is an opportunity to subtract one item from a future punishment list. Maybe he has only one item and he wants to avoid punishment that night. Maybe he had nothing on the list, but forgot to remind me about punishment night so now he has that on his list. Maybe he was very bad and has six things on the list and wants to avoid some of those swats. Whatever the reason, he can eliminate one item. This coupon also expires on August 1.
He was very happy with his Good Lion coupons. He filed them away in the Lion coupon hiding place. I don’t know how many he has now. I tear them up as he uses them. Not that I think he’ll try to reuse them. I just think it makes a statement. This coupon is gone. Rip. You have received your reward. Rip. I don’t know if he even notices when I do it. It may be more for my benefit.
It’s still easier for me to reward him than punish him. That doesn’t surprise me. I know he wants me to add items to his list. It’s just so difficult when he does so many things for me already. Generally the only time he gets a punishment is for doing something I told him not to do. Stubborn boy that he is. I’ll have to step up my game and start noticing more.
Is This Submissive?
A few days ago I wrote a post about rules and their use in enforced chastity or FLR. One of our readers, Naga di Kandang offered a comment with a very interesting quote:
It’s not submission if I’d be doing it anyway.
Interesting point. Does this mean that if I would wear a chastity device on my own, wearing one and giving the key to my wife isn’t submission? Is something submissive only if I am forced to do it? If I like what I am told to do, am I not being submissive?
Granted, something feels more submissive if I wouldn’t do it on my own. But I think is way too narrow a definition to assume that only things I wouldn’t do on my own are submissive. For example, I want to wear a chastity device but I want an orgasm more frequently than Mrs. Lion allows me. So, in a different sense, my submission is demonstrated by my having to wait to orgasm past the point I would get off on my own.
Rules, of course, are great ways to provide submission opportunities. Even if I would be naked around the house at times, my rule requires it all the time unless we have company who wouldn’t understand. So, while it is something I might do on my own, it isn’t something I would do all the time.
These examples demonstrate my take on submission. I would define it as allowing someone else to control parts of my life. If Mrs. Lion kept me locked only as long as I thought I want to wait, then that isn’t submission at all. But if I get to come when she decides, then I am being submissive. If she has the right to make any decision she chooses, even if she doesn’t counter a decision I made on my own, I am still submissive to her.
I think submission has four key components: control, obedience, discipline, and rewards. All four have to be present in a D/S relationship. Intensity or frequency of activity are not important, at least in terms of the definition. But if I am submissive to Mrs. Lion, she has the ability to control, order, discipline, and reward me. Failure to obey is punished.
This can be very subtle. In many enforced chastity relationships, the D/S dynamic is very subtle, but by definition it has to be there. If a keyholder or dominant wife is aware of the four components, she can enhance her male’s feeling of submission by providing all four regularly. It’s not rocket science, but conscious awareness is important for success.
Ongoing Experiments
We had a very successful play session yesterday afternoon. Lion’s buns were very pink by the time I got done with them. He did, however, squirm a bit and insist that I was hitting too hard and for too long. I disagreed and kept going. That’s sort of a first for me. Usually he complains about the same time I was going to stop and he takes that to mean that he influenced me. This time I decided to keep going even if I would have normally stopped.
It’s been a very long time since he’s had a sore bottom for fun. I took a picture of his rosy cheeks but I don’t think the picture quite showed the effects of all my hard work. At least Lion felt it. And Mr. Weenie was at attention when he rolled over. It didn’t take long for Lion to reward me with a yummy mouthful. Between tying him up, the long spanking, and the orgasm, he was one happy boy. He was even talking about it hours later when we went to bed.
I’ve decided to use the orgasm calendar near the tv to indicate Lion’s last orgasm rather than his next scheduled one. That way we can both see how long he has waited until the next one even if he doesn’t know when that elusive next orgasm will be. [You can see this information if you look at the right column] And I will take my cues from him to see when to give him one. As he mentioned in his post, he’ll go through a lull of a few days where he won’t want an orgasm. Then his need will increase for a while. At some point it will drop off. My goal is to keep his interest up for as long as possible. Sometimes I may go beyond the point where he loses interest, but that’s too bad. He can’t always have everything exactly when he wants it.
I don’t think I’ll intentionally give him any ruined orgasms. This time the experiment is my ability to read him. A ruined orgasm with throw things off. And, of course, we are still continuing the experiment of domestic discipline. I will not be giving him daily maintenance swats. I think I’ve gotten quite good at whacking him hard enough for him to get the message. I need to find reasons to correct his behavior now.
Diminishing Returns
First, the news. Yesterday, as promised, Mrs. Lion tied me to the bed face down and gave me a long spanking She started gently but rapidly accelerated the frequency and strength of the blows. She got me quite red and sore. I loved it! Then she turned me over and gave me an amazing oral orgasm. What a great way to spend part of Sunday Afternoon!
One of the most perplexing questions a new keyholder has to answer is how long to make her caged male wait between orgasms. Male fantasies abound with ideas ranging from using a wheel of fortune or dice to determine the next date to never coming again. His partner is having trouble understanding why he wants to wait at all, so this dilemma. The fantasies claim that as the male gets hornier and hornier, he will become increasingly attentive to his keyholder. Pretty much anywhere you look on the Web, you will find this story. There is some truth to this concept. Many men experience a temporary slump in sexual interest for some time after they orgasm. So, by keeping the guy horny, he should have much more sexual interest in his keyholder. I can see that.
The big question in my mind is how long does this effect last? If the male never gets to come again, does he maintain or continually increase his attention to his keyholder? We know he won’t. At some point, even with regular teasing, he will realize that his orgasm just isn’t going to happen. At that point he has lost the sexual incentive to be attentive. Why? Simply put, a logical motive for all this intense attention is the hope that by arousing and pleasing her, she will want to please him. In enforced chastity, the orgasm can be a reward. A savvy keyholder knows that the main value of the male orgasm is that it starts his horny cycle again. Yes, there will be a brief slump, but when that is done he will be attentive.
This behavior can be observed all through the animal kingdom. Males go about their business until they sense a female who may be available to mate. At that point instinct cuts in and they exhibit elaborate mating behavior. Humans may be more subtle, but we are still animals and nature has equipped us with the tools to convince a female to mate with us. The reason, I think, that all the fantasies are so similar is that enforced chastity essentially forces us males into more-or-less continual pre-mating behavior. Without the control of enforced chastity, we might be able to mate, or at least masturbate. This relieves the building sexual tension. Without any outlet, our mating dance will get more and more urgent. This is exhibited by increased attention to our mates; not just sexual, but in other areas too. Ok, that explanation has some scientific validity. It offers an explanation for the fantasies that go along with enforced chastity. Is it accurate? I have no idea, but I think it is a useful working theory under which a keyholder can operate.
I know that the longer I wait, after a point I start to lose interest. The interest is easily revived by edging and other sexual teasing, but at some point even that won’t work. Then, I will go into a decline in sexual interest. Once that begins, extremely long waits are not difficult at all. Any behavioral changes that accompanied my urgency will also fade. So, there is a point of diminishing returns, after which sexual interest starts to decline. If the objective of the enforced chastity is to push the desire to mate to the extreme, an orgasm must be provided before that point is reached.
How long is that? I suspect that varies for each male. It could even vary at different times for the same male. So, a very valuable keyholder skill is to carefully observe her caged male and note when his ability to get aroused starts to drop off during a tease session. That’s a signal it may be time to consider giving him an orgasm. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Lots of other factors can get involved as well. So, a keyholder has to objectively consider his behavior and compare it with how he behaved in the past. This is another reason why enforced chastity takes months to even start getting on track. There is a great deal of experimenting needed to work out the best patterns. Fortunately, that experimenting can be a lot of fun.
