How To Know When It’s Real
First the news. Last night was punishment night. I had several offenses accumulated over the weekend as well as last night. Mrs. Lion straddled me and hit me with the bloodwood paddle. Each swat hurt more than any other she has done in the past. I couldn’t hold still and managed to squirm away a couple of times. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to hold still and take my medicine I just couldn’t. I hate the way that spanking hurt. Tonight is maintenance spanking night. Based on my behavior last night, Mrs. Lion will probably give me a repeat performance so I can practice holding still. Later, she unlocked me and edged me several times. Like spanking, her hand technique has improved remarkably. She knows exactly how to stimulate me. She keeps teasing me that I won’t come at all in May. Maybe it isn’t teasing. May could be a very long month for me.
I think that most of us start enforced chastity because we have had fantasies about how it will feel to lose control of our penises. It starts as a game where the prize is an orgasm. Most of the people who play it, give it up fairly quickly. They discover that being locked up and having to wait for their keyholders to let them get off isn’t quite as much fun as they thought. Each day of waiting feels very long. Patience frays, temper can get short. The keyholders grow bored with trying to make the fantasy real. That’s not too surprising. Many people try all sorts of kinky activities. Most decide it isn’t all that much fun. Some love it, and others adopt the kink as something to do on the odd weekend.
When we started, I liked the new focus on sex. Waiting wasn’t particularly enjoyable, but I ended up having more orgasms with Mrs. Lion than I had in years. So, I had a strong incentive to continue. Ironically, being locked up turned out to give me more sex than when I was wild. If you’ve been following along, you know that we also discovered that enforced chastity brought us closer together. We’ve both posted on why we think that happened. But that’s not what I am talking about today. The positive effects kept us going.
Over time, I slowly changed. I learned that sex for me is almost always non-orgasmic. That is incredibly significant. I learned to appreciate edging and feel emotionally satisfied after Mrs. Lion edged me. Yes, I still want to come, but I don’t expect to. That all happened almost imperceptively. I only realized this in the last few weeks. When I was wild a couple of weeks ago, I forgot that I wasn’t caged. I still sat to pee, my hands never went near my penis. The cage was there, firmly locked in my mind.
Even though we only started FLM recently, Mrs. Lion’s authority has been deeply imprinted in my mind. Her sexual control sends a strong message about who has the real power. So when we started formal FLM, accepting Mrs. Lion’s authority was no leap at all. I completely accept her right to tell me what to do and I accept punishment when she feels I need it. Moreover, I hate the punishment and still meekly roll over to receive it.
Enforced chastity is no longer a game for us. It’s a fixture in our lives. Mrs. Lion has made that clear in a recent conversation. I asked if I wanted to, could we end enforced chastity? Her answer was a very even “No.” I may have built the car, but she is the driver. Similarly, I asked her to make ours a Female Led Marriage (FLM). She agreed. We also agreed I can’t quit. We will review it at the end of the year, but the decision to stop isn’t mine alone. She has the veto.
How do I know all this is real? I have changed in ways I had no idea I would. Enforced chastity is no longer a choice for me. It is my sex life, pure and simple. I get edged 90+ percent of the time. It is my sexual norm, not ejaculation. My frustration is something Mrs. Lion celebrates and promotes. I support her in this even though my body wants release. I accept her rules and her punishment without objection. She punishes me in a way that could never be mistaken for BDSM play. It’s real. It’s all real. Reality has a way of sneaking up on you.
Dreading Punishment
Poor Lion is stressing about punishment night. He finally has some items on it and now he’s not so sure he likes the idea of punishment. He also thinks there’s no need for maintenance spanking night if he has received punishment. I hadn’t thought about that. On one hand, it’s true. The purpose of maintenance spanking night was to give us practice. If I’ve already had my practice then I shouldn’t need to do it again the next night. On the other hand, practice makes perfect. I may change my mind (read: probably will change my mind) but at this point I’m keeping the maintenance spanking nights just the way they are. Lion’s butt will just have to deal with it.
Lion’s butt had to deal with a butt plug last night. It was “only” in for a little over an hour but that’s enough for the first time in a long time. I made sure he had enough lube. In the past I’ve been a little stingy with the lube. Unintentionally, but still. It’s not supposed to be that uncomfortable. It’s just supposed to remind him who’s in charge. Maybe we will graduate to the fucking machine eventually. That will take a lot of practice. It’s not a very big dildo (8″ long, 1 1/2″ dia.), but the motion is difficult for Lion to take. It may even be difficult because of the position. Normally when I peg him he’s in his sling and somewhat relaxed. He has to kneel over the machine so he can’t be as relaxed. Of course, “relaxed” is relative. He is being pegged, after all.
I haven’t heard the Lion weather report in a while, but I think he’s back to his horny self. And I get to make it worse every night for at least a few more days. I wonder if he could make it all the way through May without an orgasm. I bet he could. Would I do that to him? Hmmm… he has been telling me how mean I am for not giving him enough orgasms. It would be evil of me to make him wait that long.
[Lion — Mrs. Lion is right. Maintenance spankings have a distinct purpose and should continue regardless of punishments. FYI, Mrs. Lion, the lion weather report is very horny with no chance of orgasm.]
Dreaded Monday
Here we are at Monday again. I have a job interview today. With any luck I can get back to work. Today is also punishment day. I have been accumulating some offenses now that Mrs. Lion has decided to pay more attention to my behavior. I am not looking forward to tonight’s spanking. No, not looking forward at all. These sessions are seriously painful. Yesterday, when Mrs. Lion told me that I had eaten before her at lunch, I felt a twinge in my stomach. I know what’s coming. I don’t like it at all. As she is fond of saying, “You asked for this.” Well, I did, but right now I can’t remember why.
I guess I am at one of those times when things all seem to pile up. A big part of it, of course, is our growing financial problems. These problems distract me from our FLM and enforced chastity. As we have both been writing, there are significant benefits keeping me locked in my chastity device. There’s no real chance that I will be allowed to be wild in the future. The FLM is another thing. Neither of us is sure what benefits we will discover as we go along. I think that one important potential plus is that Mrs. Lion will become more comfortable being assertive and expressing her wishes. That by itself would make it worthwhile as far as I am concerned. Another potential benefit is to make me more aware of her needs and more aware of my actions.
Our relationship is very cooperative. We already share chores. We both look for ways to make things easier for each other. So, FLM isn’t intended to shift all the domestic stuff to me. Mrs. Lion has expressed no interest in managing our finances, so I will continue doing that for now. I’m pretty sure that Mrs. Lion has no explicit plan on how she wants things to change. Based on what she has said, at this point it is for my benefit. In other words, she is doing it to make me happy. This is exactly how we started enforced chastity. In the beginning, I could call it off at any time if I didn’t like how it was going. Now I can’t. Mrs. Lion won’t let me. Of course, I don’t want to stop either. The frustration is a small price to pay for the improvements in our communication.
I never dreaded being locked up the way I dread punishment. Enforced chastity is about pleasure, albeit postponed pleasure. FLM is about control; raw power. The benefit for me is praise and avoiding painful or humiliating punishment. Right now it is pure negative reinforcement. Intellectually, I know this is a very good thing for me. I have never been punished directly. My mother punished me indirectly with guilt trips. This new, painful way is healthier. But it isn’t fun at all. Since I’m not particularly submissive or masochistic, there is no pleasure in punishment. But then, isn’t that how it should be. Spanking a masochist is a reward, not a punishment. So, Mrs. Lion’s very painful spankings are exactly right as punishments for me.
What is the up-side for us? Being more attentive to my behavior and punishing me as required is a lot of extra effort for Mrs. Lion. For my part, I have to be extremely careful or suffer very painful spanking. Both of us have to make difficult changes. As I mentioned before, FLM does give my lioness a mandate to be assertive. She is, by nature, a go-along type person. She also is very good at overlooking things that ultimately bother her. The reward for that behavior was lack of conflict. FLM removes the conflict and replaces it with domestic discipline. She no longer has to worry about a fight with me if I interrupt her and she calls me on it. She just has to note it and punish me at the appropriate time.
In her previous marriage she risked painful arguments if she triggered any disagreement. So, she learned to agree even if she didn’t want to do it. She has been like that with me. Even though I never attack her if she disagrees or calls me on something, the difference hasn’t gotten through on a deep level. Since FLM goes a big step further: if she disagrees or is displeased, she takes action to assert her position as my disciplinary wife.
Even though there is no strong reason for this new role assignment in terms of me acting out or doing things destructive to myself or her, FLM appears to offer significant benefits. One of the big ones, I think, is the requirement that she is vigilant. She feels the obligation to note my offenses and then punish them. This sort of awareness is a sea change for her. Under FLM, she properly places the onus for things I do on me. Instead of stuffing any feelings, she now is required to express her displeasure and then punish me for causing the problem.
It’s much more than teaching the lion manners or to not make a mess in the kitchen. It’s teaching the lioness to consciously note lion breaches and to act on them. It’s not permissible for her to just gloss over issues. Her agreement to this power exchange requires her to take on a new role. It’s my hope that this new role will ultimately make her happier and more self confident. It will make me neater and more polite. Mrs. Lion has learned how to punish me in ways that I dread and want to avoid. My expectation is that, like enforced chastity, we won’t see real benefits for some months. It takes time for a power exchange this profound to take root.
Return to Punishment
Lion has been a good boy for weeks. Well, at least I haven’t punished him for weeks. It’s not that he hasn’t been interrupting me or doing things that he should have been punished for. I just haven’t held him accountable for them. Yesterday was different. He added two things to his list although I said I’d count them as one. And I probably should have added a few more.
The biggest offense happened while Lion was watering one of his plants. He brought it into the kitchen and as he was returning it to the window he spilled water all over the kitchen floor. Then he spilled more water as he brought the plant back to get rid of the excess water. Not really that big a deal, but it was a mess and Lions get punished for their messes in this house. The second offense is the very soggy sponge I encountered when I went to help clean up the mess. When I grab a sponge I want it to be ready to clean up a mess. I don’t want it to create another mess. Big deal. Just squeeze it out before I use it. As far as I’m concerned it should be ready to use without squeezing and I make the rules. Since those two offenses happened together I’m willing to consider it one offense. Later on, my pet interrupted me but I didn’t include that as an offense although I should have. I did tell him that he interrupted me, as a warning.
Technically, I could have added a few more transgressions to the list. When we were out shopping, I was driving and Lion was busy on his phone. Lost in his phone is more correct. He stopped responding to me. This occurred a few times while we were out. He doesn’t appreciate when I don’t respond to him when I am on my iPad so I have made an effort to be more aware of what’s going on around me while I am playing a game. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, or Mrs. Lion and Lion in this case. When he ignores me in the future he will be punished. Fair warning, my pet.
Last night was also the return to edging. I’ve never been good at oral presentations, but Lion liked the one I gave last night. When I was done I asked what his horniness level was. He said he was going to say it wasn’t high but after my attention he was giving me a standing ovation. I then edged him a few times. I think he’s well on his way to being a horny boy again. I love it when he’s horny. He is safely locked in his cage once again although he said he didn’t even notice he was wild. I’m sure he liked the freedom of peeing standing up, but the cage is so comfortable he can’t tell when it’s on. I’m happy about that. He should be comfortable. I’d feel bad if he wasn’t. That’s why I allow him to be wild when there’s a sore spot. I’d much rather clear it up than have him squirming in pain. Administering pain is my job, not the cage’s.
