(Saturday, May 3, 2014) Last night lioness gave me relief from a week of tease and denial. She started by orally teasing me a few times. I really needed release, but I was resigned to yet another day of frustration. As she wrote in her post, she decided to finally give me an orgasm. It was wonderful! Emotionally, I felt like the sun came out. Until it was brought to my attention, I hadn’t realized that my personality changed as a result of all that waiting and frustrating play. It had a very noticeable, and negative effect. Before being caged, I had a very easy solution to frustration: I used my hand to get release. It was simple and only took a few minutes. That option no longer exists. I haven’t masturbated in over three months. I am totally dependent on my keyholder for sexual release. I learned that I am fairly friendly and docile about this condition if I have to wait three or four days. After that, I transform into a sexual Mr. Hyde.
I have no idea if the amount of time between one orgasm and the next is fixed in terms of my emotional transformation. I do know that the change is pretty dramatic. Long-term abstinence has never been a goal of mine. Keyholder sexual control is what I seek. Does that mean that I must be made to wait more than four days or so? Do I have a hard limit that I must get an orgasm at least once a week? Of course, my feelings about this don’t go into my keyholder’s decision about when I may or may not orgasm.
I find that I do like tease and deny. I like the tension and the excitement for both of us. It’s sex, just not necessarily fulfilling sex for me. Daily tease and deny is something I came to anticipate with excitement. It was fun! So why should it turn me into a grumpy lion after a few days?
I don’t think I can help it. There may be some male hormonal balance that gets upset and makes me cranky. Perhaps my biology has programmed me this way. The longer I have to wait while receiving regular stimulation, the more driven I am to orgasm. Biology is not my friend here. Do I want to learn to wait longer. No! Should I learn? Yes! That’s the price of being a caged male.
As of today I remain unpunished for my bad behavior. I am still affected by feeling badly that I didn’t handle the frustration very well. That also surprises me. This lion is getting an education. I have been wondering about milking and ruined orgasms. I understand that milking only reduces the frustration for a short time while the semen supply rebuilds. I keep reading that ruined orgasm provides no release from the frustration. In the interests of science I would like to explore that. Stay tuned. I will use the journal to keep you posted on my adventures and frustrations.
Simply put, Lion is not a fan.
After a week or so of daily orgasms and a little less than a week of daily tease and deny, I was not really sure if I was going to allow Lion to come. My first inclination was to ignore him for a night, but then I started licking him through the cage. In the midst of his moaning he said it would be much better without the cage. Yes. Yes, it would.
Even after I took off the cage I still planned to just tease him with my mouth. I love the way Lion feels in my mouth. I don’t think there’s a bigger sense of power for me than taking his flaccid penis in my mouth and bringing him to full erection. And after a few days of denial he was certainly at full erection. Believe it or not I was still not sure if I would let him come. I was having so much fun licking him and sucking him. I did bring him to the edge a few times. Each time I considered ending his misery.
When I finally decided I wanted the luscious dessert from my cream filled Lion I had an evil thought. Sure he could come. Usually as soon as he orgasms I stop sucking and licking. Not last night. If anything I increased my efforts. He wiggled and told me it hurt so I let go, but then I went right back at it, licking his sensitive head. I’d never done that before. It seemed like the perfect way to cap off a very productive orgasm. Well, at least I liked it.
(Friday, May 2 2014) Last night (writing this on Friday 5/2/14) we had another very intense tease and deny session. As I wrote before, this left me feeling oddly satisfied and frustrated at the same time. I really wanted an orgasm, but none was forthcoming. That, of course is par for the course and I expected I would be locked up unfulfilled. I’m learning that there’s a gap between knowing and experiencing.
Lioness told me that last night I just went to sleep without even kissing her goodnight. I don’t remember that. I also don’t remember feeling particularly unhappy or upset. This morning I was grumpy about the toast being cold. I never give that a thought under normal circumstances. She said that maybe she was teasing me too much (every day) or too close to orgasm. She didn’t suggest she should let me orgasm though. She’s learning to be a good top. Be careful what you wish for, lion.
One problem I have to solve is dealing with these feelings. But first I need to realize I am having them. Since my frustration bled into our non-chastity life, it makes it hard on Mrs. Lion to handle. She didn’t know immediately why I was upset. This is part of our learning curve in this lifestyle. I haven’t had to wait long to come and I was never teased consistently over days before. I had no idea I would react this way. She certainly didn’t either.
Clearly I misbehaved. I let feelings that belong with our chastity leak out into our marriage. Worse yet, my behavior discourages lioness from controlling me further. She doesn’t want a grumpy lion on her hands. I feel very badly that I behaved this way. From my perspective, I need to learn a lesson. I think this is a legitimate place for punishment. I don’t know if being punished will prevent me from feeling grumpy and frustrated, but I think it will let me feel better that it has been dealt with and we can move on.
This view from the bottom is new to me. I am beginning to see that punishment is important for a number of reasons: to correct for bad behavior on the spot, to add to the feeling of being controlled, and to provide absolution for bad behavior. There is a difference between the first and third reason. The first reason is to discourage naughty behavior, like playing with oneself. The third is a way of closing the book on something that I feel guilty about.
Normally, as an adult, I don’t expect punishment at all. So, apparently because I surrender sexual control, the consequences, at least for me, includes discipline. As I think about it, I can see how this is starting to work for me. I can’t really give up control without also accepting the consequences of disobedience or naughty behavior. For me, there is a connection with the feeling of being controlled with discipline. Other caged males may find the very act of preventing orgasm sufficient to produce the same feelings.
I expect that most caged males need a discipline component to their chastity. Some, like me, may need it more often. I think it is important for a top to understand what makes her caged male tick. This, of course, is only learned through experience. I really had no intention of provoking punishment. I didn’t want to be surly. I feel guilty that I was naughty. I also have to admit that I had no idea all this would come up in the context of forced male chastity.
(Thursday, May 1 2014) If you asked me three months ago if I thought that I would be sexually fulfilled after being caged, I would have said that isn’t possible. Obviously my cage limits my opportunities to have orgasms, so it stands to reason that I would end up frustrated at least part of the time. If you’ve followed my adventures (sidebar), you know I have had lots of opportunities to come. Sexual deprivation has not been my lot so far. That’s changed somewhat this week.
Beginning Monday, lioness began a new game. It’s pretty simple. She unlocks me, plays with me until I am nice and hard and then sets a timer and masturbates me. If I don’t orgasm before the timer buzzes, then she stops and can lock me back up for at least another day. The first day she set the timer to three minutes. I didn’t make it. She tried again a few times, each time letting me rest and lose my edge. No luck. Back in the cage. Tuesday and Wednesday were more of the same. This time the timer was set to two minutes. After calming down she tried again, but set the timer to just one minute. The third try I had 30 seconds. No luck again. Now it’s Thursday and I have been teased and denied for the last three days. I find myself very hard (well not hard, but bulging out of my cage) every morning. But the funny thing is I’m not frustrated.
I expected to be climbing the walls with all this stimulation and no release. However, I’m not. I feel oddly satisfied. Don’t get me wrong, I really, really want to come. But the attention and stimulation are rewarding too. I wonder if this is what women feel when they don’t orgasm but still feel satisfied. We males are very goal oriented. Sex for us is a race to ejaculation. Anything less, we are taught, is failure. Our partners learn that it is wrong to leave a man unsatisfied. In the beginning, I think I would have fully agreed that it would be wrong to lock me up without a chance to come.
I now have to disagree with that. It isn’t wrong or cruel to tease me and lock me up. The attention and teasing in and of themselves bring me a feeling of satisfaction. In fact, since lioness prior to Monday had been making me come every day, I have to say that I was less satisfied under that regime than I am now. Since my keyholder reads this, I have to be sure to say that I really want to come more than just once in a while. Daily is too much, but I am sure there is a point when it will be too little.
Many men on the Web have written about their feelings as their inability to come extends into weeks. I don’t want to experience that. I have never had a desire for long term deprivation. However, if it pleases my keyholder I can be happy with less orgasms than I originally thought I wanted. It turns out that sexual attention without orgasm brings its own satisfaction. If I had read that before starting, I wouldn’t have believed it. Being locked up without sexual attention would certainly be much worse. I hope I never have to experience that.