Last night started with Lion wondering when we were going to get started with our activities. He said the day was wasting away. I told him I could always make him wait another day. He agreed that I could. But I’d told him that I would neither shorten nor lengthen this denial period. Besides, I wanted him to come.

I decided to start out with a spanking. I warmed him up with my hand and asked if my toy was hard? He maneuvered his penis so it was peeking out from under his balls between his legs so I could have access to it. I few swats to his buns. A little fondling of the balls and cock. Very nice. Finally I moved on to the nasty rubber paddle. I whomped his butt good. Toward the end I told him he had a series of hard swats coming and he wasn’t to move. He screamed into the pillows but managed to stay still. What a good boy!

When I let him roll over his erection was standing tall. I played with him a little while with my hand and my mouth before straddling him. This time I was wet for him. I guess I really wanted him to come. It didn’t take long for his hips to start bucking into me. I love that! And there was one happy Lion.

He licked me to orgasm afterwards. I’m not sure how much of himself he cleaned out of me. It doesn’t really matter. I was happy. He was happy. And I like having his come inside me.

A little while later we went outside to watch the fireworks people were setting off in the area. I liked our fireworks better!

Lion’s next wait time is five days. Sure it’s a shorter time, but no one said I have to make him wait a long time. Variety is the spice of life.

squeeze technique
The squeeze technique, originally described by Masters and Johnson is an effective way to stop an orgasm. Used in conjunction with tease and deny, it can help the male have more conscious control over when he orgasms.

Most of us (males) at one time or another have wished we could “hold off” to let our partner have her orgasm.  We’ve tried to think about math problems, sports scores, the weather, anything but sex. Usually we have been unsuccessful in our efforts. Until very recently I never thought I could really control when I come, much less prevent myself from coming altogether. However, as a caged male, it might be useful to know how to do this.

As wait times between orgasm grow, our keyholders may well grow impatient at the loss of the use of their toys: our cocks. Also, since tease and deny is an important part of the forced male chastity regimen, it would be more convenient if we lose our hair triggers so that accidents would be less likely to happen. All this makes sense to me, but I’m still not a fan. However, like other caged males, I don’t get a vote.

So what is this all about? Apparently, it is possible to exercise zen-like control over the orgasm reflex. Other caged males have done it. Tantric yoga also features male orgasm control exercises. It must be possible. The question is how to do it? In a prior post I mentioned using punishment for “accidents” to provide this training. Mrs. Lion said she will not beat that into me. I expect that aside from being distasteful to her, it isn’t very helpful for me either. We need a different strategy.

First, let’s consider the situations where I will need to exercise this control. There are two: when Mrs. Lion wants to ride me but does not want me to orgasm, and when she is teasing me to the edge and wants me to assure that I won’t have an accidental ruined orgasm. My initial thinking was to consider a lion “accident” the same way you consider a puppy’s accident on the rug. By punishing the puppy, she learns to hold her bladder and go outside. Well, that doesn’t really work well for the puppy. For me, all it would do would be to make me even more unhappy I failed.

We know that some tantric practitioners can voluntarily prevent orgasm no matter what the stimulus. That means theoretically I can do it too. But how? When I feel an orgasm coming on it is overpowering. I breathe hard and make some sounds that Mrs. Lion likes. She can read the signs and stops just short of the point of no return when she teases me. I don’t feel that I have any control to delay it at that point. But what about when I feel it building up. I have at least five seconds between that indescribable tingle and the point of no return. Is there something that I can do to distract me and prevent the accident?

I am very sure being trained to only orgasm when given permission isn’t important to Mrs. Lion. It probably sounds like one more “chore” in her lion training. In fact, for many males this may not even be something your keyholder cares about. In some cases, a keyholder will want frequent intercourse and needs to feel her male’s penis inside her. This is complicated if he has an orgasm date that is still in the future. In cases like this it would be helpful if he could hold off until his times. In vanilla relationship it is always nice if the male can wait until his partner orgasms. However, would that vanilla partner be willing to help her male hold off long enough to satisfy her?

Let’s assume that it makes sense to learn to hold off. Masters and Johnson developed a technique that can effectively help a male stop an orgasm. It was developed to help train males not to ejaculate prematurely. In our context, it is an easy, effective way to help the male gain some control. During a tease and deny session, it’s an interesting variation that will serve to frustrate and educate at that same time. This is something I would like to experience if only to find out how it feels. The image above explains this simple concept.

Another easy technique is to use a method to desensitize the penis so that much more stimulation is needed to get off. This is easily done with desensitizing creams (usually Lidocaine 4 or 5 percent). A small amount applied on the underside of the penis, just below the head can work wonders. Apply and wait 15 minutes before sex. Voila! It may take some experimentation to get the right amount. Too much and he won’t be able to get or stay hard; too little and, well you know.

Another fairly simple technique is to simply wear out the male’s orgasm reaction. I mentioned this earlier in the post. It’s fun and very effective. It will take some experimentation to work it out, but once you do, your male won’t be able to orgasm at all and you can have all the fun you want.

From my perspective, the most important benefit of learning orgasm control is that it is yet another way the keyholder has taken control of her male; caged or uncaged. I have had a sort of academic interest in this. If Mrs. Lion wants to try, of course I will do my best to learn. If she doesn’t, it’s fine with me. There may be an occasional accident for which I do expect some discipline. But she needn’t expend any energy training me this way for my benefit. This is one thing she should try only if it pleases her.

Poor Lion is in the homestretch of his twelve day wait. The other day we got his Jail Bird back and with its shorter length I practically had to cram his horny weenie in it. Needless to say, last night he got teased through the cage. If I had let him out I may not have been able to get him back in.

That brings up an interesting problem. If he is so horny that just a gentle breeze gives him a raging hard-on, then how do I make him wait for an extended period of time. Once I take him out for tease and deny, he won’t be flaccid enough to lock him up again.

What are my options? I could keep his waits short. I wouldn’t mind that. Lion wouldn’t mind it either except he really does want to be denied for longer periods of time. We could switch back to the Chinese cage when it becomes too difficult to get him into the Jail Bird. He’ll hate that idea. It’s less comfortable and he may have to pee sitting down. We could get another Jail Bird made that is sized somewhere in between the old one and the resized one. That would be expensive, but it may be the best idea. We could do nothing. He’d have to learn to get soft enough to be caged again.

This will require some thought. There are pros and cons to each option. As always, we’ll discuss it and I will make the final decision.

In the meantime, Lion will get his release within the next ten hours. After the blood flow has returned to his brain, I will tell him what his new wait time will be. Will he be relieved? Will he be disappointed? Will he be frustrated? The only thing I know for sure is that he will be horny again tomorrow!

My perception of my chastity and Mrs. Lion’s are very different. It’s impossible for me to miss this gap when I read our blog. I write that I am surrendering control and Mrs. Lion seems to be more comfortable taking charge. I read that Mrs. Lion is feeling uncertain of what she is doing and that supporting my forced chastity and power exchange is hard, unfun, work. She writes that she does it because she loves me and knows it is something that makes me happy. I understand that. I love making Mrs. Lion happy. We have been head-over-heels in love for about 12 years now.

But if Mrs. Lion is making me wait, spanking me, anally playing with me, etc. because I want it, who is really in control? In some sense it has to be me. She does things I say I like. At the same time she wonders about me liking it. How can I “like” pain? “But if Lion likes it…” So, if I say tomorrow morning that I hate spanking, does that mean Mrs. Lion stops? What if I decide I don’t want to be locked in a chastity cage? Does she unlock me?

This is where intentions start becoming important. If Mrs. Lion actually wants me locked up and she actually wants to spank me because it reinforces her control, I know that the answer to those questions will be, “Absolutely not, my pet.” But if she does all this as a service to me, why shouldn’t she stop if I say I am tired of it?

When we started, I asked her to take control and I explicitly said that I can not withdraw consent for all of this. I said that she is in control and what happens is out of my paws and in hers. But if she doesn’t really get any value out of the control, is there any incentive to refuse my requests to stop?

In my mind, I have surrendered and have no expectation that I can stop the spanking, locking, anal play, and other uncomfortable activities associated with the power exchange. It’s important to me that I can honestly believe that no matter how much whining or grumbling I do that things will not change. I don’t want control. The problem is that Mrs. Lion doesn’t either. She’s made that clear.

I know that doesn’t mean she will stop. She won’t. But she has no real reason to continue if I am unhappy with her doing it. In my reality the reason she would continue is that she wants to train me and wants me to continue to understand that she is in charge of me sexually. In my reality, she spanks me because she wants to make a point or to play with me because I like it. But she sees no reason not to do whenever she wants. In my reality Mrs. Lion wants me to wait to orgasm so I learn she owns them as well as the rest of me.  My reality is very exciting to me.

Clearly, we see things very differently. Some might say I should just be grateful she is making my fantasies come true. In fact I am deeply grateful. But there is a catch. My fantasies are about loss of control. Mrs. Lion is doing all the things I said I wanted. The uncomfortable question is whether she will continue even if I no longer want them? In my reality there is no question. She will continue because she chooses to.

I suspect we are far from unique in this respect. I’ve known lots of top/bottom couples over the years. I can’t think of any that stayed in sync in terms of their top/bottom fantasies. As a result, most of them parted ways. I know that Mrs. Lion and I are in no danger of that happening. Our relationship isn’t based on top/bottom stuff. It’s based on love and respect. That’s wonderful. But it does beg the question of how to manage our differences.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. It seems to me that we have to live in each other’s reality. I have to work hard to provide the vanilla affection and sexual attention she needs. She has to assume the role of my loving-but-firm keyholder. Even though she has no reason to continue if I want to stop, to live in my reality, she has to firmly refuse. For my reality to work, I need to be stuck in this cage no matter what. I have to accept spanking, etc. even if I truly learn to hate it. It’s what I want, even if I stop wanting it. Does that make sense? It does to me. I hope it does to Mrs. Lion.