Poor Lion is in the homestretch of his twelve day wait. The other day we got his Jail Bird back and with its shorter length I practically had to cram his horny weenie in it. Needless to say, last night he got teased through the cage. If I had let him out I may not have been able to get him back in.
That brings up an interesting problem. If he is so horny that just a gentle breeze gives him a raging hard-on, then how do I make him wait for an extended period of time. Once I take him out for tease and deny, he won’t be flaccid enough to lock him up again.
What are my options? I could keep his waits short. I wouldn’t mind that. Lion wouldn’t mind it either except he really does want to be denied for longer periods of time. We could switch back to the Chinese cage when it becomes too difficult to get him into the Jail Bird. He’ll hate that idea. It’s less comfortable and he may have to pee sitting down. We could get another Jail Bird made that is sized somewhere in between the old one and the resized one. That would be expensive, but it may be the best idea. We could do nothing. He’d have to learn to get soft enough to be caged again.
This will require some thought. There are pros and cons to each option. As always, we’ll discuss it and I will make the final decision.
In the meantime, Lion will get his release within the next ten hours. After the blood flow has returned to his brain, I will tell him what his new wait time will be. Will he be relieved? Will he be disappointed? Will he be frustrated? The only thing I know for sure is that he will be horny again tomorrow!
My perception of my chastity and Mrs. Lion’s are very different. It’s impossible for me to miss this gap when I read our blog. I write that I am surrendering control and Mrs. Lion seems to be more comfortable taking charge. I read that Mrs. Lion is feeling uncertain of what she is doing and that supporting my forced chastity and power exchange is hard, unfun, work. She writes that she does it because she loves me and knows it is something that makes me happy. I understand that. I love making Mrs. Lion happy. We have been head-over-heels in love for about 12 years now.
But if Mrs. Lion is making me wait, spanking me, anally playing with me, etc. because I want it, who is really in control? In some sense it has to be me. She does things I say I like. At the same time she wonders about me liking it. How can I “like” pain? “But if Lion likes it…” So, if I say tomorrow morning that I hate spanking, does that mean Mrs. Lion stops? What if I decide I don’t want to be locked in a chastity cage? Does she unlock me?
This is where intentions start becoming important. If Mrs. Lion actually wants me locked up and she actually wants to spank me because it reinforces her control, I know that the answer to those questions will be, “Absolutely not, my pet.” But if she does all this as a service to me, why shouldn’t she stop if I say I am tired of it?
When we started, I asked her to take control and I explicitly said that I can not withdraw consent for all of this. I said that she is in control and what happens is out of my paws and in hers. But if she doesn’t really get any value out of the control, is there any incentive to refuse my requests to stop?
In my mind, I have surrendered and have no expectation that I can stop the spanking, locking, anal play, and other uncomfortable activities associated with the power exchange. It’s important to me that I can honestly believe that no matter how much whining or grumbling I do that things will not change. I don’t want control. The problem is that Mrs. Lion doesn’t either. She’s made that clear.
I know that doesn’t mean she will stop. She won’t. But she has no real reason to continue if I am unhappy with her doing it. In my reality the reason she would continue is that she wants to train me and wants me to continue to understand that she is in charge of me sexually. In my reality, she spanks me because she wants to make a point or to play with me because I like it. But she sees no reason not to do whenever she wants. In my reality Mrs. Lion wants me to wait to orgasm so I learn she owns them as well as the rest of me. My reality is very exciting to me.
Clearly, we see things very differently. Some might say I should just be grateful she is making my fantasies come true. In fact I am deeply grateful. But there is a catch. My fantasies are about loss of control. Mrs. Lion is doing all the things I said I wanted. The uncomfortable question is whether she will continue even if I no longer want them? In my reality there is no question. She will continue because she chooses to.
I suspect we are far from unique in this respect. I’ve known lots of top/bottom couples over the years. I can’t think of any that stayed in sync in terms of their top/bottom fantasies. As a result, most of them parted ways. I know that Mrs. Lion and I are in no danger of that happening. Our relationship isn’t based on top/bottom stuff. It’s based on love and respect. That’s wonderful. But it does beg the question of how to manage our differences.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. It seems to me that we have to live in each other’s reality. I have to work hard to provide the vanilla affection and sexual attention she needs. She has to assume the role of my loving-but-firm keyholder. Even though she has no reason to continue if I want to stop, to live in my reality, she has to firmly refuse. For my reality to work, I need to be stuck in this cage no matter what. I have to accept spanking, etc. even if I truly learn to hate it. It’s what I want, even if I stop wanting it. Does that make sense? It does to me. I hope it does to Mrs. Lion.
That was Lion’s question to me in his post this morning. I never know how to answer him when he asks that. I think it’s because there are a few hidden questions within that one question.
Does it turn me on to do things to him? No. He insists that it will eventually. We’ve known each other almost twelve years. I’ve been waiting the entire time to be turned on by playing with him or, now, by denying him. I get turned on by more mainstream, vanilla things. I think that’s one reason I associate all of this with him having an orgasm and I am unconcerned with my own.
Is it fun for me to do things to him? I wouldn’t call it fun. It’s a lot of work. Keeping track of rules and enforcing them. Deciding if I should spank him or tie his balls up or any of the other things he likes. Denying him when what I really want to do is give him an orgasm. It’s nerve-wracking because I’m afraid I’ll hurt him. And it’s a workout because I am frequently sweaty and sore by the time we’re done.
Is it a challenge? Yes! I constantly have to tell myself that I’m not actually hurting him even though he’s saying it hurts. I constantly have to tell myself he asked me to take control, and making him wait to orgasm is actually his idea. And it’s challenging that Lion keeps coming up with new things to try. I do come up with ideas of my own but it’s usually my own twist on something he’s asked for.
Is it satisfying? To some extent, yes. When he tells me my touch is better than his when I’m masturbating him; when he tells me his buns still hurt the day after a spanking; when he tells me he’s grateful for the things I do to him. It’s nice to feel successful even though I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
Is it fun to make him come? It’s my favorite thing to do! It’s probably his favorite thing, too. We do agree on some things.
Is it fun to make him happy? Oh, yes. There’s nothing I like better than for him to enjoy himself. This is where the conflict comes in though. I’m causing him pain and he loves it. But I’m causing him pain. But he loves it. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. I got some advice when I first started writing the blog. Someone told me to embrace my inner dominant. I’m not sure I have one. There was an old commercial for cough medicine in which the actor says, “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV.” I think of that often. I’m not a dominant, but I play one in the bedroom.
Am I having fun yet? The question is so much more complicated than it seems.
Mrs. Lion has been very kind to me. She hasn’t made me wait very long between most of my orgasms (see orgasm wait times on my Lion’s Adventure page. The line chart tells the story. Most of the time I have had to wait only a short time (three to five days) between orgasms. Lately that time has lengthened. My last wait was nine days and currently I am waiting twelve days. Now this isn’t a giant sacrifice for a caged male. Many routinely wait a month or more between releases. I’m not complaining. One keyholder commented to me that I come more times in a month than her male gets to come in a year. Lucky lion! Regardless, now that I have one more day to wait, I am humping trees!
There appear to be two major schools of thought about forced male chastity. One group wants to go longer and longer without orgasm. The goal appears to be indefinite waiting. Why? Who knows? By the way this is the wish of the caged males, not necessarily the keyholders. That’s not to say that a good number of keyholders want to keep their males orgasm-free for long periods. I know that’s a big component of this school. The second school seems to be the escape artists. This is a group of males who want to be locked up just to see if they can find a way to orgasm without being released. This group is almost entirely made up of single males who have taken on this hobby. It’s expensive and can be very frustrating, but for them it is a nice substitute for a sex life.
The first group, I call them long-termers, is most interesting to me. When I read what they write, it’s hard to separate the myth from reality, but it is very clear that being made to wait a long time does change them. The most interesting change which is reported by nearly all of them, is that they begin to substitute their keyholders’ orgasms for their own. When the keyholder gets to come, either with the help of the male or alone, the caged male seems to get a similar satisfaction to having an orgasm himself.
The longest I have been made to wait, until this week, has been nine days. During that time, I can’t say that I felt a transfer of Mrs. Lion’s sexual pleasure to substitute for my own. I do get hard inside my cage while I stimulate her. That has been true even when I was waiting just a couple of days. I love to get her off. But her orgasm didn’t feel to me like I was having one too.
I can say that the longer I have to wait, the more desperate I get to have that orgasm. I don’t walk around wanting to hump trees, but I feel a genuine longing for that wonderful release. I am pretty sure that if I weren’t frequently teased, that desperation would fade over time. But with regular teasing, my next orgasm is never far from my thoughts. If I were waiting longer, would I try to replace what I can’t have with what I can? Is that why these males get so much satisfaction from their keyholders’ orgasms? Could be. I’m hoping I never find out for myself, but I suspect I will one day.
Forced male chastity has stimulated Mrs. Lion and I to independently rethink the role of sex in our marriage. For a long time, sex was not a focus for us as a couple. Mrs. Lion lost interest and I just took care of myself most of the time. Our approaches to each other were very genitally centered. Mrs. Lion mentioned that to me in a recent email. We both just went for the orgasm. Thanks to me being caged and our increased level of communication, we have let each other know that this approach just doesn’t work well. Mrs. Lion has been spicing up my teasing with some nice play. I will be spicing up my advances with some treats of my own.
Schedule Vs. Spontaneous
Another aspect of desperation is the concept of knowing when the end will come. Until June, Mrs. Lion gave me no idea when my next orgasm would arrive. She gave me one when the spirit moved her. Fortunately this is a very active spirit and moved her a lot. I mentioned that it might be interesting if I know the next time I will orgasm. So, Mrs. Lion told me that my next orgasm would be July 4th with no chance of extending or reducing this sentence.
It turns out that this fixed date has been interesting for me. I find myself counting the days until I can finally orgasm. Mrs. Lion has said she has been too. Even though I am getting a lot less opportunity to come, this scheduled release has added considerable excitement to my chastity. Mrs. Lion has done a great job of reminding me that I have to wait. It’s been a lot of frustrating fun. If she also adds the opportunity to earn time off for good behavior, or adds time if I am naughty, things will get even more interesting and exciting.
Let’s face it, forced chastity is a game that plays with desperation. If rewards and penalties are added, and if the penalties are significant, the stakes go up and the game can get amazingly exciting. What’s a bit difficult for me to handle right now is that I am playing for the highest stakes: my ability to come. But that’s why it is so exciting. Mrs. Lion not only has control but can play with her control by changing how much waiting I have to do. In the meantime she can tease me and watch my desperation grow.
Once she overcomes feeling guilty for putting me through this and recognizes that this is a game we are both enjoying, I expect she will have a lot of fun too. Admittedly, my idea of fun and hers are pretty different. But she’s known that as long as we have known one another. Having fun yet, my dear lioness?