Orthogonal Kink
Things are orthogonal when they are statistically invariant. In other words, what happens to me does not depend on anything that happens to or for Mrs. Lion. One of the most unfair things I have done in our enforced chastity was to assume success depended on me giving Mrs. Lion orgasms. After all, most guys in cages provide substantial numbers of orgasms to their keyholders. The idea is that they “trade’ their orgasms for providing sexual pleasure to their mates. Some go so far as to say that they now get the same level of sexual satisfaction from giving their partner an orgasm that the formerly got from having one of their own. I can’t comment on whether or not this is literally true, but it isn’t an uncommon claim.
Mrs. Lion hasn’t wanted an orgasm for a very long time. Last June was the latest one. She says she is just not interested. At some level I have considered this a problem; a failing on my part to turn her on. She’s always insisted that isn’t the case. She just isn’t interested. So, our enforced chastity does not include providing any sexual pleasure to my keyholder. It’s all about my sexual frustration and eventual release.
I’ve never been very happy about this. I can’t help feeling selfish and worrying that there is no direct incentive for Mrs. Lion to continue. Of course she has continued and says there is no end in sight. She hasn’t shown any signs of resenting the effort she consistently makes on my behalf. She just does it because she knows it’s something I want. My enforced chastity is orthogonal to her sexual interests or lack of them. It exists in its own universe as a one-way kink benefiting me alone.
Actually, this isn’t all that unusual in the world of power exchange. Many female tops get no direct pleasure from torturing their male bottoms. They do it for reasons of their own, of course, but as a source of direct sexual pleasure is pretty unusual. One reason that some women charge money to top men is that the cash is something positive they get for their trouble. Sadly, the majority of male bottoms live in the delusion that women just can’t wait to top them because it is so much fun. As a male top, I quickly learned that topping is a lot of work and doing it just to get sex is mostly a waste of time. I never had a problem finding partners, so why add the physical labor of topping in order to get what I already had.
My point is that sex for a keyholder is orthogonal to the things she does to her caged male. I know that many do pretend that getting unlimited, guilt-free orgasms is a major reason they are keyholders. I would argue that if they looked deeper they would see that they could have had all the guilt-free sex they wanted far more easily. On the other hand, most of the guys I know about consider that providing endless orgasms for their keyholders is essentially the golden ticket to getting caged.
I believe that giving all those orgasms is yet another part of the classic male chastity fantasy. I admit it was part of mine. But it really has nothing to do with the kink at all. The kink is only about male orgasm control. Whether or not your keyholder wants orgasms does not change the experience. This fact is very relevant to all of us caged males. It makes no sense to associate giving your partner orgasms with your cock being caged. Face it, if she told you to lick her, cage or no cage, you would do it until she wanted you to stop. It’s just more fun to pretend you are being forced to do it.
The vast majority of power exchange is “forcing” the bottom to accept what he/she really wants. It’s not exactly smoke and mirrors, but it is wish fulfilling. Mrs. Lion is fulfilling my wishes. It’s a gift she gives to me. I am not trading anything for it. That’s why it’s a gift. Isn’t that true of you too?
A Change of Tactics
My experiment in rapid fire edging has not gone well. Once again I gave Lion a ruined orgasm yesterday. I’ll have to rethink things. What was I trying to achieve? Can I get there without giving him ruined orgasms?
As always, I was trying to give Lion what he’s looking for. I decided I wanted to push him to the edge over and over again to see if I could eventually get him to the point that he couldn’t go any further. In effect, breaking him. No more erection possible, for the night of course. Somewhere along the line I decided that meant I had to give him less and less of a break between edgings. Once I stopped I needed to start right back in. Why? I don’t know. I guess I was thinking he could stay at the heightened state as long as I stopped just short. I was encouraged by his telling me one night that each time I got him close he was sure I was going to give him an orgasm. All I needed to do was go one more stroke, but then I stopped. And I got greedy. I wanted to push him closer to the edge. And I wanted to frustrate him more and more.
Unfortunately, in my enthusiasm, I wound up going too far. I’ve been giving him just enough time to calm his breathing and maybe that’s just not enough time. There’s a fine line and I’ve been blowing right past it lately. I haven’t decided yet if I will completely reverse engines and not try this any more. I can still break him if I edge him enough times. Maybe the answer is in doing a combination of rapid fire and regular edging. When I see him getting too close, I should slow down. Maybe a few rapid fire to one regular.
I’ll need to experiment more. Luckily, I have a willing test subject.
The Community Of Chastity / FLM Bloggers
I’m writing this on Sunday morning. My eyes are better now. They tire by mid afternoon. I went to the optometrist this morning. He came in on Sunday because I was concerned about my eye. Pain and light sensitivity has increased. Happily, the infection is showing signs of healing.
There is one thing I don’t understand about my fellow enforced chastity / FLM bloggers. We don’t often write about each other’s posts. I sense that some people think there is a sort of competition for readers. For the record, I don’t. Earlier today, Denying Thumper, the longest running enforced chastity blog. published two very interesting posts. His posts discuss his recent emotional concerns and the many phases of his life.
The specific reason I am referencing them is that he mentions how readers’ comments can affect him. Since he began writing about being bisexual and the opening of his marriage to include a man (who also writes a very good blog “The Drew Duality“), he has been receiving quite a few comments condemning his “cheating” on his wife, and on homosexuality in general. He responds to most of these attempting to clarify his position. As he wrote today and in earlier posts, these comments affect him; even the ones that are obviously written by shallow, bigoted people. I have to admit that I am affected by the comments we receive here. Even the ones that are obviously off the wall affect me. I understand that what we share here is open to interpretation by our readers. I’m happy it is. A good deal of the comments we get offer us feedback we can use. Because I am heterosexual and not particularly submissive, I escape the hurtful comments that both Thumper and Drew receive.
However, like most bloggers, I religiously read my fellow enforced chastity and FLM bloggers. I see us as a community of sorts. There is a flow of viewpoints that appears to be influenced by the cross pollination of bloggers reading one another. I like this. I can’t know the motives that drive other bloggers to write, but unlike most of the Net, none of us appear to be writing to get laid. For our individual reasons, we share parts of our lives with our readers.
In some cases we share our thoughts and feelings with our keyholders / disciplining wives via our blogs as well. Even when partners don’t directly contribute, most are aware of the blogs we write and often read them. In some blogs, like ours, both partners contribute regularly. This offers you both sides of the story. It supplies us with daily feedback we can use to improve our relationships. You may have noticed that Mrs. Lion has become more tight lipped about her plans for me. That’s because she is more aware that I read her posts and often get a preview she doesn’t want me to have of her plans for the evening. I like that she is increasing the element of surprise. I wonder if you don’t also find it cool to have to wait to find out just what she had in mind?
Blogging is far more than a “reality show”. It is opening a very private part of our lives to the general public. Hundreds of thousands of people have read about our sex life and have seen images of my most “private parts”. Everyone in our blogging community is a public figure with a large number of people privy to our most intimate activities. Are we all sexual exhibitionists? I guess to some extent we are. We all know that a lot of strangers know a lot about our sex lives. I don’t think that is the major motivation for most of us. I also don’t think that most of us are trying to sell you on enforced chastity and FLM. I believe our reasons are more complex. After reading Thumper’s post I tried to define just what drives me to open up my sex life to strangers. As of now, I can’t come up with why I chose to do this. I know that one reason I am continuing is that the back and forth with Mrs. Lion and commenters has added to our relationship and has made us better about honestly expressing our feelings. Another reason is that I truly like sharing with you. Thanks for reading.
Doom and Gloom
We did, in fact, have to make an emergency run this morning to the eye doctor. Lion’s symptoms got worse although the inflammation seems better. Luckily my boss is taking Lion’s fears seriously and is not trying to downplay things. Lion hates when doctors do that. There are clearly three ways this can go. It can get better. It can stay the same. I can get worse. So far it is not getting worse. Some aspects are better. We are on the right track.
As far as our impromptu naps yesterday are concerned, we’ve both been very tired. I find myself falling asleep at work. Lion takes his naps during Jeopardy. I don’t think there’s anything to be alarmed about from a playing, or not playing, point of view. His eye was worse yesterday. We watched some movies last night. It’s not the end of the world if we didn’t play. Yes, I said we would, but reality takes precedence over play. Today we’re doing laundry and have some shopping to do. We also have football to watch. Will we crash for a nap later? Maybe. Does that mean we won’t play? I don’t know. I can’t see into the future. I’m still hoping to. I haven’t ruled it out.
I don’t think we’re heading for the inertia of pre-chastity. Just because we miss a day of play here or there, it doesn’t mean we’ve given up. Have I spoiled Lion by playing every day rather than every other day as I am “obliged” to? Perhaps. It seems when I miss a day he sees doom and gloom in the future. On the other hand, I think he’s worried about the future of his sight and that may be affecting his overall outlook. Who wants a blind, old Lion? Buh, buh, buh. [Lion — I’m not worried we will return to pre-chastity inactivity. I am concerned that we (not just Mrs. Lion) will get comfortable deprioritizing sexual activity] Personally I don’t think he’ll be a blind, old Lion, but even if he is, I still want him. He just has to face the fact that he can’t get rid of me. I am not a fair weather friend.
Is he waiting for me to make a decision about playing today? He might be. So here’s my decision. Let’s get our butts to the store to do our shopping. The laundry will be done soon. We can watch football. We can pause football any time I decide to pause it. We can play any time I decide to play. But here’s the problem: I can’t help it if his eye hurts and is distracting him from playing. I can’t force him to be excited. Can reality derail us? Absolutely. But I will do my best to make sure it doesn’t.
