mother warning child
My mother warned me to stay away from strange, perverted men. I didn’t listen.

I grew up across the street from a couple where the woman was clearly in charge. Any time I asked if the kids could come out to play the husband always deferred to the wife. She even had him on a short leash. If he wandered across the street to talk to my father it wasn’t long before she was screaming out the door for him to come home. I really have no idea if it was actually that kind of relationship. She may have been just a bossy person. Other than joking about it my parents never discussed it. Not only did we not talk about sex, but normal people didn’t do those sorts of things.

Two of my best friends from high school got married and he once told me that he liked to tie her hands so she couldn’t “help” him during sex. He said she was then able to relax and have much bigger orgasms. We never discussed it again and it never crossed my mind as something I’d want to try. Even after I got married the first time I never thought about how to spice things up. Things were spicy enough for both of us.

Once my marriage ended I decided to sow my wild oats since I had never done anything like that when I was younger. I didn’t really have any expectation of what that meant. I just thought I deserved to have some fun. I signed up for online dating. I chatted with a few guys. Dates were considered but we never actually met. Then Lion found me. Two days after we met online, we met in person. The rest, as they say, is history.

In previous posts I’ve said that Lion suckered me in. No, he didn’t drive up in a Porsche (he wishes), with champagne and caviar. He was just a sweet guy looking for some fun. No mention of anything kinky. Well, that’s not true. He did tell me he had a piercing but he removed it before we met so he didn’t freak me out. See? Dangle that normalcy in front of me, reel me in, closer, closer. I don’t remember when he first put the piercing back in, but it was at least a month or two before he told me what he had in mind.

What was I thinking?
I really don’t know why I didn’t run screaming from him when he said he wanted to be tied up and spanked. I guess I might have if he had suggested tying me up and spanking me. Here he was, only my second sexual partner, asking me to do things I hadn’t ever thought of, and I was going to do it? I wonder if this is how people get hooked on drugs. It went ok the first time. I can stop any time I want to. I’m not addicted. Honest! Then the spankings got harder and then it was tying him up, then it was flogging, then it was caning, then it was cock and ball torture. Right on down the rabbit hole.

So I was hooked. On Lion. Not on his “baggage; just him. And it wasn’t hurting me to hurt him-after the first few times when I was sure I wasn’t going to do him serious bodily harm with my pathetic swats to his backside. He tells me I’m very good at being bad to him. I can get his buns rosy in no time and I’ve learned not to have the “really?” look on my face when he suggests something new. I’ve always done this for him. It has never turned me on. The only desire I have when I’ve got his balls in a vise is that it turns him on. Lately we’ve been working on what turns me on. And I’m fine with not being turned on by what turns him on as long as I get some WIIFM (what’s in it for me) now and then.

My mother may not have talked much about sex with me, but she did warn me there were a lot of strange men out there. And perverts. Lucky me! I wound up with a strange man who is a pervert. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

unlocked padlock
Nothing can kill the mood like fumbling for a key to unlock your male.

Being a new keyholder has many challenges. One of the most difficult is dealing with sex; not sex for him, but for you. Not every woman considers it her dream sex life when she has to tell her partner what she wants and when. The essence of romance is spontaneous affection and love making. Spur-of-the-moment lovemaking just isn’t possible when your male is caged. At the least there is the interruption while he is unlocked. Then there is the matter of foreplay.

Usually this is the woman’s problem; getting her male to take the time to get her aroused and ready for the main event. In a typical forced male chastity relationship, the male is almost always ready to provide unselfish pleasure to his keyholder. After all, he is locked up and knows that he can only get stimulation if she chooses to provide it. Clearly that dreamt-about spontaneous lovemaking isn’t going to happen with your male caged. Having to unlock him before even beginning can feel very much like “demanding” sex. That isn’t the idea.

Mrs. Lion and I are wrestling with this problem now. It’s come up in the past since I have never been very good at initiating lovemaking. Compounding the situation, Mrs. Lion’s libido hasn’t been very strong lately. This may have been due to medications she was taking. Between locking me up and the increased sexual activity with me and stopping the meds, Mrs. Lion says she is starting to feel more frisky. She’s made it clear that at least some of the time she wants old fashioned vanilla sex. Sounds good to me!

The problem is that she doesn’t want to schedule this. I can’t blame her. Checking the calendar and blocking out time is a buzz kill. On the other hand, I do need to be wild (no cage) if we are to engage in vanilla sex. How do we manage this quandary? We don’t have the answer yet. But we recognize that we need to do something.

It may be that we need to reach a sexual compromise that takes into account the fact that I am caged almost all of the time. My current thinking is that Mrs. Lion signals that she is feeling frisky. I don’t know what that signal will be, but she will need to find something she can do that doesn’t spoil her mood. When I get the signal I can (I don’t have to since this is outside the power exchange) respond with kisses, hugs, fondling, oral contact, etc. Bear in mind that I am still safely locked up.

Mrs. Lion can, if she wishes, let me continue pleasing her until she has several nice orgasms. Or, she can stop the action long enough to unlock me and then I can continue stimulating her. At some point after I am uncaged, she will need to stimulate me as well. Between my age and the natural effect of being continuously in my cage, she can’t expect an instant erection from me. Due to medications I am taking, I may also need a “boner pill” (Cialis or Viagra). this isn’t usually necessary, but some intercourse positions do require it. If that’s the case, then at some point before we actually begin, she may need to suggest that it’s possible she might be in the mood tonight. Cialas works for me two full days. So even if it turns out that tonight wasn’t “the night”, I’ll still be ready to go tomorrow.

My point is that even couples who don’t practice forced male chastity have to make changes to support issues that come up as we age. It doesn’t mean the sex isn’t as good as it once was. It just means that we have to make adjustments for these changes. If couples can have great sex even though interrupted by the need for medication or synthetic lube, then forced male chastity couples can take the time to unlock the male and still have a wonderful, romantic time.

As a keyholder, it’s up to you to let your male know what your “I want romance” signal is. When you send that signal it means that he is to behave the way he would if he didn’t wear a cage and you weren’t in charge. We’ve talked about taking breaks from chastity as another way to support romance. However, breaks are planned events. This suggestion is for unplanned romance and love. Being a keyholder can get a lot nicer when you can have these unplanned romantic moments.







man tied to bed
70% of men and 80% of women have fantasies of being tied up. Forced male chastity is a form of bondage.

Cosmopolitan did a study and 70% of the men said they had fantasies of being tied up. 80% of the women said they wanted to be tied up too. I’m not surprised by the number of women who dreamed of bondage. When I was topping, there was never a shortage of willing female victims. If you look at those numbers, there’s really no one left to do the tying. Forced chastity is bondage. The caged male is restrained from access to his penis.

Clearly, almost everyone likes the idea of being tied up, at least at some level. Being tied up means losing control. I suspect that means very different things to men and women. For men, at least like me, it means I no longer get to orgasm when I want. I am at the mercy of my keyholder. Based on my experience and years of workshops with men and women, I suspect that many of the women want to be tied up for the opposite reason; they want to be liberated from the social and moral restrictions on unrestrained pleasure. Almost every woman I topped wanted to be teased to the edge of orgasm and then allowed screaming release. In 2014 that may seem quaint since we are post-feminine liberation and women are not only allowed to enjoy sex, they expect us to give them at least as much fun as we have. Nevertheless, almost all of us, male and female, crave the ability to just give in to sensations and come! Bondage is a great tool to permit that.

What does this have to do with forced male chastity? I think it has a lot to do with it. The odds are three to one that your keyholder has had fantasies of being tied up. She has probably imagined amazing sex while she was helpless to resist or complain. No, this isn’t a rape fantasy. It’s consenting lovers. Now, consider what happens when a male asks to be locked up. If your partner is one of the  70% she may be confused. Her fantasies are about glorious sex while helpless. Yours is about no sex. It doesn’t compute, at least at first. Men and women look at being tied up through very different lenses.

Do you agree that a chastity device is a form of bondage? It is for me. It graphically announces that I  have no say in when I will have my next orgasm. Did anyone ask a new keyholder if she wants to decide when you will come next? Did she even think that far ahead when she agreed to lock you up. Since we know that eight out of ten women fantasize about being tied up themselves, could you generate some resentment because you are getting your fantasy and she isn’t? It doesn’t matter that she may never have wanted to make that fantasy come true, on some level she may resent your ability to realize a dream that she can’t.

I know I am not right about 100% of the women who may read this; only 80%. This difference is not insurmountable. I topped for most of my adult life even though I have always wanted to be tied up. Just because I let out my inner submissive doesn’t mean that Mrs. Lion will forever resent that I got “there” first. It does mean that both of us have to be sensitive to each others feelings. As the lucky partner who gets to be tied up, I need to be sure to find ways to provide the pleasure that my lioness isn’t getting because I got tied up first.


So far every caged male I’ve read about has initiated the caging. He’s fantasized about it and finally gets the courage to approach his partner with the idea. Usually the couple has been involved in some sort of play, but there are some men who seemingly come out of nowhere with the proposal. That’s the way it happened with Lion and me. He toyed with the idea for years before seriously presenting it to me.

I’m wondering how many women actually initiate the caging. It stands to reason that if the woman is the top and looking for ways to up the ante, so to speak, she may consider caging her male. How does that conversation go? For the most part, women seem to be shocked or confused when asked to cage their males. Are men shocked when it’s presented to them? Do they jump at the chance? Do they need time to warm up to the idea?

Is it that forced chastity is a concept by and for males? How many women actually heard of this practice?  If you are a woman who has caged her male or a male who did not initiate the caging, please let us know how it all happened. It will add yet another perspective to our story.