Edging For The Non-Kinky Couple
Our marriage has improved greatly thanks to enforced chastity. I’ve been thinking about why this is so. I realized that one of the activities a lot of us do may offer a way for people to sustain intimacy and active sexual activity even if they aren’t involved in any kink.
As we males age, our sexual prowess diminishes. We take longer to recharge (refractory time) between ejaculations. It can take more stimulation to get hard. Our overall interest in sexual activity can decline significantly. That was certainly the case with me. I never was good at initiating sex and as I aged I got worse. Mrs. Lion was very unhappy that I wasn’t initiating and distance grew between us.
But now things are very different. I am almost always very interested in sex. It takes Mrs. Lion almost no time to get me hard and ready. Intimacy in our daily lives has grown significantly. I believe the change is due to an activity we call edging. People who practice enforced chastity understand this activity well. If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s stimulating the man until he is just about to ejaculate and then stop the stimulation. He is brought to the edge of orgasm, but if hi isn’t stimulated enough to actually have one. We do this as part of a power exchange. But if you take the power exchange away, the activity has a lot of value.
Ejaculation is the biological completion of male sexual activity.We males are wired to ejaculate any time we can. When we are of reproductive age we can have several ejaculations in an hour. As we age, we lose that ability. But if our partner edges us instead of giving us orgasms, we are ready to go again in seconds. As long as the ejaculation process isn’t initiated, we need almost no time to recover and do it again.
In the beginning I felt that edging cheated me of the pleasure I so badly wanted. Over time I have learned that each time I am edged I get 90% of the pleasure of an orgasm. I still want that extra 10%, but I still have fun. Sound kinky? It isn’t. Many cultures practice edging as a form of normal sex. To some it has spiritual significance.
Let’s go back to that marriage where sex has become almost absent. If the couple decides to try this, it starts out with the female partner learning how to get her man right to the edge without going over. Masturbating him and watching his reactions as he gets more and more aroused will give you a lot of information. The first time take him all the way to ejaculation. Give him a nice orgasm. Note any changes in him just as he gets ready to ejaculate. That’s your signal to stop when edging. It will take time to perfect. You don’t need to get him just one stroke away from ejaculation, just close enough that he experiences that amazing “I’m going to come” feeling.
After stopping, wait a few seconds and then touch his balls or otherwise let him know you are there for him, but stay away from his penis until you are sure he has calmed down. The repeat. An edging session can include as many cycles as you and he want. Eventually he will lose the ability to get to the edge and just get soft. He’ll be ready again in a few hours. For our purposes it’s better to avoid going that far.
As his partner, before, during, or after the edging you can have him give you orgasms. In the beginning restrict them to oral or hand release. The female partner can have all the orgasms she wants. But it is important that he not have one.
What about orgasms for him? He needs to get them too. You both have to decide how often. Bear in mind that after he has one his sexual interest will be significantly diminished for some time. This varies widely among men. You can experiment with the interval. I suggest starting with one a week and then increasing or decreasing time as you both want.
Regardless of how often he comes, it’s important that edging sessions take place very regularly. Some couples do it almost every day. Others every other day or even every third day. After he gets accustomed to non-orgasmic sex, the man will enjoy edging almost as much as orgasms. The woman will probably feel the same way. Each edging session is an opportunity for the woman to have orgasms herself.
After he learns to expect and manage edging, he can learn to delay orgasm himself. If he tells his partner when he is about to come, she can encourage him to hang in there and give him an extra stroke or two. Over time he will gain some ability to recognize when it is too late and he will ejaculate. Once he knows that, you can have intercourse without him ejaculating. Just let him stop when he gets too close and take a few seconds to recover. He can always finish his partner with his tongue or finger.
The reason edging is so helpful is that a couple can have sex without being restricted by the reduced ability of a man to have many orgasms. Make no mistake, edging is real sex to a man. It is to me! I get hornier after each session. By the fifth day I get hard like a 30 year old man almost the instant Mrs. Lion touches my penis. I love that feeling. Edging helps us defy age and lets us enjoy sex like much younger people. It takes some time and effort but it really paid off for us. We added the kink of a male chastity device and transfer of sexual power to Mrs. Lion. You don’t need to do that part unless it appeals to you. Edging is just as useful without the kink.
Back to Normal?
Last night, as we were falling asleep, Lion told me I haven’t been doing a very good job keeping to the orgasm schedule. Oh really? It seems to me he was the one who wasn’t horny enough on his scheduled date. True, I gave him a bonus orgasm only a few days before the scheduled date, but he should have been horny enough. He maintains he was very horny. I disagree. Guess whose opinion counts.
On the plus side, I think he will be more than ready for his next one. He still has two days to go, but from what I’ve seen, he’s met the horniness criteria. He almost achieved beautiful penis status last night. Almost. However, he gets no points for being ready ahead of time. If he’s not ready to go on Friday, I’ll make him wait. Luckily he just has to wait until I think he’s ready and not until his next scheduled date.
I think Lion likes his nightly maintenance swat sessions. Just knowing he’ll get those swats gives him something to look forward to. That’s a guess. He hasn’t said anything about it. He may just be so horny right now that any indication he’ll get some action is exciting. Mr. Weenie stands at attention with very little encouragement. He’s even been grumbling a little. Each night, when I unlock him, he has what I call helmet head. He tries to get hard in his cage and the head pushes against the bars and he gets little indentations. It’s just one more indication that Lion is back to his old self.
Yesterday, I said I needed some quiet during the evening so I told Lion I could always tie him to the bed and put a ball gag in his mouth so he couldn’t bother me. I don’t think I’ve ever used a ball gag on him, but I knew that would get his motor running. Tonight, he might just get tied to the bed. At least his hands. Ball gag or not, he likes to be tied up. Your wish is my command, my pet.
Docile Lion
There is a long, ignominious history of quibbling over terminology on the Internet. In the 90’s there was a year long debate on what to call a female dominant. The consensus ended up with “domme”. I never particularly cared for either “dom” or “domme” but quibbling over the labels entertained some folks for a long time.
My vocal opposition to all this online debate embarrasses me a bit because I have a quibble of my own. In recent months various bloggers in the enforced chastity and FLR communities have been referring to the male partners as “submissives”. Aside from the fact that submissive is an adjective and not a noun, I think it incorrectly characterizes us.
First, the term “sub” and “submissive” are products of the Internet. Before online chat rooms and forums became popular, real life leather organizations referred to “tops” and “bottoms” to define the roles people assumed in a given scene. In the theater of the online mind, these terms were too wishy washy. I won’t delve further in this rant. It’s one of my favorites.
Anyway, in the internet lexicon a “submissive” or “sub” defines a particular type of person who subsumes free will to a “dom”. I suppose that it’s possible to hang that label on guys who allow their keyholders to lock up their penises and control if and when they get orgasms. Many of us also accept control and discipline in other areas of our lives. Submissive? Yes, it applies.
But the more I think about that word and its questionable derivation, I think another word more correctly describes my behavior. That word is “docile”. Merriam Webster defines docile as:
“Easily taught, led, or controlled”
This seems more precise to me. After all, submission is something that can be attained by brutality and mental coercion.You are made to submit. Docile refers to collaboration with the leader. It doesn’t say that there is no need for correction, but that there is no struggle over who is in charge.
The real world meaning of submission has more to do with the sort of overt interplay between members of a society over who is in charge. Submission doesn’t imply agreement, it implies yielding to power.
I’m not submissive by nature. I am learning to be more docile under the firm hand of my lioness. I don’t have to be tied down (though I like it when I am) to accept painful correction. I have been taught to docilely accept edging and then make no attempt to have an orgasm no matter how frustrated I am. That is docile behavior.
I willingly wear a collar. I am naked whenever we are alone. I defer to Mrs.Lion’s choices and do anything she wishes. That is docile. I am fully able to overpower her, use my emergency key to get out of my cage, and get myself off. But I don’t. I won’t.
It’s hard for me to accept the fact that I am docile. I love the fantasy in which I am “forced” to wear the chastity device and punished to bend me to the will of my strict owner. This is a fairly typical male fantasy scenario. I can be a strong lion who just happens to fall into a situation where attempts are made to break me. That’s hot.
The reality is nothing like that. I docilely accept punishment, edging, being put in a diaper and anything else Mrs. Lion wishes to do. The fact that I willingly accept things I don’t like demonstrates that I am, indeed, docile. It would be much easier to accept the “submissive” label since that implies coercion. But it is inaccurate. I may show some resistance, but never enough to stop the proceedings.
Let’s face it, enforced chastity and FLR are consensual power exchanges. I agree to accept Mrs. Lion’s control in any areas she chooses. I agree to help her in any way she wants to control me. Like the word or not, I am a docile lion.
What the Hell is Lion Into Now?
Today, or more correctly yesterday, I’ve begun a moratorium on Lion suggestions. From now on, I will let a suggestion ruminate for at least three days before writing a crazy post like yesterday’s. That way we can discuss it further and I won’t go off half-cocked. I can’t guarantee this will cure everything, but it’s worth a shot.
It’s not like we don’t discuss things. I just get lost in the abyss sometimes. And not all of what Lion writes is what Lion wants. I forget that. The other problem I encounter is that he thinks about chastity and FLR a lot. I don’t. It’s only natural. It’s his fantasy. Most of my day is spent thinking about anything but chastity and FLR. When he presents me with another idea or asks me to read someone’s blog, it’s a lot to take in. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. I know he doesn’t mean for it to be. It doesn’t help when he asks me again and again what I thought of the idea. Well, truthfully, I haven’t thought much about it. When pressed, I’m likely to spew out posts like the one from yesterday.
I don’t see anything wrong with maintaining the status quo for a little while. Why do things have to keep changing? They don’t. It’s entirely up to me when and how we do things. I forget that. Lion just gets excited by things and I tend to get run over in the process. It’s not entirely his fault. I need to be able to raise my hand and let him know when he’s doing it. If you’ve been following along, you know that’s difficult for me. I don’t like confrontation.
Clearly we are better at communication overall, but I still fall off the wagon from time to time. We’re a team and in order for that team to function we both need to do our share. With little baby steps, we’ll get there.
