Right Now
The other night after our teasing session, I put on the base ring of the Jail Bird and let Mrs. Lion know I was ready to be locked up. A while later I reminded her that I had the ring on and was ready. She laughed and said she locked the cage on earlier. She commented that it must be really comfortable since I don’t know if it is there. That’s true. I am rarely consciously aware that I am wearing it. Even when I try to get hard I barely feel it. Mature Metal makes an amazing product.
I thought about how seamlessly enforced chastity has integrated into our lives. We’ve weathered severe stress without even considering that enforced chastity should be suspended. Our enforced chastity has given us a way to manage a situation that had been difficult for us: the difference in our interest in sex. For the last few years Mrs. Lion hasn’t been interested in sex. I have a strong interest in it. This gap pushed us apart and reduced our intimate communications. Neither of us wanted to confront the issue.
In the beginning, enforced chastity wasn’t all that helpful. It took months for Mrs. Lion to achieve comfort with sexually controlling me and it took just as long for me to be conditioned to finding non-orgasmic sex a satisfying experience. I’m not sure I can articulate this very well, but edging sessions leave me desperate for an orgasm, but at the same time very satisfied sexually. I truly love to get to come, but I am also happy with a nice tease. This is a fundamental change for me. Before enforced chastity, non orgasmic sex left me feeling cheated. No more.
I don’t think it’s been as easy for Mrs. Lion. It’s a testament to her love for me that she worked through the issues required to be my keyholder and disciplining wife. She’s got enforced chastity down pat. My input in terms of wanting orgasms is not largely ignored. That’s as it should be.
The thing is that somehow all this one-way sexual activity has dissolved her resentment at my failure to initiate and my resentment that my only sex life was jerking off. The reality is that I did get a monthly hand or blow job, so it wasn’t as bleak as it sounds. I filled in every few days with my own hand. But I resented having to do that. So many things were left unsaid.
Things didn’t magically change. I think our increased use of email and this blog to communicate made it possible to talk on a deeper level. Without the immediate pressure of in-person conversation we could exchange more thoughtfully and broach subjects that might have been difficult otherwise. Over time we rely less on the written word and talk directly about sensitive subjects. Neither of us is very confrontational and it has been a learning process to discover it is safe to talk about things that might not be received in a positive way.
It still isn’t easy for me. But I am learning. It’s still difficult for Mrs. Lion to say no. That causes her to feel overwhelmed at times. She is much better at saying, “not now.” That’s a great step and while I don’t like hearing it, I know it is progress in improving our ability to communicate. It also advances our power exchange since she has the absolute right to say no at any time to anything.
Discipline is a challenge for both of us. We still don’t have a comfortable framework for her authority. We are taking baby steps by having rules and spanking for breaking them. The rules themselves are fairly trivial but they provide training wheels for both of us. I am not at all sure how others handle it. Up till now it has been up to Mrs. Lion to observe infractions and then render punishment. I wonder if I should report infractions to her and not expect her to catch me. I think we also need manageable ways Mrs. Lion can take more control. We are both stuck on that one.
One of the most constructive controls would be for her to punish me for doing things that bother her. I think that will be unlikely to happen in the near future. She’s learned not to have expectations and to gloss over things that bother her. It would help me a lot if I could know when I do something she doesn’t like. I worry that there are things I am doing that she isn’t telling me about and that one day will cause a major problem for us. I would rather deal with issues as they come up.
Emotionally, I have been very happy with enforced chastity and our power exchange. I am more in love than other. On other fronts I am less positive. I worry about how long my current job will last. I am a contractor and have no assurance how long I will be needed. It took me seven months to find and I fear that it will take just as long to find the next. I worry about whether people like me. I take things very personally. I’m smart enough not to lash out, but it is very easy to hurt my feelings. For someone as fiercely independent as me, this is very disturbing.
Blogging about a subject as intimate as sexual control and personal power exchange certainly makes me more vulnerable to the way people react to what I write. I see that other bloggers also are similarly vulnerable. Combine that with my more general sensitivity and it becomes hard for me to write each day. I have a generally positive nature and I’m sure that these feelings will fade and the sun will come out again. Can’t wait for summer.
Multiple Sensations
Lion doesn’t immediately get hard when his hands are restrained. It took some Velcro and the Magic Wand to get him fully excited. I decided to mix the two sensations to see which would win and how he handled it. I was pretty sure the Magic Wand would win. Velcro does not stop Mr. Weenie. I even put all four strips of Velcro on him. He always says only the first strip hurts. I thought the vibrations would make the others hurt too. Bingo! Nothing like having a theory, doing an experiment, and having a concrete outcome.
After I removed the Velcro I edged him with the Magic Wand. As I stopped just short of orgasm, I moved the vibrator to his balls. He says it doesn’t affect his balls, but then again, he said a vibrator never affected him in the past. Things change. I’m not sure it really did affect him, but I didn’t want the vibrations to go away completely just because I stopped edging. I wanted the continuous sensation. Even though it wasn’t intense anymore, it was still in the neighborhood.
I did manage to sufficiently frustrate him again. Lion keeps telling me I can give him an orgasm if I want to. I know that. I don’t want to. I’m forcing myself to wait, too. I may not have willpower when it comes to food, but I’m trying to have some when it comes to giving him orgasms. I guess I’m on a sort of orgasm diet, if you will. Lion doesn’t mind if I fall off that wagon, I’m sure.
Edging For The Non-Kinky Couple
Our marriage has improved greatly thanks to enforced chastity. I’ve been thinking about why this is so. I realized that one of the activities a lot of us do may offer a way for people to sustain intimacy and active sexual activity even if they aren’t involved in any kink.
As we males age, our sexual prowess diminishes. We take longer to recharge (refractory time) between ejaculations. It can take more stimulation to get hard. Our overall interest in sexual activity can decline significantly. That was certainly the case with me. I never was good at initiating sex and as I aged I got worse. Mrs. Lion was very unhappy that I wasn’t initiating and distance grew between us.
But now things are very different. I am almost always very interested in sex. It takes Mrs. Lion almost no time to get me hard and ready. Intimacy in our daily lives has grown significantly. I believe the change is due to an activity we call edging. People who practice enforced chastity understand this activity well. If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s stimulating the man until he is just about to ejaculate and then stop the stimulation. He is brought to the edge of orgasm, but if hi isn’t stimulated enough to actually have one. We do this as part of a power exchange. But if you take the power exchange away, the activity has a lot of value.
Ejaculation is the biological completion of male sexual activity.We males are wired to ejaculate any time we can. When we are of reproductive age we can have several ejaculations in an hour. As we age, we lose that ability. But if our partner edges us instead of giving us orgasms, we are ready to go again in seconds. As long as the ejaculation process isn’t initiated, we need almost no time to recover and do it again.
In the beginning I felt that edging cheated me of the pleasure I so badly wanted. Over time I have learned that each time I am edged I get 90% of the pleasure of an orgasm. I still want that extra 10%, but I still have fun. Sound kinky? It isn’t. Many cultures practice edging as a form of normal sex. To some it has spiritual significance.
Let’s go back to that marriage where sex has become almost absent. If the couple decides to try this, it starts out with the female partner learning how to get her man right to the edge without going over. Masturbating him and watching his reactions as he gets more and more aroused will give you a lot of information. The first time take him all the way to ejaculation. Give him a nice orgasm. Note any changes in him just as he gets ready to ejaculate. That’s your signal to stop when edging. It will take time to perfect. You don’t need to get him just one stroke away from ejaculation, just close enough that he experiences that amazing “I’m going to come” feeling.
After stopping, wait a few seconds and then touch his balls or otherwise let him know you are there for him, but stay away from his penis until you are sure he has calmed down. The repeat. An edging session can include as many cycles as you and he want. Eventually he will lose the ability to get to the edge and just get soft. He’ll be ready again in a few hours. For our purposes it’s better to avoid going that far.
As his partner, before, during, or after the edging you can have him give you orgasms. In the beginning restrict them to oral or hand release. The female partner can have all the orgasms she wants. But it is important that he not have one.
What about orgasms for him? He needs to get them too. You both have to decide how often. Bear in mind that after he has one his sexual interest will be significantly diminished for some time. This varies widely among men. You can experiment with the interval. I suggest starting with one a week and then increasing or decreasing time as you both want.
Regardless of how often he comes, it’s important that edging sessions take place very regularly. Some couples do it almost every day. Others every other day or even every third day. After he gets accustomed to non-orgasmic sex, the man will enjoy edging almost as much as orgasms. The woman will probably feel the same way. Each edging session is an opportunity for the woman to have orgasms herself.
After he learns to expect and manage edging, he can learn to delay orgasm himself. If he tells his partner when he is about to come, she can encourage him to hang in there and give him an extra stroke or two. Over time he will gain some ability to recognize when it is too late and he will ejaculate. Once he knows that, you can have intercourse without him ejaculating. Just let him stop when he gets too close and take a few seconds to recover. He can always finish his partner with his tongue or finger.
The reason edging is so helpful is that a couple can have sex without being restricted by the reduced ability of a man to have many orgasms. Make no mistake, edging is real sex to a man. It is to me! I get hornier after each session. By the fifth day I get hard like a 30 year old man almost the instant Mrs. Lion touches my penis. I love that feeling. Edging helps us defy age and lets us enjoy sex like much younger people. It takes some time and effort but it really paid off for us. We added the kink of a male chastity device and transfer of sexual power to Mrs. Lion. You don’t need to do that part unless it appeals to you. Edging is just as useful without the kink.
Back to Normal?
Last night, as we were falling asleep, Lion told me I haven’t been doing a very good job keeping to the orgasm schedule. Oh really? It seems to me he was the one who wasn’t horny enough on his scheduled date. True, I gave him a bonus orgasm only a few days before the scheduled date, but he should have been horny enough. He maintains he was very horny. I disagree. Guess whose opinion counts.
On the plus side, I think he will be more than ready for his next one. He still has two days to go, but from what I’ve seen, he’s met the horniness criteria. He almost achieved beautiful penis status last night. Almost. However, he gets no points for being ready ahead of time. If he’s not ready to go on Friday, I’ll make him wait. Luckily he just has to wait until I think he’s ready and not until his next scheduled date.
I think Lion likes his nightly maintenance swat sessions. Just knowing he’ll get those swats gives him something to look forward to. That’s a guess. He hasn’t said anything about it. He may just be so horny right now that any indication he’ll get some action is exciting. Mr. Weenie stands at attention with very little encouragement. He’s even been grumbling a little. Each night, when I unlock him, he has what I call helmet head. He tries to get hard in his cage and the head pushes against the bars and he gets little indentations. It’s just one more indication that Lion is back to his old self.
Yesterday, I said I needed some quiet during the evening so I told Lion I could always tie him to the bed and put a ball gag in his mouth so he couldn’t bother me. I don’t think I’ve ever used a ball gag on him, but I knew that would get his motor running. Tonight, he might just get tied to the bed. At least his hands. Ball gag or not, he likes to be tied up. Your wish is my command, my pet.
