Yesterday I was waiting for Lion to contact me prior to noon. The thought occurred to me that he may try to test me, but I didn’t really think that was a possibility. He’s a good boy. At 10:49 am he sent an email. It said, in part, that he was tempted not to send a message so that he could be punished. Hmm…. Maybe he’s not such a good boy after all. He asked what I would have done if he hadn’t written. My thought was that if I told him ahead of time he may weigh the consequences and decide if it was worth it to purposely disobey me. If he knows there will be four hard swats and he hasn’t been swatted in a while he may decide that the attention of the swats is worth misbehaving for. Not that he’d do that, but I didn’t think he be tempted not to send a message just to see what the punishment would be. He said he was more interested in what I planned to do and maybe get a demonstration.
Unfortunately for Lion, I don’t have an answer. The most I can say is that I need to hear the reason why he broke the rule. If he truly was swamped at work and didn’t have time to catch his breath between meetings, then I would give him a few swats. It wasn’t necessarily his fault but rules must be enforced. If he just decided not to contact me because he wanted to be punished, then I would add a day or two to his wait time, or I would ignore him on a day I would normally play with him. I don’t think it would be fair to have one punishment for it.
The punishment should fit the crime. If he simply forgets, then my job is to help him remember. A few swats should do it unless it becomes a chronic problem. If he does it on purpose, then it’s my job to make sure he realizes this is not a game. Willful disobedience will not be tolerated. And this is true for all rules. If I get the slightest inkling he is dropping food on purpose, the punishment will be more severe. I do have some nasty, nasty paddles at my disposal and I’m not afraid to use them. And if those paddles don’t deter him, I have my eye on one that may be more effective. Of course, ignoring him will be his most hated punishment and I will use it as I see fit.
Notice has now been served. Lion wanted to feel my power. He may get more than he bargained for.
[Lion — Wow! This is exactly what I hoped would happen. Mrs. Lion is right. I don’t willfully disobey, at least so far.]
(Wednesday, September 10, 2014) Last night I got my scheduled orgasm. I had a bonus orgasm on Sunday so I wasn’t frantic to come. Stress from daily life and general fatigue made this a less-than-spectacular orgasm. I really hate when that happens. Mrs. Lion announced that my next orgasm is scheduled for September 30. This is a 21-day wait, the longest wait I have been given.
When Mrs. Lion and I began our adventure, she said that she had no idea how long she should make me wait. I wasn’t helpful because it was a mystery to me too. In the beginning we had no set wait time. I got an orgasm when Mrs. Lion decided she wanted me to have one. We both realized that a set “O” date was better for us. That brought us back to the question of what it should be.
Recently, Mrs. Lion has picked dates that are easy to remember. For example, yesterday was 9/9; easy for her to keep in mind. My next date is 9/30, the last day of the month. The one after that will probably be my birthday in October. The dates picked were not calculated based on the effect the wait would have on me; just easy-to-remember numbers.
I decided to do some research. One woman, on her Angelfire site (clearly very old and unmaintained) said that the keyholder should determine this by making waits longer and longer until the male gets really grumpy. That wait should be the correct one for him.
Mrs. Lion quipped, “That means your longest wait will be three days.”
She has a point.
It seems that most everyone embarking on enforced male chastity has the problem of setting wait times. Some caged males want to experience longer and longer wait times. They want to experience orgasm denial over long periods of time. In their case, the keyholder just has to increase the wait time after each orgasm. She can work with her male to determine when enough is enough.
For the rest of us, our enforced chastity is about sexual control, not denial of orgasm. There is a lot of mythology around the idea that a male will be more agreeable, helpful, and polite if he knows his eventual orgasm depends on pleasing his keyholder. To some extent, I think this is true of all of us. The knowledge that my ability to get release depends on Mrs. Lion’s good will certainly keeps my interest in making her happy stay at the front of my mind. The common belief is that once I get to orgasm, my interest in pleasing Mrs. Lion will diminish until I am very horny again.
I completely disagree with this thinking. I am smart enough to know that if I set up a pattern where I am a less desirable partner for a while after an orgasm, Mrs. Lion has an incentive to prevent my orgasms as much as possible. That way, she assures herself of a pleasant, compliant lion. I can say that my desire to please her and be compliant and obedient does not change with how desperate I am to come. Frankly, I am so grateful that I got to orgasm that I am, if anything, more thoughtful, compliant, and obedient after she makes me come.
So, how long should Mrs. Lion make me wait? We can rule out her need for easy-to-remember dates. I provided a foolproof memory aid (see my post on this). She had decided on 9/30 long before I found a memory aid. Twenty-one days will certainly be a challenge. I think it is fair for her to set this longer time. We can both learn how I handle it.
It seems to me that determining wait times has to done through experimentation. Both keyholder and caged male need to see how they respond to different wait times. The experimentation reinforces the keyholder’s control. Wait time shouldn’t be negotiated. I know that. Mrs. Lion decides how long I wait and doesn’t have to provide me with a reason for the length. But I know that she feels in the dark about setting the right time.
From my perspective, the wait should be long enough to make me desperate to come so that any disciplinary extension will make a strong impact on me. If I have just a 10 day wait and Mrs. Lion adds three days, the impact on me isn’t very serious. However, if I have a three week wait and Mr.s Lion adds three days, that will make a serious impression on me. Now, if she adds the time during the first week of my wait, I will not react strongly, at least the first time. But when we are near the 21st day and I realize that I have to wait even longer, it will get through my thick skull that I have to take an extension very seriously.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me, the wait time is one way Mrs. Lion demonstrates her sexual control over me. After hearing her announcement last night, I got a very strong sense of how powerful that control really is. That reaction speaks to what wait times I need (not want!). Three weeks really got my attention. I don’t want to wait that long, but I am learning that what I want has nothing to do with this. Mrs. Lion is also learning this as well. She became my keyholder because she wants to make me happy. I think we are both learning that what I need is for her to take clear sexual control. Inevitably this will mean that I will not be happy with what she does or makes me do. Ironic that to make me happy, she sometimes has to make me unhappy.
Lion had a fairly anticlimactic climax last night. I asked him if it was because he’s received two bonus orgasms within this waiting period. He said he thinks it’s stress. I can certainly understand that. We have stress coming out of our ears lately. I was wondering if withholding orgasms would add to his tension. To me, having that outlet would make sense. But then I was thinking that staying the course and doing what makes him happy (even if it doesn’t really give him pleasure in the traditional sense) is probably better.
Before we went to sleep last night, he asked if I was really going to make him wait twenty-one days for his next orgasm. I told him it could be worse. It could be a full month. I think I made him very nervous with yesterday’s announcement that I could punish him by eliminating a play session. Poor Lion. Yes, my pet, the wait time is twenty-one days. That will match his record wait of earlier in the summer. Now I get to set the rules.
The love coupons are in play. With Lion’s gift of a perpetual calendar, keeping track of days will be easier so adding or subtracting days should not be a problem anymore. If I do impose extra day(s), I will do so with a Naughty Lion coupon and I will decide how many days are added based on the infraction. He will be able to use his coupon to move up the date, but he needs to be careful. He has two coupons. I have an unlimited supply of Naughty Lion coupons. I would never add a day simply to counteract his coupon, but he does have a limited supply. He should choose wisely. If he uses one of his bonus orgasm coupons, the clock starts over. If I give him a bonus orgasm, the clock does not start over. In that respect he’s lucky I have an unlimited supply of coupons. He can use his wild Lion coupon any time, but if I see him doing something inappropriate while he’s wild I will punish him for it. What’s inappropriate? If I feel he’s touching himself too much especially if he’s hard, for example. Unfortunately for him, it’s at my discretion. I will play with Lion at least every other day, unless he earns a punishment. If any questions arise we will discuss them and I will decide what action to take.
Depending on how things go, Lion may be waiting a month anyway. We’ll see if he can earn days off as quickly and easily as he can earn added days. Poor thing. I can hear him grumbling already.
Mrs. Lion and I operate in very different ways. My life is ruled by my calendar. I have multiple meetings every day as well as deadlines and required activities. It’s been this way for many years. I’ve learned to manage multiple projects without undue stress. Mrs. Lion has a less noisy environment. Her schedule and activities are within an established routine. She likes it that way.
I think her love of routine is one reason why she finds experimenting with different approaches to my chastity so challenging. In an earlier post Mrs. Lion talked about having problems picking release dates she could remember. Her concern about adding or subtracting time upset her selection of easy-to-remember dates. Today, Amazon will deliver the calendar shown in the picture. It is made with numbered blocks she can use to record the next orgasm date. Nothing to remember.
The “naughty lion” coupons was another solution I proposed to deal with the need to remember infractions long enough to deal with them. They have what may be a fatal flaw, Mrs. Lion needs to have them immediately available to record infractions. So far she has only used one even though I have broken a few rules and have gone unpunished. This gets into an area of mine that has always been troublesome to me: consistency.
Without getting into deep psychological analysis, it is important to me that people treat me consistently. If Mrs. Lion tells me I have broken a rule, I expect retribution at some point. It bothers me to “get away” with something. It’s my nature. Hers, on the other hand, is much more casual. Neither of us is right or wrong. It’s just a difference in our personalities. I am more action-oriented than she. To her credit, she works hard to meet my expectations. But I don’t want her to have to work. I want it to be easy for her.
I still believe that once we get settled in to this lifestyle, both of us will find benefits. That’s not going to happen as long as trying to meet my expectations causes stress. That’s the big reason I wrote about giving up on chastity in an earlier post. I don’t ever want to make things harder for my dear lioness.
As often happens, we write about similar things. Yesterday, in her post, she considered punishments. She surprised me completely by putting playtime on the table as a punishment she will use. Needless to say, I really hate that idea. I want her to punish me the way I want to be punished! Of course I know that is just silly and childish. I am happy that she is starting to make me uncomfortable about incurring her wrath. That’s how it should be. I am starting to learn that I’m not steering this ship.
Some readers have commented that what I need to do is just let her run things her way. That’s very good advice. I want to do that. I truly want to just let her run things. I’m having a very hard time doing that. I frequently don’t feel that she will run things if I let go. I know, I know, that’s just wrong. That’s why I have asked her to use discipline to stop me when I try this.
In a very real sense I can be like a little kid who acts out to get attention. When I don’t feel Mrs. Lion’s control, I look for ways to “help” her make me feel it. Every time I do this, I make Mrs. Lion feel that she isn’t doing things “right”. She wrote about that Monday.
My goal is to stop doing this. So far I have been terrible at making progress. It’s all to easy for me to start feeling neglected. Believe me, I’m not neglected at all. I am insecure about our enforced chastity. I worry that it will be too much for Mrs. Lion and suddenly just end. Yes, I realize that my behavior is improving the chances that it will end that way. I will work harder to stop. Mrs. Lion isn’t to blame for any of this. It’s all me. I just need to let Mrs. Lion work things out for herself.