Lion dutifully wore his diaper while we were home yesterday. He powered through cooking dinner with the wet diaper constantly falling down. He was not happy. I took pity on him and brought him a clean diaper a few minutes early.

Later on I had him remove the diaper so I could unlock him. He rinsed off to get rid of the pee smell, and I went to work on him. Throughout the day Lion told me he was horny. Now was his chance to prove it.

He was definitely horny. I used my hands for a while and then decided I could really drive him crazy with my mouth. I got him close and stopped. Closer and stopped. Almost too far and stopped. In my mind, this was a form of torture. Poor Lion wanted nothing more than to come.

When I was done with him, I told him as far as I was concerned, teasing and denying, with my mouth especially, is CBT. Lion disagrees. He says it isn’t painful so it can’t be CPT. Agree to disagree. Torture doesn’t always involve pain.

I left Lion unlocked last night. He’s still in his diaper. Last night he discovered that peeing wild in the diaper is different from peeing caged in the diaper. Live and learn, my pet.

The weekend is half over. Mrs. Lion’s diaper plan is diabolical. I have to wear the wet diaper for an hour after I pee, then I get to use a new one. It isn’t long after I change that I need to pee again. I am spending this weekend in wet diapers. Yuck. I asked her if she liked doing this to me. She said,

“I don’t care about the diapers, but I like that you hate wearing them.”

There you go. I can think of several adjectives for a person who feels that way. I don’t think that Mrs. Lion is a sadist, but she has grown a perverse sense of humor. I’m responsible for that. After all, I have asked her to make me feel her control. She correctly reasons that forcing me to do something I like is probably not an expression of control. It’s indulging me. So, logically, I have to dislike what I am doing for me to understand it is the force of her power that puts me into the predicament.

I do not have a diaper fetish. I don’t want to be an adult baby. And, I absolutely hate wearing a wet diaper. You try cooking dinner while this wet, heavy mass keeps trying to fall off. I was getting positively cranky trying to cook. Couple that with Mrs. Lion helping and the dog underfoot and I was softly growling the entire time. I have to face another day of this today. We may need to go shopping and I may get to go without a diaper. It will be a welcome relief.

This post is not about diapers. It’s about forced dependence. I’m an independent critter who can take care of himself. I avoid depending on others. It rarely works out well when I do. That doesn’t mean that I’m not devoted and absolutely in love with my lioness. I depend on her emotionally, but not physically or financially. So, make me wear diapers and magically I am physically dependent on her. I can’t change a wet one unless she agrees. If she wants I have to sleep in it as well as go shopping in one.

This may feel like an inconvenience to you, but it isn’t. It’s annoying and humiliating. It’s not a bit sexy and I don’t smell all that good either. The only redeeming value is that it shows my obedience to Mrs. Lion and it amuses her that I am so unhappy with it. I think she also likes the fact that she is standing fast in the face of my obvious discomfort.

I wish I could argue with this thinking. I can’t. She’s found an expression of pure dominance over me. It isn’t harmful, just hateful. It doesn’t inconvenience her, only me. No sympathy, no giving in, just another long day of soggy diapers. The last time she tried this, I whined a short time after peeing. This time I’ve shut up. Next time she probably won’t let me change until I am ready to pee again. I can handle it. I’ll just hate it like I hate what’s happening now.

Should others try this too? I have no idea. I think that there is a lot of value in showing dominance by making me do something that has no redeeming value to me. I will not get aroused looking back on this weekend. I won’t get a rush thinking about that she makes me do this. No redeeming value. Just two very long, soggy days learning that I do not control my destiny. That’s Mrs. Lion’s pleasure.

As instructed, Lion is in a diaper this weekend while we’re home. Anytime he would have been naked, he’s in a diaper. He’s been very good about informing me when he pees and asks if he can change an hour after he’s wet.

There were only a few times in his diaper-wearing adventures that I made him wear one while we were in public. It seemed to be too much. For both of us. I was worried people would see it or it would leak. Lion was just unhappy about wearing it. For now, I’ve limited it to in-house use. That can always change.

I’m not making Lion sleep in his diaper because sleep is a commodity that seems hard to come by for us under normal circumstances. I don’t want to make it any more difficult than it has to be. Lion likes sleeping nude and I like having a nude Lion sleeping next to me. So no diaper at night. That can always change too.

This weekend Lion will be playing with his drone outside. While he’s clothed he won’t need to wear a diaper. I don’t want him to have to worry about anything other than flying. If I distract him with wet pants he’s likely to crash. We don’t want that. So no diaper while clothed even at home.

Last night Lion said as long as he has to wear a diaper he might as well be unlocked. Oh yeah? Who made that rule? He waved his hand in the air and said,

“Me!”

Then I asked who gets to make the rules.

<softly>”Not me.”

That’s what I thought. Now, last weekend he was supposed to be wild and diapered, but our plans changed. I never said he would be wild this weekend. Maybe next weekend he’ll be wild with another trade off. I don’t know. You never know what’s going to happen in the Lions’ den.

 

Yes, I’ve been whining about needing to feel mohbre control and consistency from Mrs. Lion. I should know when to think of other, less-dangerous topics for a post. Last night when I came home from work, Mrs. Lion said,

“You read my post, right?”

“Yes.”

“What do you have to do?”

“Oh, shit.”

I undressed, found the box of adult diapers and put one on. We went out to dinner and just as she wrote in her post, she let me take the diaper off before I dressed. When we got home, off my clothes went and on came the diaper. She kindly let me pee before putting it on. I have to pee in it and then let it soak on me for an hour before I can change it. She has allowed me to sleep without it. Yup, no question about it, I hate wearing these things. And also, Yup, I know who is the boss. It’s not me. Today and tomorrow will be long, long soggy days. Enough Lion whining.

I’m within a few days of completing my second year locked in a chastity device. Mrs. Lion has the key. That is clear evidence of who has sexual control. I’m a little surprised at myself that after all this time, I still want reinforcement for my sense of submission to her. I like the power exchange. I like knowing she will do things that I will hate. When she does, true to my prediction, I hate it. Maybe it’s a masochistic streak in me. No. I don’t like suffering. Then why do I get myself into this?

This has been on my mind since reading her post yesterday. I provoked her actions. Part of me wanted her to do this and other things to me. I have a theory. Here I go again stirring the already-boiling pot. I think my motive is that I want to feel her authority over me. We are still figuring out how to do this in more subtle ways. The simple fact is that my lioness will do anything if she thinks it will make me happy. Obviously in this case “happy” has a less-than-conventional meaning. Also, she seems to have trouble believing that just by being with me she makes me a very happy lion.

The problem is really mine. When it comes to power exchange, I truly don’t know what will work for me long term. I thought I wanted sensation play each time I was teased and edged. It didn’t take long for me to tire of that. I asked for regular-but-less-frequent sensation play. I posted suggestions (at her request) a few days ago. Are they what either of us really needs? I have no idea.

We’ve done the diaper-wearing before. So, we both know that I hate it. I also know that it is a clear display of Mrs. Lion’s power over me. So, yes dear lioness, I feel your control. She also knows that I hate painted toe nails and frilly panties; I know they are in the cards too. She knows I like the sensation play. I do. While it makes me happy in a masochistic way, it is more accommodation than control. Thank you, Mrs. Lion.

We really haven’t discovered what pushes my “controlled” button other than the items I mentioned. I’m not help at all there. I’ve never been controlled in a non-sexual way. I’m not submissive, but it’s something I want. It isn’t that Mrs. Lion couldn’t keep me feeling controlled. It’s just that we don’t know what will work. I know her. She won’t give up. You’ll recognize me if  you see me. I’m the lion with the painted toenails and a diaper bulge in my pants. Sigh.