A New Level Of Arousal
I admit it. I’m confused. Here I am, the big, bad, former dominant (dormant dominant?) finding myself massively turned on by obviously subby things. It isn’t that the stuff 2.0 is doing to me is new. We’ve played at some point with most of them. It’s that the feeling is different. Maybe we need some background to make this a bit less murky.
In an email yesterday: “By the way, 2.0 doesn’t care if you don’t like the pain while she’s doing it.”
I’ve always been turned on by bondage (mine and others) and by physical control (ditto). My first BDSM experiences were as a bottom. That didn’t go very well. It was upsetting me on some very deep levels. I then spent the next couple of decades as a dominant. That did go well. I was successful and had a lot of fun. Then things changed.
I met Mrs. Lion at the same time I was feeling a strong urge to bottom. To be more specific, I wanted sensation play: spanking, CBT, etc. We played for a while and then stopped. Then a bit over two years ago, we resumed. These adventures are fully documented in this blog. What’s new now is Lioness 2.0.
Over the last two-plus years of enforced chastity, the amount of sensation play as well as the more serious FLR and domestic discipline has gradually increased. A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Lion announced Lioness 2.0. This update dramatically increased her dominance and the level of sensation play she does.
Gone are the days she only did things to me as long as I appeared to be enjoying them them. Spankings are classically severe and continue until she feels she has made her point. My cries and complaints fall on deaf ears. Yes, I know, it’s what I wanted all along. The same is true of BDSM play. That menthol rub is applied to my balls without regard for my reaction. Actually, it is my reaction that spurs her on. She saw the pain on my face, so she added more. Later, she enjoyed the bright red stripe along the seam of my scrotum that her experiment caused.
Most recently, I have been required to wear a dog collar complete with tag at all times except in public. After a couple of nights trying to sleep in it it, I am finally able to leave it on through the night. In the past when we used the collar, I did wear it for a while. She would let me take it off when I was a bit uncomfortable. 2.0 will have none of that. It remains on. Period.
The only rule that leaves me any latitude is the nudity-at-home rule. I am allowed to wear a t-shirt if I feel cold. Otherwise, choice has been taken away. I was unsure how I would react to a regime which disregards my preferences. I think Mrs. Lion was too. The fact is that since 2.0 arrived, my horniness has increased dramatically. Hoo boy!
I still feel nervous about where things are going. 2.0 isn’t plunging in full speed. I’m the one who does that. But she is steadily shortening my leash. She’s decided to take me up on suggestions I’ve made that she previously considered foolish because they would hurt or restrict me more than she thought I would like. She likes to say, “You want this.” Well, yes. But this much? This hard? This inconvenient?
Her answer is a resounding yes. She’s right. It is what I want. 2.0 is as puzzled as ever at why I would want this stuff. But the new lioness apparently decided she doesn’t need to know why. She’ll just be a good partner and give me what I want as well as what she decides I want or need; of course without consulting me. Apparently I truly do want all this. I haven’t felt this horny in ages.
Creating a Monster
Lion mentioned yesterday was hump day. I told him he’d get a chance to hump last night. When I unlocked him I grabbed my bag of tricks with the clothespins, Velcro and rope in it. He made a face. He made a worse face when I pulled out the Velcro. He said I didn’t have to do that. But I do. I told him he asked for it. He said he didn’t. But he did.
I reminded him he’s asked for everything I do to him. He created Mrs. Lion 2.0. She’s only doing what he wants. Maybe she goes a little above and beyond sometimes, but essentially it’s what he wants even when he doesn’t want it. I asked if there was really any difference between the nasty clothespins and the Velcro because I could easily take the Velcro off and put on a bunch of nasty clothespins. Yes, the Velcro was my idea, but other things are just as painful. He agreed that there was no real difference.
I didn’t leave the Velcro on long but I did make it as uncomfortable as possible. I kept stretching Mr. Weenie so the tiny hooks would dig in a lot. I didn’t stop when Lion winced. If anything, I did it more. 2.0 is unswayed by his pain. [Lion — She sees pain and she definitely increases it.] Of course, she still makes sure he isn’t in any real pain, but pain within reason is fine with her. And the silly Lion loves every minute of it. Well, maybe not every minute. He likes the thought of it and enjoys the afterglow. During, however, he wishes 2.0 was in another state. But 2.0 isn’t going anywhere. Unless she morphs into 3.0 in the future.
The Velcro left a red ring around Mr. Weenie and it was sensitive when I edged him. Eventually Lion didn’t care about the soreness. He was humping away with my hand. I made him even hornier and reminded him he still has eleven days to wait (now ten) before he gets lucky again. And when I was done I told him to put his ring on almost immediately. For whatever reason, he likes to be caged rather than being wild. It’s another one of those concepts I don’t understand. I’d think he’d enjoy being wild for a little bit after play. Oh well. Don’t think; just be 2.0.
I Want Her To Do Those Things. Honest, I Do. Really.
I’ve been getting a bunch of comments accusing me of stupidity for letting Lioness 2.0 know about things I am thinking about that could cause me discomfort. While I may not be the brightest Lion in the jungle, I am fully aware of the risks I take by putting potentially painful (to me) thoughts into her head. I make these suggestions because I think they will enhance our adventures in enforced chastity and FLR. Believe it or not, I have good reason to offer up these ideas.
One of the central tenets of any power exchange is that it is consensual. Mrs. Lion has my full, informed consent to do anything she wishes to me or make me do anything she wants. She has this blanket consent because I absolutely trust her. That’s both good news and bad news. The good news is that she is never going to do anything that will really harm me physically or emotionally. The bad news is that she is so concerned that I am having a good time and I am happy that she won’t do anything or make me do anything that she believes I don’t want. Since one of my key kinks is to be made to experience things I don’t want, there is a conflict.
Obviously, there are things she could do that I would not only hate, but would also push me too far and cause me real upset. She has never been willing to get near causing that. She loves me and it’s her love that motivates her actions. Combine that concern with a general lack of enthusiasm for torturing me and you get Lioness 1.0. 2.0, on the other hand, has shown considerably more interest in finding ways to push me. I love that.
Even 2.0 worries a bit more than I wish about my comfort zone. In some areas 2.0 has shown a delightful lack of concern for whether I like something or not. She has shown signs of that in recent spankings. She hits harder and a bit longer than before. She appears to be less concerned that I don’t like what she is doing. At the time I hate it and want it to stop, but I am very happy she is starting to push me.
Last weekend’s anal/pegging was a great start. I don’t like how it feels, but I do like that I can’t stop it and that she is going to keep working on it until I can be made to sit on the fucking machine for longer and longer times. Of course, right now I can’t even take the entire dildo in when she is carefully working it with her hands. But if she persists, I will learn; like it or not.
These two examples illustrate the point I want to make: What I want, maybe really need, is to be taken out of my comfort zone and trained to accept things I will hate at first. Why? It’s my kink, I guess.
This feels a bit bipolar to me. How can I do anything I can to stop a spanking, yet a day later beg her to push me further and be stricter? How can I truly hate menthol rub on my balls, yet ask her here in the blog to keep doing it? I want her to train me to do things, even humiliating things, on command yet hate it when it is happening.
I’ve given this a lot of thought. It’s not so much that I am a masochist who wants to suffer. I don’t get aroused by the pain at all. I think it has much more to do with control and how training me and controlling me is somehow interpreted by me to mean that I am loved. Whatever the reason, I am a happier person with 2.0 than I was with 1.0. I might be wrong but 2.0 seems happier too.
Sit! Stay!
I forgot Lion likes all the doggy training stuff. I really have no idea why I whistled and snapped my fingers at him the other night. Somewhere around here I think we have a dog bowl that one of his former tops made him eat out of. [Lion – I don’t remember that happening.] It was something that 1.0 couldn’t get her head wrapped around. 2.0 doesn’t care. 2.0 is doing what Lion wants whether Lion wants it or not. Last night the collar came back out. I told Lion to put it on and, knowing it might take some getting used to, allowed him to take it off to sleep if it was too uncomfortable. I was going to decide today whether it would become a fixture, like his nakedness, but he can’t leave things alone and asked if he should wear it all the time now. 2.0 thought, “Fuck it.” and told him yes, he should wear it when he gets home. Apparently when 2.0 is questioned she decides to make life a little more difficult for Lion, although I think it was the answer he was looking for. Yes, it may be more uncomfortable, but he loves this dog thing. [Lion – I like the obedience thing and the humiliating doggy style…at least I think I do. It’s new to me too.]
So far today, Lion has sent me two emails telling me how much he likes the dog commands. Maybe that’s why he’s been getting in my way so much. He’s trying to imitate the dog. I’ll need to tell him to sit and stay while I do things. Maybe I need to attach a leash to the table leg and tie him there. I bet he’d love that too. [Lion – Yup, at least for a little while. It might stop being fun very quickly] For the record, I still think treating him like a dog is ridiculous, but 2.0 is charging forward. Full steam ahead. Over the top. I think Lion might draw the line at a flea dip or poodle trimming, but is it his line to draw anymore? Remember, 2.0 is a bitch.
Until further notice, Lion’s uniform consists of no clothes and a collar. He may still wear a T shirt if he’s cold. The collar must be worn when we are home unless other people will be present. If we are working in the yard, he must wear the collar with his clothes. For now, he will not be required to wear it in public. He may remove it for shaving and showering. He must sleep in it unless it becomes too uncomfortable. If he removes it for any of the reasons allowed, he must put it back on as soon as possible. He must ask for approval to remove it at any other time.
I think making him eat from a dog bowl is a bad idea. He’s messy enough when he eats with a knife and fork. Can you imagine how many swats he’d get for spilling food? Even 2.0 doesn’t want that.
