Up the Creek with Many Paddles
Yesterday I browsed some websites for new paddles. I was looking for one that could fit in my bag so Lion’s buns can potentially be whomped when we’re out and about. I found a few nice ones, but ultimately I decided I’ll use the hairbrush without the bristles. It’s small enough but still one mean little sucker.
I showed Lion the other paddles I found and I think he ordered a few of them. One is a silicone slapper with different textures on the ends. I’m not at all sure the textures will be a factor but it looks nasty. Another one I found is leather and has metal studs on it. I’m fairly sure Lion will feel those studs. The slapper is short and the leather one is longer. Both can cause a lot of trouble for a Lion butt.
I whomped that Lion butt last night for being grumpy Sunday night. I know he thinks I let my friends disrespect me, but I see Sunday as being mostly my fault. I should have double checked the meeting place. I shouldn’t have waited so long to verify things. And just because I hate to be late to meet people, that doesn’t mean other people aren’t consistently late meeting me. Maybe it’s a character flaw, but not everyone is on time. Sometimes I have to light a fire under Lion’s butt to get him moving so we’re not late. My version of being on time is being at least fifteen minutes early. Most people don’t share that view.
So Lion got his buns roasted fairly early in the evening. He wondered if that meant he would be getting a second round of swats later on. No. I just wanted to make sure there was a separation between punishment and play. Sometimes I do them too close together and I worry the pain from the punishment blurs into the play. Not that I usually do spanking on punishment nights, but if he’s distracted by the pain of the swats while I’m trying to do something else, he can’t pay attention to the clothespins or whatever I’m doing.
I’m also going to work on doing the punishment closer to the crime. That won’t always work, but we can try. Ironically, I almost had Lion put the shock collar on before we went out Sunday. I could have zapped him at the first sign of trouble. Unfortunately I decided to be nice. I guess I was in 1.0 mode even though, in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to be in 2.0 mode. Live and learn.
Who Says You Can’t Get Anything For A Penny?
Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday shows how completely both enforced chastity and FLR are integrated into our relationship. She described a problem we had Sunday night. I won’t go into it again. You can read about it in her post. I had misbehaved; not in the classic BDSM-like way, but in a real-life, grumpy lion way. In many marriages an incident like this would have turned into a fight or bad feelings that would extend over days.
Even though we aren’t very advanced in FLR, we are far enough along that instead of the silent treatment or hours of passive aggressive anger, the problem was managed with a penny. Yesterday, punishment day, she informed me that I had a penny in my naughty-lion bank. I would be spanked for my grumpy behavior Sunday night.
That may not sound like a big deal, but it is. The incident in question was completely unrelated to enforced chastity or any rules I have to follow. Instead, it was a marital bump caused by the different ways we handle unexpected things. The fact that Mrs. Lion was very accepting of a more-than-an-hour wait for the friend to show up was annoying, not to mention the fact we sat in the car outside a hotel for that hour. When the friend finally sent a text that she was there but couldn’t find us, we learned that we were at the wrong hotel. We spent another twenty minutes going to the correct one.
I was very angry. Mrs. Lion wasn’t. In her mind, shit happens. In mine, it was thoughtlessness on the part of the friend combined with bad planning. Sound like a situation that would bring on a fight? It didn’t. I was grumpy for a while. I learned the consequence for that the next morning.
It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. Mrs. Lion recognizes that very well. I upset her and that is all that counts. I didn’t try to argue with her. I would have in the past. I’ve learned that she has the last word on everything; even things I am sure I am right about. I kept my mouth shut. I just fumed silently. That fuming earned me a sore bottom last night.
I agree that I deserved it. FLR is about real-life surrender to my disciplining wife. Before this incident I privately wondered if either of us had internalized our power exchange. Apparently we are starting to do it now. If we were more advanced, Mrs. Lion would have told me to stop acting like a baby and suck it up and would have spanked me right there on the spot. That’s the next step, I think.
At some point we will figure out how to make punishment come closer to the event that earned it. For the time being, we have punishment nights. They are effective to me and work for her. Power exchanges are a funny thing; once they start to take root, they grow faster and faster and often go in directions neither person expected. Stay tuned.
Shit Happens
Lion is sort of a creature of habit. At the very least, he wants things to go the way he wants things to go. I’ve had enough disappointments to know that sometimes shit happens. A concert is cancelled. A car breaks down. Dinner is late. Something that should have taken an hour stretches to three. Lion has gotten used to playing pretty much every night. Nevermind the fact that the night after an orgasm is typically a no play night.
Last night I had plans in the evening. The original plan was to eat dinner first and then I’d leave. Lion decided to come with me. And then we decided we’d eat after we met up with a friend. Somehow I got the meeting place wrong and we wasted about an hour waiting before we realized what happened. Then we had to travel another twenty minutes to get to the correct spot. Now it was getting late. Lion was hungry and cranky. He had planned to get to the destination, spend an hour eating, and we’d be home well before 10 so we could do “whatever else we had planned.” I know it was Sunday and a “school night”, but I don’t often go out so what’s the big deal. Yes, we would potentially be more tired than if we had stayed home. He wasn’t sold on the idea of my going out anyway.
2.0 stepped in to tell him that his whining about being hungry and it getting late was the reason she didn’t think it was such a good idea for him to come in the first place. Before we even left I was considering putting a few pennies in my pocket just in case. I should have. In retrospect, he should have earned a penny for his grumblings. Yes, I got the meeting place wrong. Yes, there was a delay in realizing we were at the wrong spot. Yes, it was getting late. Yes, we were getting hungry. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it.
So we wound up leaving at the time we thought we’d be home. We didn’t have a chance to play. Whether we would have or not, I don’t know. We had a little more trouble getting to sleep because we didn’t have our normal hours to wind down. Am I glad I went? You bet! I need to do more things with friends, with or without Lion. And he needs to let me.
[Lion – I was hungry and grumpy. The friend was an hour late and then after she finally told us she was ready to meet, we found the hotel was wrong. I was grumbling about that. I expect people to meet me at the agreed time or at least let me know if they will be late. Neither happened. Still, I should have been a better sport. Mrs. Lion and I have very different ideas about how friends should respect us. I consider being late without letting us know, disrespectful. I do deserve the spanking I will get tonight and I will try to be more laid back in the future.]
Fifty Times A Week
Enforced chastity is a quirky corner in the world of kink. Most people never heard of it. Even in the world of BDSM it’s unknown. Surprisingly, most of the people who buy chastity devices have no idea that there are some people who wear them all the time. The typical purchaser buys it for hot, occasional play with never a thought about being locked in a device all the time. Those of us who somehow wandered into this corner of kink have the Internet to thank for any information we happened to glean on this subject.
Mrs. Lion and I learned about the hardware on the Web. We, mostly I, spent hours and hours reading what others have written about how this hardware is used. We (me) also got ideas on how people use this hardware to support a full-time practice of lockup and orgasm control. Like most, we used some of what we read and invented the rest.
Probably the most unbelievable part of this practice to outsiders is the fact that men who are in enforced chastity have so few orgasms, not to mention only have them when their keyholder wants. “How can you let yourself get into that situation?” is a frequent question. That question is generally asked in the context of reduced orgasms.
Most guys have sex of some sort about three times a week. Sex to them is being stimulated to ejaculation either with a partner or alone. My average is once every couple of weeks and always with my partner and keyholder. Ahh. You have sex once for every six times the typical male does. That’s only 16% of the average. That’s crazy!
Wrong. I have sex on average of 50 times a week. Almost every night Mrs. Lion stimulates me to the very edge of ejaculation over and over. She gets me to the point every fiber in my being wants her to keep going so I can ejaculate; but she doesn’t. I figure that she gets me over 90% of the way to ejaculation and orgasm. “How terrible,” you’re thinking. Poor, frustrated lion. If you’re a glass-half-full sort of person, that’s true. But if you are a glass-90%-full guy like me, you’re thinking, “Wow! He gets 90% of the way to an orgasm fifty times every week. That’s amazing.”
It’s true that when Mrs. Lion finishes a session, I am left weak, sweaty, and panting for more. Isn’t that how you are supposed to feel after good sex? The hard part is that after all that edging I am more desperate for sex than when she started. It’s also true that it doesn’t feel very good when she suddenly stops just before I reach the peak. That’s why it is called orgasm control.
If you define sex in terms of orgasm count, then yes, I get only 1/6th the orgasms of the average guy. I’m usually tree-humping horny, dreaming of the next chance I get to ejaculate. I’m frustrated and desperate for an orgasm. But am I grumpy and feeling deprived? No. I’m hopeful and looking forward to the next session which will undoubtedly end with me begging for release.
I’m actually very lucky. Each and every week I get at lest fifty chances to almost experience an orgasm. The fact that I didn’t get to go over the top leaves me ready to do it again and again without pause. Some say this is the male equivalent of female multiple orgasms. I must like it. I always cone back for more. No matter how frustrated I know it will leave me, I look forward to those trips just below the peak. It’s a good thing. 2.0 has made it clear that this is how my life will continue to go. I’m very happy to learn that. I’m having a very good time. I feel sorry for those poor guys who only have sex three times a week.
