Enforced Chastity And Power Exchange
We ran errands on Saturday. I was in my shock collar. I got a few playful jolts, but no punishment was needed. While we were in a warehouse store, I had to use the men’s room. When I came out, 2.0 decided to give me another playful jolt. It didn’t work. We wondered if I didn’t accidentally turn off the shocker. As it turns out, I didn’t. A bit of my underwear folded under one of the electrodes and insulated me from 2.0’s little shock. We discussed this and agreed that her purse paddle is the only reliable correction device for her to use when we are out of the house.
Saturday night, 2.0 mercilessly edged me. I don’t know how many times she did it, but there was no extra recovery time; get to the edge, slight pause, rinse and repeat. I was a puddle when she finally finished. This sort of activity does leave me frustrated, but I love it.
It seems that pretty much all of the couples who practice enforced chastity have other power exchange interests as well. Some were practicing some sort of partner-dominant play or lifestyle before embarking on enforced chastity. Others discovered chastity and later, wanted to experiment with other power exchange activities. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Is there a fundamental connection between say, FLR and enforced chastity? Do guys who want their cocks locked up also want their butts spanked? The answer to that is no; no, with qualifications.
The first thing to consider is that enforced male chastity is not well known. TV shows have featured BDSM. Fifty Shades of Grey introduced it to millions more around the world. But even inside the leather community, enforced male chastity is almost unknown. I think that enforced chastity is very different from other power exchanges. It’s a 24/7 activity. Very little in BDSM is like that. It’s able to be enforced without active participation on the part of the dominant. The chastity device is locked on and from then on, the keyholder doesn’t have to do anything more. The caged male, on the other hand, is always aware of the loss of control. He can’t forget it. It’s safe to leave him locked up indefinitely. That’s unique.
I don’t think that most people, even BDSM people, would consider trying enforced male chastity. Losing control of sexual expression requires incredible trust. Enforced chastity isn’t an accepted part of the BDSM lexicon. Then why do many of us practice other power exchanges?
I’m not submissive. Mrs. Lion will agree; ask her if you don’t believe me. Even so, I have suggested increasing Mrs. Lion’s control over me. None of these other things are related to enforced chastity beyond the fact that they give my lioness more control. So why does a non-submissive critter like me ask to lose more control? Am I a closet subbie? I don’t think so.
I think that our practice of enforced chastity has improved our marriage immensely. It has also made Mrs. Lion more assertive and more willing to express her expectations and desires. When we agreed to expand her control to cover our lives in general, a much more recent change, it feels to me that our awareness of each other has grown. She pays more attention to what I am doing. I’m much more aware of what she wants.
Domestic discipline — punishment — is part of this expanded power exchange. Mrs. Lion prefers spanking as her punishment of choice. It, like my chastity device, is the physical tool that is facilitating this power exchange. At least for us, some physical, unmistakable device is the catalyst that drives our behavioral change. The chastity device forced us both to remember that Mrs. Lion has full control of my sexuality. If she forgets, I remind her since my desire for sex makes sure I do.
In the more general power exchange, punishment serves the same purpose as the chastity device. Like enforced chastity, FLR was my idea. Punishment lets me know that Mrs. Lion is actually participating actively. I’m inclined to remind her if I break a rule. Her physical response guarantees that she agrees I need a reminder to do better. To remind her that she might owe me some pain, we have scheduled punishment days. Punishment days have one drawback. They remove the punishment some distance from the “crime”. That tends to make it harder to associate the spanking with the reason I earned it. It provides less reinforcement to both of us.
Mrs. Lion noted this and we decided to try to punish me immediately after the offense. At home that is fairly easy, though it does require Mrs. Lion and I to interrupt what we are doing. That, in itself, is a good thing. The disruption provides additional incentive for my lioness to punish severely enough to prevent a re occurrence. She said that she also wants to do this when we are away from home. She now carries a paddle in her purse. It will take a bit of creativity to find a place she can drop my pants and spank me when we are out. This hasn’t happened yet, but I am sure she has considered how she will do this. 2.0 is a very determined lioness.
It seems that power exchanges are dynamic. They don’t arrive at a point and stop. They may not change a lot, but it looks to me that the power will either grow or shrink over time. I could be wrong here since I am judging by my own relationship. Our power exchange is very young. We are each learning our roles and are working out how to fully integrate them into our lives. This will take a long time.
In the beginning it takes some planning and seemingly-artificial activities to start the engine. After a while, it gets a life of its own. That’s what is happening to us with enforced chastity. It’s now an integral part of our marriage. We take it as seriously as any other marriage vow. It’s too early to know where we will go with the other stuff. FLR is still more an activity than part of our lives. I still can’t properly stay still for a spanking. Mrs. Lion often overlooks offenses. We have a lot of work to do. We’ll both keep you posted with our progress.
It Was an Accident
Sure it was. We went to a big box store yesterday and, as I said in my post, Lion was in the shock collar. When he put it on we tested it. Zap. A little tingle. Adjust up one setting. Zap. A little more tingle. Up another setting. Zap. Maybe one more. Zap! Almost through the ceiling. And back off one setting.
I didn’t really expect to have to use the shock collar. Lion is generally very well behaved when he’s wearing it. I usually just give him a little zap to make him jump. When we got out of the truck and he was walking around to meet me – zap! – and a yelp from Lion. I love the look on his face. It’s a cross between “what did I do?” and “oh crap, she’s going to zap me for the hell of it”. It’s amazing how powerful a little zap can be.
Unfortunately, Lion had to visit the men’s room and in the process the shock collar magically stopped working. I tried to zap him and he didn’t feel a thing. That’s convenient. He gets zapped a few times and suddenly the zapper stops functioning? Uh huh. (I’m having a little fun at Lion’s expense.) It is very easy for the button to get pushed. We thought he might have done it while he was rearranging himself. When we got home he realized that it hadn’t been turned off. His underwear had managed (somehow, by chance, yeah right) to get in between his skin and the electrode.
Lion thinks this proves that the purse paddle is the only effective way of punishing for away games. The truth is that the shock collar hasn’t been all that reliable from the beginning. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Most of the time I forget I even have the remote with me. And unless Lion does something horrible, I’m more likely to bring the infraction up once we’re home anyway. But I suppose, if Lion can be trained, I can be trained too so we’ll continue to try the shock collar and now the purse paddle.
Last night we watched a movie that Lion was dying to see. I can’t tell you how many times he said he wanted to see it. Then he found it on pay-per-view. And he spent weeks telling me he wanted to watch it. So watch it already! It was “The Big Short.” I don’t like financial movies. They’re boring. This one explained how the big banks defrauded people and the entire country suffered. I told Lion I don’t need to know how they did it to be pissed off about it. But I sat next to him and “watched” it with him while I played on my iPad. Later on, he was looking for love.
By ten p.m. on most nights, Lion is too tired for love. Last night he was wide awake. Ready for some fun. So I took out the Magic Wand, but it was dead. Phooey! Too bad. Good thing I have two hands. I edged Lion so many times I thought he’d spontaneously combust. Especially since, at the end, I was relentless. I edged him and gave him about two seconds rest before I started again. Over and over. And, if that wasn’t bad enough, I ended, like I do on most nights, with some oral attention. Then Lion went back into the cage and muttered that he was hornier than ever. Perfect!
Today is his scheduled date. I don’t think he’ll come tonight either. But the Magic Wand will be all charged up and waiting for him.
My Ruined Orgasm
Ruined orgasms sometimes occur accidentally. Mrs. Lion gave me one a few nights ago. Some say that a ruined orgasm is just a more violent form of edging. The people who say that a ruined orgasm is just edging gone wild also say that, like edging, they are ready for more action within a very short time after the semen is done dripping out. The ruined orgasm doesn’t make them a bit less horny.
That hasn’t been my experience at all. Almost as soon as the weak ejaculation is finished, I lose my erection and interest in sexual activity. I’ve reported this in the past and I assumed that if Mrs. Lion continued to stimulate me, the erection would return and we could go on as usual. However, since we never tried that, we don’t know.
A few days ago 2.0 went a bit too far with edging and I had that ruined orgasm. No big deal. The next night when she wanted to play, I was not horny at all. We blamed it on my allergies, which were acting up a bit. The next night I was interested again; not tree-humping horny, but we had fun. More about that later.
Finally that light bulb over my head lit up. For me, ruined orgasms affect me exactly the same way a full, fun orgasm does. The night after, I am not very interested in sex. Every night after that my interest grows until about the tenth day when it levels off and begins to decline. True to form, the night after the ruined orgasm I was not very horny. The next night I was much more interested in sex. If I’m right, I will follow my normal post-orgasm pattern.
This isn’t a big revelation, I know. But it is significant for us. If Mrs. Lion wants me to wait until I reach the peak of ripeness, she will have to restart her lion orgasm clock when I have a ruined orgasm. Of course, I might be wrong. Now that she is aware of my theory, Mrs. Lion might want to test it. This isn’t as easy as you might think.
I don’t know when I have reached the peak of my desire. It’s true that I have observed I am more easily distracted by sexual thoughts the longer I wait. That’s true until it isn’t. At some point I find myself less interested in things sexual. From my perspective, this interest or loss of it, is not linear. Some days I feel very horny, the next I might not. However, taken as a whole, my desire for sex does follow the pattern I mentioned earlier. Does that mean I will have to wait at least nine days after the ruined orgasm? That would put me over a week past my “maybe” date.
Also in the news, 2.0 came out to play Friday night. She put clothespins on my balls: easy-to-take wooden ones, and very painful big plastic clothespins. She masturbated me between applying the pins. When I complained that the plastic ones hurt a lot, she just agreed that they must hurt a lot; no sympathy from 2.o. The entire CBT and edging session proceeded according to 2.0’s plan. My reactions may have been noted, but they didn’t change anything. That made things more intense for me. 2.0 is taking over and she doesn’t care if I like the change or not. I did ask for this. But like punishment, the reality is not always as hot as the anticipation and the memory.
Away Games
My new paddles arrived yesterday. I just had to take them out for a test drive. Not only that, but I also had to decide which paddle to use for away games. I was debating between the hairbrush and the new silicone slapper. I asked Lion which one hurt more. In a head to head taste test, he chose the hairbrush as having the most bang for the buck. Secretly, that was the one I was rooting for. And I think even if he had picked the blue one, I would have selected the hairbrush. It’s just a tiny bit smaller but, more importantly, I was worried the silicone would be likely to fold, spindle and mutilate in my bag. And it’s a little more conspicuous. Not that anyone looks in my bag, but a bright blue something is more likely to catch someone’s eye than a hairbrush-looking thing.
So I now have the accoutrements for punishing away from home. We just have to figure out the logistics. Lion likes the idea of doing it where there is a potential of being discovered. Meet me under the bleachers after fifth period. He says it adds to the humiliation. I’m not really into humiliation. Since there’s a potential for my arrest, I’d rather not have people watching me assault him. On the other hand, how many women would cheer for me as I whomp Lion, secretly wishing they could do it to their significant other? And how many men would wish they were Lion at that moment? It’s an interesting conundrum. No, this is something that needs a lot of consideration.
While we’re out and about today, Lion’s away game will be controlled by the shock collar. I’ll bring the paddle with me as a backup. I’ll start to look for possible venues for not-so-public punishment. It may be as simple as parking further out in a parking lot. I don’t know. I’ll keep my eyes open and see what we can find. The only thing I am sure about is that with Lion there will always be need for more experiments.
