Yesterday was filled with non-sexual activities. We took our camper to a garage to repack the wheel bearings. We mowed the lawn. By night we were both exhausted. I also got to fly the drone I got this past winter. Mrs. Lion bought me a little drone and after looking at it, we upgraded to a larger, more sophisticated model. It has GPS and other sophisticated stuff to make flying it easy. I was doubtful that it would be much fun. Mrs. Lion was sure it would be. It was. The weather up here is amazing. It was just like it is during the summer here in the Northwest; sunny, 80 degrees F. during the day and 55 at night.

What does this have to do with enforced chastity and a female led relationship? Not a lot. Well, maybe more than it appears at first glance. Even though we were doing non-sexual stuff and I was leading in getting our camper maintained, Mrs. Lion quietly informed me that I interrupted her during the day. She’s feeling exhausted so I assume that’s why I haven’t been spanked yet; but she made it clear the offense was noted. I have no doubt I will pay for that error. We are both aware of my obedience to rules. She sees me check before I start eating. I ask before doing things. It isn’t a bit artificial. It’s just the way things are.

That doesn’t mean I don’t slip or Mrs. Lion doesn’t miss things I do. But it happens less often. I’m not going to claim that we now have a fully functional female led relationship. We are on our way to achieving what we said we would do. What felt uncomfortable and unnatural a year ago, has become far more routine now.

One area is still challenging: punishment. It doesn’t feel natural to me. Based on how Mrs. Lion approaches discipline, I don’t think she feels it is natural either. Neither of us have any childhood context for discipline, particularly spanking. We didn’t spank our kids. This isn’t the same as the play spankings I have gotten from her. She knows I really like them. I hate being punished. I don’t complain or grumble too much; but I do hate it. Mrs. Lion knows I do.

I don’t think I will ever want to be punished. If I did, that would defeat its purpose. I am equally sure that Mrs. Lion won’t take pleasure in it either. I think our eventual goal is that punishment becomes routine; just something that is a normal, expected part of our marriage. It isn’t a special occasion or some erotic fantasy. Punishment will become another part of our marriage dynamic, just like enforced chastity is now.

I ask myself why in the world I want us to incorporate this into our lives. It’s something that is unpleasant for both of us. At first glance, it makes no logical sense that either of us should want to make this part of our lives. The same is true of enforced chastity. However, enforced chastity has transformed our sexual relationship. FLR, I’m sure, will do the same. It is forcing each of us to make changes that ultimately improves our lives. I am learning, albeit painfully, to be much more conscious of my lioness’ wishes and feelings. She is learning to assert herself and make sure I pay attention to what she wants.

Maybe this solution is too extreme for most folks. It could be that we have developed yet another way to open ourselves up to one another more fully. In the end it isn’t so much about sex and power exchange. I think it is about enhanced awareness of one another and elimination of ambiguity in the way we relate to each other.

I’m not sure if you want to hear more about this side of our power exchange. Please leave comments and let me know if this sort of topic isn’t what you want to find here. Thank you.

To my surprise, Lion was horny last night. He hasn’t been lately. He also said he was very tired when I got home. I figured it was another night with no play. Then he asked if I was going to unlock him.

I didn’t grab my bag of tricks this time. I didn’t want to scare Mr. Weenie again. Instead, I grabbed the Magic Wand. If 2.0 can’t get a rise out of him, the Magic Wand usually does. It did. We were off and running. Until I went too far. Damned ruined orgasms! And Lion was instantly worried that he wouldn’t be horny again. Then he surprised me again. He said he still felt a little horny.

Granted, the ruined orgasm didn’t produce much semen, but we hadn’t played very long before it happened. There isn’t necessarily any correlation between semen produced and time spent playing. But it seems to me that if Lion is very horny and I’ve gotten him very turned on, there is more semen. And sometimes there isn’t. You never can tell. But if he’s still horny after a ruined orgasm, that bodes well for more play tonight. And I promise not to go too far again.

Perhaps tonight I can twist his arm and he’ll want to be tied to the bed for a nice play spanking. I know he loves those. As much as he dreads punishment swats, he loves play swats. First of all, they don’t start out as hard. Then, I do a lot of tushy massages and kisses along the way. And, of course, I lead up to the harder swats, which generally aren’t as hard as punishment swats anyway, but his buns can handle it if I take my time.

While both kinds of spankings come from love, they are definitely different. The I-love-you-so-I-don’t-want-you-to-make-this-mistake-again punishment swats are evil right from the beginning. I may give him a few, then pause to let him catch up, but there is no rubbing of the butt to take the sting out. He needs the sting to know I mean business. Play swats start out with love taps. I may throw in a few harder swats, but they are not too hard and are usually followed by kisses or a massage. If it’s clear I’ve hit too hard, I immediately tone it down again. If a punishment swat is too hard that’s just too bad. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Play swats are designed to get him to his happy place although he’s said he doesn’t want to get to far into oblivion.

It’s always a balancing act. Swat too hard and I may injure him. Stroke too far and I may give him a ruined orgasm. I don’t really like heights. Luckily this tightrope isn’t too far off the ground.

If male chastity is all about sex, what happens when the caged male isn’t interested in having any? At the moment I’m not really interested. My libido isn’t very high. Even though it’s been a week since I last came, I have no real interest in sex. Of course, I am still in the Jail Bird. But it isn’t serving any particular purpose at the moment. Or is it?

One of the best things about enforced male chastity is that sexual gratification doesn’t have to be mutual. In some relationships, the keyholder has very frequent orgasms while her locked partner doesn’t have any. In others, like ours, the keyholder isn’t interested in sex and usually, I am. After being in a chastity device for some time I’ve learned that an orgasm for one partner doesn’t require the other to have one too. In vanilla marriages when one partner is having sexual fun and the other isn’t, bad feelings can develop. That’s simply not the case with us.

We have an explicit agreement that I get orgasms when Mrs. Lion decides I should have one. She gets orgasms when she wants them. It may seem unfair to some, but I find this arrangement very satisfactory. In fact, I get more sexual stimulation from my lioness than I have had at any other time in our relationship. Ironically, the opposite is true of her. She is getting less than at any other time we have been together. That’s because she doesn’t want them.

It’s my theory that humans function better when roles are very explicitly defined. In the absence of explicit agreement, assumptions are made that inevitably result in misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I can’t claim that I was very aware of this before we began my enforced chastity. I saw it as a power exchange that excited me. It was my surrender of sexual control. I never considered that besides being a power exchange, enforced chastity was actually a treaty.

We had a lot of unspoken feelings about our sex lives. Both of us felt unfulfilled. A widening physical chasm had opened and after a number of years we had no idea how to close it. When I rediscovered chastity devices and decided to ask Mrs. Lion to be my keyholder, I had no idea that what I was doing would end up bridging that gap and would restore our physical closeness.

It wasn’t the chastity device or orgasm control that made the difference. True, those things gave us fun activities and opened sexual communications. But the power exchange itself isn’t the reason we have gotten so much closer. I think it is the underlying agreement that’s done the trick.

There is no longer any question how sexual activities occur in our marriage. I have agreed that I will not have any sexual stimulation that isn’t provided by my lioness. I’ve agreed that she will let me know when she wishes sexual services from me. These services do not imply a reciprocal activity on her part. There is absolutely no confusion about our sex life.

You could argue that I got a bad deal since I ceeded all rights to independent sex. I disagree. We are now in our third year of the Jail Bird treaty. I couldn’t be happier. Mrs. Lion has also expressed her happiness as well. We like it so much that we are amending it to include more control for her.

It turns out, I think, that a very clear understanding of our roles adds a comfortable regularity to our lives. While I love the power exchange, it isn’t the sole source of our happiness. I think our explicit understanding of our relative places is the key. Democracy isn’t the best way for us to conduct our marriage. We found something that works much better and makes us both happy.

OK. So I talk a good game. The truth is, I have no idea what will happen this weekend. Lion wasn’t up for playing last night. Even with the enticement of being tied to the bed. And that’s fine. There’s never any pressure to play. There’s nothing wrong with having a lull. Sometimes I worry about Lion because I know he’s normally horny, but if there are extenuating circumstances, it’s perfectly normal not to be horny. Why would I push him? I’m not the whip cracking, leather-clad dominatrix of fantasy. I’m more the snuggle-up-next-to-him-and-tell-him-everything-will-be-alright kind of person.

As far as our weekend plans go, we’ll run our errands and take care of the chores and anything else will be frosting on the cake. I know I’m in charge, but for this I am following his lead. I can’t force him to be horny and even if I could I don’t think I would. Slip him a few Viagra? To what end? If his heart isn’t into it, what difference does it make if his cock is? I won’t be using it for sex for me. I still don’t care about that. So there’s no reason to push him. He’ll be ready when he’s ready.

That may sound definitively un-FLR, but for the most part, life is not FLR. It’s commuting and figuring out what’s for dinner and doing laundry and sleeping and a million other things that don’t pertain to power exchange or chastity. Sometimes the laundry doesn’t get done. Sometimes the commute takes longer. Sometimes Lion isn’t up for playing. Eventually we’ll have clean clothes, and get to work, and Lion will feel like playing again. I don’t want him worrying about it. You hear that, Lion? Don’t worry about it. [Lion — Yes Ma’am]