Distractions
Sex isn’t on my mind at all right now. Mrs. Lion believes that’s to be expected since I had an orgasm Tuesday. She’s partially right. I am normally not too interested in getting off the day after I come. The thing is that lately, while I get short bursts of sexual interest, most of the time my libido is hiding. Tuesday night when we were snuggling my libido was dormant. I liked the attention I was getting, but I just didn’t feel my erection rising to the occasion. I asked Mrs. Lion to use the Magic Wand. The very intense stimulation it provides can generally overcome reluctance.
It worked. I should be happy about that, but I’m not. Why did I need mechanical assistance? It was, after all, four days since my last orgasm. That’s normally long enough to assure my interest. Not right now. Even though at the moment Mrs. Lion was snuggling with me my libido wasn’t very active, another part of me needed to react to her sexually. I don’t pretend to fully understand this, but I do have an idea what is going on.
My lack of interest is rooted in worry about being out of work. The fact that it took so long to find work last time I didn’t have a job, has scarred me. Even though I’ve been out of work only a couple of weeks, I feel the way I did last time after my unemployment ran out. It’s like I am picking up where I left off in terms of depression and fear.
I don’t want to be distracted by worry. I want to find ways to avoid worry and depression. They are counterproductive and can initiate a self-fulfilling spiral of failure. Tuesday night I knew I needed to get hard. I needed to be edged. I wanted my life to continue as usual.
I need my focus to be razor sharp on finding a new job. I don’t want to be distracted by fear or worry. For me, at least, one of the biggest problems of unemployment is lack of people I can talk with. I’m alone at home with the TV and my computer. Sure, I can read and write, but I can’t converse. I tend to be a loner. I don’t have a social circle beyond my lioness. Neither of us is particularly social. So, I’m alone. I don’t do all that well by myself. When Mrs. Lion is around, I am very happy. When she isn’t, I have too much time to worry.
Tuesday, I really needed to break through this fog. I needed to enjoy the sexual feelings I had earlier in the day. Between my allergies and the difficult day I spent alone, when I finally had the chance, I couldn’t rise to the occasion. Mrs. Lion and the Magic Wand came through. Then, happily, I came. I don’t want sex to become a casualty of life’s little dramas. It’s way too easy for enforced chastity, FLR, and sex to get pushed into the background. I can’t come up with a single reason why these activities truly interfere with handling external issues like unemployment.
No Rules for Me
Lion has rules to follow. I do not. Aside from the obvious rule of not hurting him beyond the parameters of what we’ve agreed to, I am free to do what I want. Or not do what I don’t want. Sometimes that’s scary for Lion. Sometimes it works out quite well for him.
We were snuggling while watching TV and I was playing with his wild weenie. When the show went off, he said he needed to pee. I toyed with the idea of telling him if he left the bed that would be it for the night. I decided that wasn’t really fair. It was a bodily function, after all. I couldn’t expect him to have the reaction I wanted while he had to pee. After he came back, he said he had been horny earlier but wasn’t anymore. He suggested I use his friend – the Magic Wand. He thought that might do the trick. It did.
I edged him a few times with the Magic Wand and then I used my hand to bring him to an orgasm. I know he just had one the other day. So? He gave me his patented “why did you do that?” look and I laughed at him. I asked him if he was arguing about having an orgasm again. He said it just seemed quite soon. He hadn’t expected it. I think that’s part of the appeal of giving him an orgasm. He should never expect one. He should always think this might be the time I go all the way, but he should never expect it. Plus I like the face he makes while he comes and just after. He gets the biggest smile afterwards.
I was debating if I should leave him wild. He certainly wouldn’t be in the mood to masturbate. But then I decided that he doesn’t view being wild the same way I do. I see it as a reward. I trust him enough to leave him to his own devices. He sees being caged as an indication of my control. He wants to feel my control. Leaving him wild, while he does like it occasionally, eliminates that portion of my control over him. Since he’s unemployed at the moment, I think he craves more control rather than less. It’s a constant in his life. When everything else is changing or potentially out of control, having Mr. Weenie safely caged maintains consistency.
What The Hell Do Diapers Have To Do With A Chastity Blog?
The other day Mrs. Lion wrote about diaper punishments with a fairly long list of degrees of severity that ranged from changing the diaper as soon as I pee to leaving it on wet indefinitely. One of our regular readers commented that the list seemed too complicated. Mrs. Lion said that no one needs to understand it but her. She pointed out that I don’t need to understand it either. I will be told what will happen when the time comes. Of course, she’s right, I don’t get specific advanced notice of her disciplinary plans.
I was a little surprised too. Mrs. Lion isn’t usually a list maker. She also avoids specifics about punishments as well as other activities she employs for discipline or play. Yesterday, she wrote about her resolution to be more specific with me about her plans. Was this list part of this new leaf she is turning over? She hasn’t said.
I’m sure that some of our readers are wondering why a FLR / enforced chastity blog is discussing adult diapering. This practice is usually associated with adult babies, an unrelated kink. I’m not a bit interested in being an adult baby. It’s never been a fetish of mine. However, I did suggest diapers to Mrs. Lion a long time ago. The appeal for me was a combination of control and humiliation. It isn’t very different from how I initially reacted to wearing a chastity device.
Diapers and enforced chastity have a lot in common; at least in my mind. Enforced chastity is about loss of sexual control. On a more basic level, it is loss of access to my penis. I can’t even get an erection on my own. There is humiliation involved too. Wearing a diaper feels humiliating to me. Some guys get the same sort of feeling by wearing women’s underwear. Maybe I share that kink too. Diapers represent a different sort of physical control and humiliation. There is some discomfort having to sit in a wet diaper. More than that, it is an unmistakable reminder that I am most certainly not in control.
When I first considered diapers, I got a sexual thrill thinking about having to wear one. When I am told to put one on, the sexual thrill is gone. The sense of humiliation is mostly gone as well. It only returns if Mrs. Lion reminds me that only a baby wears diapers and I have been acting like one.
Since enforced chastity and FLR are both about surrender of power, it isn’t too surprising that other, more symbolic forms of surrender appeal to a guy who is wearing a chastity device. How many keyholders have exchanged their males’ underwear for panties? I wonder how many, like me, end up in diapers once in a while.
A very big reason for these “extras” is that most of the guys wearing chastity devices are normal, well-behaved men. They don’t act out and they do the right thing without any “help” from a dominant partner. That’s true of us. Without rules that aren’t all that important, but represent changes I should make, there would be no need for discipline or control. That may be gratifying to our disciplining wives, but leaves us without the feeling of domination we want.
I need those silly-seeming rules and the humiliating, uncomfortable punishments. They fill the need that initially motivated our power exchange. Over time, that need doesn’t go away. For me it gets more intense. Those spankings, frilly panties, nudity at home, and diapers provide the dominant energy that fuels the more profound power exchange. Yes, I hate wearing a diaper, but I need the control it represents.
Holding Hands
Lion learned yesterday that he probably won’t hear about the job he really wants until next week, at least. On the one hand, he knows this can be a long drawn out process. On the other, he wants to know now. Right now! If you can imagine a lion in a zoo pacing back and forth in his tiny enclosure, you get the sense of what Lion is going through. Of course, my Lion has a bit more to occupy his time than his zoo counterpart, but in his mind he’s pacing.
And being home all day with the dog is having another effect on him. His allergies are bothering him a lot. He’s been very itchy. And between the itchiness and the job search, he isn’t sleeping well. So last night when I unlocked him and started fondling my weenie, it sounded like he was falling asleep. He said he was tired. I said we could just snuggle. He said he needed to move to scratch. For the rest of the night we held hands. He apologized for not being in the mood.
Lion never has to apologize for not being in the mood. For the most part, we’re doing all this for him. I don’t mean that to sound like I wouldn’t miss any of it if we stopped. I just mean, since he’s the one interested in sex, he doesn’t need to feel bad for not wanting any at that particular moment. Even if I was also horny, his not being in the mood is nothing to apologize for. So? We try again tomorrow. Or the next day. We’re still together. Not being interested, or feeling ill, doesn’t mean we can’t still hold hands. Barring that, it doesn’t mean we aren’t a few feet apart on the bed watching TV.
I’ve been trying to be very specific with Lion after our altercation the other day. I’m determined to unlock him every night. If I’m not planning to play, I will tell him then. The second my plans change, I will tell him. The other thing I’m working on is my response to him. If he steps out of line, I need to let him know. His snarky answer to my asking if he was OK should not be tolerated. Being mad at me for not playing when he knew I was feeling rotten (and he did know because I told him several times) is not acceptable. I guess all lion tamers need to be prepared for some push back.
In turn, Lion needs to tell me when something is wrong. To me, he did the stereotypical woman’s response of “If you don’t know what’s wrong, I’m certainly not going to tell you!” I know he hates when I get silent on him. I’m not a fan of his silent treatment either. So we both have things to work on. Our increased communication isn’t perfect. Whose is? But it’s certainly a lot better than it was.
