Sometimes when I’m trying to drift off to sleep, I think about what I want to write here. Last night, my thoughts turned to my last spanking. As you might recall, I had gotten a bit of my dinner on my shirt. That is a violation of a rule Mrs. Lion set for me. The penalty is a spanking. So, when we got home and I removed my clothes, after a while Mrs. Lion went to her “shoe holder” behind the bedroom door and selected a paddle.

She told me to roll over onto my stomach. I really didn’t have even the slightest interest in being spanked. There was no erotic twinge. I just wanted to be left alone to relax, watch TV and eventually go to sleep. I didn’t want to play, didn’t want my chastity device off. I just wanted to be left alone. That, in itself, is unusual. Even though I hate being spanked, the idea usually turns me on, at least a little bit. Not this time.

Of course I rolled over and kept my mouth shut. I’m not suicidal. To my surprise, she shoved something up my ass. It turned out to be ginger root. She was figging me! That was interesting, but still not erotic. After the burn from the ginger wore off, she spanked me. It was painful, but mercifully short.

Anyway, as I recalled those events, it occurred to me that the reason I was annoyed was because the offense was truly trivial and I had decided it wasn’t worth the ensuing pain. Well, getting a little sauce on my shirt isn’t a big deal. Instead of silently growling as I recalled this, a light bulb in my head went on.

Let me explain. One of the favorite sitcom plots is when a couple bickers over small things. You always squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube is a perennial yuckfest. You get the idea. It seems to me that the longer people live together, the more grating these small things become. Over time, as more and more little things pile up, anger grows and people start to act out in destructive ways because they feel silly about making a big deal over a toothpaste tube and allow the bad feelings to grow unchecked. Maybe getting food on my shirt probably isn’t one of the things I do that irritates Mrs. Lion, but it is a useful example. Let’s assume she just hates it when I do that. I’m very sure that under other conditions, she would never mention it when I do this. But it would grate on her.

I’m not going to claim that domestic discipline cures this sort of thing. In most cases it doesn’t. Disciplining wives punish for more serious behavioral issues. They feel as silly as the rest of us about spanking their husbands over a middle-squeezed toothpaste tube. In a family that practices spanking, corner time, writing assignments, and other childhood punishments, parents don’t discipline for these small offenses. So, as adults, even though they punish their husbands using the techniques they learned as children, they don’t apply them for the small stuff.

Because we need to learn what others experienced through childhood, I’ve been spanked for minor offenses. Would doing something annoying be any more trivial than food on my shirt? I don’t think so. I will say that there is no chance I will never spill again. That’s one reason Mrs. Lion selected this offense. It assures lots of practice. But what if she used this trivial rule as a template for small things that actually bother her?

She has done just that. She hates it when I interrupt her. So, she made it a rule that I can’t interrupt her. If I do, I get punished. Unfortunately, Mrs. Lion is as likely to decide to skip the punishment as she is to actually administer it. After all, it’s a lot of trouble for a little thing.

Ah hah!

That’s the toothpaste tube syndrome. It’s not important enough to make a big deal about it. I think that it’s actually just as important as the more serious offenses that traditionally earn a spanking. Think of it like this: You’re in your kitchen. It’s nice and clean. You accidentally drop a few bread crumbs on the floor. You decide to keep cooking and ignore them. Over a week or two you disregard small spills and food drops. As you move around the room, the food is ground into the floor. When you finally can’t stand the mess, you clean. It’s a lot of work to scrub up all those little spills. However, if you stopped and swept up the crumbs or wiped up the spill, the floor would stay clean. Periodic maintenance would be easy.

It’s the same thing with behavior. The more little stuff you ignore or decide to pass over, the more negative feelings build up in the disciplining wife. Meanwhile, me, the disciplined husband, gets mixed messages. It’s ok to interrupt most of the time. However, every so often the behavior earns me a bruised butt. In other words, a series of little things build up until there is an explosion of whomping.

When that happens, I do understand that the punishment is for cumulative events. It isn’t a shock. The problem is that I don’t build a strong cause-and-effect connection between interrupting and pain. I get it intellectually, but on the all-important gut level I don’t learn anything.

That was my midnight revelation. The constructive, positive value of domestic discipline is rooted in developing an almost subconscious connection between behavior and consequence. That’s why a spanking has to hurt so much. It’s not a BDSM activity. It’s a serious effort to extinguish a negative behavior. That’s how to cure the toothpaste tub syndrome: consistent application of averse stimulation each and every time the behavior is observed. B. F. Skinner had it right.

 

Last night I wanted to give Lion a blow job. Not all the way. Just to edge him. However, I’m still coughing and I knew as soon as I started to suck on him I’d start coughing. So I had to do it by hand. Not that Lion minds. He loves any sort of attention. And he definitely wasn’t broken. Mr. Weenie didn’t lose his hardness until well after I was done with him. And Lion was still horny; maybe even hornier.

I have no idea when Lion will have his next orgasm. I want him to be super horny before it happens. In order for that to happen, I need to be able to play with him more often. I can’t be sick anymore. I think I might be in the homestretch though. Lion was sick for a few weeks. I’ve been sick for a few weeks. Ergo, I’ll be better soon. Whether I’m better or not, I’m determined to play with Lion more this weekend.

As I was edging Lion last night, I was looking at the amount of hair that has grown back since his last manscaping. It’s been about a month and it’s still mostly gray hair that has grown back. The light zapper has no effect on gray hair so it’s no surprise that they are back. I think there may only be a few patches of darker hair. So I was thinking about shaving and zapping while teasing and edging, and I had an aha moment. Normally, Lion puts the numbing cream on, we wait a half hour, and then I shave and zap him. The problem is that no matter how well I wash off the numbing cream, the razor seems to get gummed up. Well, duh! What if I shave him first and then he puts the numbing cream on? I really do amaze myself sometimes with how long it takes me to figure out a solution to things. When I mentioned it to Lion he said that sounded like a good idea. He hadn’t thought of it either. Maybe I’m not so dumb after all if he didn’t think of it. He’s a lot smarter than I am. [Lion — No, I’m not. She likes to say that. She’s the brains of this outfit.]

We’re off to run errands this afternoon. I’m hoping it doesn’t wipe me out as much as it has the past few weekends. I need energy to play with my Lion.

One of my biggest challenges when we adopted enforced chastity, FLR, and domestic discipline was to get a practical view of how these things can fit into our lives. Neither of us considered the idea of acting out in a role-playing exercise the plentiful fantasies that abound on the Web. I’ve read a lot of blogs that recount the adventures of people who try to live out these fantasies. Of course there is no way to know how much of  what they report is fantasy too. But still, it’s fun to read.

Common sense is good to apply when reading blogs. As I read, I think about how it would be if Mrs. Lion and I tried to do the things described. For example, one blogger writes of weekly day-long sessions wearing a butt plug. I know it’s possible to retain a plug for many hours, but in my experience, wearing one gets uncomfortable after two to three hours. I don’t know how I would manage a day at work dealing with a plug up my ass.

Of course that’s just me. Other guys might find the sensations so pleasurable that they never want to remove their anal visitors. But I don’t want to experience that. Others have elaborate routines and rituals. They change how they address one another. Mrs. Lion doesn’t want to be called “mistress.” I don’t want to do it.

One of the best things about our relationship is the easy communication we share. Adding artificial D/S artifacts would damage that. It’s not worth it to us. The biggest, most important thing about our marriage is the easy, peaceful way we get along. Anything we add to this relationship has to pass the important test of not interfering with what we have already.

Enforced chastity adds opportunities to laugh and to be more sexual with one another. It doesn’t force any rituals or artifacts that interrupt the flow between us. That’s why we decided to keep it up after only a few months.

Domestic discipline is another story. This practice required some changes that felt unnatural to us. Neither of us belongs to a family where spanking and other physical punishment was practiced. So adding domestic discipline required us to do two new things: First, Mrs. Lion had to look at me more critically as a disciplinarian. My bad behavior wasn’t to be accepted. It was to be corrected. Second, and even more difficult, she had to learn to actually punish me.

We had no frame of reference for this. We had to create some “rules” that I would break fairly often. That way, Mrs. Lion could learn to punish me, not just do BDSM play spanking. It took months and a lot of this “ptactice” to reach the point that punishment is now severe enough to deter me from repeating the offending behavior.

When Mrs. Lion tells me to roll over to get whomped, I am not happy. I know that I am about to experience a lot of pain. She understands that her role requires her to really hurt me. She can understand when a punishment is severe enough when she sees I don’t repeat the offense for some time. If I make the same mistake again, she will turn up the volume.

She doesn’t like hurting me. I don’t want to be hurt. This activity is truly counterintuitive. We have discussed our progress. Mrs. Lion has decided we should keep our disciplinary relationship going. I see some positive progress as a result of domestic discipline. Mrs. Lion is much more willing to let me know if I upset her. I have a very strong incentive not to upset her in that way again. We are becoming better partners.

I expect that we have found enough value in the practice to add it to our lifestyle. But the votes aren’t all in. We haven’t reached the point that I have no input into whether or not we continue. I have no input into enforced chastity. It’s probably only a matter of time until the same will be true of domestic discipline.

Unlike the fantasies, I do get a vote up to a point;. My right to strongly advocate a change disappears when we both agree that what we are doing is here to stay. We have a talk and when the time is right we either make the practice permanent or we drop it. I think that is how you introduce kink using common sense.

Poor Lion. First he has to deal with his own cough. Now he has to deal with mine. I don’t mind the regular cough. It’s the little tickle that bothers me more. The regular cough is over and done with fairly quickly. The tickle hangs around for a while. I’m done with the tickle part. And I’m done with the raspy voice, too.

I offered to unlock Lion last night and he said he understands that I’m not feeling well. A little later on, he said maybe he could get horny if I unlocked him. So I did. He then showed me a sore spot that was bothering. It turns out he had two sore spots. I don’t know these things unless he tells me. I promised to avoid those areas when I was edging him. However, a few minutes into trying to arouse him, the stupid tickle cough started in on me. Argh! I’m busy with my weenie. I don’t have time for a cough. But there it was, right in the middle of everything. And I had to stop playing to collapse into a heap of coughing nonsense.

Today I need to make up some of the time I’ve missed because I left work early a few days this week. At least that’s the plan. I may wind up leaving at my regular time and crashing at home. I need to rest up for the weekend. I want to be able to play with Lion. I don’t have any exact plans. I just know he needs to be teased. Maybe he needs some Velcro or clothespins. Maybe he needs a play spanking. I’m not sure. It’s been a while since we’ve done anything. Lion has been understanding, but I know he’s getting frustrated.

Yes, frustration is the hallmark of enforced chastity, but not that kind of frustration. He’s supposed to be frustrated that he can’t come, not that we can’t even play. I still need to work on getting him horny enough to care that’s he’s frustrated. I want my weenie to be very hard and straining to come. And then I can stop short. That’s the good kind of frustration. Lion might disagree. He might think no frustration is good. He’d be wrong. A certain amount of frustration is necessary to keep him interested. Now I just need to get him back into the mood so he can be frustrated again.

[Lion – I appreciate Mrs. Lion’s interest in quickly getting back to sexual fun. I’m perfectly happy waiting until she has recovered to begin again.]