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In: Lion's Journal, Edging, Sex, Spanking
Closeup of a angry lion with open mouth and showing teeth

It’s been a busy weekend. Well, very busy for Mrs. Lion; not so busy for me. I feel terrible that she is stuck with the work preparing for move. Between physical restrictions from my eye surgery and my reduced ability to see, I’m not very useful right now. She spent a good part of today getting my office cleaned out and packed up. We are throwing out far more than we are moving. That’s very good news. I’m still really worried we won’t be ready in time.

She predicted it wouldn’t be long before I earn a spanking. She was right. We had a snack Sunday afternoon and I managed to drip some sauce on my shirt. I was rewarded with that knowing smile she likes to use when I break a rule. That smile means I will be getting three spankings. On Saturday I asked her if I could get a spanking to make up for the things she couldn’t punish me for when I was sick. She declined. That made me think about our play spankings. I realized that there is a big difference now between a BDSM spanking and punishment. It has nothing to do with how Mrs. Lion administers it. The play spanking is just that: a spanking. That’s right, just one. Punishment is a series of at least three. For the record, I wasn’t a bit happy about spilling. On Saturday, I was in the mood for a spanking. On Sunday, the idea of three was very unappealing.

Saturday night marked the end of my post-surgical hiatus. Mrs. Lion celebrated it by giving me a wonderful hand job. I know she wasn’t fully recovered from her stomach problems on Friday night. I was very grateful for the relief. Before finally letting me ejaculate, she brought me so close to the edge I was positive I was going to have a ruined orgasm. It was so close I could feel muscle starting to contract. I was very surprised that she had me so well tuned that I was teetering on the edge but didn’t fall over. Once the orgasm came later, it was almost painful. It seemed to last a very long time.

Lately I’ve noticed that my orgasms are less of a mountain peak and more of a very high plateau. It still builds up the same way it always did, but at the top I just seem to sit in a very intense place for several seconds; it feels much longer to me. Then, it feels the way it always does after an orgasm. I don’t know if this is normal or potentially part of a problem. Whatever it is, the longer I wait, the more pronounced my stay on this very high plateau becomes. Sometimes, after a long wait, it almost hurts to come. This time it wasn’t exactly painful, but it was incredibly intense. I could hear the sounds it was ringing out of me.

It may be my imagination, but I think I’m much more vocal lately. I attribute this to my vocal performance when I’m spanked. I try to be quiet. After all, shouldn’t I be stoic? No matter how hard I try, I yelp. I guess I’m pretty noisy. I’ve been thinking that these reactions are carrying over to the polar opposite: orgasms. For a very long time, most of my life, I was very quiet when I came. I think there was a detectable change in my breathing but no vocalizations.

I’m not complaining. I think Mrs. Lion likes hearing me enjoy the fruit of her masturbatory labor. I suspect she also enjoys my reaction to the very different physical labor of paddling me. In some cultures, when you enjoy a meal you’re supposed to burp loudly to show your appreciation of the fine food. I’ve always appreciated strong vocalization when I provide an orgasm to my partner. For the record, Mrs. Lion expressed her gratitude very vocally. I loved that.

I hope she enjoys the sounds I produce. I can’t silence myself. I know that in the case of spanking, she’s commented on how my yelps change depending on what part of my butt she is paddling. I can’t say that I’ve noticed that. I know I make noise, but I’m not at all sure how I sound or what the sounds mean. Mrs. Lion knows. Screams and roars appear to be the reactions she wants to produce. I guess she’s learned to play me like a musical instrument.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Spanking
This is my housewarming gift for Mrs. Lion. The long handle and heart -shaped striking area might be fun for her. She may want to just hang it for decoration.

We are getting closer to the day when things can get back to normal here. We’re both very anxious to re-stabilize. It’s not that I’m out of control and making Mrs. Lion miserable. The suspension of my rules has certainly saved me from some spanking, but things are orderly and functioning smoothly without the discipline. Nevertheless, we both miss it. The same is true of sex. We’ve suspended that as well to give my eyes their best chance of recovery. I expect that after a successful postop doctor’s visit on Friday, we can resume everything.

I think I am currently in one of my sexual drive spells. Even though Mrs. Lion hasn’t touched me sexually in days, I noticed that I’m not having many sexual thoughts. Also, I’m not having any spontaneous erections. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion can’t bring me back into heat with some deft handwork. It’s just that I’m a little surprised that I’m not feeling particularly horny. It’s only been about a week since my last ejaculation. That’s more than long enough to get me ready to go on a moments notice. I’m not complaining. It’s more of a Lion weather report.

I ordered a little “housewarming” gift for Mrs. Lion. Actually, it’s more of a bun warmer. I decided it would be fun for her to get a brand-new paddle never used anywhere but the new place. I admit that it feels a little odd buying her yet another way to punish me. I couldn’t resist. I put a picture of the new paddle (above, right) on this post. I know that will spoil the surprise, but I couldn’t help myself.

I know she likes variety even in implements to punish me. That may seem confusing and contradictory to some. After all, spanking isn’t play and its objective is not to give me varied sensations, but to provide enough pain to discourage further offenses. From my perspective, I’m not really that interested in what she uses to paddle me. I can’t see any reason why I would prefer one paddle over another. It’s true that I prefer thud to sting. However, the preference grows dim after the first hundred swats. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion can’t enjoy switching paddles. I realize I’m not supposed to enjoy any part of that process, but she can.

Selection of different paddles does add an appearance of play. But in practice, it’s not play at all to me. That’s how it should be. I have to admit that if Mrs. Lion was all business she wouldn’t need more than a couple of implements to punish me.

It turns out that up until now, at least, there is a little element of fun in the process for her. She gets some joy when she catches me violating one of my minor rules. While I don’t think she would admit it, there is some pleasure in delivering a memorable spanking. I don’t mind a bit. The educational value is not diminished if she enjoys catching me and swatting me. Just so long as I don’t enjoy it, everything works fine.

There is a certain amount of amusing irony in my situation. She knows that I asked her to assume her role. She also knows that on some level I want her to punish me effectively. In reading other blogs where men and women who spank and are spanked contribute, there is almost always the element of both partners finding some sort of pleasure in the process.

If it were pure misery for me and a necessary-but-tiresome chore for her, we almost certainly wouldn’t be blogging about it. It would just be a routine part of our lives. It’s this duality of fun and real punishment, that makes what we do appear confusing at times. It’s entirely possible to both love and hate something at the same time. It’s possible for me to get aroused thinking about a spanking, and then when it finally comes, hating every second of it.

Some women like the fact that a guy can get very aroused thinking about being spanked, yet within seconds of the spanking starting lose all arousal and fervently hope the spanking will end soon. I know that’s true of me. I can be erect and breathing hard when I assume the position. In less than 30 seconds I’ll be soft and yelping loudly. That’s what amuses some women. I know full well how unpleasant I will be feeling, yet be stupid enough to be sexually aroused until a little while after the punishment begins.

Some women have written that this odd behavior of being sexually aroused about something that is absolutely no fun once it starts, is one of the principal keys to getting big, strong males like me to meekly expose our rears for a painful spanking.

I agree with this up to a point. In the beginning, for many months actually, it was this arousal that assured I would be exposed and ready when Mrs. Lion wanted to spank me. Now, it’s not that so much. It’s still exciting to think about being spanked. However, I don’t get pre-spanking erections anymore. Now, I meekly assume the position because I have to. I’ve been trained to obediently accept spankings when my lioness wishes to administer them. I can’t imagine myself doing otherwise.

I think that she is also conditioned. There is nothing special about disciplining me. It’s a necessary activity she performs with the same lack of ritual I’ve adopted. That’s not to say that she just swats away. From my perspective, it feels like she experiments with different geography, speed, and intensity. For example, I’ve noticed that she likes to spread my cheeks open and paddle inside the crack. She’s commented that my yelps change when she goes to work in that area. She’s learned how to distribute the wealth more evenly over my hind quarters. As she’s explained it to me, she looks to make my entire rear end a nice, even dark red color. I think she also likes to hear me yelp.

 

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Edging, Female led relationship with discipline, Male Chastity, Spanking

Yesterday, we signed the lease for our new house. The landlord did an extensive walk-through showing us every inch of the not-very-big house. I think closing off purchase of a house would take about half as long. It’s both good news and bad news having a landlord so invested in the property. On the good side, he wants to make sure everything’s right. On the bad side, he wants to know everything’s right and will drive us crazy over little details I’m sure we don’t care about.

I wish there was more I could do to help. The medication I’m taking for the eye surgery I had almost 2 weeks ago shuts down my irises so that it’s always dark. TV looks like a view through night vision goggles. Everything is yellow and black. I have to keep using these drops at least two more weeks. I don’t know what else I could do to be even less useful.

Because we don’t have any children in the house and very rarely have visitors, we are casual about where we leave our toys. Mrs. Lion has been working to put the playthings, he says euphemistically, away. But I’m pretty sure there has to be a paddle or two, a butt plug, and a stray dildo ready to be discovered by a vanilla friend or mover. I don’t think either of us is overly concerned about that. That’s one of the good things about having our power exchanges become routine parts of our lives together; we’re not really embarrassed about what we do and if someone we knows figures us out, it will be the end of the world. Who knows? Mrs. Lion could end up with an assistant spanker.

In the meantime, Mrs. Lion is doing a good job of keeping things organized. Now that we have the new house and are moving things over, it’s getting easier to imagine ourselves in the new space. We were both a little surprised when we realized the room we had designated as a combination pantry, waxing studio, play area is actually larger than we thought. It should be easy to accommodate its multiple purposes. I haven’t been in a sling in about a year. If we set it up, it might be fun to play there again.

Since we’ve been more tightly integrating our disciplinary relationship into our daily lives, neither of us has appeared to be very interested in BDSM play. Mrs. Lion’s “Box O’ Fun” has been gathering dust in her key safe. I haven’t thought about it until just now. I haven’t thought about the sling either until we were down in our dungeon room waxing me and I looked over at it and commented that it’s gathering dust.

Admittedly, BDSM play was never something that Mrs. Lion actually wanted. She did it because I need that sort of thing. I think I still do. But the need has gotten weaker as our disciplinary relationship is gotten stronger. The same is true about my interest in chastity hardware. Don’t get me wrong, I still like being caged. I like the orgasm denial and control much more than the hardware.

I think that the very real power Mrs. Lion exercises through our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline) and my enforced male chastity, has largely replaced the sensation-based play I’ve always craved. I get more than enough sensation being punished for my infractions. Similarly, the combination of frustration and sexual excitement my orgasm control provides, replaces a lot of the more artificial BDSM fun I wanted in the past.

Mrs. Lion is a superb cock tease. She is utterly unsympathetic to my air-humping frustration when she edges me. In fact, she genuinely enjoys the show when I do it. In recent months, she’s been something of a softy in that department. She knows how difficult things can get for me and likes to get me off when I’m able. I’m very sure she misses keeping me on edge for days at a time. I miss it too.

She’s written a post or two about her seemingly split personality. She’s talked about the ordinary “me” and Mrs. Lion. It makes sense that she looks at things this way. After all, Mrs. Lion is nothing like her day-to-day self. At least, that’s what she thinks. I would like to suggest that these two parts of her are merging. Consider her discomfort when eating with her family and her kids starting before her. She had a similar reaction when we had a house guest, an old classmate of mine, whose manners were, as she called it “European”. I thought it was just rude. In any case, I think there is integration between the Mrs. Lion who spanks me and the working lioness in a vanilla job.

For my part, I recognize this split very well. I’ve had a lot more years to understand how I can be bottom-up and yelping in the evening, and calmly running a project the next morning. It just takes some time. I think most of us have to do this sort of integration. When we first start wearing male chastity devices, we spent an awful lot of time worrying about whether people can notice it under our clothing. In my case, I stopped worrying about it after a few months. The same thing happened after I stopped having pubic hair. In the beginning, I would let it grow back if I had an upcoming doctor’s appointment. After a while, I stopped caring. I had two kidney stone surgeries in the last four years and didn’t give a single thought to the state of my body hair even for this intimate surgery. In fact, the last time I had to go back to the surgeon’s office to have a stent removed. This required a procedure where the surgeon and his assistant threaded a device through my penis and into my bladder to pull the stent out. The nurse prepped me and I didn’t give a single thought to the fact she was looking at bald cock and balls.

An uncle of mine used to say about similar sorts of things that it’s “mind over matter”. “If you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.” That’s very true. On the other hand, we firmly believe that everything we do is consensual. That includes protecting people who may not want to know what we do. Putting away our toys is a way of avoiding non–consensual participation in our lifestyle. If we mess up and someone does discover a paddle or a plug, they have the option to ignore it or express curiosity. If there is curiosity, I would like to think we would answer in an honest and unembarrassed way.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Female led relationship with discipline, Keyholder, Spanking

The toughest thing about enforced male chastity and a disciplinary relationship is getting it started. Lots of people have written about how to ask your partner to take over your orgasms. I’ve written plenty about that too. Essentially, both conversations require overcoming the concept of mutuality. Most of us have a strong sense of fairness. We distrust one-sided arrangements.

Both orgasm control and domestic discipline on the surface, at least, appear very unfair. In a male chastity situation, the keyholder gets all the sex she wants. The male, on the other hand, has extremely limited access to ejaculation. It can be very difficult to convince a partner that restricting the opportunity to orgasm is actually more fun than the orgasm itself. It’s perfectly natural for people to assume that others feel the way they do. So, when you ask your partner to make you wait, sometimes a long time for an orgasm, it’s safe to guess that they are thinking about how they would feel if they were forced to be frustrated.

A much more difficult sell is starting a disciplinary relationship. In fairness, many of these relationships are started after the man behaves in a way his partner finds unacceptable. Things like excessive drinking, constant lateness, and other neglectful behaviors, jeopardize the relationship and begin to set up a situation where he has to either correct what he is doing or end the relationship. In those situations, if he introduces the idea of domestic discipline, she might be willing to try it as a sort of last-ditch effort to fix things.

By the way in both enforced chastity and FLRD, the man is almost always a partner who suggests it. Since all of this stuff is consensual, it does make sense that the man introduce it to the relationship.

Here’s the problem: In the case of a disciplinary relationship, the man is asking his partner to punish him if he misbehaves. If she came from a family that doesn’t punish physically, she is no context for his request. Even if your family spanked naughty children, the idea of the wife spanking her husband is probably not only alien but a bit frightening as well. After all, if she can spank him, isn’t she inviting him to be violent with her?

In both chastity and FLRD, the partner could also see these power exchanges as signs of male weakness. Even in our liberated times, many women like the idea of a strong husband. Can a strong husband maintain his place in the family if she spanks him? What kind of man would allow a woman to control him sexually?

These are natural questions. Chances are very good that in a conversation about starting one of these practices, she won’t mention this issue. She might not even think about it consciously. But because both represent a measure of surrender, the idea may make her uneasy. Another very common concern is that she will not feel comfortable trying something she’s never done before. Most women are comfortable with their men being sexual leaders, or the very least, equals. In a disciplinary relationship, there is a very strong, clear difference in roles. Taking over sexual control is a very mild form of leadership when compared with physically disciplining her partner when he fails to be obedient.

In both power exchanges a serious change in the marital balance is threatened. That’s why the classic conversation that centers on what he wants will very often fail. The chastity conversation is the easier of the two. The key is to talk about what he wants for himself. In other words, the discussion should be centered on the idea that it’s an enormous turn on to surrender orgasm control.

When I asked Mrs. Lion to take sexual control, I told her that the idea really turned me on and I love the idea of being locked in a chastity device. It was a very simple conversation. I wasn’t asking her to change the way she thinks about sex. I was just stating a preference that turned me on. That’s all we really needed. She agreed to take over orgasm control.

I was incredibly surprised to discover that her idea of orgasm control was to get me off every day. I wasn’t offended by this but I tired quickly trying to keep up with daily ejaculation. We talked about it and she quite reasonably said that if she is in control, making me come more frequently was every bit as strong an exercise of her power as making me wait. I explained that while true, I was having trouble keeping up with her.

It turned out that she really likes making me come. She decided to use her power to indulge this pleasure. She agreed that maybe it was pushing me a bit too hard and decided to reduce my frequency. Subsequently, she learned that she enjoys edging me. It’s fun for her to bring me to the very brink of ejaculation and then stop stimulating me. So, I get edged almost every day, and roughly once a week, I get to ejaculate. It’s a win-win.

The spanking conversation was much more difficult. I don’t have any glaringly serious behavioral problems. I’ve always liked spanking and get turned on thinking about my partner making rules and punishing me for breaking them. Since I believe in focusing on why I am asking for something, as opposed to the imagined benefits for Mrs. Lion, I explained how I felt about being spanked and being turned on if she exercised power over me.

We had a little bit of history which was on my side. Over the years, I would ask her to spank me — a play spanking — and she learned to spank my bottom for fun. So, when I asked her to punish me when required, she had the context of our play spankings to draw upon. However, she was very unsure about being my disciplinarian. She’s never wanted to be anyone’s disciplinarian.

She knew how I felt about being spanked and I suppose in the beginning she considered my request an extension of our play. She created a few simple rules that she knew I would break frequently. And we were off!

I didn’t ask for and didn’t get any punishment rituals. I just got paddled when I broke a rule. It took a long time for Mrs. Lion to get reasonably comfortable giving me a spanking that made me yelp. We didn’t drift far from our original rules. Only recently after about four years of this, has her role expanded to meaningful misbehavior that annoys her.

Over time, she’s made my chastity and role as disciplined husband something she owns. It takes time to make big changes. I think a lot of guys fail to realize how important these changes are to our partners.

Since my conversations that started this off were based 100% on what I expected to get from them, it was reasonably easy for Mrs. Lion to agree. When I began to get excited and want her role to expand, she had the good sense to listen to me and then tell me she wasn’t ready. It wasn’t a terrible blow because I was getting what I asked for in the first place.

I think we’re a good example of what happens when the major control my keyholder and disciplining wife took was to stop me from trying to push things too far too fast. Now, lioness 3.0 is here to stay. Orgasm control is my sex life. Spanking and FLRD are important parts of our relationship and we both support them wholeheartedly. When I do something wrong, I get that knowing look and she tells me how many days of punishment I am going to get. We don’t have any more discussions on the subject.

The initial conversation is important in both cases. But it’s not important the way most guys think. The key is to simplify the requests and restrict them to what you want. Resist any attempt to tell her the benefits she will get. I think you’ll find that like Mrs. Lion, your partner is much more receptive to doing things that will make you happy than she is to changing the way she thinks about her relationship with you.