Spanking (Page 107)

Mrs. Lion seems proud of her ability to keep my bottom sore for three days so far. It is an accomplishment. She has moved up to lioness 4.0 when it comes to discipline. We’ve talked a bit about the verbal side of punishment. I wrote about it in this post. I think that requiring me to beg and verbally respond during the spanking will be almost as difficult for her as it is for me.

The sort of mid-spanking conversation is a technique used by disciplinarians from time immemorial. It greatly amplifies the punishment’s humiliation and underlines the fact that the activity is being performed for a reason. I think Mrs. Lion might be challenged for almost the same reason I resist this part of the punishment: it makes the disciplinary roles crystal clear. It also underlines the reason for the painful activity. It forces me to acknowledge my transgression and beg for forgiveness. The conversation might go like this:

[Mrs. Lion spanking hard and me yelping]

Mrs. Lion: “Why am I punishing you?”

Lion: “I didn’t set up the coffee pot.”

“Are you supposed to set it up every day?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I forgot.”

“You, what?”

“I forgot to set up the coffee pot.”

“Was that naughty?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Do you deserve your spanking?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Do you have something to say?”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please stop…”

You get the idea. It forces me to focus on why I’m being punished and makes me humbly admit what I did and beg for forgiveness and for Mrs. Lion to end the spanking. Both of us have avoided this critical part of the punishment. Similarly, when Mrs. Lion inquires on the days after about whether it hurts to sit, she might want to ask me if I know why I have a sore bottom. This reinforces the lesson I am being taught.

aren’t there other rules?

As far as I can tell, the only rule being enforced is requiring me to set up the coffee pot. We need to review this topic. I know that I’m supposed to wait for Mrs. Lion to eat before I start. I do that consistently, so enforcement is either unnecessary or Mrs. Lion has stopped checking. Since I don’t wear shirts or anything else when we eat, the no-spilling-food-on-my-shirt rule is moot. Mrs. Lion doesn’t enforce the no-interrupting rule.

If we are going to get better at our disciplinary relationship, I probably need more opportunities to be punished. I know that Mrs. Lion likes catching me breaking the rules. We probably need to look at what behavioral changes she might like me to make. The only way we will advance to the enforcement of things that annoy her is to make the formal disciplinary process automatic. We’ve perfected catch-and-spank for the coffee pot. Now maybe we need catch-and-spank-and-scold for more things.

Occasionally some readers will accuse me of topping from the bottom. This accusation is based on the fact that I offer suggestions to Mrs. Lion about domestic discipline or other female-led relationship topics. In the beginning, I got annoyed when I got such feedback. Then I realized that there is a general misconception about how disciplinary relationships are born and nurtured. Most people believe that the disciplined husband initiates a disciplinary relationship simply by asking his spouse to punish him when needed.

The underlying assumption is that she will automatically know exactly how to do this. After all, the fantasy is that every wife will understand exactly how to perform domestic discipline. That certainly wasn’t true for us. When I asked Mrs. Lion to take me in hand, she had some experience spanking me in the BDSM context. Those spankings were a form of foreplay. I asked her to administer disciplinary spankings, which I expected to have no sexual value. In my mind, it seemed a simple transition. Just keep swatting.

That didn’t work. It’s taken years for Mrs. Lion to comfortably discipline me sufficiently. To get to this point, she needed feedback from me. She never experienced disciplinary spanking when she grew up. For that matter, neither did I. It’s been a discovery process. This process is what confuses some people. I suggest ways Mrs. Lion can improve her effectiveness. In the beginning, when I did that, she saw it as a criticism. More recently, she’s come to realize it’s useful feedback, not a review of how well she is doing.

It isn’t easy to figure out how serious the spanking needs to be in order to provide an effective punishment. The spanker, Mrs. Lion, would need some indication from me that would tell her I’m sufficiently chastised. There are two ways for her to get that: The least reliable is gauging my response as the beating goes on. I believe that my verbal reactions should be irrelevant. Yelps and screams, even crying are indications that Mrs. Lion is reaching me. It’s not a signal that she should stop. We have a safeword if I absolutely need her to.

The second and most useful feedback comes after the punishment. I’m not talking about immediately after, but the next day or later. That’s when both of us can be more analytical. For example, some time ago, I suggested that spankings need to take more time. I felt they were ending before I had really gotten the message. Mrs. Lion took that the heart this week and provided a fairly long spanking. She probably cut it a bit short because she was having trouble holding the paddle. My feedback is that she’s on the right track. While I will absolutely hate it, I believe she needs to go on even longer. Yesterday, I suggested that sincere begging might be a requirement before she even considers stopping. Please note that I didn’t say begging indicated it was time to stop. It isn’t.

phases of a disciplinary spanking

Based on my experience to date, a spanking seems to have several phases. The first one is the warm-up. This is when Mrs. Lion helps me become accustomed to receiving the paddle. Based on our experience, this can take several minutes. My suggestion is that when Mrs. Lion decides that warm-up is over, she tells me that this punishment will begin. This is useful because there’s a sense of desperation I feel when I suffer several minutes of spanking only to learn my punishment hasn’t begun. The next phase is the punishment. This is when the swats are much harder and designed for maximum discomfort. They have to build up in intensity to help me avoid trying to escape. This is an area that over-the-knee spankers have much more control over. I’m not restrained in any way.

The punishment phase evokes yelps and screams and probably produces bruises. In my opinion, this is the longest phase of spanking. It should feel endless. My last spanking certainly made me feel that way. At some point during the punishment phase, I think it’s important to bring me back into communication with Mrs. Lion while she is delivering some of her hardest swats. This is when she can teach me to beg. When I began sincerely begging, something I’ve never done, we are entering the submissive phase. This is when spanking goes from something to fight against and resist into resignation and acceptance.

The purpose of punishment is repentance

I don’t think that means silently receiving the blows. It does mean sincerely begging for the spanking to end and perhaps some tears. I’m not sure I’ll ever get that far, but I am sure that if Mrs. Lion persists, my sincerity will grow. During this phase, it makes sense to ask me some questions like, “Are you sorry that you forgot to set up the coffee pot?”

Of course, I’ll answer that I am. Mrs. Lion can then say, “I don’t think you really are,” and deliver several very hard swats. The idea is to encourage me to work hard to convince her that she’s made me very sorry for whatever it is I’ve done. We’ve left this out in the past. It’s something I really don’t want to do, but I think it’s actually the most useful and educational part of the punishment. I’m at my most vulnerable. There’s nothing I want more than for the pain to end. Mrs. Lion will have made it clear that’s not happening until she’s convinced I’ve repented.

After all, that’s the entire point of punishment — repentance. Sincere repentance. Before she even asks me if I’m sorry, she’s already made sure I’ve been thoroughly spanked. This is the icing that goes on top. It should be the worst part for me and the most useful one for her. Classic spanking literature suggests that a scolding is the overture to the punishment. It’s supposed to put the person being punished into the right frame of mind. I don’t think that would happen to me. It’s when the punishment has reached a crescendo and threatens to go on forever that I’m most likely to beg for forgiveness sincerely.

Is this topping from the bottom? It isn’t. It’s feedback designed to help us perfect domestic discipline in our household. I hope that Mrs. Lion adopts this model. It’s probably the best way to make me let go and accept my role as her disciplined husband. I think this is a true, pure form of punishment without the least trace of sexual excitement.

As promised, I got punished for failing to set up the coffee pot for Monday’s breakfast. Mrs. Lion continues to make spankings more unpleasant for me. Monday night was a merciless display of paddle application to my bottom. As she paddled me, she reminded me that I said I wanted longer spankings.  She was happy to oblige. This one went on and on. I yelped loudly throughout her virtuoso performance. Today (Tuesday), I can still feel it as I sit in my desk chair.

Mrs. Lion went on long enough to make gripping the spanking spoon difficult. Her hand kept sliding on the finished wood handle. In her post yesterday, she reported that it was uncomfortable for her—poor dear. Last summer, I purchased some golf club grip material. I believe she reported the handle of some spanking implement was too narrow. We never did anything about that, so the grip was still available. I wrapped the spanking spoon handle with the non-slip golf club grip material. That should make spanking me more comfortable for her and probably worse for me.

Yes, I asked for it. Well, it wasn’t so much that I asked for it. I felt that it was too easy for me to get spanked and forget about it. You know, the spankings hurt, but they ended before I had enough time to truly regret my transgression. Monday night, I had plenty of time to contemplate my sin. I couldn’t wait for her to stop. She wouldn’t. It went on and on.

Her style wasn’t fancy. She didn’t spread my cheeks. She didn’t have to. I could feel the paddle reach every tender spot. After a while, I started getting used to the sensation. She seemed to sense that and turned up the volume. I wasn’t used to that. I just wanted her to stop. She wouldn’t. I was miserable. I wanted to get away. Of course, that wasn’t an option. I was desperate for her to stop. I didn’t beg her to stop. That didn’t occur to me until just now, the next day. Did I mention it really hurts to sit down today?

I’m coming to realize that our domestic discipline is multi-layered. It starts with the erotic thrill of spanking. I get aroused when I think about being spanked. It was this sexual feeling that was behind me asking Mrs. Lion to be my disciplining wife. Since this is about punishing me when needed, my erotic enjoyment is a hurdle for her to overcome. Fortunately, that’s easy for her, not for me.

To make spanking me a true punishment, it has to go well past the point I eroticize. That means it has to truly hurt and keep hurting. It’s taken Mrs. Lion a long time to being able to really hurt me. She seems to have worked that out. This isn’t easy for her. The only offense she regularly punishes is my failure to set up the coffee pot. It’s hardly a serious offense. Yet, punishment has to be meaningful when I commit it.

We’ve discussed my reaction to being spanked. Obviously, other than calling our safeword, I don’t have any control over how long or hard she spanks me. My usual reaction is yelps and screams. We’ve discussed begging. At least one knowledgeable disciplinary spanker suggests that begging the spanker to stop is an important part of a spanking. Initially, it seemed a little silly to me. It’s never occurred to me to beg Mrs. Lion to stop, even when she is really hurting me.

I’ve told her to stop, demanded that she stop because I’ve had enough. She ignores me when I do. I think that those demands are a sort of growl, a statement that I’m in control and she has to stop because I say so. That’s not the sort of behavior a properly chastened male should display. Demanding that Mrs. Lion stop spanking is a sure sign that I’m not properly submissive. Perhaps when I tell her to stop, it’s the right time for her to say, “Are you ordering me to stop?” followed by some extra hard swats. I obviously need to be reminded of my place.

I don’t even think of begging her to stop. I guess I need to be reminded. One condition in the process of ending my spanking was to be sufficient begging. The begging doesn’t guarantee that Mrs. Lion will stop when I do it. I’m sure she won’t. However, it is a signal that my attitude has shifted, and I am submissive and willing to beg. We’ve established that my initial motivation to expose my bare bottom to her paddle is, to some degree, the sexual aspect of being spanked. Begging for relief is pure submission.

There’s no question that no matter how long or hard Mrs. Lion beats me, I won’t think of begging. Even though I’ve written about begging, it never crossed my mind during the spanking. I’ll need to be reminded and coached. Once prompted to beg, Mrs. Lion can comment on my “sincerity.” Since it is unlikely I will cry during a spanking, the next best form of submission is abject begging. The act of surrendering to abject begging and then realizing that it doesn’t stop the pain is very effective. Once I learn that I have to surrender this way to qualify for Mrs. Lion, considering ending the spanking is powerful stuff. It’s so powerful that I’ve avoided mentioning it up until now. Now the cat is out of the bag.