(Sunday, September 14, 2014) Last night we had a teasing session. It took Mrs. Lion a long time to get me to the edge, but she persisted and I got there. She repeated it again. This time it took much less time. The third time she went just a stroke too far and I had a ruined orgasm.  Mrs. Lion shared the semen with me. She didn’t have to. Really, she didn’t have to. But there I was unsatisfied with the taste of my semen in my mouth. I don’t think that the ruined orgasm was worse than just being edged. Maybe it was better. At least I had dribbled out my supply of semen, so that pressure was off. But, to tell the truth, I wanted to come just as badly after the ruined orgasm as I did with just edging.

Physically, I suspect the ruined orgasm does reset some internal clock. After all, I did ejaculate. On the other hand, the muscles that generally propel the semen out of my penis didn’t get a chance to flex. From my understanding of male orgasm, there is a process involving several steps that take about two seconds to complete. In a true ruined orgasm, that means there is a substantial delay of around ten seconds before semen appears, only a few of the set of orgasmic activities are triggered before the stimulation is removed. That would explain the dribble.

Mentally, there does appear to be a measure of satisfaction in a ruined orgasm that doesn’t appear in tease and deny. If there is, the satisfaction doesn’t last. All day today I have been craving some sexual or anal attention from Mrs. Lion. I even considered dropping some food on purpose so I could get some spanking. I didn’t, but I wanted to do it. Pretty pathetic. The lion has descended to considering cheap tricks for some additional attention. Come to think of it, that may be a sign that the ruined orgasm had the desired effect. Apparently it elevated my need for attention.

It’s only been five days since my last orgasm and sixteen to go until my September 30 release date. That date is burned into my eyes. Mrs. Lion put her orgasm date calendar on top of our DVD player, which sits behind a glass door directly across from our bed. I see it all the time. If she adds time, I will be reminded of the consequence of my behavior morning and night.

The thing is, I really want to come. I know that if Mrs. Lion decides to give me a bonus orgasm tonight, it will be a difficult one since I lost my semen last night. I’ve said that before and was proven completely wrong. The last time I made a prediction like this, I ended up with a massive (for me) orgasm.

Another interesting observation is that I haven’t masturbated or played with myself since early this year. I think it was about eight months ago. I don’t think I went more than a week without masturbating since I was 12. Things are very different now. Eight months with only Mrs. Lion stimulating me. I am truly hers. My penis belongs to her. It’s taken me a long time to catch on, but I truly feel that now. I am absolutely sexually dependent on her. It’s taken a while, but I finally get it. I wonder if other caged males feel  this dependence as well.

The last woman I was dependent on was my mother and she didn’t do a good job caring for me. Of course, the kind of care is a lot different. But it is similar in that my mother had power over me, and now Mrs. Lion does.  Thankfully, Mrs. Lion is a lot better at caring for me. I wonder how she sees her role. Does she see herself as maternal? Does she isolate owning my sexual pleasure from the rest of our relationship? Or maybe she hasn’t realized how totally dependent I am. Questions, questions, questions.

(Wednesday, September 3, 2014) Last night, after my shower, Mrs. Lion got the very mean bloodwood paddle. This is the one from Hanson Paddles to which I (stupidly) applied some rough, anti-skid surface tape (another Home Depot find). She told me to roll over on my stomach and administered four very painful swats. She made a show of tearing up my “naughty lion” coupon. She commented that my butt was rosy red. It felt hot and stung. Then, as promised, after giving me one last chance to pee uncaged, Mrs. Lion locked me up again. She asked me if I wanted to be locked up. I gave a very dubious, “Yes.”

“You don’t want to be locked up?”

“Ummm.”

“You did ask for this, didn’t you?”

(Pause) “I did.”

With that she handed me the base ring and I put it on. Once on, she caged me and tightened the security screw, I could feel the cage and its weight. I wonder what she would have said or done if I had objected to going back into my cage. Would she insist, or would she let me stay wild? The bigger question remains: Is my chastity under my control? Can I say, “Stop,” and Mrs. Lion will unlock me?

Before being released for the long weekend, I had no doubt that Mrs. Lion was in firm control. Nothing happened while I was wild to suggest anything has changed. Maybe it was the question from Mrs. Lion. Asking me if I want to be locked up suggests to me that I can say “No.” and remain wild. It may all be semantics. I think if the conversation went like this, I would feel more controlled:

“You don’t want to be locked up?”

“Ummmm.”

“It really doesn’t matter what you want. The cage goes on now.”

This could be said as sweetly as she wished, but it would have sent a strong message to me. Apparently, it is a message I need to hear. I suppose going wild stirred some insecurity that all this is up to me and Mrs. Lion is really operating under my direction.

Another part of me worried that if I did remain wild, our sex life would return to its former, dormant state. Essentially, I am like a zoo lion who is released from his cage. After wandering outside for a while, he goes back to his cage where he feels safe. Like the zoo lion, I have internalized my living in my cage and when released, I have a good time for a while, but look forward to the safety of being locked up.

Mrs. Lion wrote yesterday that she will be more active in anal training and teasing, perhaps increasing the frequency to every day. Now that is exciting. She also wrote that my next wait(s) will be challenging. I suppose it had to get to the point where she will stretch my time between  orgasms. I guess this is inevitable. I can’t say I am looking forward to increasing level of frustration, but it does go with the territory.

Increased teasing will make the wait more difficult. Anal training doesn’t seem to affect how horny I am in the days after she gives me a workout. I’m learning that there are differences in the long term effects of items in Mrs. Lion’s bag of tricks. Teasing, edging, and spanking all keep me tree-humping horny for days after she does them. Ruined orgasms tend to kill horniness for a day or so and then return me to the level it was at before Mrs. Lion ruined it. Anal training tends to sustain the level for a day or so after she does it.

All forms of attention are very welcome and make me feel Mrs. Lion’s control and love. I guess it makes sense that different activities have different impact on me. Now that we have experience with all of them, Mrs. Lion has the tools to orchestrate my desperation for release. She has a growing toolkit for lion sexual control.

Thursday’s ruined orgasm upset both of us. Mrs. Lion wrote about how it hurt her to disappoint me. It brought back feelings of inadequacy that were not far from the surface. I felt childish disappointment at losing my prize. I was wrong, of course. Her teasing was amazing. I was flying from the way she played me like a violin. She really has learned how to stimulate me like no other, including myself. So, when that stimulation went just a bit too far and I could feel myself squeezing involuntarily, I knew we had passed the point of no return.

I was sad and it showed. I could see that she was upset too. Things didn’t go the way either uf us wanted. Both of us overreacted. After all, one orgasm lost isn’t exactly a big deal. It wasn’t as if Mrs. Lion was going to say, “We’ll try again in December.”

All that really happened is that my wait was unexpectedly delayed a day or so. No big deal. In fact many keyholders do this sort of thing on purpose. So why all the pain? I think it is because we are both trying so hard to do the “right thing” for each other. I  have no small amount of guilt about selfishly wanting to bring this chastity fantasy to life. I had hoped that it wold turn out to be fun for Mrs. Lion. So far it hasn’t. She does it just because she knows I want it.

I realize that even after nearly seven months of this, she has yet to find anything in it that touches her. What a selfish person I must be to want her to continue. But I do. Why am I such a brat to openly express disappointment when all Mrs. Lion was doing was trying to make things more fun to me? Why should she feel badly and believe she did something wrong? She shouldn’t. The simple fact is that she has been doing everything right. She has been working hard to make chastity work for me. If I could love her any more for doing this, I would. But the simple fact is that I love her with all my heart with or without chastity.

She’s said that one reason it has become important to continue is that our chastity activities have forced her to stay focused on our sex life. It has for me too. This is a very good thing for us. While we are inseparable and absolutely mated for life, we both can let sex slip. The difference in our libidos makes it easier sometimes to avoid sexual contact rather than deal with those differences. A lot of that is my fault. Her lower interest level always made me feel like I was selfishly intruding with my “needs”. It became easier to deal with them myself than bother her.

The difference now is that we made a deal, a contract if you will, that we will pursue forced male chastity as I envisioned it for two years. This gets me what I have wanted, but it feels to me that so far I am the only one who is benefiting. This has to change or we will both find ways to feel badly about more and more.

Another realization that I have had is that perhaps Mrs. Lion should hold me responsible for unauthorized ejaculation. Other keyholders expect their males to only come when given permission, regardless of the stimulation. I’ve never tried this. Maybe I should. On the other hand, this can become just one more work item for Mrs. Lion with no real reward for her. I don’t want to add any more problems to what has become a difficult process for her that isn’t even pleasant.

Sounds like we should just stop, doesn’t it? I don’t think so. We both get some positives too. We are waking up our sexual feelings for each other. Under the guise of turning me on, Mrs. Lion has asked me to make her orgsm twice in the last month. For her, that is a very frequent schedule. I love that and I know she is having fun.

There may be light at the end of the tunnel. I expect we have a lot of work to do to get there. If she felt able, I deserved a hard spanking after that ruined orgasm: 1 for coming without permission and, 2 for upsetting my lovely lioness. Maybe she owes me another “Naughty Lion” coupon for that. I certainly didn’t do myself proud at all. I feel terrible about making her feel inadequate and sad. That’s unforgivable.

(Wednesday, August 27, 2014) Tuesday night was teasing night in the lions’ den. Mrs. Lion decided to tease me orally. This is very intense. She got me very excited, nearly to the edge a couple of times and then went in for the kill. Once again she got me just past the point of no return. It was a pretty large ruined orgasm. When I calmed a bit, she returned to the scene of the crime and continued oral attention. The tip of my penis was very sensitive and she gave it a lot of tongue attention. I couldn’t help squirming. After a while, she stopped and let me calm down. I did remain hard after the ruined orgasm once again.

Later, we chatted a bit. I wondered (out loud) if the ruined orgasms have the effect of taking the edge off my desperation to come. Mrs. Lion said I could wait another week if I wanted. I said I didn’t. However today, while I am still horny and unsatisfied, I am definitely not desperate the way I was the last time I had to wait this long. Today is the tenth day (of eleven). At this point during my twelve day wait, the instant I was uncaged I was hard. Last night, it took a bit of convincing to get me to stand at attention. However, Mrs. Lion did point out that my erection was really large; she couldn’t get it all in her mouth. I have to admit that until now, I never gave a lot of thought to the quality of my arousal. I just thought of myself as hard or soft. Clearly, ruined orgasms change my sexual responses.

The tease session before last night (Tuesday) was on Sunday night. During that session I had two ruined orgasms. Afterward, during the night, I woke and found myself trying to get hard. This sort of response also happens after a full orgasm. The next day (Monday), I was fairly mellow and not particularly desperate for release. Tuesday, however, was a different story. Sex was on my mind a lot. I really wanted to come.

Today is like Monday. I am easy to arouse; just thinking about last night is giving me a chubby. But I also feel rather content. In fact, on Tuesday when I thought about Mrs. Lion making me wait longer I got pretty concerned. I didn’t want that to happen and I wrote about it in yesterday’s post. Now, as I consider Mrs. Lion’s threat of another week, I am not as upset. If Mrs. Lion decides to make me wait a little longer (not a week!), I won’t like it, but it won’t be as serious as I thought yesterday. This doesn’t mean that the extension isn’t a big deal, it just reflects my day-after-ruined-orgasm state of mind. Tomorrow, it will feel like the end of the world.

Mrs. Lion really enjoys delivering ruined orgasms. I love that she enjoys it. I hope she makes that a regular part of her lion teasing. I just think that she may need to consider my day-after state of mind in her plans for lion management. I don’t think I need 24 hours to recover my prior state.  I can already feel the desperation creeping back.

I know that a key part of sexual control is manipulation of my desire for sex. Edging keeps my interest in an orgasm in the front of my mind. Just being locked up without teasing will drastically reduce my desire to orgasm after a day or two. That’s why Mrs. Lion teases me every other day. It assures that I can’t forget that she controls my ability to orgasm.

If my thinking is correct, by tomorrow morning I will really want that orgasm. If Mrs. Lion edges me tonight without a ruined orgasm, then by Thursday I will be super desperate for that promised release. I knew that teasing played a bit part in my reaction to being caged, but I had no idea it is such a powerful tool for controlling me.