Mrs Lion Comments (Page 469)

Yesterday I was going to write a post in support of Lion’s post. Then I thought, no, people will see how difficult it is for someone to admit to being depressed. They will see how difficult it is for a man to admit to crying. They’ll think he’s as brave as I do. Surely no one will cut him down for “only” being depressed because of our situation. Once again, I was wrong.

I can’t figure out how admitting to being depressed does anything to take away from another person being depressed. If anything, Thumper’s posts gave Lion the strength he needed to talk about it. It didn’t diminish Thumper’s struggle. When Robin Williams committed suicide, how many people were able to get the help they needed because of the realization that they were not alone? Did that detract from Robin Williams’ depression? Absolutely not. I’ll continue to think that Lion and Thumper are strong people for sharing their feelings. It’s important to remember that everyone is struggling with something and there should be no stigma attached regardless of how real you believe their struggle to be.

Okay. I’m off my soapbox. Now onto Lion’s post from this morning. To me, it falls into the “I can’t win” category. Have we been playing every night? For a while, yes. I missed a few nights along the way, but I picked things back up. Some months back he said I just unlock him and start right in. I didn’t have any lead up. So I started with a lead up. I don’t just yank on him right off the bat. I spoke about having him bring me the key the other night, hoping it added some fanfare. Apparently Lion needs a floor show.

I do understand the lack of follow through with the anal play. I’m terrible with that. Very inconsistent. I try not to over promise anymore. I almost made a big deal about his birthday orgasm, then I realized that I’ll be cooking all day, and he’ll have a big meal, and I have no idea how either of us will feel. Full stomachs have a way of quashing elaborate sex plans. I’ll keep my plans to myself until I see what we’re ready for.

After I read his post last night, I said I wasn’t sure where to go from there. Any activity at that point might seem like he had influenced me. I wasn’t even sure if he wanted to play. But if I didn’t play with him that would be wrong too. He told me to get interested again. Strange. I thought I was interested. I thought we’ve been playing. Every night. As promised. I thought I was not just yanking on him. I thought I was changing things up a little each night. It’s true that I play on my iPad while I watch TV. Lion does too, to a lesser extent. When I think it’s time to play, I take out the key and we play. I decide. Yes, I have taken into account that 10 is too late and that 9 is a better time, but we play any time after we’re settled in. I’ve made sure we don’t always play at 9 because that would be the same as playing at 10 every night and Lion didn’t like that because it felt scheduled.

Ironically, when Lion accuses (strong word, go with it for a minute, Lion) me of being disinterested, I then become disinterested because I think I’ve been doing what he wants and where do I go from there? The logical thing is to start promising that I will do better. But was I doing worse leading up to that point? Not worse. Just not as much fanfare. I wasn’t selling it. So now do I continue the way things are, when I thought I was interested, or do I sell it to seem more interested? Or do we quit? That was Lion’s suggestion last night. All or nothing. [Lion – I don’t think it is something Mrs. Lion is failing. It has to do with my own insecurity. I’m not sure she needs to change anything. Maybe we just need to talk about enforced chastity and FLM more. It feels to me like it is less integrated into our lives than it used to be. Of course, that could be my low self image talking.]

Well, I can’t do all. I am inconsistent. I won’t suddenly change into an overbearing, find-all-the-mistakes, dominatrix. And I don’t want to do nothing. I want Lion to have what he wants even if I can’t give him all he wants. There has to be a compromise. If I know us, we’ll find it.

Lion and I have been looking for ways to manage our evenings. Somehow he still gets home before I do most nights. He’s still doing most of the cooking. I wondered if a slow cooker would be of any help. We could throw ingredients in it before we leave for work and a meal would magically be waiting for us when we get home. Today is the maiden voyage of the slow cooker. With any luck, we will have yummy chicken cacciatore tonight. Lion is unsure of the seasoning. I’m sure it will take some tweaking, but the slow cooker may be the answer to many dinners in the future.

Last night, when I came out of the shower, I took Lion’s key out but left it in the bathroom. Normally I bring it out with me and have it handy for when I decide to unlock him. Last night I had something else to do so I left the key on the counter. When Lion was in the bathroom I asked him to bring me the key. By asking him to bring it to me, I was hoping it would give him a sense of, “Oh boy! I’m being unlocked!” more than if I just took out the key. You know, a little more fanfare. He likes that. He was definitely happy. He was even happier when I decided to give him a little oral action. It’s more difficult to edge him orally, since I can’t watch him to see how close he is. I think I got him a few times though. If nothing else, I got him all worked up. Naturally he said he would have liked more and would have preferred an actual orgasm. At least he only has a few days left to wait.

I also forgot maintenance spanking night last night. On Sunday I was positive it was punishment night. Monday he had no items on his list anyway. Last night I don’t know what happened. It’s fine though. I’ll just make up for it tonight. I should just swat him randomly because I can. Maybe I’ll start to do that. I’m sure he won’t mind and if he does it’s just too darn bad.

When I was growing up I wanted to be a writer. In fifth grade I wrote a “book” and my friend illustrated it. That was the deal: I’d write and she’d illustrate. Then she moved away and we lost touch. Through the magic of Facebook, I found her again. She is, in fact, an illustrator for children’s books. Along the way I decided that being a writer was not feasible. How many people write the great American novel anyway? Life took over and I got nothing job after nothing job. Not that the jobs were worthless. It just wasn’t what I wanted to be when I grew up. I think the blog takes a little of the sting out of that missed dream. I get to write every day.

Since I’m an introvert, I always said that I never wanted to get married or have kids. I wasn’t a social person. How can you get married if you’re not social? I mean, you have to interact with people to find someone to marry, right? Well, somehow, I did find someone and we had kids. And obviously I’d do anything for them. If I had any idea exactly where the one in the army was at this particular moment I’d be trying to protect him better than his armor does on maneuvers right now in Afghanistan. And was that my dream for him when he was born? Well, yes, actually. Not specifically to be a soldier. Actually no, not a soldier at all. But I wanted him to be happy. That’s all I cared about. And damn it if he isn’t happy doing what he does!

What does all this have to do with our blog? It’s simple. Life doesn’t always go the way you planned. Usually it takes so many twists and turns you wind up very far from where you intended. Sometimes you wind up, in a roundabout way, doing exactly what you planned, but the journey changes it somehow. So Lion and I, against countless odds, growing up in different generations, only 70 miles away from each other most of our lives, wound up together. If you had told either of us we’d be where we are today we’d think you were crazy. And if you told us we’d be doing male chastity or FLM, we’d think you were crazy. Well, maybe Lion wouldn’t, but I would.

I never imagined that I’d have a pet Lion. I never imagined I’d be doing the things I do to him. Now I can’t imagine not doing them. I can’t imagine not having Lion in my life. And damn it if I’m not happy!

Sometimes, when I take Lion out for a spin, I wonder if I really need to edge him every time. What if I just got him hard and put him away? Would it have the same effect as edging him? Would he be just as horny afterwards? What if I never actually edged him at all during a wait? What if it was a short wait, four days or so, and I never edged him once? If I only got him hard and stopped before he really got to the edge, would he be as frustrated when the time came for his orgasm? Or does it send a different message?

Lots of questions. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, but I’ve never discussed it with Lion. I know he would say I should do what I want. I’m in charge. I don’t know what I want to do. What if it has some unintended consequence? What if he’s not as horny and isn’t ready for his orgasm? What if he thinks I don’t want to edge him anymore? What if he feels ignored/rejected/whatever else he might feel? So far, I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it even once. I know once won’t cause any permanent “damage”. I just don’t want him to miss out on what he’s looking for. If he expects to be edged, then I should edge him.

I guess it’s just my indecision rearing its ugly head again. Lion is right, I should do what I want. He needs no explanation as to why I’m doing a certain thing. If I’ve gotten it into my head that he should be tied down and have Icy Hot smeared on his balls every night this week, then that’s what should happen. Don’t worry, Lion. There’s no Icy Hot in your immediate future. But there might be a non-edging session.