I always tease Lion about getting him one of those hula girl statues for his car. He grumbles every time. The other day we had our company Christmas lunch. We exchanged white elephant gifts and I wound up with a hula girl. Except it wasn’t a hula girl. It was a hula guy. I teased Lion about putting him in Lion’s car instead of a hula girl. He grumbled that he didn’t want it in his car. He suggested I put it in my truck.

I wasn’t really going to put him in Lion’s car but what if I did? Would it embarrass Lion to have a hula girl in his car? Yes. Would it be worse if the hula girl was a hula guy? Oh yes! The bigger question is that if I told Lion to put Braddah Ed (as the package calls him) on his dashboard, should he have to do it? I say yes. My power in this relationship is not relegated to the bedroom. Lion wears panties to work. He has two punishment shirts to wear in public. If he spills food on his shirt in a restaurant he still gets punished. My weenie is locked away no matter where he goes. If I want the hula man to dance on his dashboard the hula man should dance on his dashboard.

A few weeks ago my windshield got cracked when a rock bounced out of a truck on the highway. Many cars in Washington have cracked windshields. The cops don’t pay much attention. In New York they’d pull you over just for that. I don’t think Washington cops even bother mentioning it if they’ve pulled you over for something else. It’s just a fact of life here. The last time it happened Lion insisted I get it fixed right away. It wasn’t big and I figured I’d get creamed right away anyway but Lion was insistent. This time I wanted to wait a bit. The crack is growing and now Lion was getting worried. He made an appointment for the new windshield. He’s working from home this week so I stole his car to get to work. I told him yesterday that I’d install hula man on his dashboard while I had his car.

Unfortunately, hula man is a big boy. He doesn’t fit on Lion’s dash. I tried. Damn it! I wasn’t really going to leave him there. I just wanted to take a picture of the Buddha-bodied, grass-skirted sex symbol to make Lion nervous. He does, however, look right at home in the cup holder. He’d still be a reminder of exactly who’s in charge when he happened to catch Lion’s eye.

wood paddle
This says it all

Sometimes, what seem to be little things turn out to have a lot of impact. Our recent panty activities  is a case in point. I now have about ten pairs of panties. I wear one of them when Mrs. Lion tells me. The thing is that every morning she informs me whether I wear my regular underwear or whether I will wear panties.

No big deal, right? Wrong! This daily command is a sexy exercise of power that affects me at the beginning of every day. I no longer know whether I will be in a frilly thong or my red Calvin Klein men’s boxer briefs. If I am to wear panties, they stay on even after I come home. When I shower, I have to put them back on and they only come off when Mrs. Lion tells me to remove them. If I wear my normal underwear, I am naked from the time I get home until I dress the next day.

I’m not sure why this is a big deal to me, but it is. Perhaps it is because this is a true expression of Mrs. Lion’s power. Even putting on my regular underpants feels different because she told me to wear them. She’s making a decision that affects my entire day.

People have commented that Mrs. Lion isn’t in charge because I generally come up with the things she does. After all, I asked for enforced chastity. I asked her to spank me. And, I did suggest panties. All are my ideas based on my kinky needs.

Mrs. Lion agreed to all of them. Here’s where it gets interesting. Yes, she locks me up as I requested. But she controls my lockup to her standards. I asked to play the game. She made up the rules. Similarly, I am spanked well past the point I want. It stops being pleasure and becomes punishment. She stops when she wants to. I have no say in the matter. I wanted the humiliation of panties and other frilly things. I’m getting them just the way she wants me to wear them.

Domination does not require the dominant partner to think up what she does to her submissive. Much of the time, the dominant partner takes on that role because her partner needs her to do it. She may love the power when she gets it, but she is doing it because he needs it.

I am very sure that Mrs. Lion would never assume her role on her own. We could be married 100 years and it would never occur to her. I’m sure this is true of most couples who are in a power exchange. She’s my soul mate and I would be with her if she never lifted a paddle again. The fact that she has taken on her role is a sign of her love for me.

She isn’t following a script I wrote for her. She is learning through trial and error what works for her and what works for me. She focuses, perhaps too much, on what works for me. I encourage her to have fun and be a lot less concerned about how much I like something. If she likes it, I will learn to accept and perhaps like what she does. It much more important to me that she has a good time.

Last spring I was interviewed for an article to be published in a leading men’s magazine. It remains unpublished. However, I am regularly contacted by the writer with additional questions about me and enforced chastity. I got another question yesterday. This one really got me thinking.

“A quick follow up question, which may sound kind of weird. Have you read Shel Silverstein’s “The Missing Piece”? If so, what do you think about it? Does it relates at all to your relationship with your wife?”

I never read the book, but found a Wikipedia entry that summarizes the plot. Shel Silverstein wrote this children’s book in 1976. The story is about a circle that has a wedge-shaped piece missing. The circle travels the earth looking for the missing piece. It finds it and is complete. But then the circle finds it rolls too fast to meet and interact with others. Allegorically, this story suggests that if one finds his “missing piece” that he changes and can’t be what he was before. He finds he was happier searching for the missing piece than actually finding it.

I think that the author’s point was that kids should be themselves and enjoy who they are. The circle was happier without fitting in by adding the missing piece. That’s a very 70’s concept. People were obsessed with being individuals and not changing to conform. I get it.

Obviously, I think the original premise of the book is absolutely valid in terms of my own life. I go my own way. I don’t worry about being like others in many ways. I don’t think I have a missing piece that would make me better. I like wandering through life at a pace that lets me try new things without concern about being judged. But then how does my relationship with Mrs. Lion fit into this picture? Does it complete my circle and stop from being who I was before?

We’re talking about a loss of individuality. I’ve surrendered sexual control to my wife. Am I now subsumed into her world? Have I lost the ability to explore my world and act as I wish? On the surface, it would appear that I have. I can’t enjoy any sexual activity without Mrs. Lion providing it. I’m locked in a device that doesn’t even allow an erection. That sounds like I’ve lost something.

I haven’t. Since I have been with her, I have never looked for a sexual relationship with anyone else. Yes, I masturbated when the need arose; but that’s it. So, masturbation has been taken from me. I can’t decide when I will have an erection, get my penis stimulated, and ultimately ejaculate. Sound like a big deal to you? It can be when I’m horny. Like other mammals, if sex isn’t available, I will be easily distracted and go on to other non-sexual activities.

Sexual submission on a 24/7 basis is, at worst, inconvenient. I lose a little sleep now and then when I really want sex. But that’s it. I don’t find myself becoming a fawning, housework-performing, foot-massaging submissive. I don’t try to earn ejaculation by becoming someone else. That stuff is the fodder of fantasies. You can’t live your life in that kind of state.

I got into enforced chastity because the idea turned me on. Ironic, isn’t it? I enjoy that Mrs. Lion has sexual power over me. It’s hot. I still go to work as a leader. I still make the same decisions at home I did before my surrender. I try to please my wife exactly the same way I did pre-chastity device.

On a larger scale, I think the concept that being “completed” by a soulmate somehow requires subsuming myself into her. I’m no longer able to stop and smell the roses. I have to “roll” without doing what I did before. That can be a mighty fear. But in my experience, the opposite is true.

Mrs. Lion and I don’t share many interests. That doesn’t mean either of us gives up what we like and want to do. Instead, we get to try things we would have never considered when alone. Some of those things turn out to be something we both enjoy. Others, not so much. Sure, like enforced chastity, being completed does mean I get less opportunities to do some things I did when single. It also means I get to realize longstanding dreams and fantasies.

I will do anything to make Mrs. Lion happy. That was true before our power exchange. She will do anything I want even though she is now in charge. It turns out that when grownups with fully formed personalities “complete” each other’s circle, they grow and find happiness in ways they never imagined before being together. We are both happier now than we have ever been before.

Did I answer the question?

In my experience, very few women actively like looking at penises.They seem to think of them the same way they think about hand tools. You know, useful tools that have multiple purposes, but not something you keep a picture of in your phone to smile at during a private moment. They do like what the toolr can do. They like the way it can make other things work better (us). But as an object of art, no. On the other hand, most really like power some power tools. Alas, we don’t come equipped with those.

Mrs. Lion has never shown any real interest in looking at my penis, hard or soft. She does, however, actively seek opportunities to see my bare ass, especially with my balls hanging down. I’m a little surprised she doesn’t have that picture in her phone. Now she probably will. It isn’t that she doesn’t like my penis. She enjoys controlling it by making it hard. She likes to make me ejaculate. She really likes how happy her attention to it makes me. But as something to look at, not so much. On the other hand, I like the way my penis looks. Like most guys, I take pride in my erection. I don’t carry around a picture of it either. That would seem too vain. There is clearly a visual disconnect about my sex organ.

By extension, guys who wear them, are very visually involved with chastity devices. Some spend many thousands of dollars on exotic devices that please them aesthetically. I have a custom-made Jail Bird. My penis largely stays in view when the cage is on and the device itself has a nice, industrial look.

The thing is, Mrs. Lion isn’t all that interested in the device. I’m not convinced that she is terribly involved in the idea that I wear one at all. After our last summer trip, she didn’t lock me back up in the device. I stayed unlocked for almost a month until I asked her if she wanted me to be back in the device. She said that she thought I had learned to control myself and could be trusted not to masturbate or find other sexual outlets no matter how horny I felt. The device wasn’t really necessary.

She was right. While we haven’t tested it, I think I am past self-release, if not the occasional assisted erection. There was a much more significant message in that comment: To her, the important thing is that I have surrendered control. The device was a teaching tool. There is no downside to maintaining the orgasm control without the cage.

Then why did I ask about the device? Did I miss it? Mrs. Lion opined that I was worried things would slip back into no sexual activity if the cage wasn’t there as a reminder. I do think that is a risk in the same way I might jerk off at some point without authorization. For the record, I am never permitted to masturbate, ever. Any sexual sensations come from Mrs. Lion.

I began this adventure because I wanted to try enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion agreed and off we went. We lasted this long because the power exchange has significantly enhanced our relationship. I can be trusted to be wild without any real risk of sexual activity not provided by my lioness. Our communication and physical closeness have improved dramatically. We aren’t going back.

Once we remove the obvious sexual control issue from my continued wearing of a chastity device, we get down to reasons that don’t involve our power exchange at all. My ego would like to think that Mrs. Lion wants me to wear the device because she likes how it looks on me. I would like that a lot.

I have a love/hate relationship with the device. There are times it is inconvenient and uncomfortable. It’s a real inconvenience when I want to pee. It can be uncomfortable on trips when I sit in a car or plane for hours. I worry that the bulge will be noticed. I love that the device makes it impossible for me to get hard, much less come, no matter how badly I want it. I love that Mrs. Lion, not me, has absolute control.

It’s like bondage to me. There is a big difference between something physical actively preventing me from even massaging my penis and my self control being the only barrier. I have the self control. I’m not worried I will succumb. But there is something arousing about that control being physically taken from me.

Sure, I can see that from Mrs. Lion’s perspective, what really counts is that I honor my sexual surrender. As long as she is confident I won’t cheat, the device isn’t necessary. But from my point of view there is a vast difference. When I am locked up, Mrs. Lion is actively controlling me. She locks my penis in the cage and only she can remove it. At least to that extent, she has to think about and act on my chastity. When I am wild, there is no active component for her.

If I could change anything, I would hope Mrs. Lion would want me locked up as much as possible. I would want her to feel that way because she would enjoy the pure control it gives her. When I am wild, she depends on my agreement to honor our power exchange. When I am locked up it doesn’t matter how I feel about it. My penis is unavailable to me, period. I’m wired to be turned on by control that doesn’t require my cooperation.

On those occasions when she lets me know that I have no choice I love it. When she keeps me from coming when I am incredibly desperate for an orgasm, I feel that control. She doesn’t have to tie my hands when I am unlocked to assure I won’t take matters into my own hands, but when she uses restraints, even just my wrists, it’s that much more exciting for me.

You know, it would be really cool if she did have a picture or two in her phone of my penis, maybe showing the rest of me too and maybe one of the cage that she would look at and think fond, lioness thoughts.