Last spring I was interviewed for an article to be published in a leading men’s magazine. It remains unpublished. However, I am regularly contacted by the writer with additional questions about me and enforced chastity. I got another question yesterday. This one really got me thinking.

“A quick follow up question, which may sound kind of weird. Have you read Shel Silverstein’s “The Missing Piece”? If so, what do you think about it? Does it relates at all to your relationship with your wife?”

I never read the book, but found a Wikipedia entry that summarizes the plot. Shel Silverstein wrote this children’s book in 1976. The story is about a circle that has a wedge-shaped piece missing. The circle travels the earth looking for the missing piece. It finds it and is complete. But then the circle finds it rolls too fast to meet and interact with others. Allegorically, this story suggests that if one finds his “missing piece” that he changes and can’t be what he was before. He finds he was happier searching for the missing piece than actually finding it.

I think that the author’s point was that kids should be themselves and enjoy who they are. The circle was happier without fitting in by adding the missing piece. That’s a very 70’s concept. People were obsessed with being individuals and not changing to conform. I get it.

Obviously, I think the original premise of the book is absolutely valid in terms of my own life. I go my own way. I don’t worry about being like others in many ways. I don’t think I have a missing piece that would make me better. I like wandering through life at a pace that lets me try new things without concern about being judged. But then how does my relationship with Mrs. Lion fit into this picture? Does it complete my circle and stop from being who I was before?

We’re talking about a loss of individuality. I’ve surrendered sexual control to my wife. Am I now subsumed into her world? Have I lost the ability to explore my world and act as I wish? On the surface, it would appear that I have. I can’t enjoy any sexual activity without Mrs. Lion providing it. I’m locked in a device that doesn’t even allow an erection. That sounds like I’ve lost something.

I haven’t. Since I have been with her, I have never looked for a sexual relationship with anyone else. Yes, I masturbated when the need arose; but that’s it. So, masturbation has been taken from me. I can’t decide when I will have an erection, get my penis stimulated, and ultimately ejaculate. Sound like a big deal to you? It can be when I’m horny. Like other mammals, if sex isn’t available, I will be easily distracted and go on to other non-sexual activities.

Sexual submission on a 24/7 basis is, at worst, inconvenient. I lose a little sleep now and then when I really want sex. But that’s it. I don’t find myself becoming a fawning, housework-performing, foot-massaging submissive. I don’t try to earn ejaculation by becoming someone else. That stuff is the fodder of fantasies. You can’t live your life in that kind of state.

I got into enforced chastity because the idea turned me on. Ironic, isn’t it? I enjoy that Mrs. Lion has sexual power over me. It’s hot. I still go to work as a leader. I still make the same decisions at home I did before my surrender. I try to please my wife exactly the same way I did pre-chastity device.

On a larger scale, I think the concept that being “completed” by a soulmate somehow requires subsuming myself into her. I’m no longer able to stop and smell the roses. I have to “roll” without doing what I did before. That can be a mighty fear. But in my experience, the opposite is true.

Mrs. Lion and I don’t share many interests. That doesn’t mean either of us gives up what we like and want to do. Instead, we get to try things we would have never considered when alone. Some of those things turn out to be something we both enjoy. Others, not so much. Sure, like enforced chastity, being completed does mean I get less opportunities to do some things I did when single. It also means I get to realize longstanding dreams and fantasies.

I will do anything to make Mrs. Lion happy. That was true before our power exchange. She will do anything I want even though she is now in charge. It turns out that when grownups with fully formed personalities “complete” each other’s circle, they grow and find happiness in ways they never imagined before being together. We are both happier now than we have ever been before.

Did I answer the question?

In my experience, very few women actively like looking at penises.They seem to think of them the same way they think about hand tools. You know, useful tools that have multiple purposes, but not something you keep a picture of in your phone to smile at during a private moment. They do like what the toolr can do. They like the way it can make other things work better (us). But as an object of art, no. On the other hand, most really like power some power tools. Alas, we don’t come equipped with those.

Mrs. Lion has never shown any real interest in looking at my penis, hard or soft. She does, however, actively seek opportunities to see my bare ass, especially with my balls hanging down. I’m a little surprised she doesn’t have that picture in her phone. Now she probably will. It isn’t that she doesn’t like my penis. She enjoys controlling it by making it hard. She likes to make me ejaculate. She really likes how happy her attention to it makes me. But as something to look at, not so much. On the other hand, I like the way my penis looks. Like most guys, I take pride in my erection. I don’t carry around a picture of it either. That would seem too vain. There is clearly a visual disconnect about my sex organ.

By extension, guys who wear them, are very visually involved with chastity devices. Some spend many thousands of dollars on exotic devices that please them aesthetically. I have a custom-made Jail Bird. My penis largely stays in view when the cage is on and the device itself has a nice, industrial look.

The thing is, Mrs. Lion isn’t all that interested in the device. I’m not convinced that she is terribly involved in the idea that I wear one at all. After our last summer trip, she didn’t lock me back up in the device. I stayed unlocked for almost a month until I asked her if she wanted me to be back in the device. She said that she thought I had learned to control myself and could be trusted not to masturbate or find other sexual outlets no matter how horny I felt. The device wasn’t really necessary.

She was right. While we haven’t tested it, I think I am past self-release, if not the occasional assisted erection. There was a much more significant message in that comment: To her, the important thing is that I have surrendered control. The device was a teaching tool. There is no downside to maintaining the orgasm control without the cage.

Then why did I ask about the device? Did I miss it? Mrs. Lion opined that I was worried things would slip back into no sexual activity if the cage wasn’t there as a reminder. I do think that is a risk in the same way I might jerk off at some point without authorization. For the record, I am never permitted to masturbate, ever. Any sexual sensations come from Mrs. Lion.

I began this adventure because I wanted to try enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion agreed and off we went. We lasted this long because the power exchange has significantly enhanced our relationship. I can be trusted to be wild without any real risk of sexual activity not provided by my lioness. Our communication and physical closeness have improved dramatically. We aren’t going back.

Once we remove the obvious sexual control issue from my continued wearing of a chastity device, we get down to reasons that don’t involve our power exchange at all. My ego would like to think that Mrs. Lion wants me to wear the device because she likes how it looks on me. I would like that a lot.

I have a love/hate relationship with the device. There are times it is inconvenient and uncomfortable. It’s a real inconvenience when I want to pee. It can be uncomfortable on trips when I sit in a car or plane for hours. I worry that the bulge will be noticed. I love that the device makes it impossible for me to get hard, much less come, no matter how badly I want it. I love that Mrs. Lion, not me, has absolute control.

It’s like bondage to me. There is a big difference between something physical actively preventing me from even massaging my penis and my self control being the only barrier. I have the self control. I’m not worried I will succumb. But there is something arousing about that control being physically taken from me.

Sure, I can see that from Mrs. Lion’s perspective, what really counts is that I honor my sexual surrender. As long as she is confident I won’t cheat, the device isn’t necessary. But from my point of view there is a vast difference. When I am locked up, Mrs. Lion is actively controlling me. She locks my penis in the cage and only she can remove it. At least to that extent, she has to think about and act on my chastity. When I am wild, there is no active component for her.

If I could change anything, I would hope Mrs. Lion would want me locked up as much as possible. I would want her to feel that way because she would enjoy the pure control it gives her. When I am wild, she depends on my agreement to honor our power exchange. When I am locked up it doesn’t matter how I feel about it. My penis is unavailable to me, period. I’m wired to be turned on by control that doesn’t require my cooperation.

On those occasions when she lets me know that I have no choice I love it. When she keeps me from coming when I am incredibly desperate for an orgasm, I feel that control. She doesn’t have to tie my hands when I am unlocked to assure I won’t take matters into my own hands, but when she uses restraints, even just my wrists, it’s that much more exciting for me.

You know, it would be really cool if she did have a picture or two in her phone of my penis, maybe showing the rest of me too and maybe one of the cage that she would look at and think fond, lioness thoughts.

I have been reviewing comments and posts over the last week or so. I thought I saw a theme, so I went back further. Sure enough there is a subtext that certainly makes me look silly. For example, Pageantry and Fanfare, Mrs. Lion’s post from earlier this week makes it abundantly clear how silly it is of me to want my key inaccessible. The ineluctable conclusion that you, dear reader, must make is that I am a kinky child with a very indulgent wife. In the dominant/submissive fantasy world, that would make her the ideal mate. How many guys want to be demeaned and objectified? I know that many do. How many women roll their eyes and sigh when they read about the lengths that my dear lioness goes to indulge my perversions? How many guys think I am the luckiest man in the world?

In many respects I am. After all, I’m living a powerful male fantasy. I can’t reasonably expect that my wife will enthusiastically embrace these things. Some women do, but most, like Mrs. Lion, don’t. She certainly provokes chuckles when she writes about the clearly insane lengths I asked her to go to secrete my cage’s key. Any rational person would immediately see that there is no real need to hide it at all. Enforced chastity is, after all, my thing. Almost two years of lockup prove I’m not going to unlock my cage without permission. So isn’t it funny that I would want the key securely locked away?

There is nothing rational about wanting enforced chastity. The same is true of the other things Mrs. Lion does for me. To many it may seem crazy, to others, funny. I agree that some of it is funny. It may be silly that I want to lose the ability to unlock myself. After all, I wouldn’t anyway. But in my toddler mind, there is a big difference between being able to sneak out the key and unlock myself and being completely unable to unlock without discovery. It’s the old “won’t” and “can’t” thing. I get a far stronger message from “can’t” and “no” than I do from “won’t” or “maybe”. It’s how I am wired.

It isn’t that talking about how funny I am isn’t appreciated. Mrs. Lion’s “Pageantry and Fanfare” post drew this high praise from Mrs. Fever, one of our longstanding readers,

“‘Like’ is not strong enough: I wish there was a ‘Love’ button for this post. Or, at the very least, a thumbs-up or fist-bump. Pageantry. *nodnodnod*”

When the laughter dies down, maybe a deeper context will seep through. Yes, my kinks are irrational and to some, funny. Do Mrs. Fever and Mrs. Lion imagine that I didn’t see the inconsistencies in my request for a more secure key lockup? Did they consider that the request was made to make it impossible for me to cheat without discovery? Could they understand that it is important for me to remove even the possibility of unseen cheating? I’m sure they could, but the inherent silliness of such a request couldn’t be met with understanding silence.

For the record, I don’t mind the toddler references at all. I think they are a fair representation of some of my non-kink behaviors. I like the characterization. It fits my fantasies on one level, and is accurate feedback on another. In fact, Mrs. Lion’s references to me as a toddler feel to me like she is embracing her role in FLM and domestic discipline. I am happy about that. I don’t mind her writing about that at all. I like that her writing often makes me chuckle. I also don’t mind reading about my wish for more security. I can laugh at myself. Mrs. Lion writes very funny stuff sometimes. She’s right. I am a toddler and it makes sense to think of me as one of the kids. Fortunately for her, I am the only one still living at home.

One of the things I find most interesting about reading blogs is the writer’s choice of content. Blogs like ours were created to share information and experiences about enforced male chastity. Most never make their first birthday. That’s not too surprising. Based on my reading, it seems that once the novelty wears off, wearing a chastity device stops being very interesting. How exciting is simply having opportunities to ejaculate scheduled? It’s very exciting to some like me, but I can understand that it has limited appeal to many. Ok, that might explain why some people quit enforced chastity, but I think the early demise of many blogs is caused by something else: the fact that you can only write so much about being locked up and waiting.

Some of the blogs that keep going focus on describing teasing and release. They are extremely explicit and delight their readers with arousing sexual writing. Others branch out. Some talk about more extensive power exchanges and end up being about dominance and submission with little-if-any mention of enforced chastity. Others talk about life surrounding their kinks. We fall into that category, I think. This sort of blog has a better chance for a longer life. Of course, the underlying kinks have to stay in place. It isn’t too interesting to read or write about a once-kinky relationship that is now vanilla. Some blogs chronicle the more tragic deterioration of a relationship. The kink rarely causes the problem. Typically the kink was tried as a way to attempt to fix a much larger problem.

I can’t claim that I had any grand purpose in mind when I started The Journal. My modest concept was to write what I know about enforced chastity and BDSM (the non-blog pages on this site) and to write a journal of my surrender. I had no idea if anyone but Mrs. Lion and I would be interested, but I wanted to write. It turned out that Mrs. Lion likes writing too. We fell into a pattern where I would journal my thoughts and feelings and Mrs. Lion would report the events supporting our activities. It evolved into us both expressing what we are feeling and what we want. This can, at times, cause problems.

Sometimes I write what I believe to be Mrs. Lion’s feelings and interest. I will claim she is getting into an activity and is becoming an enthusiastic advocate. We preview each other’s writing. When she reads those claims, she will correct me. Most of the time she will want me to publish what I wrote. Then in her daily post she will correct my mistakes. Other times, I will edit the post to more correctly represent her. Rarely, one of us will write something that is difficult for the other to read and would be too personal to go into the blog. I’m usually the one who is unhappy with a post my lioness writes. It’s not that she is wrong, but reading it can really hurt. There is never an intention to hurt. It’s a topic that is rooted in very deep feelings and the post exposes some raw nerves.

That post never makes it here. But its message is heard. Oddly, these occasional unpublished posts turn out to be some of the most valuable writing either of us does. When Mrs. Lion writes one of those posts, it points out a way that I’m doing something she doesn’t like. It isn’t a simple thing like interrupting her. It is something she gives up because I don’t like her doing it. Fortunately, there isn’t too much that falls into that category. But prior to our blog, I would never find out about any of them. Yesterday, she wrote one of those posts. She was 100 percent right. It’s something I have to change. But it is also something based in very old, deep-seated feelings. She feels badly that it hurt so much for me to read what she wrote. I don’t want things to change, but they must. I’m wrong and unfair to refuse to change. She’s resolved to get past my objections and do what she wants. I support that even if I hate it.

I don’t mean to be cryptic about this. But it’s important for you to know that there are boundaries between our public writing and our more intimate conversations. I don’t think Mrs. Lion would have even touched this subject if she knew how it would make me feel. I am glad she did. These unsaid feelings, suppressed wishes, and buried sadness can only weaken a relationship. Whatever the mechanism, if they can come out in a loving way, the relationship will grow and the love deepen further. I’m not trying to stoke your curiosity. Let’s leave it with my assurance it isn’t a major problem; just something that will make Mrs. Lion’s life better and shouldn’t hurt mine at all. In this case, I am glad to share the “why” even if I don’t want to share the “what”. I hope you understand.