Life with Mrs. Lion (Page 3)

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and find it hard to get back to sleep. Those are the times I think about my life. There are so many choices. Each one leads to more. I find myself tracking back, wondering what might have happened if I did something different. Where would I be now?

The most important events in my life seem to be more accidents than decisions. I met Mrs. Lion because I happened to run across an online dating site and I was feeling horny and a bit lonely. I had never seen the site before. It wasn’t particularly slick. I decided to see who might be there. I registered and wrote a minimal profile. That gave me access to search. I don’t remember exactly what I put in, but about 100 profiles appeared.

One profile picture struck me. It was a closeup of a cute, smiling female face. I don’t even think it was in color. Her smile tugged at my heart. Weird. Her profile said she was looking for a hookup, not in those words. Her approximate location seemed fairly close to me. I was surprised at my reaction. I didn’t do anything on the first visit. The next day I decided to try to contact her. This particular site was free to search but charged if you wanted to contact someone. Only the person making the first contact had to pay. I figured, “Fuck it!” and paid for a membership.

I found her picture and sent her a message. I think it was pretty brief; just a “let’s chat” sort of thing. I figured the odds were against her responding. Neither her profile nor her picture revealed anything about how she looked below her head. I wondered if that was intentional. I decided that I didn’t care.

Also going through my head at the time was whether I wanted to be sure she was kinky and liked to play. Until that moment, my connections had been through our local BDSM organization. Kinky was assumed. I was at the end of a tumultuous decade-long master/slave relationship — Yes, I was the master — and was tired of drama. I realized that what I wanted was a peaceful, loving relationship. I thought I could live happily without BDSM. In any case, I decided that it wasn’t high on my wish list.

I figured that some hot sex without strings or drama would be very good. I hoped this smiling, mystery woman would write back. Talk about random! Most of the time women on these dating sites don’t respond. Apparently, there are a thousand male members for every female. It seemed to me that a cute woman wanting sex would be inundated with contacts. Still, I hoped she would contact me.

She did. We exchanged some messages. It felt good to me and apparently to her too. It turned out that she lived about  90 minutes from my house. I was concerned that if we did too much email before meeting, we might create expectations impossible to meet. I suggested we meet only a couple of days after our first contact. She agreed! She was also willing to meet for sex. No preliminary coffee meeting in a safe restaurant for us. I did some research and found a Super 8 motel about halfway between our houses. We agreed to meet in the afternoon a day or two later.

I got there first. She had a description of my car. The parking lot was almost empty. I would be easy to spot. Right on time, a minivan pulled up next to my car. It was her. I was very nervous. We got out of our cars at the same time. There was a brief, awkward silence. I broke it by asking her if she wanted me to get a room for us. She said she did. I went to the motel office and got a room for three hours.

She was still standing by her car. I told her the room number and we walked to it silently. Once inside, we shared a little nervous small talk. We kissed and she began taking off her clothes. I did the same. Naked, we hugged and kissed again. She really turned me on. I was hard and she felt it when we hugged.

I don’t remember exactly what happened next. What I do remember is Mrs. Lion kneeling on the edge of the bed, butt in the air. I stood behind her and penetrated her anally. Apparently, we had decided to do this on our first “date”. It felt great! Afterward, we lay together much more comfortable with one another. We talked and snuggled. It was exactly what I hoped for: sexy, peaceful, and warm. After a while, we parted.

We met a couple of times a week after that. I think our second date was also anal. After that, we did more usual things. It was always easy and warm. We just fit. I’d like to say we fell in love at first penetration, but we didn’t. For a while the sex kept us coming back. Love was sneaky. At some point. I can’t pinpoint it, we each realized we wanted to be together. That was it. We never looked back.

Thinking back to this, I realize how unlikely our connection was. The odds were against it from the start. Maybe it was a happy accident. I think it is more likely that the universe has a way of helping if you ask. I asked for a peaceful, loving relationship. The universe already knew I was horny and kinky. Mrs. Lion also wanted a sexy, peaceful, loving relationship. She didn’t know about the kinky part. The universe did.

We’ve been together for 17 years. Seven of them have been spent with our FLRD and orgasm control in place. As Michael (collardmichaelcom.blog) pointed out in a comment, we don’t seem to get angry at each other. It’s true we get annoyed. I growl and Mrs. Lion snarls. Since we’ve added domestic discipline to our marriage, there is less snarling and more spanking. I don’t want to give the wrong impression. I can’t remember more than two times I’ve been spanked for annoying Mrs. Lion. I expected much more frequent visits with her paddle to manage things I do that piss her off. That hasn’t happened.

It’s tempting to digress into the why-I’m-not-punished-for-pissing-her-off discussion; that belongs in a post all by itself. The simple truth is that things don’t escalate very far with us. I think we both had enough bad experiences in our lives to give us a sense of proportion. I can’t speak for Mrs. Lion, but for me, it’s pretty simple: is it worth risking the most wonderful thing in my life for some issue? I’ve never been able to answer yes to that question.

It could be that Mrs. Lion is a very easy-going, good-natured woman. Her good nature sometimes worries me because I know that there may be things going on under the surface she is reluctant to express. We’ve talked about this many times and she promises to not let things simmer. This seems to be very difficult for her. I’m not sure why. She has to know that she can’t lose me by growling at me or spanking me. I guess there’s a nagging fear under the surface that the little things will build up and I could lose her.

Some psychologists claim that couples who don’t fight have unhealthy relationships. Their theory is that there must be conflict in any relationship. If the conflict isn’t brought to the surface, it can fester and eventually destroy the couple. This sort of thinking was a very big deal in the 70s. The idea was that every feeling should be expressed, evaluated, and resolved. It didn’t matter how trivial. This is a very tiring way to live. We just don’t want to go that route.

I tend to express my feelings. I don’t think it’s a mystery how I feel about anything. This isn’t true of my lioness. However, I think she has gotten much better at letting me know when things bother her. This is probably the main reason we’ve never fought. She’s used to me growling and knows how to manage it. In her role as my disciplining wife, while she has the tools to express her feelings, she’s been slow to use them.

I don’t think she believes she really can. Even if she doesn’t, over the years we’ve worked out our own style of communication that satisfies us. We’ve both been open in our posts. They accurately reflect how we’re feeling at the time we write them. We’ve assiduously avoided any whitewashing. With us, it’s pretty much what you see is what you get.

I’m still committed to helping Mrs. Lion extend her disciplinary power. I know there are times that she just stuffs her feelings to avoid any growls or snarls. I keep hoping any snarl opportunity will convert to spanking. That would be best for me, I think. (Famous last words!)

Every marriage develops little things that one partner does that annoys the other. One of my pet peeves is that very often Mrs. Lion doesn’t acknowledge that she heard something I said. Case in point: On the way home this afternoon from a doctor visit, I mentioned that I was feeling pretty horny. Mrs. Lion silently continued driving, eyes on the road.

Did she hear me? Will she think I’m being pushy if I repeat myself? Finally after spending entirely too much time thinking about this, I asked her she heard me when I told her that I was feeling horny. She said she did.

Oh good, she heard what I said.

Of course that left me with lots of unanswered questions I didn’t feel I should ask. Is she glad that I am horny? Is she looking forward to teasing me? Is she annoyed I brought up the topic of sex? I don’t know. A while ago she mentioned that she liked it when I told her my sexual weather report in one of my daily emails. I began doing it. I never got a reaction.

I guess she finds it useful information. I have no idea how she processes it. I find it a bit uncomfortable to just throw a vulnerable, self-revealing comment up in the air and watch it land with a plop. As I think about it, I realize this is a pattern with her. If I don’t see her making any moves toward me while were in bed watching TV, I will ask her if she’d like to snuggle. The most enthusiastic reply I’ve ever gotten is, “okay.”

Most of the time I try to fill in the blanks myself. But it isn’t very rewarding. Another example is my new Cherry Keeper male chastity device. I didn’t learn how she felt about it until I read her comment in the post she wrote the other day. Even though I’ve mentioned this several times, she still hasn’t told me how she feels about having me locked in a chastity device.

These blanks even occur with discipline. When she spanks me, she very frequently says nothing at all. She doesn’t mention why she’s doing it or how she feels about the offense. Some of the time, she will ask me to tell her what I did to earn the spanking. I do. No reaction from her. The spankings themselves are delivered silently with no expressions of feeling.

I suppose they don’t have to be dialogues or, more correctly, monologues. I think that more verbal feedback would be a big help to me. I find myself more and more reluctant to say how I feel. The silence often makes me feel that her responses to me are chores; mechanical activities she knows I want or expect.

When this extends to her teasing sessions, I start feeling badly and emotionally disconnect. Maybe I’m odd, but I need more than penis stimulation to truly get into feeling aroused. Yes, eventually I will get to the edge and beyond even if she remains silent. In a lot of ways it almost feels like I’m doing it myself.

I’ve often mentioned that it’s a lot of fun for me to anticipate future activities, whether a spanking or teasing. Occasionally, Mrs. Lion will email me a hint of what’s to come. Much more frequently, she’ll tell you what she’s planning and when I read her post I have something to look forward to.

I think this communication needs to be much more direct between us. I don’t have any idea how to improve the situation. I’m just hoping that somehow our communications will be two-way instead of what we are doing now.

[Mrs. Lion — As I explained to Lion in the car, when he said he was horny I was fighting a battle with the cruise control. I do like to hear when he’s horny. Often, I’ll say I’m sure I can make it worse later on. I did tell him how I felt about the Cherry Keeper – both versions. I usually ask or tell Lion why he’s being punished and when he says it hurts I tell him he shouldn’t do X again if he doesn’t want it to hurt. And we’ve always been mostly silent, both of us, during any kind of sex. But I understand the need for more communication. I think we’ve been lacking in that department for some time now.]