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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Sex

Mrs. Lion had promised that if, after all of the birthday weekend teasing, I am a “horny boy”, she said I would have an orgasm Monday. Yesterday was Monday and she kept her promise. I’m sure she’ll tell you about the fun in her post later today. I leave that pleasure to her.

I’ve been thinking about the role of a caged male. In my case, it is limited to experiencing sexual stimulation and occasional orgasm at Mrs. Lion’s pleasure. However, that is a much more limited role that many guys have. My situation is different in that Mrs. Lion is currently not interested in receiving sexual attention. I’m hoping this will change, but for now the arousal is all mine.

In a more typical relationship, the cage turns the male into a sexual genie. His role is to be a wish granter for his keyholder. All of the sexual energy he might of focused on himself can now be used on his keyholder. Also, his keyholder, knowing he can’t experience sexual stimulation himself, is free from the guilt that having orgasms while leaving her partner high and dry might have caused her. In fact, it may be a good way for a keyholder to think of her caged male. In the beginning it was probably all about making his enforced chastity fantasy come true. Hopefully that evolves into something much more interesting to his keyholder.

Enforced chastity has placed him in a situation where he expects to give pleasure without reciprocation. That aspect of enforced chastity is almost always part of the fantasy. He won’t be surprised when you start using him sexually. What he might not expect is that now he is caged, you can roll over after your orgasm and go to sleep with absolutely no guilt at all. He has become a sex toy that you can use and then put aside while you do other things.

This is not easy for many women to process, including Mrs. Lion. Sex was always about him, your pleasure always included an orgasm for him. Typically, when he came the party was over. Your orgasm was never the reason for the sex. Even if he was a thoughtful lover, you still had to keep his release in mind. He wasn’t going to be happy if you finished and forgot about his need. Now that he is locked up, he is your genie. You don’t even have to rub his “lamp”. He will quickly learn that his keyholder has sex and he provides it. Any male orgasms are rewards or events for the amusement of his keyholder.

This may be starting to sound like the classic male chastity fantasy. It isn’t, or rather it doesn’t have to be. The hard reality of not only having his penis locked up but also discovering that enforced chastity is not only about delaying his pleasure, but that it is more about increasing his keyholder’s sexual enjoyment could be upsetting when it gets through his head. Unfortunately, many enforced chastity relationships never get to the point where the male realizes that he has gone from pleasure receiver to pleasure giver. The reason this doesn’t happen is that his keyholder never takes the appropriate action.

It’s hard for a woman to become sexually “selfish”. She’s been conditioned to put her partner first. I think that one reason many couples give up on enforced chastity is because the keyholder just sees her partner’s lockup as more work to keep him sexually entertained. A lot of guys are very happy with that interpretation.

As a keyholder, you have to make some changes. The changes will ultimately make you happier and will give him the power exchange he wants. No, you don’t have to become an inconsiderate bitch. But you do have to consciously put your pleasure first. It’s pretty easy to do this. Step one: schedule when he gets to come next. You don’t have to tell him, but you will know it is some date in the future. Just that knowledge is a big guilt-reliever. Next, let him know he will come, but not until you decide the time is right and that the more he entertains you, the sooner that will be. Of course, you know that isn’t completely true, but it is very important for him to associate with his eventual release with your satisfaction with his services. Even in my situation, I love thinking that I have earned my orgasm. True, I don’t often have a good way to earn one, but when Mrs. Lion rewards me for something specific by making me come, I love it on many levels.

That’s the bottom line. Caged males want to be wish granters. They don’t want reciprocation. They want to provide you with pleasure without receiving any in return. I’m no different. That pushes my buttons. I bet it pushes your caged male’s too.

By:
In: Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity

Mrs. Lion didn’t get into enforced chastity and FLM with an instruction manual on how to be dominant. Of course there are tons of web sites just chock full of what a keyholder should do. Very little of that information is even remotely close to the truth. Mrs. Lion has been taking her cues from me. This has been pretty successful to date. However, the idea was only to give her a starting point and not a road map on how to tame her lion. Clearly, if I establish how she as my keyholder and disciplining wife should dominate me, I’m a behind-the-scenes top. She, of course, knows this. The problem is that patterns have been established that may be hard to change.

For example, she takes cues from me on when I get to come. If I am particularly horny and ask nicely, I am very likely to get an orgasm whether or not it is my release date. Of course Mrs. Lion is always free to give me a bonus orgasm. But should my need be a factor? I don’t think so. It should come from her. (Changing into my teaching hat) For training purposes I would think that bonus orgasms should be a reward. (back to my role as disciplined husband / caged male) I would hope that my need or lack of it would not be a factor. The same is true of teasing. Just because I am not in the mood, should that stop her? I don’t think so.

The point is that, at least until the patterns are firmly established in her mind, decisions regarding sexual activities for me should be independent of my interest or lack of it. This is very difficult for any top. One of the most difficult things for me to learn when I was a top was to divorce my actions from what my bottom wants. That doesn’t mean I expect Mrs. Lion to be totally blind to my needs and wants. She is my wife and loves me. She could never do that. But as my keyholder and disciplining wife, she needs to learn to be arbitrary and in sexual matters at least, ignore my needs. This is way harder to do than it seems. The purpose of this suggestion is to shift her thinking about sex away from me an toward her.

This is particularly hard for Mrs. Lion. Her libido is still asleep so any sexual activity is purely for my benefit. It’s true that she loves giving me orgasms. So, if she were purely selfish, I would be coming very frequently. She knows she has to temper that with the realities of lion taming. Poor lioness.

One of the biggest challenges Mrs. Lion faces is being able to say no to me. If she is generally agreeable to all I want, then she is generally indulging me. That doesn’t mean she should arbitrarily refuse my every request. Our marriage would get into logistical hell if she did that. But if she is aware of the need to train me for obedience she can selectively say no where she would normally say yes. She can also make her “yes” conditional. For example, when I asked if we could go see “The Intern” and she wanted to let me, she could have made it a reward for past behavior, or hold it out until I did something she wanted. So, instead of just saying, “Yes, we can do that.” She could have said, “You have been a good boy and cooked lots of meals. You deserve a treat. We can go” Functionally, it’s the same result. But in my mind, being able to go to the movies was tied to good behavior.

I can’t suggest when a “no” is the best idea. I can only suggest that Mrs. Lion consider the idea that she is training me in obedience and to do that requires her to teach me that I can’t expect to get everything I want; just some of what I want. Maybe we need to discuss requests I make in this light to help us both learn how to use no to the best advantage. Mrs. Lion is loving and kind. I am incredibly lucky that she loves me and wants me to be happy. I am not trying to change that and turn her into a mean and arbitrary woman. I want her to feel entitled to refuse me when she wishes and not worry that she is hurting me.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Edging, Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal

We are still in the woods and Internet/cell phone free. I am writing this on Monday morning so we can run to town (15 miles) to upload our posts. You will see this on Tuesday. Monday was my scheduled orgasm day. I’m sure Mrs. Lion will fill you in on the details in her post later today.

Yesterday, I wrote about the need for teasing and edging to prevent male sexual dormancy. What if you take my advice and edge your caged male on a regular basis? He remains horny and wanting attention from you. So far, so good. You can extend his waits and guarantee he remains very interested in sexual attention. You can use this interest to encourage him to be obedient and attentive. This is what he asked you do to with him. You can extend his waits to avoid any loss of interest in the days following his orgasm. Things are perfect. Right?

Well, no they aren’t. A guy will find sexual satisfaction somehow. On one hand, locking him and leaving him untouched will put his interest to sleep. On the other hand, if you make him wait a long time and tease him regularly, he will learn to find satisfaction from the teasing and edging he gets. He may well want you to avoid giving him orgasms. He knows that once he ejaculates there will be days when things stop feeling so good. It’s true. Many males have reported this change.

Does it sound like enforced chastity is a no-win game? Don’t give up yet. To maintain maximum desperation for orgasm, you need to watch your timing. What enforced chastity forces you, as keyholder to manage, is your caged male’s ability to sexually adapt. With a combination of teasing and strategic wait time management, you can prevent him from going dormant or learning to substitute edging for full orgasms.

Based on my experience with Mrs. Lion as well as reading other males’ accounts of their enforced chastity, wait time control seems to do the most to prevent his body from getting used to any pattern of arousal. Every male is different, so the key is to vary your male’s wait times and see the results. You should be able to find a range of waits that keeps him horny and wanting, but not so long that he will find his satisfaction in edging. Be advised that this range changes over time, so you need to keep testing in order to continue defeating his ability to adapt.

In my case, it appears that my peak horniness occurs on around the fifth day of waiting. This has held constant since we started enforced chastity. I seem to plateau at that high level for the next week or two. Then, after the second week, I tend to start enjoying the edging more and more. I’ve never reached the point that I would be happy to have the teasing and nothing else. We’ve never gone past about three weeks. As my wait time wears on, more teasing seems to be necessary to keep my interest high. It becomes easier and easier to become dormant. At the same time, the teasing becomes more and more fun. The trick is to reach the point where dormancy won’t set in and the teasing isn’t so much fun that I will happily take that instead of orgasm.

For discussion’s sake, let’s say that my waits start either making me go dormant or train me to prefer teasing at around 21 days. This is probably a good estimate for me. Your mileage may vary. My frustration seems to peak at 5 days. I will be able to have a good, juicy orgasm at 4 days. So, again just as a hypothetical example, my waits should be between 5 and 21 days. That is the “sweet spot” for me at this point in my life.

One mistake some keyholders make is to make interval between orgasms the same each time. The male body is good at sexual adaptation, so your male’s wait times should vary randomly. That makes it much more difficult for his body to successfully manage his frustration. You are assured his attention and obedience will remain high with random wait times. Because the optimum longest wait for me is (hypothetically) 21 days, it doesn’t mean that I can’t get longer waits, or for that matter, shorter waits than 5 days. If I am made to wait 30 days or more a few times a year, I may lose my edge or not want orgasm so badly those times, but since my usual wait is shorter, I won’t “learn” to manage waits that long. Similarly, if Mrs. Lion gets me off after only a day or two sometimes, no damage will be done.

The essence of enforced male chastity is control. This control is exercised by managing the wait between orgasms and the teasing and other play the caged male receives. As the new keyholder gains experience, she will learn to read her male’s frustration levels and appropriately act to maximize his desperation for her to give him relief.

By:
In: Keyholder, Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex

For the record, I am not broken. We are still high on a mountain, far from Internet and cell phone service. This post is being written on a lazy Sunday morning. It’s cloudy with generous patches of blue showing. Saturday night, Mrs. Lion once again proved that I’m not broken. With a bit of effort she edged me several times. As usual, I couldn’t count how many. I was busy. My focus becomes laser sharp as my body prepares for the orgasm that isn’t going to come. Tomorrow, Labor Day in the U.S., is my scheduled orgasm day. Appropriate.

Based on my touring the various blogs and forums, a great many guys writing about enforced chastity belong to the set-it-and-forget-it school of chastity. As they say it, the idea is that the penis is locked in a device and left there until some future date when it comes out for an orgasm. The theory is that a long wait without any stimulation will create an almost unbearable need for sexual release. According to them, male sexual desire grows constantly during a wait for the next orgasm.

The reason they believe this comes from typical male behavior, including mine in the past. Most guys, when unable to find a partner, will masturbate. In my case, in my twenties and thirties, jerking off would be the last thing I did before going to sleep. When I had a partner, she replaced the masturbation at the end of my day. This is fairly typical. So, logically if I am prevented from getting release, my sexual battery will continue charging indefinitely until I either explode or have a nocturnal emission. It seems reasonable.

When guys, like me, first try enforced chastity, the frustration is terrible and grows each day just as predicted. The first wait is not very long and release is great. Even when the waits grow longer, the theory seems to hold true. Most of the “I am going to explode” posts are written by guys who haven’t been involved in enforced chastity very long. Things change.

After being locked up for a while, the set-it-and-forget-it guys start to discover they don’t really care so much about orgasms. In my case after about six months, the horniness grew for the first few days, peaking on the fifth. Then my interest becomes less and less. If you think about it, this isn’t really surprising. Women famously lose interest in sex when none is available. I always thought that males were different and remained horny as a preservation of the species sort of sexual strategy. I was wrong.

Depending on age, interest in sex declines when none, including masturbation, isn’t available. By fifty, a week or so of no stimulation will result in a significant loss of interest in orgasm. If the waits stretch into months, orgasms (according to at least 30 accounts I have read) begin to feel undesirable. Guys say they don’t want to come because they feel depressed for days after an orgasm. In short, not coming becomes more desirable than ejaculating.

Most men, including those not practicing enforced chastity, will lose interest in sex as they age. People are generally surprised when they learn a seventy-year-old still has regular sex. Enforced chastity without very regular teasing accelerates this loss of interest and men under forty find themselves no longer wanting to ejaculate.

If you are a keyholder, this information is critically important. Without meaning to do it, you can train your male to lose all interest in his own orgasms. You can easily train him to have the same interest in your orgasms than he used to have in his own. This sounds desirable from a D/S perspective, but in fact it is suboptimal. As a top or keyholder, the best use of his sexuality is to keep him extremely interested in release; so interested he will do anything just for the possibility of an orgasm. Contrary to popular belief, this is achieved by regular edging and sexual teasing. The idea is to keep male hormones flowing full force even though there is no chance for relief.

This is achieved by building anticipation. There are lots of ideas out there on how to do it. Edging at least three times a week is a good way. Also, at least for me, letting me know when I will come next builds anticipation. I count down the days. Mrs. Lion teases and edges me nearly every day. Does that seem like too much trouble? It takes less than 30 minutes a day. You don’t even have to take your clothes off. At a convenient time tell him strip. He does need to be naked. Then tease and edge him several times. Verbally teasing him will add to his anticipation. That’s it. That’s Mrs. Lion’s 30 minute lion teasing regime. It works. My next orgasm is never far from the front of my mind. I need to keep Mrs. Lion happy because the last thing I want to do is wait longer than I have to.