We are often asked how to convince a partner to start male chastity. Every so often, we offer some ideas. The other night I had a dream that stuck in my mind. In it, I was a sex therapist meeting with a couple. The husband wanted his wife to be his keyholder. She refused but agreed to talk with me. I have no education as a therapist. My degrees are in hard sciences. That doesn’t stop me from practicing in my dream.

I decided to take an unusual approach to this problem. First, I pointed out that male chastity is a game. The husband was a little offended and said he didn’t think it was. I pointed out that games are often difficult and not necessarily pleasant to play. Male chastity and any other power exchange require consent from both players. If he withdrew consent, the game would end.

The husband reluctantly agreed. The wife relaxed a little. Next, I asked about Masturbation. I asked the wife if she thought her husband masturbates. She smiled and said she did. I asked him if she was right. He blushed a little and agreed. I asked her if she masturbated. She was silent for a while but finally admitted she does. Her husband was surprised. He didn’t think she did.

I asked the wife how she felt about his masturbation. She said that she thought all men did it. I pressed for her feelings about it. She admitted that she wasn’t happy that he did but understood it didn’t have to do with her. I asked if she felt left out. She admitted she did.

I asked the husband why he masturbated when his wife was available for sex, even if nothing else than giving him a handjob. He said he didn’t know. I asked the wife if she would get him off anytime he asked. She said that most of the time, she would. Her husband seemed surprised. I asked his wife if she liked watching her husband masturbate. She said she never saw him do it but was sure she would like it. Again, her husband was surprised.

I told them that they had an assignment for the next week. He was only to masturbate when his wife could watch. If he got turned on by porn, he had to go to where she was and tell her he wanted to jerk off. Then, he could get naked and do it. She could watch if she wants. He objected. He said that was embarrassing. I pointed out that if he wanted her to lock up his penis, the first step would be to eliminate private masturbation. He reluctantly agreed. His wife was smiling broadly.

Of course, this session was imaginary, but it brings out a few critical points when considering a sexual power exchange. The first is that the chaste male is surrendering all sexual control to his keyholder. He can’t privately jerk off if he does that. He also has to get used to the idea that she will be watching every time he ejaculates.

His wife never considered her husband’s masturbation in depth. She acknowledged that he probably does it but chalked it off to male private behavior. It made sense to her that if he wanted her to decide if and when he gets to ejaculate, that she would be much more aware of his sexual behavior. While she had never seen him masturbate before, she was almost certainly going to enjoy watching.

The reason this is important when introducing male chastity is simple. Both partners need to learn that their sexual activity is never private. She is always involved in any sexual pleasure he gets. She could do what Mrs. Lion did when I asked her to lock my penis in a male chastity device. She simply made it a rule that I never masturbate. She will provide any release. The male chastity device would train me to keep my hands off my penis. It worked. The last time I jerked off was in January of 2014 while she watched.

This may be too radical for many. Who makes the male ejaculate isn’t really the issue. It’s that he can never decide for himself that it’s time to orgasm. His partner will always be present when he ejaculates. Most women don’t consider making this change a big deal. Almost all men do. That’s why it’s a good first step. He wants male chastity. He has to make the changes. Make sense?

To my surprise, there really are women who want to initiate enforced male chastity with their partners. After my post yesterday, another woman came forward. Her husband is resisting wearing a chastity device. I’ve been sure that only men wanted to be locked up. I’ve said that women don’t initiate caging their men. I’m wrong! Boy, am I wrong. So, in the interest of promoting enforced chastity, here are some of my ideas on how to entice him into your cage.

Before introducing a chastity device, you have to get agreement that you and you alone are the only source of sexual pleasure he can have. That means no masturbation or sexual contact of any kind. That has to be the law. Mrs. Lion made that clear when I asked her to lock me up. I never considered jerking off to be an issue. She let me know it was a betrayal.

Make a rule that he can’t masturbate under any circumstances. If he breaks this rule you will know it. He is expected to report any infractions to you. If you expect to lock him up, he has to accept this condition before you introduce the device. You can suggest it will be easier for him if he is locked. If you have a device, show it to him. Don’t ask him to wear it.

He will slip. You have to punish him when he does. I’ve written a lot about punishment. You can read those earlier posts if you want our take on this. The point is that you are attaching consequences to sex that doesn’t come from you. Keep showing him the cage as a good way to avoid the discomfort of being punished. Don’t push it. His imagination will do the heavy lifting.

Before I go on, I want to remind you that any off-the-shelf chastity device you (or he) purchases will most likely not fit correctly. Wearing it for more than a few hours could be painful. Obviously, you don’t want it to hurt to wear. If he complains wearing the device hurts, take it off and inspect where he is being irritated. Chances are that the base ring will be too tight. In any case, encourage him to partner with you to find a device he finds comfortable. Use the discomfort as a way to recruit his help in locking him up.

There’s another very powerful incentive for him to let you lock him up. Put the device on him “just to see how it looks”. Once on, take his hand and let him feel how the cage affects you. React strongly to his touch. You don’t have to act to do that, I’m sure. Of course, remove the cage after this very short session. He’s starting to associate your arousal with his chastity. It wouldn’t hurt to give him a nice oral release after you unlock him. You get the idea.

The key of getting him caged is to take 100 percent control over his sexual release. Once he agrees to your control, you have to train him to actually transfer it to you. Punishments can’t be fun. Even if you do BDSM switching, his release can not be part of his topping. He may not realize this. Make sure he knows that his penis is not part of any domination you let him try.

Another key strategy is to let him know you are willing to agree to a trial period. Mrs. Lion and I did this when we started. We agreed that I would remain caged for three months. I would not have the option of getting out until that time. When this trial period ended, I could decide to continue or quit. You can agree to just a month. But it will probably take more than that to get a comfortable device. Mature Metal, who makes the Jail Bird I wear, takes about six weeks from order to delivery. We ordered mine after the first month. The device arrived shortly before my trial period ended. I agreed to stay locked.

This device costs less than $30.

It takes time to train a man to give up control of his penis. Mrs. Lion and I have written many posts on male orgasm control. Here is one that gives you an idea about edging. I suggest that in the beginning of your orgasm control, you give him frequent opportunities to ejaculate. Be sure that you provide the stimulation. He has to learn that you are his wish granter and pleasure provider.

This is a device I got for $28.30 USD. It was a pretty good fit. The key is to assure you have the right diameter base ring. You can order a set of plastic rings from Mature Metal for $20 USD. One last tip. The device should be short. The shorter the better. A soft penis easily fits into a very short cage. The width of the cage should be about 1/4-inch narrower than his flaccid diameter. Oh, one more thing: throw away the pointy insert. A cage is about comfort and your control,  not pain.