“A man will listen to anything if he thinks it’s foreplay.” (Susan Surandon, Bull Durham, 1988) This very-true-if-cynical line is one of the most fundamental truths about male sexuality. In some respects we are uncomplicated creatures when it comes to sex. Nature wired us have a high tolerance for anything if the end result is an orgasm. In fact, many of us love all that stuff we go through for that three-second glorious goal. There is a common misconception that all men want to get to that orgasm as quickly as possible. That was once true of me when I was younger. It seems to me that the more orgasms we can have in a day, the less we value the steps leading to it.
This could have something to do with the fact that people who pursue enforced chastity tend to be older. Over time. some of us learn that the chase is as much fun as the goal. There are lots of denigrating expressions like, leading him around by his cock that allude to the same concept Susan Surandon expressed so concisely. This isn’t accidental. Almost all mammals only have sex when the female is in estrus, capable of being fertilized. Only a few species engage in sex regardless of the female’s ability to conceive. Some evolutionary scientists believe that our recreational sex is a survival strategy. If women were only available for sex during their fertile days, there would be no incentive for the males to hang around the rest of the time.
That may sound demeaning, but it makes sense. So, the desire to get off is a social tool to keep males home instead of going out with the guys. At a very basic level, males of most species, including us, are motivated by the desire for an orgasm. Women are more complex sexual creatures. While many women have very strong libidos, it is rarely at the top of their priorities. I suspect that one of the reasons we males puzzle them is that they just can’t understand why we would put getting off above so many more important things.
Kink, I think, is just increasing the emphasis on something that is common to all of us. In the case of enforced chastity, it’s the exciting feeling of being led around by the cock; waiting for the big finish. We males are conditioned from birth to yield to females. We are taught that we will get a nice treat if we are good. You can see why we might want to surrender sexual control, right? Obviously, my desire to consciously give up control and be locked up is a magnification of the normal male reaction to females, but it is, at the bottom, normal.
This tidbit is a key piece of information for key holders. It is the basic truth behind all those weird fantasies we males have. Enforced chastity is the ultimate way to be led around by our cocks. It converts a somewhat subtle process into an overt expression of dominance and submission. That’s it. There may be elaborate fantasies and requests for activities like spanking or bondage, but the bottom line is that we want to be led around by our cocks.
Once a keyholder understands this, it’s easy to keep us happy. Just figuratively lead us around by our penises. Make us earn our infrequent orgasms. Punish us as necessary. Let us know that we won’t even get hard unless you decide we deserve it. Any sexual pleasure we get will be a treat you decide to give us. That’s the key. The rest that can turn a game into a lifestyle will follow.