By:
In: Humiliation, Lion's Journal

I’ve always gotten aroused thinking of not-too-terrible humiliation. The thought of being spanked was my earliest incarnation of that kink. I get spanked. It’s not terribly humiliating, just painful. I suggested we move into more obviously humiliating territory. That suggestion was the straw that broke the lioness’ kinky back. I’m not at all sure why, but she’s back on track, I think.

She had a medical test yesterday that required anesthesia. She spent the day snoozing and relaxing. That’s exactly right for her. I made dinner. She loves pulled pork and macaroni and cheese. So that’s what we had, along with a Caesar salad. She’s able to drive now and is going back to work. We won’t have the test results for a few days. I’ll worry until they come back negative. She means more to me than anything. I want her healthy and feisty.

Spanking should be humiliating. It’s a childish punishment where my bottom is bare and paddled until it is sore and I am truly sorry for my sins. At least that’s the way I thought of it. Somehow I escape feeling humiliated when I’m punished. I definitely feel that I am paying for my sins. No question there. Mrs. Lion, particularly 2.0, gives a very good spanking. I’m not entirely sure why I feel the pain and taste the soap, but don’t feel humiliated. I should, but somehow I don’t.

That doesn’t mean my lioness is doing anything wrong. I’m sure she isn’t. I should be embarrassed, but I’m not. It could be that I’m somehow making myself feel in control. I know I’m not. It’s been a long time since I could stop a spanking when I felt too much pain. I can’t do that any more and I know it.

Maybe, in the case of spanking and even mouth soaping, I feel a sense of ownership. They, like most things we do, were my idea and request. I think I have to let go and understand that while I may be the original author, the control is completely in Mrs. Lion’s hands.

On the other hand, I am definitely embarrassed when she paints my nails and when I parade around the house in a wet diaper. The painted nails along with some reading are what got me to the subject of panties and bras. Both are way outside my macho comfort zone. Come to think of it, maybe that’s the issue with spanking. I don’t feel like a little boy being punished. I feel like a man who is paying the price for an infraction. As long as I can retain that macho, grown-man feeling, punishments will never humiliate me. I’ll take them like a man, er lion.

Perhaps there is something we can do to encourage me to feel the same humiliation I feel with my toenails painted when I am spanked or mouth soaped. Maybe, on some level, Mrs. Lion has been protecting me from embarrassment. I don’t think she does it on purpose, but she loves me a lot and I think she tries to administer the pain without humiliating me in the process. I don’t really know if that’s true. I’ve never really seen adult spanking outside a play party. And, at those I avoided females spanking males. I much preferred to watch men spanking women. That’s also what I did at those parties; I spanked women.

I don’t think that Mrs. Lion dislikes humiliating me. She takes great pleasure at my reaction to getting my toenails painted. She says things to me that make me blush. “Your nails are so pretty,” and similar girly things. She seems to like my reactions. I wonder if that same atmosphere would change my reaction to the standard punishments I receive? I also wonder if extending the girly stuff would further humble me.

Apparently, I’m wired to want to be humiliated. It’s hard for me not to judge myself for feeling this way. Publicly admitting these feelings here doesn’t embarrass me. It just feels right that I keep telling the story of how enforced chastity and domestic discipline is becoming part of my life. Clearly, my subconscious is being freed to release some of my deepest, darkest needs.

By:
In: Humiliation, Lion's Journal, Punishment

I’m pissed off!

I had a completely different post planned for today, but I’ve had enough. Over the last nearly-four years there have been a number of comments about topping from the bottom. Not one of the people complaining that I do this, actually knows what the term means. Topping from the bottom refers to bottoms who try to direct a scene while it’s in progress. It has nothing to do with conversations outside of the activity involved. For the sake of those who still don’t get it, if I try to change Mrs. Lion’s spanking style while she is spanking me, then I am topping from the bottom.

If I suggest new ways to do things outside of the time we are actually doing them, I may be annoying but it isn’t topping from the bottom.

Specifically, Mrs. Lion wrote of her frustration about an email exchange I am having with someone I greatly respect. The exchange discussed the nature of spanking, specifically in relation to me; more about that in a few paragraphs. Mrs. Lion and I have a longstanding misunderstanding about the meaning of my attempts to convey newly acquired knowledge. This isn’t confined to power exchange information. It happens no matter what the subject.

When I discuss new possibilities, Mrs. Lion internalizes my suggestions to means she isn’t doing enough to make me happy. She invariably jumps to this conclusion. She freely admits this. I’m faced with choosing not to offer ideas to avoid this situation or to remind her she is doing a great job and my ideas are just that, ideas for different-not-better ways of doing things. In the context of our domestic discipline, she can simply thank me for my ideas and let me know she isn’t ready to try anything new just yet. Information is not criticism. It’s just knowledge being shared.

Now, as promised, here is the real story about what all this sturm and drang is about. In my correspondence I asked about spanking. I was, in turn, asked how I reacted. Specifically, I was asked if I reacted as a child. Do I kick my feet? Beg to have the spanking stop, promising never to do it again? Cry? Roll over to stop it, only to be told to expose my bottom again? The answer to all except rolling over is “no.”

I recently wrote that I wasn’t exactly sure why the practice of spanking is so ubiquitous, but it is. Now I think I understand. Each and every spanking is supposed to be cathartic. It is successful when it allows cathartic release. It isn’t the color of my butt that decides when the spanking is done. It’s when I have exhibited that I experienced the release.

This isn’t Mrs. Lion’s problem; at least not entirely. Her role is to not stop until that release occurs. In the context of a spanking, my “no” means “yes.” “Yellow” means keep going, just a little lighter for a bit. Rolling over means telling me to get my butt back and even raise it to ask for a hard swat. The rest is up to me. My reaction to painful swats has been to literally roar and scream. It’s not the reaction of the vulnerable child. It’s a dominant, grownup protest to the pain.

I’m learning that for me to successfully surrender, I have to react as the child. The spanking is a demonstration of my submissive position to my lioness. It isn’t so much about the pain, though there is plenty. It’s about me feeling punished and having gotten to the point I am just a blubbery mass of submission. That actually doesn’t require the hardest possible swats, just unrelenting spanking until I experience that catharsis.

This won’t happen for either of us all at once. I have to learn to react appropriately. Mrs. Lion has to learn to guide me. Like everything else we do together, I’m confident we will work at it until we both succeed.

This is what I want. I’m hoping Mrs. Lion will be willing to help me achieve it. If not, we will be fine and our power exchange will continue. I have a lot of confidence in her. Sometimes it appears I have more in her than she does in herself. If she is willing she will succeed. I am not nearly as sure I will learn my part.

There was a second concept mentioned: humiliation. That, for the record, is less about learning to submit than it is about a long-held kink. I admit I haven’t really had a chance to experience much of it, but the thought turns me on. Perhaps being made (not me volunteering) to wear panties and bra for Mrs. Lion, maybe under my clothes, is the sort of experience that would work with me. I don’t know.

I’m not saying I expect Mrs. Lion to start making me do this for her right now. I’m simply saying that when that subject came up, it turned me on. That’s all. Diapers also fit into the humiliation arena too, obviously. When Mrs. Lion makes me wear them and makes frequent reference to the infantile lion having to be diapered, it is exciting.

By:
In: Humiliation, Power Exchange

One of the easiest ways to show Lion my power is to make him wear diapers. He puts them on, we wears them, he pees, he changes them when indicated, and I watch him walk around the house. No muss, no fuss. On my part, that is. The only thing easier is nail polish. I put it on him and he doesn’t have to do a thing. Every time he looks at his toes he sees it. It’s painless for both of us. Diapers are not painless for him.

Obviously, there’s no real pain involved. It’s just a figurative pain in the ass to wear them. They make him hot. They sag when they’re wet. He has to think about peeing so it doesn’t leak out of the diaper. He has to sit in pee until he’s allowed to change into a new diaper, and then he is sometimes required to wait until he has to pee again before he changes so he’s always in a wet diaper. It’s evil. And I don’t have to do a thing.

This morning Lion hit upon another thought. If I make him wear a diaper after his surgery, I’ll have to be the one changing the diaper. I’m not sure that’s entirely true, though. If he can put underwear on, he can put a diaper on. We have both the pull-up kind and the traditional kind. He can certainly change the pull-up kind by himself. However, if I have to do it, it will give me even more power over him. “Look at this mess you’ve made. You smell like pee.” I can see where that would be very humiliating.

I do think I’ll have to wait until after his surgery to see what his state of mind is. If he’s already worried I won’t want to be with him because he can’t help me, I don’t want to humiliate him. Don’t kick a Lion when he’s down. If he’s upset because he’s in pain or can’t find a comfortable position, I don’t want to make things more difficult. The truth is, neither of us knows how he will react to the surgery. We can assume he’ll be a big bundle of pain, but with ice and pain meds, he may be okay. The trick is to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

By:
In: Humiliation

I’m pretty sure no one but our readers knows what goes on in our house. I certainly don’t know what goes on in other people’s houses. Some people make comments about training their husbands to empty the dishwasher or spanking them if they step out of line, but I think they would be appalled if they knew they were in the same room with someone who actually does those things. Maybe not appalled. Maybe shocked. Maybe jealous. They certainly wouldn’t be going to a gathering of “weirdos” like Kinkfest.

I’ve only been to one convention(?) like that. It was eye-opening. It was a little strange. This was before Lion was locked in a chastity device and punished for breaking rules. We were just “normal” kinky people. I definitely felt out of place. Lion was in his element. He knew some people because he was active in the community for a long time. My assumption is that he’ll know some people at Kinkfest. My assumption is that I’ll still feel out of place.

A while ago, one of us (I thought it was Lion) found a shirt that said something about being a keyholder or being locked in chastity. I think it was Lion who suggested we should get them to wear to Kinkfest. Then he said he didn’t know if he wanted to wear something that labeled him as submissive. It’s a little humiliating. Here’s Lion, known for being a slave owner and dominant, now announcing his cock is locked away.

Recently, I was looking at the shirts again to see if I could find one that would work. When I showed him, he again said he wasn’t sure he wanted to broadcast his situation. What’s interesting is that when we first registered for Kinkfest, he asked if they needed anymore speakers. He knows that male chastity isn’t normally represented and he was willing to volunteer us (how did I get dragged into that?) as speakers. But now he’s not sure he wants to draw attention to his caged cock.

Sure, I have the authority to make him wear any shirt I want him to wear, especially in circumstances where we know we’re among “friends”. The question is, do I want to? It’s possible, with people dressed as ponies and puppies and babies, it would help us “belong”. (Lots of air quotes today.) Another thought I had was that it would be an icebreaker. People might be interested in something they’ve never really thought about. Certainly no one would be in a position to think we’re strange.

The main thing is that I don’t want Lion to be humiliated. It’s different when he’s home and he wandering around in a pee-filled diaper. Or even a diaper in public with clothes on so no one can see. Or if I paint his toenails and we go out shopping. No one sees his toes. He knows they’re purple, but no one else does. Still, it’s a little humiliating because if they did know…. So I’m nixing the whole idea of any shirt that says he’s caged or that I hold the key or that he can’t come unless I give him permission. If he wants to share that information, he can, but he doesn’t need to wear a billboard proclaiming it. I want him to be comfortable.