jail bird chastity device
Is this a necessary part of enforced male chastity? You may be surprised at the answer.
(Click image to see me in it)

Like most things in life, enforced male chastity isn’t as simple as it seems. It may appear that all you have to do is purchase a chastity device, lock it on a penis, and let the poor guy spend days, weeks, months unable to use his penis for anything except peeing. actually, this doesn’t even fit the definition of chastity. According to Merriam-Webster, chastity is the state of refraining from extramarital intercourse. There is no mention of physical containment of the genitals. There is also no mention of physical devices designed to prevent access to the sex organs.

When Mrs,  Lion and I started our enforced male chastity adventure, I laid out the ground rules as I understood them: I was to wear a locking chastity device over my penis that would prevent me from stimulating myself. Mrs. Lion would frequently unlock me and tease me without letting me ejaculate. When she wanted, she would give me an orgasm. She agreed.

I mentioned some other things I had read that included allowing me to express my need for sex by pleasing her. She correctly told me that this idea made no sense. Wouldn’t I give her all the sex she wants even if not locked up? Absolutely! Similarly, why would I do housework because my penis was in a chastity device?

Like a lot of guys, I was confusing enforced chastity with BDSM submission. They aren’t the same thing at all. Enforced male chastity is about one thing: sexual control. I asked Mrs. Lion to take complete charge of my sexual gratification. There was no implied contract that included giving her extra orgasms, cleaning the toilets, or painting her toenails. Our agreement was about the use of my penis for sexual purposes.

It took quite a while for this to get this through my head. I had read endless logs and forum posts about all the extras that were supposed to be part of the enforced male chastity lifestyle. As it turned out, all this stuff was noise masking the purity of the male chastity experience.

Even wearing a chastity device interfered with this process. Okay, I like being locked in my cage. I do have a bondage fetish. Tie me up and I’m turned on. So wearing a locked cage on my penis, was a 24/7 bondage experience. After a while, four years in my case, the cage became more of an inconvenience than a turn on. During those years, I learned not to masturbate. Mrs. lion was truly the sole custodian of my sexual pleasure. I am a chaste male.

I’m not saying that we don’t do other things. We adopted a female lead relationship with discipline (F L R D). In that context I must obey Mrs. lion and I get punished if I break a rule. We’ve both written quite a bit about this. But, make no mistake, that stuff has nothing at all to do with my male chastity.

If I had insisted in the beginning, that locking me up also included the other activities commonly associated with enforced male chastity, we probably wouldn’t have succeeded. I think that the formula for success is quite simple. It’s challenging to perform, but easy to explain.

Here’s my suggestion: if you want to begin enforced chastity, start with the very basics. Ask your partner if she will take sexual control. This will probably need some explanation. She may think you’re asking her to initiate sex. Make it clear that’s not what you’re saying. Explain that you want her to be the sole owner of your ability to ejaculate. You would like her to lock you into a chastity device. This is the time you may want to show her what you’ve purchased or give her some references on the web to understand what you’re talking about.

Next, let her know what your expectations are in terms of sexual release. I strongly suggest that you be very realistic. Way too many guys imagine spending months locked in their cage with no sexual stimulation. That may be a hot fantasy but it is a really miserable way to live. Instead, suggest that she keep you locked up for a few days. She can decide how many. Then, ask her to give you release. She can masturbate you, give you oral sex, or let you mount her.

Suggest that after a few weeks you sit down and discuss how things are going. If she expresses concern that her sexual needs won’t be met, you can let her know that your mouth and fingers are always available to her. That’s it. Simple, and easy to follow. This isn’t necessarily the way it’s going to be forever. It’s a starting point. Like anything else that’s worthwhile, it takes time and effort to make it work.

I suggest you follow this very simple routine for a full month before adding any refinements. In fact, I suggest that you try not even think about other things that can be attached to your enforced male chastity. Focus on the deceptively simple concept of basic sexual control. Trust me, the rest will follow.

Enforced Chastity is a surprisingly simple kink. No special BDSM skills are required. Normally, two people play, but one can play with no problem at all. Chastity devices have evolved into simple, two-piece units; a base ring through which the balls and penis are threaded, and a cage or tube that encloses the penis. The cage is locked onto the base ring. Voila!

There are two main reasons that men wear chastity devices. The most popular is as a form of sexual bondage. Wearing a chastity device restricts erection and makes orgasm difficult-to-impossible. The second reason is as genital jewelry. Very expensive, elaborate chastity devices are often custom made for clients who enjoy this form of jewelry.

There’s a lot of mythology surrounding enforced male chastity. The most popular is that the keyholder locks a willing male into a chastity device. Once securely imprisoned, he is told he may never get out. He will never have another orgasm. Some variation of this fuels many sexy dreams about male chastity. Some overactive male imaginations realize that for this fantasy to come true, the device must be inescapable. This starts a quest for the chastity device that would confound Houdini. This, of course, fails the test of common sense. Men are locked into chastity devices because they want to be. The practice is entirely consensual.

When you strip away the drama and hyperbole of the male chastity myths, it all boils down to sexual control. The chastity device provides a realistic illusion of sexual helplessness. As long as the device is attached, its wearer can’t get an erection or have an orgasm. Eliminating the obvious reality that escape is possible, if uncomfortable, the keyholder controls any sexual pleasure the wearer can have.

A lot of guys who want to be locked up, also want to be “forced” to provide sexual and domestic services for their keyholders. This is a central theme in many fantasies. The rationalization is that once sexual pleasure is prevented, the male will become so desperate for release that he will do anything, even iron or give his keyholder oral orgasms, in order to earn an orgasm for himself. Over time, according to the myths, the male will lose interest in his own satisfaction and get sexual pleasure out of giving orgasms to his keyholder.

There’s a big problem with this myth. What woman would want oral sex from a man who is only willing to do it because he wants his cock out of a chastity device? The arousing myth is being “forced” to give pleasure to his keyholder. It’s fine to think that way, but consider how insulting it is to the keyholder. I suspect that one reason a lot of women refuse to play the male chastity game is that they don’t want sex from a man who has to be sexually enslaved before he will use his tongue to please her.

Like most jerk off fantasies, male chastity myths are complex and strictly from the male point of view. The reality of enforced male chastity is very different. Despite the myth, it’s primarily male driven. I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. For a long time Mrs. Lion took her cues from me. She learned what I was looking for. I wasn’t totally satisfied because I knew that I was driving the process.

Over time, Mrs. Lion took over. She considers my suggestions, but does what she pleases. I think this is true of many couples. The secret is patience.

I spent some time reading items I found after a Google search on male chastity. The vast majority of what came up are posts that are clearly written by people still in the pink haze of sexual fantasy. The thing is, these fantasies represent a male sexual fantasy.

Remember, male chastity is generally a game for two. To get started, the guy has to find a keyholder. Usually that’s his partner. He is obsessed by chastity devices. He’s been reading all about them. He may have even bought one. So, his conversation with his partner centers around putting hardware around his penis and locking it.

There are few, if any women who are particularly interested in chastity hardware. This includes Mrs. Lion. She locked me up because she wanted to make me happy; not because she likes the idea of my cock behind bars. I’m the one who likes that idea.

The reason for a chastity device, other than satisfying a sexual bondage kink, is to enforce orgasm control. Orgasm control? Yes, that’s what male chastity is all about. Just as BDSM isn’t based on tying someone up and then untying them. It’s abut what you do after they are restrained.

When you ask your partner to lock you up, the real request is to control your ejaculation and lock you in a device. You are asking for two very different agreements from your partner. This complicates things on your initial approach. I suspect this is why so many requests to a vanilla partner fail.

I know what you’re thinking. “But I want to wear a chastity device and be sexually controlled by my partner.”

I realize that. But there is a learning curve for her. Give her time to get used to the idea of a power exchange before you introduce the hardware. That’s quite a lot all by itself.

My suggestion is to talk to her about your desire to give her more control over sex. Ask her to be in charge of if and when you can come. There is no question that a discussion will follow. this request. She will want to understand what you are asking. That’s fair. This conversation will make all the difference. Here’s how it might go:

You: “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. It would be very sexy for me if you decide when I get to come.”

Her: “What do you mean?”

You: “I think it would be very exciting if you not let me come every time when we have sex. Let me please you, but you stop me before I can come. Also, I won’t masturbate.”

Her: “You masturbate? How often?”

(You probably didn’t think about this part.)

You: (Be totally honest!) “I jerk off  a couple of times a week when I get horny.”

Her: “I didn’t realize that. So, you are saying that you won’t do that any more ?”

You: “Yes, and I want you to make me wait to have an orgasm.”

Her: “Why in the world would you want me to do this?”

You: “It’s very exciting for me to feel your control. I love the idea of you making me wait before I get to come. Believe it or not, it turns me on.”

Her: “How long do you want to wait?”

You: “That’s up to you. But maybe start with a week?”

Her: “Really? A week?”

You: “Yes.”

Her: “What do I have to do?”

You: “If you want sex, I can please you. Just don’t let me come until the time you’ve decided. You can also tease me too. At least, that’s how my fantasies go.”

Her: “I don’t want to be mean to you.”

You: “You aren’t being mean. You are doing something I really want.”

It probably won’t go exactly like this, but you get the idea. She’ll want to know exactly what you mean, why you want this, and then how you expect it to work. The discussion is confined to orgasm control and nothing else. It’s very tempting to ask for more. Don’t. Avoid getting too deeply into your fantasies. Keep hardware out of the conversation.

When you think about it, the key part of this power exchange is controlling your orgasms, not locking your cock in a chastity device. If she agrees to try it, keep it about frustrating you. Let her see how much you like this. Over time, you can introduce edging and other teasing. It won’t be long before you can also suggest a chastity device. Again, the reason you want it is because it turns you on to wear one.

Keep away from the so-called benefits of orgasm control. Don’t suggest you will want to do housework. Don’t say you will be more sexually attentive to her because you are frustrated. No woman wants to learn that your interest in her is based on her stopping you from coming.

I suggest that if she agrees, you stop there. Obviously, you have to be honest and not jerk off. Don’t obsess over this. Resist endless comments about how horny you are. If she wants intercourse, remind her of your agreement. Ask her if she wants you to stop before you ejaculate. Offer to give her oral sex for her orgasm.

There is a lot of additional conversation that will be needed to help her understand what you want. Resist the impulse to discuss this. Let her get used to the idea. Gentle reminders of your agreement are fine if needed when she wants sex. Otherwise, just answer he questions. Don’t drive her crazy with anxiety about the power exchange,.

I realize this is very different from advice you may have read in the past. But, think about it. You are asking for a  big change in your sex life. The simpler you make it, the easier it will be for her to accept it and actually do it. She will ask questions when she is ready. Resist the temptation to show her websites, including this one.

One more point: Don’t ask her by email. I see a lot of sites that give you a form you can send her. Ask her in person, face to face.

Here’s the next step: Asking your partner to lock you up.

We get a regular flow of comments and requests from guys who say their partners aren’t interested in enforced chastity or FLR. Generally they actually have no idea if they are interested or not. They just assume it. When you read our posts it’s easy to assume that Mrs. Lion just loved the idea of doing all this with me when I asked her. Nothing could be further from the truth. Don’t believe me? Read her posts from early 2014.

Want to ask us a question? Leave a comment. We will both answer in our 2000th post next week.

She wasn’t against any of this. She just didn’t see it fitting into her life. I’m very lucky. Mrs. Lion is almost always willing to try anything I suggest. When I asked her to lock my penis (it was mine then) in a little cage and only let me out for teasing, she rolled her eyes and agreed.

Let me be completely clear. I didn’t ask her to start a new lifestyle that centers around enforced chastity and domestic discipline. I asked her to do a very small list of things:

  1. Lock my penis in a male chastity device. I had one I bought online.
  2. Take me out every so often for teasing and edging.
  3. Make me come when she feels I deserve it.

That’s it; no fantasies, stories, or expectations about how she will behave or dress. Of course she asked me what this was all about. So I told her my fantasy about being made to wait until I was so horny I would explode if I didn’t get off. I could tell she thought that was a bit silly, but she agreed anyway.

That’s exactly what happened. She locked me in and hid the key. Every couple of days she teased me; sometimes to the edge of orgasm. That’s not entirely true. The first few days she unlocked me and masturbated me to orgasm every day. I objected. She said that I told her that she controlled how much I get to come. I had to agree, but I begged her not do it that often. She was wearing me out.

After that I got the every-other-day edging and an orgasm every week or so. The rest is history, as they say. You can read the entire story if you go back and read our older posts.

My point is that even though I had some rich chastity fantasies, I didn’t share them right away. What I wanted to do was experience enforced chastity. My three requests assured that I would. If your wife is generally willing to give you a hand job when you request one, she is probably going to be willing to do the three things I asked of Mrs. Lion.

Invariably  her curiosity will drive her to ask questions. Who knows? She may even be willing to read some of our beginner articles aimed at new keyholders (Just click “Caging Your Man” at the top of this page). Curiosity is a good thing. Try to resist blurting out your fantasies at her first question. Instead, just answer the specific question she asked. Let her discover enforced chastity her own way.

If you get this far, you are almost there. A great many guys sabotage things at this point. She may not interpret enforced chastity the way you do. She may have her own ideas how your lockup should go. Guess what? Don’t object and try to correct her. Be a good boy and go along with whatever she wants. Isn’t that why you wanted to be locked up in the first place?

Bear in mind that in the early phase of any new and essentially-alien activity, it doesn’t take much to discourage her and end the experiment. If you are locked up, you got what you wanted. Now it’s her turn. Let her do it all her way.