By:
In: Domestic discipline

I forgot to send Mrs. Lion a daily letter on Wednesday. It completely slipped my mind, but not hers. She delivered a ten-minute spanking to remind me that I need to remember that email every morning. I hated every second of my spanking. Mrs. Lion seems to be getting back into her old form. My bottom doesn’t hurt today (Thursday). She seemed disappointed when she asked me if it did, and I told her that it wasn’t sore. I get it. A big part of the value of a spanking is the lingering reminder it provides.

As far as I’m concerned, the bigger issue is decoupling sex and punishment. With me, anorgasmic, it’s clear that spanking doesn’t charge my sexual battery. In the past, it did. Of course, it shouldn’t matter. We both accept that domestic discipline doesn’t involve my sexual pleasure. Old habits die hard, and Mrs. Lion is working on getting back to her fearsome level of spanking.

Change, even unrelated change, can affect our disciplinary balance. Despite what some men insist, domestic discipline is part of a much larger tapestry of feelings and actions. No matter how loudly they insist that discipline is unrelated to sex, the evidence, at least in my marriage, shows otherwise. The spankings are real and very painful (look at the pictures of my spanked butt). However, I’m pretty sure that a big reason Mrs. Lion is comfortable spanking me is that she knows I want it and in some perverted way, turns me on.

Now that nothing seems able to get me to have an orgasm, the sexual rationalization for spanking me is gone. The need to continue our domestic discipline is just as strong now. That has nothing at all to do with sex. When we remove sexual motivation, all that is left is punishment. Now, spanking me is pure punishment with no sexual undertones. Mrs. Lion is spanking me because I broke a rule.

I can hear the purists mutter, “Duh.” But they are missing the point. Mrs. Lion would never spank me if I truly didn’t want her to do it. She’s my disciplinary wife because I asked her to take on that role. She has more than my consent. She has my enthusiastic encouragement. She knows that I want and need domestic discipline.

Still, since I can’t have an orgasm, she has to accept that my need transcends my loss of libido. She has to believe that other, deeper needs drive me to continue as severely as before. I can’t articulate what they are. I just know that they are there. More importantly, our disciplinary marriage provides balance and peace. Neither of us wants to lose that.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

We didn’t have the discussion I expected after my post yesterday, “What Makes Lion Come?.” I expected that we would talk about BDSM and spanking. Mrs. Lion mentioned that she thought CBT was BDSM. I agreed that it was. She thought about things for a while and then commented that she used to shove things up my ass. I agreed. Maybe she’s thinking about resuming anal play. She didn’t mention our bondage equipment.

She said that I was due for a spanking, but made no move to give me one. She wrote that it will be punishment for being snarky to her. Yes, I guess I’ve been less careful about how I talk to her. She didn’t mention the need for more watchfulness. Maybe she doesn’t feel up to it. We often read what each other writes, but don’t talk about what is said. I think it’s a missed opportunity.

Since Mrs. Lion’s office is about ten feet from mine, we no longer exchange emails. That’s too bad. We had a lot of fun exchanging emails throughout the day. Mrs. Lion would get me pretty aroused with some of her “coming attractions.” Maybe we can resume even though we are just a few feet apart. It could be that because we are together all the time, some of the tension we used to build no longer happens.

It’s very easy to let things slip. We’re very good at that. It’s why we have to find ways to keep things going. When we first started with domestic discipline, we set up “punishment days.” Mrs. Lion designated Monday, Thursday, and Saturday as punishment days. I was (still am) required to remind her on each of those days. When we first started out, Mrs. Lion would dispense punishments I’d earned on punishment day.

She doesn’t wait for punishment day anymore. Spanking me is no longer something that she needs to think about. She does it with the same lack of emotion that she gives to vacuuming. It’s just another activity she needs to complete.  I’m glad she’s comfortable with it. That was a tough hurdle for her to get over. I’m proud of her.

The challenge is to get back what we lost. My ED and anorgasmia have made her feel uncertain about what to do. I think that domestic discipline is completely separate from my sexual interests or performance. It’s understandable that something as upsetting as this would add uncertainty to feelings about spanking. After all, we started spanking as a BDSM activity. The sexual connection is still in both of our minds. However, we both agree that domestic discipline isn’t about sex. Mrs. Lion spanks me regardless of my interest in sex. I get spanked when I need it. That’s the way it should be.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, ED

I ended up spending most of Sunday in bed. I couldn’t seem to keep myself up and running. I got up long enough to help Mrs. Lion bake a blueberry pie. I had to go back to bed before I could help with the second one (we froze it). Mrs. Lion was tired too. She did a bunch of chores around the house. I didn’t get spanked.

It seems to me that there may be a strong psychological component to my loss of libido. When I wrote about spanking and its value in our marriage, I started to get turned on. It could be that my problem is rooted in a need that isn’t being met. There’s no blame to assign here. It’s probably just life getting in the way. I’m trying to figure out what I need.

When I wrote about Mrs. Lion becoming more interested in disciplining me, I found myself getting a little hard. The obvious observation is that I want/need to be spanked. Well, not exactly. It isn’t that simple. Mrs. Lion doesn’t find spanking me fun. She doesn’t mind doing it, but it isn’t fun for her. It’s certainly not fun for me. But that’s not the point. What is?

The answer is deceptively simple. At least, I think it is. It’s the combination of control, rules, and consequences. Just as Spankardy is fun for us, more serious domestic discipline and the resulting punishments create a sort of sexual tension. It’s an extension of me being turned on by spanking. If I think about it, the turn-on isn’t feeling my bottom being beaten. It’s realizing that Mrs. Lion is in charge and is demonstrating her control with her paddles. That’s exciting.

For example, on Sunday, she wrote (“Patience“):

” I’ll give him another spanking today. Yes, I know I promised to spank him more often. I’m falling down on the job. Of course, I could argue that any spanking I give him is “more often” than no spanking at all, which is what he was getting before. And he probably deserves a punishment spanking because he’s been annoying me lately. What has he done? Nothing specific, really. It’s little things here and there that add up. We’ve been fairly snarky with each other lately.”

Reading that excited me a little. Part of that excitement came from knowing that a spanking was impending. Most of it was because Mrs. Lion was going to punish me for annoying her. Discipline! There’s an inherent drama in domestic discipline that comes from the combination of the power exchange and the physical punishments that result from correction. That’s exciting to think and write about; not so exciting to experience.

But wait, that’s not true. It’s the reality of a butt-bruising spanking that make this a high-stakes game. Sure, the offenses and punishments are real, but the game is part of it. Mrs. Lion has commented many times that she likes catching me breaking the rules. She doesn’t particularly like meting out the consequences, but accepts spanking me as part of the game.

BDSM was a fun thing we did

Since we started domestic discipline, we’ve pretty much abandoned BDSM play. Mrs. Lion never did much in that department anyway. Her activities as a top are generally limited to some CBT and, of course, spanking. She almost never uses our bondage equipment.

When I was locked in a male chastity device, Mrs. Lion teased me and got me off by masturbating me. After a while (about four years), handjobs stopped working. Mrs. Lion turned to oral sex. I’ve always loved that. That worked perfectly for a long time. Now, it doesn’t work. Nothing does. It isn’t her fault. It may be that I’m losing my ability to have an orgasm. Maybe my mind hasn’t caught up with my body.

I’m thinking that maybe I’m looking at all this the wrong way. We were both having a good time when Mrs. Lion enforced rules that I managed to break frequently. We both assumed that, aside from correcting my behavior, I was getting sexual value from being spanked.  That’s probably true, but it may not be the greater benefit.

Perhaps the main benefit came from the disciplinary process itself. Sure, the most obvious aspect was my spankings. The reason I got spanked was because I did something wrong. It was a very active power exchange. I think that’s the missing link. There was something very exciting in a scary way when Mrs. Lion informed me that I was in “trouble.” That meant a punishment was forthcoming.

Earlier in our disciplinary marriage, punishments varied a little. Mrs. Lion either substituted or augmented spankings with mouth-soaping and corner time. She would often write about her plans in posts or emails to me. That worked for us.

it’s not all about me

I’ve been talking about what I need and what works for me. That’s unfair. Mrs. Lion is feeling a lot of stress. She wrote about it in the same post (Patience):

“My patience has been non-existent. I think it’s all part of not knowing how to offload stress.”

This is much more important than my libido.  Her stress level is probably what keeps her from being more physical with me. Mrs. Lion tends to withdraw into herself when she is stressed or unhappy. One of my biggest reasons for wanting domestic discipline was to help her externalize and deal with things I do that bother her. I didn’t want her to withdraw or look elsewhere for what she needed.

I think I’m a big part of the stress she is feeling. She’s never been very good about putting things away and dealing with household stuff. Since I’ve become disabled, all of that falls on her shoulders. She has a problem with going at a problem in steps until it’s solved. So she sees the messy house and undone chores as a monstrous problem she has to solve now. At least, that’s how it looks to me.

The result is that she withdraws, and things get even worse. I get it. I feel the same way. The difference for me is that I feel helpless. I know that I can’t do most of what I need done. More stress for Mrs. Lion. Now, giving me sex is another stressor for her. I feel horrible enough about needing her to drive me places and do chores that should be mine. Adding sex to her burden seems very unfair. I’m sure that’s also part of my inability to orgasm.

We will find a way to solve these problems. I know that I will never give up trying to make her life better. She works very hard to keep me happy. We may be in a little trouble, but we love each other with all of our hearts.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Spanking

Mrs. Lion tried to get me off last night. I got closer but didn’t quite get there. After a long oral effort, she was exhausted and I was panting but nowhere near the edge. I wasn’t particularly hard, she reported. I felt like I had an erection. Odd.

This suggests that I need to increase the cabergoline dosage to 5 mg. My next dose is today (Saturday). Maybe the larger dose will do the trick. I’ll also do a Trimix injection. The combination may finally bring relief. It’s been 78 days since my last orgasm. That’s the longest I’ve gone without ejaculating since I was eleven years old. While we’re on the subject of statistics, our diets are showing very good results. I am just two pounds away from the weight my doctor thinks I should maintain. I disagree. I still have a little pot belly. I plan to lose at least another twelve pounds before I consider stopping the diet.

I can’t say that we are eating better, just less. We are almost out of our Nutrisystem food. We both are thoroughly tired of their cuisine. Mrs. Lion will have to do some real cooking now. We’ll both have to be very careful of portion control. That’s the secret of our weight loss. I hope we can add more veggies and salads to our diets. It’s extra trouble to prepare, but ultimately way better for our health.

We’re both developing more consciousness of what we eat. Mrs. Lion may also be returning to her disciplinary mode. As of today (Friday), it’s been four days since she spanked me. I’m not sure if she wants or needs me to remind her, but I know I’m due. Our domestic discipline is right up there with diet and sex in terms of importance for us. I may understand why that’s true.

We work very well together. Our joint diet is evidence of that. We both like how it feels when we do. Even though domestic discipline seems to be one-directional, with Mrs. Lion holding the reins, it’s a two-way set of transactions that reinforces our bond.

By definition, domestic discipline is interactive with two people closely connected. It requires Mrs. Lion to be constantly aware of what I’m doing (and forgetting to do). I have a very strong incentive–avoiding getting spanked–to be aware of what she expects of me. I know I will be punished if I break a rule or annoy her. If I do, we have a very intimate and meaningful interaction; she spanks me.

Marital spanking is extremely intimate. My bare bottom is offered to her for punishment. She pays close attention to it and to me as she spanks me. It is a very close, if painful, connection. It’s probably this intimacy that attracts us to it. We are both happier when she is strict with me. It isn’t a BDSM,
“Yes, Mistress,” game for us. It’s real punishment. I love that about it.

I never deliberately misbehave to get spanked. That would devalue our disciplinary marriage and make domestic discipline into a game. The spankings have to be real. Mrs. Lion has to decide to spank me when I misbehave. She also spanks me to help keep us in balance. We’ve learned that if more than a week or two passes without her paddle meeting my bottom, we lose focus and drift apart.

Each spanking, regardless of the reason for it, reminds us to pay attention to one another. It underlines our commitment to one another. It also improves my behavior. There’s nothing like sitting on a sore bottom to focus my attention on doing what I should. Mrs. Lion also seems to benefit. If she spanks me frequently, she’s much more focused on me.

It’s just the way we are wired. We’ve discovered ways to help us stay close and happy. Would we fail if Mrs. Lion didn’t spank me? I think we would be just as in love. I wouldn’t be as happy. I don’t know if she will agree, but I think she would be less happy too.