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In: Domestic discipline, Male Chastity

More men read this blog than women. More women read/buy books than men. The obvious inference is that women read more than men except when it comes to certain male-centric subjects like male chastity and domestic discipline. It’s ironic that the men who like to read about these subjects want to believe that women get the most pleasure from these practices.

Based on the sort of sexual reading that women like best (as determined by book sales), romance novels are the clear winners. These stories feed rich, plot-based fantasies of handsome men capturing and rescuing women. The sex is steamy, if not explicit. The prose says little about the male side of things other than their ability to produce erections. The men are wild and untamed.

There is a giant difference between the stuff you find here and in other writing about male orgasm control and domestic discipline. If you analyze the writing, you’ll find that it is transactional. The males give up control voluntarily. The women are given power by the men.

Consider that for a moment. The women don’t take control by virtue of mental or physical domination. The men ask them to take it. You could argue that active consent is required in the real world. Agreed. But even in fantasy, the males always give consent and then lose the ability to revoke it.

There are some similarities between romance novels and male chastity/domestic discipline writing. In both, the submissive person loses physical control. The heroine is tied to the railroad tracks. The disciplined husband is strapped to the spanking bench. The chaste male is locked into a male chastity device. Loss of physical control is very hot. The big difference is that in the female fantasies, she escapes the bondage and then surrenders to a male. Sexual surrender after stress is a big plot point.

Our male version is about capture and then happy surrender to captivity. We get off by continued restraint, spanking, and delayed orgasms. It’s this difference that might cause misunderstandings between the sexes. Everyone sees things through the filter of his experiences and desires. When it comes to a kink like ours, the male and female filters are very different.

Take domestic discipline. Mrs. Lion and I have been practicing it for years. I’m sure that her view of what we do is different from mine. I see Mrs. Lion having the authority to punish me as needed. It’s a sort of maternal authority. I don’t see her as my mom. She’s my partner. But, she has the power to punish me as needed. I think that she sees it very differently. Based on what she’s written, I think that she views DD as a sort of game. She makes rules. If she can catch me breaking any, she punishes me.

That doesn’t mean that she views it as just a game. She acknowledges that DD has taught me valuable lessons. The same dichotomy exists with male chastity. On my side,I see it as surrender of my ability to get off when I want. I’ve been trained not to masturbate. I have to wait for Mrs. Lion to decide when I can ejaculate. She does it for two reasons. The first is that she was genuinely offended when she learned that I jerked off. The second is that she knows it’s fun for me when she makes me wait.

There is no reason for both of us to see things the same way. Whether I consider domestic discipline maternal authority or a game, I still get spanked when I break a rule. Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to feel any sense of authority. She makes rules and spanks me when I break one of them. It’s that simple. She likes catching me. I learn to do what I’m told. It’s a win-win.

My point is that men and women will never share the same fantasies. When it comes to domestic discipline or male chastity, it doesn’t matter how we differ on how we view it. All that matters is that we agree on the rules of the games and follow them.

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In: Domestic discipline, Male Chastity

Most of us don’t want others to know about our domestic discipline or male chastity practices. We’re sure they would think we are crazy perverts. Maybe we half believe that ourselves. Simply observing our behavior might cause some head scratching. I get it. Our behavior isn’t exactly mainstream. That doesn’t mean it can’t be accepted by vanilla folks.

Part of the problem is that we often don’t think about why we do what we do. On the outside, it looks like Mrs. Lion beats me for misbehaving. Yeah, she does. But why? It’s because I asked her to do this for me. I find the idea of being spanked a turn-on. I’m not alone. Almost 90 percent of adults have spanking dreams and fantasies. Yeah, there have been several studies that report this. Am I crazy for wanting to bring that dream to life, or am I brave?

Mrs. Lion and I decided to use my arousal about spanking to improve our domestic relationship. Domestic discipline helps balance a power imbalance in our marriage. I’m a pretty dominant guy. Mrs. Lion is generally willing to follow my lead. Sounds perfect, right? Nope. She has to stuff her desires and feelings to always go along with me. Sooner or later, all this resentment is going to bubble over and threaten our marriage. Wouldn’t it be better if she could learn to express her feelings in a timely and appropriate way? Spanking me is far from crazy. She gets a loud voice and I learn to listen. I also get a sexual fantasy to come true.

Male chastity is more selfish. It’s a game that some men like. It’s very exciting (to me) to have to wait for my lioness to get me off. No masturbation, no wheedling or anything else to get off when I want to. I get off when she wants me to. Thatis a turn-on for me. Mrs Lion is kind enough to indulge me.

It has nothing to do with my masculinity, the weather, or the stock market. It’s a harmless sexual kink that I enjoy. So what? We aren’t crazy. We’re having fun and doing good at the same time.

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In: Domestic discipline, Spanking

Mrs. Lion finished waxing me on Wednesday after work. It puts a strain on her back and shoulders. She was out of commission for other activities. In her post yesterday (“I Feel a Spanking Coming On“), she observed that I’ve gone unspanked for a long time, 49 days as of Thursday. That is because we were sick and I’ve been careful to follow all my rules.

Spanking serves several purposes in our lives. It trains me to follow rules, it reminds Mrs. Lion to observe my behavior and continue our domestic discipline, and it satisfies my kinky sexual need to be spanked. When we go too long without spanking, these things fade into the background. Our marriage loses some seasoning. It’s like cooking without salt. The food is still nutritious and tastes good, but something is missing.

I’m writing this post on Thursday afternoon. Mrs. Lion hasn’t indicated whether she plans on giving me a “just because” spanking today. I’m pretty sure she will. She’s obviously been thinking about it. If she does, there won’t be any sex tonight. That isn’t a rule, but I’m usually too uncomfortable to get very turned on, and Mrs. Lion doesn’t want me to associate sexual pleasure with punishment. A “just because” spanking is punishment. Maybe she won’t spank me today so we can do something sexual. We haven’t since my orgasm four days ago.

What will she decide to do? I vote for sex. Big surprise, right?

My vote doesn’t count. My prediction is that I will have a sore bottom. That’s the most overdue activity. I can be wrong. Mrs. Lion likes to be unpredictable.

Our current situation is the perfect example of why we needed to add “just because” spankings to our domestic discipline. For a long time, we waffled on the subject. It seemed unfair to punish me if I didn’t break any rules. I don’t think we had the best understanding of the importance of spanking. I need it because it’s the way I’m wired. Play spankings would be enough to satisfy that need. Domestic discipline fills a much more important role.

Whether she chooses to use it or not, Mrs. Lion can spank me for upsetting her. If I don’t respect her opinion or make her feel that I am disregarding her, she knows that she can spank me. So far, she hasn’t done much spanking for that reason, but she can. She also knows that I don’t think being spanked is fun. That means it is an effective and healthy way for her to express displeasure. Punishing me is an overt and agreed-upon way to handle my misdeeds.

It isn’t easy for her to use this tool. She knows she has it and knows how to use it. I’m confident that she will use it at some point. In the meantime, the knowledge that she can easily spank me prevents destructive, indirect expressions of anger. She’s told me that the “just because” spankings give her a chance to punish me for times I upset her but she doesn’t want to punish me. Fair enough. A blistered bottom hurts regardless of the reason I get it.

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In: Domestic discipline

Over 60 years ago, Walt Disney created four keys that every Disney park cast member had to know and follow. The idea was to encapsulate the spirit of what he thought an experience in his park should be. This concept works very well. It’s easy to remember and provides an excellent basis for conduct. I think that a slightly modified version of these keys makes sense for domestic discipline. Here they are.

1 safety

This is the most important key. Safety must be in both partners’ minds. The first rule is a safeword. Regardless of how you think about punishment versus play, a safeword is required. It gives the disciplined partner the ability to stop a spanking or other punishment instantly when in distress. The instant a safeword is used, the activity stops, and the issue is handled.

The second and equally important safety aspect is knowing how to use your tools. A wood or leather paddle can do serious damage if applied in the wrong places. Learn the correct spanking techniques. If you do mouth soaping, understand that soap can cause burns in the mouth if left in too long. Read about the activities you want to do and learn how to do them safely. This doesn’t mean you can’t give a severe spanking that draws some blood. Just understand what you are doing.

2 courtesy

It’s important that theme park employees are always courteous to guests. It’s not so obvious how important courtesy is in a power exchange. Most people who imagine themselves in a submissive role consider courtesy a sign of respect. It is. No matter how strict or severe the situation, courtesy comes before discipline. Mrs. Lion is always courteous when she tells me to ride the spanking bench. Because she smiles and says “please” doesn’t mean I can say no. My answer is always “Yes, Ma’am.” This applies to day-to-day communication. The actual session might be very different.

3 show

In a theme park, every cast member considers themselves on stage when in a public area. They wear costumes and stay in character at all times. They want guests to feel immersed in their fantasy experiences. The same is true of domestic discipline. Even though it is a serious power exchange, there are still expectations of how discipline is administered.

Show isn’t acting out a fantasy. It’s maintaining the symbols of power and discipline. These symbols can range from elaborate costumes and dialogue to a simple statement that punishment is coming. The Disciplinary Wives Club talked about “lecture” This was a stern speech about the offense and how it caused the disciplinary wife displeasure. The idea was to install shame to accompany the spanking. This is a very good example of show. It didn’t matter if the disciplinary wife was angry or not. The show included a stern lecture.

Exactly how you want to handle this aspect of discipline is something both partners discuss and understand. The idea is to amplify the benefit of the punishment. I know that when Mrs. Lion doesn’t give me a reminder of why I am being spanked, my mind can wander. I don’t associate my sore bottom with my offense. Don’t underestimate show.

4 Efficiency

It’s obvious why theme park cast members need to be efficient. It helps keep costs down. There is a similar reason for it in domestic discipline. I’ve seen too many people drop DD because it consumed their lives. It’s natural for a disciplined partner to want to focus on behavioral issues and punishment. There’s a sexual kick to doing it. The disciplinary wife is almost always less interested in being consumed by discipline.

This key is a reminder to set limits on how much focus is to be placed on DD. People who make domestic discipline a part of their lives don’t spend much time talking about it. If I break a rule, Mrs. Lion lets me know. When she is ready, she will take out the spanking bench and invite me to ride it. We don’t discuss spanking. I usually have no idea what she used to beat me. She likes me to tell her if my bottom hurts the next days, but that’s it. The disciplinary activities are confined to catching me and spanking me. The rest of the time we are a typical couple.

Efficiency dictates that the rules are kept simple. There can’t be any debate about whether or not one is broken. When in doubt, administer a spanking. Whenever Mrs. Lion starts worrying about a “grey” area in terms of my earning punishment, things tend to go off the rails. I suggested that she always err on the side of punishing me. The concept of fairness can sap efficiency out of our relationship. The simple truth is that I never resent being spanked. I am not allowed to argue about whether or not I deserve a spanking. As Mrs. Lion puts it, “You probably did something else I forgot to punish you for.”

The keys are useful

The four keys provide a foundation for a safe and satisfying domestic discipline marriage. They work for us for the same reason they work for theme parks. They provide a sensible, prioritized framework for how to go about our disciplinary relationship. They work.