BDSM (Page 33)

Is there a difference between consent and permission? They are, after all, synonyms. I’m not so sure Mrs. Lion agrees. For the last couple of months Mrs. Lion hasn’t used our Box O’ Fun. This is a wooden box with folded slips of paper; each one has a BDSM activity written on it. The activities range from spanking to tiny dollhouse clothespins on the head of my penis. Both are painful, BDSM play. I’ve consented to Mrs. Lion topping me and I even helped her create the Box O’ Fun.

As she wrote in her post yesterday, Mrs. Lion doesn’t view all the activities in the box equally. Some, like Icy Hot on my balls, spanking, or clothespins are fine for her to do me. Others, like the tiny clothespins, aren’t. She wrote that I suggested the Icy Hot and spanking and so they are fine to do at will. I  did. But I also suggested almost all the other activities in the box too, including the dollhouse clothespins on the head of my cock.

When she threatens to use those tiny clothespins, I object. I find the discomfort they cause very hard to take. Mrs. Lion understands this to mean I don’t want them. She’s right, I don’t. She wrote that she doesn’t want to do things I don’t want. After all, it’s for my “entertainment”. If I interpret her correctly, she feels she doesn’t have permission to hurt me that way.

On the other hand, she knows I absolutely don’t want a punishment spanking. I don’t want to have to lie there and be beaten with a paddle. In the same sense as the tiny clothespins, I don’t give her permission to beat me. She does it anyway. She doesn’t hesitate to make it hurt. I tell her to stop. She doesn’t. I really want her to stop.

As Mrs. Lion has explained, punishment isn’t supposed to be something I want. I am being spanked because I did something wrong. She believes she has the right to do this because I’ve consented to her right to punish me. She knows this and exercises that right on a very regular, consistent basis. She’s always ready to remind me that I agreed to this.

I also given consent for her to hurt me with BDSM play. But she doesn’t want to do anything I don’t want at the time. Her reasoning is that play is for my entertainment and punishment is for my education. Play, she believes, is always optional. Of course she’s right. But there’s a catch. BDSM play is generally uncomfortable for the bottom. It is for me.

I agreed to  let Mrs. Lion top me. I know full well what that means. I’ve requested the Box O’ Fun. I have a pretty good idea what’s in it. Mrs. Lion let’s me pick a card from it. True, the cards are folded so I have no idea what’s written on them. That’s what makes the game fun. I’ve not only consented to play, I actually select the activity. There is a way I can stop something that I really can’t take. We have a safeword. It’s “red”. By the way, there is no safeword when I’m being punished.

Mrs. Lion knows all this. But she resists doing things she knows I will hate. This isn’t consistent. I hate Icy Hot and other hot stuff on my balls. But I consider being made to endure it very hot. She knows this and feels free to do it to me and make it much more intense each time. The same logic should apply to any of the activities in her repertoire. Maybe we need to discuss the specifics. Perhaps we have to reassert that consent is indeed the same as permission. More importantly, understand that if I agree to something in advance, I can’t revoke it when we begin to play. I can stop it, but I can’t prevent it.

Things have been very quiet here. Mrs. Lion is a bit under the weather. She’s not sure why. It could be the days of bad air quality. She doesn’t know. The air is better now. The wind is finally coming in off the Pacific, bringing with it clouds, cool temperatures, and clean marine air. It smells and feels great.

Because she isn’t feeling at the top of her form, we haven’t snuggled much. I haven’t been very interested in sex. I had an orgasm by Magic Wand on Wednesday night.. With the weekend starting tomorrow, perhaps I will heat up and Mrs. Lion will be feeling her old self. If she is, then maybe we can play.  I admit that I haven’t been in the mood for BDSM either. We’ll talk about it and report back to you.

Next week at this time we’ll be at the seashore in out deluxe camper. Maybe we can play there too. Mrs. Lion has a very complete toy bag for camper use. We have under-mattress restraints ready for me if Mrs. Lion wants to use them.

Meanwhile, maybe we can use the Box O’ Fun again. It adds suspense to our play time. It also reintroduces us to things we haven’t done in a while. Maybe Mrs. Lion will discover an activity that she now find fun to do. From my perspective, picking a card with a BDSM activity is potentially a high-stakes game. Some of the cards have activities that are difficult for me to handle. There is at least one card for those tiny, dollhouse clothespins that Mrs. Lion puts on the head of my penis. I’m afraid of them. They really hurt. But then, activities like that are what make the game exciting.

Without the external reminders that “force” us to do things, our play tends to get routine and relatively routine. It’s not Mrs. Lion’s fault. We are both creatures of habit. Mrs. Lion’s Box O’ Fun is a way to avoid getting in a rut.

Friday was a diaper day. I wasn’t having much fun with it. We do have a very large supply of them. I used four by the time Mrs. Lion released. me. Part of the time she let me change it after I peed instead of making me stay in a wet diaper. That was a big improvement. Clearly Mrs. Lion has turned a new leaf in the big book of lion management. We went out to dinner on Friday. For the first time, she had me dress and go out while diapered. I think this is a reasonable thing for her to require. The diapers don’t leak and are invisible under my jeans.

We don’t have a lot to do this weekend. At some point Mrs. Lion will continue waxing me. She said she will wax my chest and back. There is a small area of hair on my inner thighs. I imagine that will get picked up. I wonder if she will do under my arms. When she did my pubic hair, I was erect. Hair removal is exciting for me. I guess it is another form of control that is undeniable.

I like that part. Undeniable control is hot. I think it is a big reason that I like wearing a chastity device. It’s solid, real, and locked over my penis. I can’t ignore its presence. Wearing a diaper is also in that category. Yes, I can take it off, but I won’t. Mrs. Lion knows this. Like wearing a chastity device, it’s not something I would do on my own.

In the case of hair removal, I did keep the pubic hair and chest hair off on my own. The other areas — my legs and potentially pits — were denuded for the first time by Mrs. Lion. I see my bald state as a particularly undeniable sign of her control. I like how it looks too.