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In: Advice to caged males, Lion's Journal, Punishment

I’ve been thinking a lot about what lies at the bottom of enforced male chastity and orgasm control. This also extends to female led relationships as well. I think the actual basis of all this is controlling male pleasure.

It’s hard to avoid the fact that the most significant source of male pleasure is sex. We like to get hard. We love sexual contact, and we adore ejaculating. This is by design. It’s nature’s way of assuring we keep the species going. Enforced chastity, etc. exploits this most basic male drive. I think it’s ironic that many women don’t realize how easily we can be controlled.

There’s an old saying about a woman leading a man around by his cock. I admit it. That’s my situation. My only ability to have sexual pleasure of any kind comes from Mrs. Lion. I can’t masturbate. If I try any form of self-gratification, I will be locked in my chastity device. It effectively prevents any arousal, even morning erections.

You, of course, know all this. Have you considered how profound this control is? I’ve written about discipline, rules, and the general control Mrs. Lion has over me. I’m spanked and sometimes put in the corner for breaking rules. Punishment, or for that matter, rewards are never sexually based. She’s said that she isn’t comfortable using my sexual pleasure that way.

She has, of course, no problem teasing me and making me wait to ejaculate. She does it because I want her to. For that matter, she spanks me because I asked for that too. She does it because I want it. It isn’t that I like being spanked, but I like feeling her power. I like the postponed orgasms. It’s very exciting for me to have the level of my sexual pleasure controlled. Most men ejaculate whenever they want. Not me.

I wonder why in Mrs. Lion’s mind, it is better to provide pain (spanking), than withholding pleasure (locking me up and not stimulating me for a time) as a punishment. She wants me to learn the consequences of disobedience. But, at least up until now, sex is off limits.

So, physical pain feels better to my lioness than more intense sexual denial as a way of teaching me to obey. This isn’t a criticism. It’s an observation. She’s violating two taboos: she is intentionally administering pain, and she is forcing me to make most of my sexual experiences non-orgasmic. She is doing it, of course, with my consent. However, it seems one of the taboos is more sacred than the other.

It’s interesting to me that the control of my sexual pleasure is never used for discipline. I’ve asked Mrs. Lion about this. She’s told me that she is uncomfortable with that. I think that is because sexual control is seen more as a way to enhance my pleasure and act as a kind of game we both play. She is always clear that my waits and her decisions about letting me ejaculate are based on my sexual responses. So, I retain some control over my sexual pleasure.

Pain, on the other hand, is administered when I break a rule. My feelings about being spanked are not considered. That’s exactly right and proper. I appreciate that she does this. Why is postponing my pleasure off limits?

In a post a while ago, Mrs. Lion had mentioned putting me into my cage and making me go for some time without teasing as a punishment she can use. But, nothing happened other than that mention.

A sexual punishment might not be too effective if my last ejaculation was very recent. However, at times like this, my 23rd day of waiting, removing sexual attention for some time is a truly serious threat. I’ve enjoyed this long wait. That surprises me a bit. I would definitely not enjoy being locked up now for another week with no teasing. Of course, if Mrs. Lion locked me up soon after ejaculating, she could still make me regret my confinement if she extended the period of lockup; say for a week. That would give me time to recover from my orgasm and wish I could get hard again.

I’m not trying to make things worse for myself. I’m just observing the direction our power exchange has evolved. I’m also not saying that Mrs. Lion won’t decide to include sexual punishment in her bag of tricks. What I am saying is that women, at least Mrs. Lion, takes withholding sexual pleasure a difficult disciplinary choice.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Lion's Journal
don't climb on lion sign
The lion might not mind, but Mrs. Lion certainly would and that would be very unsafe.

As someone once said, “Free advice is worth every cent you pay for it.” Yup, completely true. What caused me to mention this is that I have been cruising the chastity and FLR web sites. I am astounded by the instructions on how we should conduct our lives.

I have to admit that I provide written instructions too. There are a bunch of pages you can find from the top menu. I suppose the aphorism applies to me too. Should anyone follow my suggestions? Possibly. How do you decide which online advice is useful?

The method I use is to analyze context. Does the advisor share his or her life? Does it pass the smell test? That test is easy. Does what you read smell fishy? From my reading, the vast majority of chastity and FLR advice comes from men who are writing their fantasies and pretending they are real. That doesn’t mean there aren’t blogs out there with pretty extreme content that aren’t true. One in particular comes to mind: “Monkey In A Cage” . This couple rarely offer advice, but extreme as they sound, I believe their content is accurate and any advice they offer is based on real-life experience.

Their approach is very different from ours. Of course they are both much younger than us and therefore have more energy and stronger libidos. How do I know? I’ve read many of their posts. Like us, mostly they write about their experiences. For my money, you can learn way more by reading how people experience your kink than you can by reading lists of what you “should” do.

The big problem is that people who are new to something tend to seek out prescriptive information that they can read and potentially follow. Because I despair when I read the advice in forums and blogs about enforced male chastity, I wrote my own pages that can help people get started. I think my advice is probably more useful. It’s based on our real-life experience. We’ve done everything we discuss. I’m sure there are many other completely valid ways to approach male chastity and domestic discipline, I know our suggestions work for us.

I don’t advocate our methods over others. Whatever works for you is clearly the best advice. What worries me are the fantasy-based instructions. I suspect people try to follow these and give up on a practice they could truly enjoy if they only had better advice. Please take the time to do your homework before you follow advice on the Web.

 

By:
In: Advice to caged males, Lion's Journal

There seems to be two routes into male chastity: Hardware and BDSM play. A lot of guys discover enforced male chastity when they find male chastity devices online. It’s a tiny jump to discover endless male chastity fantasies on various sites all over the Web. The BDSM route is a bit more circuitous. Many male-submissive stories talk about orgasm denial where the female dominant teases the poor subby male to the edge of orgasm but just won’t let him ejaculate. This is super-hot play when he is tied down. It was my introduction to orgasm control.

At some point the idea of actually wearing a male chastity device will rise to the top of his consciousness. The next step is ordering one. In some cases, the male will discuss the idea of hardware with his partner before ordering. In either case the intention is to lock up his penis and only unlock it when his keyholder wants access.

The vast majority of couples that do this limit his lockup time. The male chastity device isn’t worn full time. It goes on for some weekend fun once in a while. Orgasm denial including a male chastity device is added to the play options the couple enjoy. The CB2000, granddaddy of practical male chastity devices, was invented for just this purpose.

Some guys, like me, wonder what it would be like to have to wear a male chastity device all the time. In a very real sense I would permanently lose control of my penis. That idea turned me on. Clearly, I am in the minority. Most men who want to play with orgasm denial want their vulnerable time limited to predefined play sessions.

That makes sense. Very few people choose to do any full time power exchanges. It requires a level of commitment that almost no one is prepared to invest. We started male chastity in trial mode. Either of us could stop it at any time. Mrs. Lion expected we would both tire of it quickly. To our surprise we didn’t. We are more committed to it than ever. Male chastity is an integral part of our marriage.

We aren’t typical. Things just happened to click for us. We weren’t trying to make male chastity part of our lifestyle. It just works for us. I wear a chastity device almost all of the time. Occasionally I go “wild”. Even without the cage the rules don’t change. I have given up ownership of my penis. I am not permitted any sexual touching, period. We’re well into our fourth year of male chastity.

Nobody can tell you if this is for you. My suggestion is to try it and see. Read some of the material here and in other similar blogs. If you find reading about it hot, you may find trying it even more fun. Who knows? Maybe after sampling male chastity, it will become part of your lifestyle too. Welcome to the club!

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Lion's Journal

Enforced chastity seems to be one of those things that are exceedingly easy to quit. Here’s what typically happens: He proposes enforced chastity. He has been reading about it for a long time. Finally he gets up the nerve to ask his partner. She tentatively agrees. They get a device, he puts it on, and they begin. She decides to learn more and begins doing her own online research. She reads about FLR and what other keyholders do. She may have found our site and follows our growth. She gets more enthusiastic about enforced chastity and FLR.

Meanwhile, he is discovering that a lot of the time between his orgasms is not filled with arousing activity. Life goes on; only now with him locked into an uncomfortable chastity device. In the beginning, most guys get inexpensive devices that are less than comfortable to wear.  That discomfort moves to the center of his attention and he lets her know he isn’t a happy camper.

Our baby keyholder isn’t yet a confident leader. She’s doing what she understands to be her role, but he isn’t reacting the way he should. Then life intrudes. A job is lost. Someone gets sick. It’s time to move. Both of you are consumed solving a problem. Or, you disagree about something important. The new roles go out the window. Old patterns return. Momentum has been lost. It isn’t long before the device comes off and enforced chastity and FLR become memories.

I think that the reason this happens so often is the very nature of this experience. Enforced male chastity and FLR are full-time power exchanges. New roles are established for both members of the relationship. These roles are very different from the ones we have had our entire lives, at least up to now. So, if things get tough, the old, comfortable roles return.

The only way to prevent reverting is for one or both partners to consciously stop the slipping and put the power exchange back on track. Here’s where timing comes in. At the start, the man who has asked for enforced chastity is the engine that drives the power exchanges. His fantasies and excitement provide energy to his less enthusiastic partner. Over time, she will find her dominant center and the power balance will shift slowly. During this transition both partners can feel some discomfort and uncertainty. That certainly happened with Mrs. Lion and I. Things start feeling very real.

It’s at this stage that things can quickly go wrong. As he (me) is surrendering power, he is also feeling a little uncertain about what he has done. It won’t take very much to end the adventure. Both partners are uncomfortable. Why not quit? This the end for many people. I think that in many cases, giving up is the right decision. Perhaps there are important reasons to continue. Now is the time to discard the fantasies and take a cold, hard look at what has happened.

Things end in two ways: they slowly drift into disuse and quietly die. Or they explode like fireworks and go out in a blaze of rage and hurt. Enforced chastity tends to die of disuse. The caged male loses interest. His partner, not completely convinced the practice is what she really wants to do, shrugs her shoulders and lets it slip away. Sound familiar?

Tomorrow, let’s look at what can be done to bring the power exchange back to life and I’ll share some of the mistakes we’ve made along the way.

To Be Continued