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In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex
pair of dice showing 2
Snake eyes can be very bad luck indeed.

The idea that orgasms are not free is a nice way to add an element of fun to the forced chastity experience. For example, if a keyholder wants to train her male to quickly ejaculate when told, she can release him from his cage, then before letting him touch himself, she can set a timer; say for one minute. He must ejaculate before the timer runs out. If he doesn’t, he is locked back up until next time. By shortening the time he gets to squirt, he can be trained to become efficient for his keyholder.

Earning an orgasm is also a nice keyholder entertainment. Some “prices” are not voluntary. The keyholder may require the male to always eat the product of his orgasm. He doesn’t get to choose to come or not. Another post-orgasm activity is for the keyholder to vigorously rub the head of the penis immediately after orgasm. You may need to tie him down for this one. Earning an orgasm by consistently doing chores is also a nice way to integrate chastity into daily life. I would suggest that he not earn an orgasm by providing you, the keyholder, with  pleasure. That’s his job and his joy. He doesn’t need a reward for that.

Games of chance are also entertaining. One could be as simple as a dice game. If he rolls a certain number or above, he gets to come. Of course before he rolls the dice, he should be stimulated right up to the edge. That way, if he misses the target, he gets stimulated to the edge again and has to try again. He will never know when you will decide he doesn’t get another chance and has to go back in his cage. A variant of this is to use the roll of dice to determine the timer setting for his masturbation. In that case, he gets no warmup. So if you are using two dice, maybe multiply the number rolled by five. So if he gets a twelve, he has sixty seconds. Poor boy that rolls snake eyes. You could play blackjack. You are the “house”. If he wins, he gets ten seconds of masturbation, then the next hand. If he hasn’t come and you get tired of the game, lock him up without his squirt.

This is all meant to provide a playful way to provide him with release without making it dull or routine. Solo caged males often use games like this, and sometimes chores to determine when they can play with themselves. Many keyholders find earning orgasm and sex games as an amusing part of forced male chastity.

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In: Advice for a new keyholder, diapers, Femdom, Lion's Journal

While the Internet and the Web have made it possible to find people who share your interests, it has also imposed a kind of crowd-sourced set of labels to people that force them in to social molds that make no sense. My biggest pet peeve are the “dom” and “sub” labels. Forced male chastity is a victim of this tyranny of labels. Since the web folks love labels, anyone who has power over someone and demonstrates it is “dom”, and anyone who accepts this control is “sub”.

In the real world, this just isn’t the case. Before the Internet and its idiotic labels, people in the leather community (folks who practiced power exchange and socialized with others who share this interest) did not identify this way at all. I am part of it. We recognize that all this play involves “roles”. That is, for a time or with a given partner, we are “tops” or “bottoms”. A top has the power and the bottom surrenders it to the top. This doesn’t imply that either the top or bottom is always in control in everything. It means that in the context of an agreed-to circumstance or period of time, like an evening, the people will take their particular roles.

This much more reasonable view is a better way to think about forced male chastity. As a caged male, when I surrendered the key to my lioness I didn’t relinquish all control of my life. As my keyholder she didn’t agree to dominate me and make every decision in our relationship. What a burden that would be for her! All we agreed to was that she would have sexual control over me. She would decide if and when my penis would get to stretch out and perhaps, ejaculate. I also asked if she would consider making some rules that I could follow. These rules didn’t have to center on my penis. She agreed to try. She made one that is a doozy; I spend every weekend in diapers. Fair enough! I asked and she granted my wish.

The limits of her topping are negotiated. She has to be willing to take the role in the requested context. As a bottom, I also have the right to negotiate the limits of her powers as my top.  We both expect that this will change over time. She knows I get turned on by punishments for infractions. This is hard for her. She knows a spanking hurts and I am not sexually aroused while she inflicts it. What she may not know is that even though I hate it at the time, it feeds a deep-seated need inside me. The same is true of rules. I know that when she learned I didn’t like peeing in a diaper all weekend,  her resolved seemed to soften. But I don’t want to like it. I want to feel her power. If diapers are one of her choices to demonstrate her control, then wearing them gives me a deep satisfaction.

As I mentioned in my last post, it can be a good idea to put a “price” on orgasms. Last night I had a delightful orgasm. While she was playing with me she informed me that if I come, I will have to eat my semen. Yuck! But, you know what? Deep down I was very happy. My lioness was showing her sexual control. I came and I had a little yucky snack. It didn’t taste good, but it felt wonderful. I think this is the hardest thing for a new top to understand: while I hate what she is doing, sometimes enough to try to get away, another more important part of me loves it. She is doing me a great kindness. The more I hate it and even protest, and the more she steadfastly sticks with her resolve, the more deep down satisfaction I get. It’s a paradox that is way too subtle for the Internet labels of “dom” and “sub.”

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Sex

Many caged males and their keyholders perceive the power exchange the cage represents as far more than just locking up his penis and leaving it in its cage. All of the fantasies and many real life couples practice some form of keyholder control, at least of sexual matters. Many of us caged males crave rules and discipline. We want to feel our keyholder’s control beyond our little cages.

For a new keyholder, these interests in rules and discipline can come as a surprise. Without prior experience in topping, the new keyholder can feel lost and inadequate. Fear not! You can do this. Actually, the first step: caging your male’s penis was the hardest. It introduced what you might have considered an alien experience. You agreed to lock him up. Now there’s more? Yup, there is.

Like any kid with a new toy, your caged male will be enthusiastic and anxious to experience everything he dreamed about all at once. That can create a giant anxiety attack for a new keyholder. This is the first opportunity for you to use your new power. I know, you never asked for power; you just locked him up because he asked you to do it. For better or worse, you did do it and now you discover there could be a lot more. Read on, help is here.

First thing, because you have the key, you are in charge. Use this authority to firmly remind him that you will decide what happens next. You can thank him for his input, but in the future don’t volunteer advice. Of course, he will ignore your request. If he persists in his demands and questions, you need to be a bit firmer. My suggestion is that you tell him to stop. Tell him that all he needs to know is that you have locked him up and that you will tell him anything else he should know. Questions and requests are not welcome.

Here’s the hard part. He persists. Now you are at a crucial crossroad, dealing with a naughty boy. While you didn’t sign on for it, discipline generally is part of the keyholder’s job.  Depending how you feel about it, you have some fairly simple choices:

Behavior that has to stop now
Persistent questions and requests get annoying. If you want that to stop and stay stopped, your discipline needs to be real. You need to do something that will act as a true deterrent. Spanking is probably not a good choice. Many males really want that. For behavior you want to quickly modify, you need to be more drastic. If there is something he likes to do such as play video games, watch sports on TV, go out with his friends, etc., tell him that he is banned from that favorite thing for a week and that if he doesn’t stop now, it will be two weeks. He may object saying that he won’t do it. The response is simple: get your key and tell him that he either accepts your punishment or the cage comes off forever. It’s his choice. Either way you win. By the way, that’s critical. He must see discipline as a no-win for him. He either does what you say or he ends his chastity fantasy. It’s that simple. This won’t be easy for you to do, but believe me, if you don’t set these boundaries early, he will end up topping you and you will be his chastity slave.

Corrections and conditioning
Since we know that caged males crave rules and regimen, it would be very fulfilling for him if you find some rules he can follow that don’t take up too much of your emotional and physical time. Then, there are behaviors you want to modify it because you just want to. You can make this fun.

  • Sexual behavior This covers sexual conditioning for your caged male. There are two main categories: orgasm control and the cost of coming.
    Orgasm control is important if you want to assure your male only comes when you want but you still want to make some use of his penis. The objective is to get him to avoid orgasm without permission. If you want to play with his penis and you don’t want any accidents, inform him of this and tell him to warn you if he is close. Similarly, if you want penetration and you do this with or without desensitizing cream, he must warn you and give you a chance to stop the penetration before the accident. Infractions can be punished in any number of ways. One of my favorites is spanking. I like to be spanked, up to a point. Since this is not a recreational spanking, it should be done with a paddle that really stings and at full force until you feel he has learned. It’s probably a good idea to restrain him for this. Instead, or in addition, add time to his “sentence”. Make him wait another week or more before his next scheduled release. The objective is to condition him to ejaculate only when you give him permission. Over time, this is amazingly effective.Paying for release

    is a fun concept. In practice, every time he is allowed to ejaculate he must do something to “pay” for it. Some keyholders enjoy post-orgasm penis torture. Most men become painfully sensitive to touching the tip of their penises shortly before or after ejaculation. Vigorously rubbing the head after ejaculation will turn into something  he will love to hate. Another very appropriate payment is requiring him to consume (eat) his semen each time he comes. Most men will hate this too and will probably learn to love hating it. After all, it’s only fair he clean up after himself.

  • Rules Many caged males crave some rules that their keyholders will enforce. The big problem to the keyholder is that making rules means monitoring compliance and enforcement. This can become a tiresome time and energy drain. It’s also not easy to come up with rules you can live with, much less him. My lioness came up with a very clever rule: she requires me to wear a diaper from Friday evening until I dress for work on Monday. This rule requires no real effort to monitor and enforcement is a spanking. Also, if there is any reason I need to be out of diaper during the weekend, I must make up the time during the week. This may not appeal to you as a keyholder. I am not fond of it at all as a caged lion. But, it is effective and it conditions me to obedience. If you come up with any rules that you like, please add them as a comment to this post.

No matter how you slice it, forced male chastity is a form of sexual submission. It’s rarely the only submissive thing that a chastity couple do. The key for a new keyholder is to understand this and to realize that her caged male probably has a conscious or unconscious need for this. Most important is for you to do this your way and in your own time. You own the chastity relationship, he doesn’t.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal

While we focus on forced male chastity as our primary topic. It’s clear that most of us don’t just get caged or cage our partners and do nothing else. While we focus on caging cocks, I haven’t found anyone including my lioness who has no further ambitions. Full time caging is probably the most radical of activities since it permeates every single second of my life, but there are other fun things that almost always seem to go along with the cage. Exactly what these other items on the menu are depends on the keyholder.

Virtually every keyholder engages in regular cock teasing. We caged males learn to expect and enjoy being teased to the brink of orgasm and then locked up again without the climax. I get the feeling that there is an emotional basis for keyholders loving this activity. When our penises were unrestrained, females knew that there was a point of no return, beyond which they would be getting some sticky male fluids in or on them. Some girls apparently loved to see how far they could go without the boy squirting. I never experienced this myself, but many guys have.

“Nice” girls never did that to their dates. Many guys worked hard to get sexual attention of some sort from their female dates. I did. I had a fairly high success rate in my salad days. The point is that many women when they become keyholders and their caged males talk about teasing, a light bulb might go on and they realize this is their chance to be bad girls and tease their helpless caged males. Even if that thought didn’t occur to them at first, it has to be delicious to frustrate their partners and watch their faces change when they realize they won’t be coming today.

Tease and denial is nearly universal. Some consider it part of forced chastity, but it really isn’t. It’s just something that goes with the cage like peanut butter and jelly. Other things also find their way into the forced chastity lifestyle: spanking, bondage — it’s good to tie up a horny, caged male before taking him out of his cage, anal play, you name it. Forced chastity is a power exchange with the male surrendering power to the female.

If you are new to this kink, think about the other possibilities that might go along with what you are doing. Forced male chastity is much more fun if it isn’t practiced À La Carte.