By:
In: Punishment, Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Spanking
a good starter pedal for her
Mrs. Lion’s wifely duty.

There is a ton of mythology surrounding sexual power exchanges. Female Led Relationship With Discipline (FLRD) is no exception. The majority of the stories center around the “submissive” male member of the relationship. Surrendering power, particularly sexual power is a very common turn on to members of both sexes. In study after study both men and women overwhelmingly reported that they actively fantasized about being spanked. Depending on the study, between 75 and 95% of respondents dreamt about having their bottoms paddled.

The dreams were sexy. They weren’t bleak, oppressive nightmares. All respondents who dreamt about being spanked reported being sexually aroused. A lot of people also dreamt about doing the spanking. This was also very sexual. If a guy can get a woman to expose her rear end and allow him to spank her, he has a very good chance of being able to have sex with her as well. It’s easy to understand why a man who secretly wishes he could be spanked, takes on the role of dominant spanker. There is something he wants in it for him.

It’s apparently not the same for women. I don’t recall hearing that a woman chose to be the spanker in order to get laid. I’m sure it happens. But it isn’t a very common reason. I started this post talking about the large body of mythology surrounding submitting to spanking. I’m pretty sure you are familiar with a great deal of it. You also know that in my marriage I am the partner who gets spanked. I’ve written thousands of words about how I feel about it and what effect it has on me.

What about my lioness? She has become a very active spanker. When she thinks I deserve it, she spanks me without a second thought. I’m very sure she has no surrounding mythology to draw on for inspiration. I imagine that she isn’t that different from other women who discipline their partners. Spanking in our house is a simple, business-like affair. Mrs. Lion selects the paddle she wants to use, brings it into the bedroom, tells me to get into position, and without further ado begins spanking me.

8There is nothing sexual about it. Yes, I am naked and my bare bottom is exposed to her. She never touches my genitals and some of the time will rest her arm on my back. The entire experience is the painful swatting of the paddle on my bare skin. When she’s done, she may pat me on the back to let me know I can get up. She doesn’t ask me for a review. She gets up and puts the paddle away. She’s all business.

Years ago, when spanking was newer to me, I would often be erect when I got into position for my spanking. It didn’t take very long for my erection to disappear. I don’t get erect anymore. I know what’s coming and I know I won’t like it. There is no submissive mythology in our house. Punishment, whether spanking or something else, is a routine activity that isn’t given a special place. It’s just another activity we share. I do thank Mrs. Lion after each spanking. She made that rule sometime ago to remind me to express my appreciation for her efforts.

She’s always made sure that there is a good separation between my punishment and any sexual activity. She recognizes that I won’t be in a very horny mood for a while after being punished. The other night she did something very different. She teased me and edged me and then, almost immediately afterward, told me to get into position and administered the spanking I had coming. There doesn’t need to be any time between sexual activity and punishment if the sexual activity comes first. I never thought about that before. Apparently it was an inspiration for Mrs. Lion. It certainly opens up more opportunities to structure her evening activities.

lion's spanked butt
Mrs. Lion doing her wifely duty. For her, this is the color of success.

She gave me that spanking very close to when we turned out the lights to go to sleep. That meant I was still feeling the burn of my punishment as I closed my eyes in the dark. Since the sexual activity was edging, I was hornier when she started punishing me than I was on evenings when I get spanked before anything sexual happens.

There is a variant of this we never tried. Supposedly, a spanking is much more unpleasant if it is administered shortly after the male has ejaculated. I suppose the theory is a little like the way people think about eating semen. It’s a hot idea when turned on, and absolutely no fun after ejaculating.

Since I don’t get turned on before spanking, I don’t think ejaculating and then being spanked will feel any different to me. Also, at least in the recent past, I get spanked a lot more than I get to ejaculate. In the last 10 days, I haven’t ejaculated once and I’ve been spanked at least eight times.

It may be my imagination, but I think that Mrs. Lion has been spanking me harder and longer each time over the last couple of weeks. That’s a good idea. No matter how frequently I need to be spanked, each one has to stand out as something I really don’t want. Because I’ve earned daily spankings for various stupid things I’ve done, the bar has been raised on making each one especially memorable.

I don’t think Mrs. Lion has consciously considered this. I think she should. The one drawback of serial spankings is that I might get “used” to being spanked. I think that can be easily avoided by being sure that each spanking is particularly unpleasant. The bedtime spanking the other night was a step in the right direction.

Mrs. Lion has no sexual incentive around punishing me. In a very real sense it’s an inconvenience for her. I’m sure she would be happier if she didn’t have to punish me at all. She knows that on one level, I need reasonably regular spankings. That level has nothing to do with my behavior and a lot to do with my sexual composition. In the past, when no punishments have been earned for a while, Mrs. Lion has given me play spankings. In the last couple of months, I’ve managed to do enough wrong to earn disciplinary spankings on a very regular basis. The disciplinary spankings, while thoroughly unpleasant, also satisfy that inner need.

Mrs. Lion has accepted her role as disciplinarian. I suppose in our world it’s a “wifely duty”. Much more important than sex, properly disciplining me is a key part of her job as my wife. That may seem odd. It isn’t. She knows that I really enjoy it when she masturbates me to the edge of orgasm over and over and then stops. She’s happy to keep me ejaculation-free for days and days. In fact, she suggested that maybe all I would get is teasing until we move to our new house in September.

Sexual activity is more like a hobby for her. She does it because I really like it and she enjoys stretching out my desperation to ejaculate. She feels no particular pressure to do anything differently, or for that matter, do it all. On the other hand, her disciplinary role is more demanding. She knows that I need her to consistently enforce her rules and make punishments sufficiently unpleasant to motivate me to avoid breaking them. In other words, spanking and her other punishment activities are work.

I think it took her a long time to take that particular job seriously. Think about it: How do you approach paddling your husband’s bare bottom as a serious domestic job? Unless you grew up in a family that regularly practiced disciplinary spanking, you have absolutely no context for the activity. If you have a history of BDSM spanking, then you probably have the skill set but you almost certainly will have difficulty approaching it as a serious component of your marriage.

I’m not entirely sure Mrs. Lion understands this fully. Spanking me as a punishment is a domestic skill she has to master. There’s no question that she’s well on her way to doing this. She knows exactly what to do. I’m not sure she thinks about it as a serious part of her role as my wife. I suspect she considers it something she does because I want it.

I do want it. That’s almost beside the point. It doesn’t really matter if I want it or not any more. It’s absolutely a necessary part of our marriage and I cannot change my mind about accepting punishment when needed. The flip side of this is that Mrs. Lion punishes me because it is a job she has accepted. She doesn’t need my approval to perform it. She certainly has no reason to care if I like it or not.

I have to learn that punishment is the inevitable consequence of breaking a rule or failing to obey. It has nothing to do with sex. Mrs. Lion has to make sure that each punishment experience is unpleasant enough to make it crystal clear that she will not tolerate my misdeed. This can be very hard for her. After all, how seriously should she think about me spilling food on my shirt? Or, how important is it if I forget to remind her of a punishment day?

In the scope of our marriage, it isn’t important at all. I would suggest that is probably not the way to think about it. Each of those things represent instructions that I have been given. Failing to follow them is a form of disrespect. It doesn’t matter if it’s trivial or not. It matters that it is something I am required to do. Teaching me to take small things seriously is a very good way to teach me to follow more important requirements. In that sense, the price I pay for these trivial offenses has to be high enough to make sure I don’t repeat them.

It’s Mrs. Lion’s wifely duty to assure herself that I take every single instruction to heart. Giving me a sore bottom is a small price to pay for me to learn to respect her wishes. It may not be easy to give me a sore bottom, but she can do it if she wants to.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Spanking

As you know, we call ourselves Lion and Mrs. Lion. I’ve had the lion nickname for decades. More often than not, these nicknames have proven prophetically appropriate. One area where they didn’t seem to fit had to do with our relationship. Almost anything you read about lions, describes their social order as being highly male dominant. The lion is king of the beasts and rules his pride of numerous lionesses with an iron paw.

As it turns out, nothing could be further from the truth. A pride is now defined as a group of lionesses. The average pride has just two. Generally, these lionesses are sisters. They decide if a lion who happens to be wandering around, is invited to join. Most of the time, they drive off any males interested in the pride. If they allow a male to join (frequently, male lions are in groups of two or more called alliances), they keep a close watch on him (or them).

The males are kept around because they are bigger and stronger and very useful at defending the pride. Contrary to old knowledge, the lionesses remained firmly in charge and if a lion displeases one of them, she will give him a painful bite in the butt. It turns out that the males spend an average of two years with any pride. After that time has elapsed, the girls kick him out and he has to find new lionesses. This is necessary to preserve the gene pool.

The only place where the lion is king is at the dinner table. The lionesses let the lions eat their fill before anyone else gets a shot at the game. This is frequently annoying to them because lions have big appetites and an alliance of two or three males can decimate a kill. The girls put up with it because they know the boys have to be strong and prepared to drive off marauders.

This little bit of natural history is brought to you by way of demonstrating how appropriate our nicknames turn out to be. Mrs. Lion generally makes sure that I’m fed food that I like even if it isn’t one of her favorites. Beyond that, she tolerates no misbehavior on my part. Sex is 100% on her terms. If I don’t behave as she wishes, my butt pays the consequences.

The weird thing about this is that until a couple of weeks ago I had no idea that lion sociology is so close to our own. The one very important difference is that Mrs. Lion and I have mated for life. I don’t think she’ll be driving me off anytime soon. In fact, we’ll be celebrating our 14th anniversary next week. Six of those 14 married years have been spent with me in male chastity living in a Female Led Relationship with Discipline (FLRD).

I guess lions are our spirit animals. Our relationship is a very close model of our four-footed brothers and sisters. A lot of the current behaviors we demonstrate weren’t instinctive. At least they didn’t manifest themselves without a lot of help. For example, our equivalent of lioness butt biting: spanking, took a long time to evolve to the point it is truly effective. I want to be careful in how I define “effective”. Most of the time, I refer to how effectively Mrs. Lion spanks me in terms of the impression it makes on me. That’s really only half of the criteria. I can report on whether a particular spanking brought Mrs. Lion’s point home effectively. However, we need her to tell us if she feels that she is satisfied that she expressed what she wanted to with her paddle.

I don’t think she looks at it in those terms. I think she considers herself successful if she’s given me a sufficiently sore, red bottom. After all, she has frequently said that she spanks me because it’s something I want and need. However, now that we’re in lioness 3.0 mode, I’m being punished for things that actually mean something to her. She’s in the habit of evaluating her “work” by my feedback. I think it’s time that she use the effectiveness of how she’s changed me to evaluate her performance. Even in cases where there isn’t any real emotional stake, like when I spill food on my shirt, her success is easily gauged by how long it will be before I do it again. The same is true of me forgetting to remind her of punishment days. Repeat offenses are sure signs that she failed to make her point effectively.

We are beginning to move in that direction. Now that any offense earns me at least two spankings, it’s very easy for her to make a stronger point by adding more days. She can also select more severe implements if she feels they will help me learn.

In the four-footed lion world, if a lion’s behavior can’t be effectively controlled with strategic butt bites, he can be driven from the pride. In our two footed pride, Mrs. Lion has an almost limitless range of “incentives” to apply to me.

In a very real sense it’s a battle of wills. It can be veiled in forgetfulness or inevitable sloppiness, but the bottom line is that I’m doing something unacceptable. If we learned nothing else over the last six years, it’s that absolute consistency, strictly enforced works best for me. I think it also works best for Mrs. Lion. I am much happier when there are no exceptions and there is no mercy. Things are clear and clean that way.

It may not make a lot of sense to some people that I like such a rigid system. The reality is that Mrs. Lion is inclined to be very kind to me. I suppose it’s because our disciplinary relationship isn’t completely incorporated in the way she operates. I get it. I’m not saying that she isn’t consistent or strict. She is. She’s doing a great job as my disciplining wife. She needs me to remind her now and then that she is on the right track. I certainly don’t act that way when she picks up her paddle and tells me to get into position for spanking. I don’t think she expects me to welcome the spanking with joy. She knows it hurts. I think she does need me to remind her that she’s doing exactly what I asked her to do. She is and I’m grateful.

By:
In: Sex, Lion's Journal

We’ve been challenged recently by a combination of issues that range from my health to needing a new home. We may have found a new house to rent. It’s about half the size of the one we have now so there is no question we will have to get rid of a great deal of stuff. I’m okay with that. I’m not sure I have the energy to actually do it. We have no choice, so one way or another Mrs. Lion and I are going to downsize at least to some extent.

All of this activity has made it difficult to think about things we like to do. I’m hoping we can get back on track even in the face of our challenges. I’m confident we can do that. I’m not confident we can manage the other stuff. We spent all day Wednesday with Mrs. Lion driving me to and accompanying me on medical visits. We both had to miss work. It was a good thing I didn’t have my chastity device on. One of the things I had to do was get a MRI. You can’t do that with the chastity device on, even a plastic one like my Cherry Keeper.

That’s the reason you didn’t see a post from Mrs. Lion yesterday. We were on the road from 8:30 AM on. We got home at about 5 PM and I sat down to write this post. It’s been a while since my last orgasm. I think it’s been nine days. That’s a long time for me. Mrs. Lion keeps me on a regular schedule, spacing my ejaculations between four and 10 days. The average for me is around seven days. I don’t think she planned this. It just seems to feel right to her. Over the years, I think my body has adjusted to this rhythm.

It isn’t carved in stone. She can shorten or lengthen the spacing at any time. I know that she doesn’t consciously keep track of how long it’s been since my last orgasm. Usually, while she is teasing me, she just decides to push things all the way. She has no special reason when she does.

Nevertheless, Mrs. Lion has a pretty regular internal clock when it comes to getting me off. Of course, my internal clock ticks as well. I think I’m probably more responsive during her window of “opportunity”. From the perspective of male chastity and our FLRD, we agree that how often I ejaculate is largely irrelevant. What counts is that it’s all up to her.

There are times when I wish I could get myself off. I’m just horny. Actually, I don’t really want that. Since Mrs. Lion isn’t interested in sex for herself, I like to think of what we do is a way to share my sexual excitement. I like the fact that it’s something for both of us.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Sex

Male chastity is one of the most misunderstood sexual practices around. The word “chastity” means “no sex” to a lot of people. You know, the word invokes images of women locked in chastity belts kept “pure” for their husbands. It has little or no context to most people when it refers to men. So, you can imagine how confusing mentioning male chastity can be to people who aren’t aware of it.

The reality is that the term is probably a poor choice for the practice. But, we are stuck with it. Males are built very differently from females in terms of sex. It goes way beyond the basic physical differences. For one thing, a man’s ability to have orgasms is dependent on his ability to create semen. Even men, like me lately, who don’t produce much or any semen, still cycle around semen production. The amount of time it takes to generate a new supply is called the refractory period. This varies from as little as a few minutes in a pubescent boy, to many days for a senior citizen.

Women have no such limitations. Most women are capable of having as many orgasms as they want as often as they like. That doesn’t mean that every woman wants to spend several hours a day having orgasms. But they can.

We males have to ration ours. At this point in my life I can have an orgasm every day, but it’s difficult and not as much fun as I like. I’m happier if there’s more of a wait. The numbers may be different for different individuals, but male orgasms are coupled with ejaculations, which in turn take time to replenish.

The main point is that for most men orgasm is a singular event separated by some waiting before the next one. Most guys accept this and live with it throughout their lives. By the way, it doesn’t matter if the orgasm is generated with a partner or through masturbation. The same rules apply.

Male chastity puts a new spin on this. It turns out that many men, me especially included, really enjoy arousal. It’s exciting and fun to get hard and approach ejaculation without reaching it. Some cultures call this Tantric sex and ejaculation is never achieved. That’s not the way we play it.

A lot of women don’t realize just how much fun they can give us if they resist letting us ejaculate. When they were younger and dating, they were led to believe that it was wrong or unfair to tease a man and then not let him ejaculate. The popular wisdom is that you get a guy hard you owe him the rest of the process right through ejaculation.

Male chastity, of course, expects the man’s partner to prevent him from ejaculating. He’s allowed to be teased right to the very edge of coming. In fact, that’s a good thing. It’s just the opposite of what we learned when we were younger. I was taught that if my partner arouses me, she is most likely going to make sure that one way or another I will ejaculate. The fact that male chastity is essentially the opposite of this, is one reason why people consider it perverse and weird. In cultures that practice Tantric sex, the idea of bringing a man to ejaculation recreationally makes no sense. Ejaculation is reserved for reproduction.

Very often, male chastity is considered a form of submission. Logically, you could come to that conclusion because the mail surrenders control of his own orgasms to his partner. That’s certainly sexually submissive. But it’s also a lot of fun.

With male chastity, sex takes on some new, exciting color. For one thing, I don’t expect an orgasm no matter how excited Mrs. Lion makes me. She will bring me to the edge of orgasm 40 or 50 times over many days. If I’m lucky, at one point she will push me over the edge and I will ejaculate. It’s a special moment! When I masturbated, ejaculation was the messy ending of a process I initiated and was assured of the outcome. I am never sure whether or not I will get an orgasm now. Mrs. Lion can stimulate me with her hands or her mouth and stop when I’d just feel ready to explode. She can let me hump her hand and let me get more and more aroused pumping harder and faster. Then, when I can feel the orgasm start, she’ll open her hand and I’ll be humping air.

Sound frustrating? It is. But it’s also big fun. Just imagine, for me the process of having sex to orgasm can take a week or more. Every day, or nearly every day, Mrs. Lion teases me and brings me to the edge of orgasm over and over. Almost every day, she leaves me panting with my penis waving in the breeze. She waits until I calm down, we don’t want any accidents, then kisses the tip of my penis and that’s it for the night.

She never lets me know when she’s going to keep stimulating me until I finally ejaculate. Does this sound like fun to you? It is for me.

I really don’t think you could call this chastity. After all, the word chastity implies a lack of sex. I get an amazing amount of sex. I just don’t get very frequent opportunities to have an orgasm. I think it’s a very narrow definition of sex to limit it to just when I ejaculate. I think it has to count when Mrs. Lion manipulates my penis and stimulates me within a stroke or two of an orgasm. That’s sex! But we call it male chastity. Go figure.