By:
In: CBT

We may have finally worked out an exciting and doable nightly ritual. We sort of stumbled on it. When Mrs. Lion brought out the Box O’ Fun almost every night it started us both thinking. The box has cards in it with various activities written on them. Most of the activities involve a certain level of sexual discomfort for me. They range from wearing a butt plug to Icy Hot on my balls and perineum to various sorts of clothespins applied to my nether regions. I think there’s even one or two for spanking. You get the idea.

lion's box of penalties
This is the Box O’Fun. Very few penalties are left. Most have already been picked. The worst are still in there.

After I go through the activity I pick from the Box, Mrs. Lion sexually stimulates me. Since I am under orgasm control, most of the time the stimulation ends before I can ejaculate. That’s fine. She also stimulates me and keeps me very hard and excited while I’m suffering through the activity of the day.

We’ve been doing this for about a week. It occurred to me that in order for me to get sexual fun, I needed to pick a card from the Box and suffer through the activity. My “reward” was being edged or at least teased. I wrote about this yesterday. Mrs. Lion picked it up too. In fact, on Thursday night I picked a card to get menthol rub applied wherever she’d like. That always includes my balls and perineum. I was tired and not feeling particularly interested in sex. I asked her to put it off. She agreed. We also ended up with a longer-term understanding. Here’s what it is:

in order for me to get Mrs. Lion to play with my penis, I must first pick a card from the Box. Then, Mrs. Lion would perform the activity on the card. If for any reason I didn’t want to do that activity, I could postpone it. I wouldn’t get any sexual stimulation until I had that particular card’s content done to me. I could also decide not to pick a card at all; no card no sex. Mrs. Lion agreed to offer me this opportunity at least six out of seven nights a week. It was strictly up to me if anything happened on any particular night.

That’s it. If I want sex, I have to pay the toll. Since I have the right to postpone, Mrs. Lion is free to pick activities she knows are particularly unpleasant for me. She has been doing a little research. In her post yesterday,”Derailed Plans” she mentioned that I had blue menthol rub coming. That stuff can be very nasty when applied to my balls and perineum. I had picked that card on Thursday night and elected to postpone. If she adds the Icy Hot roll-on, to the box, I can see postponing in my future. That particular product has the maximum amount of menthol in it and burns like crazy.

I know that it is not her objective to make my choices unpleasant enough to force me to postpone indefinitely. She likes teasing me. There are other possibilities to use the box. For example, the toll for oral sex could be higher. Perhaps I need to receive two cards to get that. If we did the drawing early enough, Mrs. Lion could add Zaperdy to the box. We discussed how to make that game more “interesting”.

The way we’ve played up till now, I can elect not to answer a question. If I don’t answer one, I don’t get zapped. If I answer one incorrectly, Mrs. Lion zaps me. We discussed making a little change: If I don’t answer a question, I get one zap. If I answer one incorrectly, I get two. That would certainly add a great deal more “interest”. She could also play a variant of the game where instead of zaps, I get spanks. We just keep track of how many no-answers and wrong answers I do. At the end of the show, I get one swat for every failure to answer and two for every incorrect one. Just a thought.

The idea of me having to “pay” for sex makes sense to me. Aside from the fact that I like BDSM, it also kind of levels the playing field for us. I always feel a little bad that Mrs. Lion doesn’t want sex for herself. I feel selfish when I want it for me. The idea of having to do something that isn’t so wonderful in order to get sex for me somehow seems a little bit less one-sided.

By:
In: CBT

Mrs. Lion has been really good about offering me the Box O’ Fun. Every night she has been putting it on the bed and then asks me if I want to pick a card. So far, I’ve agreed each time. I’ve wondered if I didn’t want to pick a card, would I not get the sexual attention that follows the penalty I pick from the box. That would be fair. I just don’t know if Mrs. Lion has considered this. It would be sort of a sexual toll.

I still have a do-over card to avoid one of my selections from the box. I’m being careful about what I choose to use it for. Of course, if I elect to skip that penalty, it just goes back in the box so that sooner or later it will happen. On Wednesday night I picked, “Blindfold – Pick Another Card”. The second card I picked was for the dreaded Velcro.

Mrs. Lion made sure I was unable to see anything and then proceeded to tightly wrap a piece of that nasty Velcro around my soft penis. Then she began playing with it. As I got harder I could feel the pressure growing from the Velcro around the base of my cock. That’s not the worst of it. Once I was erect, she slowly began removing the Velcro tie. I could hear the crackle as the hooks pulled off of the loops in the fabric. I knew that soon I would feel the nasty jolt of blood surging into my penis. Sure enough, the Velcro came off with a pop and I let out a soft scream. That really hurts! (Picture)

Mrs. Lion then played with other Velcro strips around my hard penis. She puts the hook-side toward my skin; it feels a little like sandpaper. It is definitely not terribly comfortable. She put a number of strips around it being sure to leave that sensitive area near the tip available for her fingers. She used her fingers to keep me as hard as possible while I got to “enjoy” those nasty little hooks. Finally, she removed all the strips and began giving me a handjob. I was responsive for a while but then my erection faded. I guess it was just a little too soon after my orgasm two days ago.

Once we were done playing, we chatted about what happened. We both realized that it would be more interesting if Mrs. Lion didn’t tell me what was on the second card. Since I was blindfolded, I would have no way to know what was going to happen to me until she began the action. We decided that it would probably be more fun.

I had a really good time. I have to admit that as the number of cards in the box dwindles, I worry more and more that those tiny dollhouse clothespins will soon be attached to the head of my penis. Ouch! If I’m nice and hard when she starts, I will probably remain hard with a little encouragement as she adds those very painful little pins. At least I was in the past. My record to date is two clothespins on the edge of the head of my penis (picture). Who knows, maybe Mrs. Lion will go for a new record.

By:
In: Spanking, Lion's Journal

Tuesday night was quiet. That’s normal since we don’t usually do anything the night after I ejaculate. Both of us slept fairly well on Tuesday night. I had been having a lot of trouble getting to sleep and on many nights ended up watching TV until 3 AM. Tuesday night I went to bed with Mrs. Lion and fell asleep promptly. Yesterday, I finally got to go into Seattle to get a steroid shot in my shoulder. It’s long overdue, but thanks to the demonstrations we haven’t been able to get downtown.

I realize that I have been writing a lot about spanking lately. I think it’s because our disciplinary relationship is maturing and I’m beginning to understand how it works. That may sound odd. But the fact of the matter is that something that seems as simple as introducing spanking punishment into a marriage turns out to be substantially more complicated.

Surfing for spanking

Since I’m not working, I’ve had a chance to do a lot of web surfing. My most recent objective has been to understand how other couples incorporate domestic discipline into their lives. I am excluding the religiously-based practice since that comes from a completely different perspective. As far as I can tell, it turns out that all male-spanking domestic discipline originates with the male partner. This is exactly the same as it is with male chastity. In almost all cases the man asks his wife to lock up his penis or, for domestic discipline, spank him.

That’s what happened with us. I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me in a chastity device and then a couple of years later asked her to spank me for discipline. There is a strong parallel between the way male chastity and domestic discipline worked their way into our marriage. Both started as Mrs. Lion accommodating a sexual need of mine. Chastity was a new one on her when I asked. She knows that I like BDSM and we’ve done that sort of play on a fairly regular basis since we’ve been together. But I never asked her to control my sexual release.

She is a very good sport and did her best to accommodate my request. It didn’t take her long to completely understand what I wanted and implement total orgasm control over me. Domestic discipline was a little more difficult. Mrs. Lion has been spanking me almost from the very start of our relationship. It took her a very long time to hit me hard enough for me to really feel it. By the time we started male chastity, she was delivering spankings that could make me yelp. They weren’t hard enough to make me try to escape, but I could definitely feel them.

Is it bdsm or punishment?

We were both confused about how we would differentiate between a punishment and a play spanking. We tried lots of different things. All of our attempts are documented in earlier posts. I did research and passed on what I read to Mrs. Lion. She worked on her technique and finally developed an effective punishment style.

Now there is no mistaking a punishment spanking from one delivered as part of BDSM play. It’s not that one ends up more painful than the other. Though I have to say my punishment spankings end up hurting me a lot more nowadays. The difference is in how Mrs. Lion delivers it. She wants it to hurt right from the start. She swats as hard as she can while allowing me to avoid trying to escape. She intentionally aims for spots that I find most painful. If I was sexually aroused when assuming my spanking position, her first 10 swats dispel any arousal.

My skin frequently breaks during a spanking. I don’t understand exactly why. I have been routinely applying skin lotion to my rear end to keep the skin more flexible. I bleed less, but there is still some blood. I can’t feel it when I bleed. There is no visible wound after the spanking. It’s a little mysterious. Mrs. Lion has learned to disregard the bleeding. It doesn’t stop the punishment. I totally subscribe to this. Unlike a play spanking, nothing stops the punishment other than a safeword. I haven’t safeworded up until this point. My understanding is that if I do, the spanking will end then and there. However, the next day Mrs. Lion will repeat it until it reaches her conclusion.

I’m not a very satisfactory spanking target. I feel the pain every bit as much as anyone else. However, it’s very difficult to mark me. I don’t get as red as others do and it’s highly unusual to bruise me. It’s also very difficult to leave me with discomfort the next day. Part of this is probably technique. In the past, when I’ve received play spankings at various BDSM events, I have been left with “souvenir” bruises. I think Mrs. Lion and I may need to experiment so that she can reliably mark me and give me a reminder the next day.

Typical marks left after Mrs. Lion’s “experiment” spanking. I never get marks like this after punishment.

should we return to the “spanking experiment” style?

One of the precepts of the famous Disciplinary Wives Club was that a spanking would be extremely painful and would hurt for days afterward. I agree with this concept. I think that I’m being too much of a baby when I’m being spanked, and this is deterring my lioness. I’m not sure how to overcome it. My suggestion is that when I appear to be trying to roll away, that she introduce longer pauses between groups of swats. This was very effective when she was doing her “experiments”. Each experiment was at least 300 swats, in groups of 10 swats. She used different paddles and different levels of force. Almost every experiment ended with me being marked.

The marks almost always appeared on the sides of my cheeks. That may be a hint for her. That’s also where swats hurt the most. I managed to accept these stronger spankings because Mrs. Lion paused long enough between 10 swat volleys to let me compose myself. Over time as I learned to better accept the pain, the pauses grew shorter.

Since then, my disciplinary spankings have been considerably milder than her experiments. I’m not sure why but I think she might want to consider returning to the level of force she used then. There was no permanent damage and we both agreed I had been soundly spanked. In case you’re wondering, I consider it part of my role to help make her more effective as my disciplinary wife. I think that’s only fair. If she had grown up in a household where spanking was common and very painful, I’m sure she wouldn’t need my input. Neither of us grew up in that environment. We have to learn on our own.

I’m not suggesting that the punishment spankings I currently receive are too mild. They aren’t. They are quite effective. I think we both agree that more is better. Mrs. Lion is still finding her way. I suggest she think back to those experiments. When she finished those, she had a spanking style that truly struck fear into my heart.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Lion's Journal

In my current furloughed state, I have time to do some web surfing. Since we have just added “The Disciplinary Wives Handbook” to our site, I was curious to see what I would find if I did a search on the name. Naturally, there was nothing about our newest entry. I did find a few blogs I had never seen before. Some haven’t had a post in years. What interested me most was some writing about people who participated in The Disciplinary Wives Club.

I’m still unclear about how real this was, but the people I read definitely subscribed to its philosophy. What struck me was that without exception, all of these blogs were written by the disciplined husband. Nothing was written by the wives. I suppose this isn’t too surprising. Generally speaking, the submissive partner in a power exchange tends to be more vocal than the dominant. This makes sense. Being the dominant partner is more of a service to the submissive member of the relationship than it is a passion. Sure, it’s fun to be a top, but more fun to be a bottom.

I’ve been remarkably unsuccessful in trying to locate authentic female writers on this subject. I’m very sure that the female perspective is very different from the male. For example, being a disciplined husband is important to me. I think about it quite a bit and find myself wondering how Mrs. Lion thinks about our disciplinary relationship. I think I am beginning to understand her perspective.

Sexual Feelings and domestic discipline

Disciplining me is not a very important part of her life. It’s not a very important part of mine either, but it’s more important to me than it is to her. She began because it was something I asked her to try. It was quite a bit of work for her to learn how to consistently maintain vigilance over my behavior and to punish me when needed. It would be one thing if I had destructive habits like excessive drinking or taking drugs. I don’t. I believe I’m a considerate, loving husband. That makes any focus on a disciplinary relationship for me something that doesn’t appear to make a lot of sense at first.

Mrs. Lion knows that I’ve always liked BDSM. Since I’ve known her, I’ve wanted to be a bottom. Over the years she’s learned how to spank me, tie me up, and do other things to me that are exciting. Most of them are also pretty painful. It didn’t shock her that I wanted to initiate a disciplinary relationship. One of the more difficult things for her to understand is how it is different from the BDSM stuff we’ve always done.

I explained that in a disciplinary relationship we didn’t just have playtime. I was obligated to obey her and to follow whatever rules she cared to make. I had to immediately subject myself to any discipline she wished to administer. The discipline would not be fun for me. It would be painful and something I would try to avoid. I don’t think that quite registered when we started. But Mrs. Lion is a game lioness and gave it a try. She knew it would hurt me more than her.

I won’t go through the trivial rules we began with, let’s just say she figured (quite correctly) that I would break them often and it would give her a chance to spank me. It was more of a BDSMish accommodation to me than real discipline as far as she was concerned.

Reading between the lines in some of these older blogs, I realized that the disciplinary relationships they describe are very similar. In a lot of respects. The wives and husbands pursue domestic discipline as a sort of almost-BDSM activity. That is, the wives work to provide the disciplinary model their husbands seem to want. The Disciplinary Wives Club website was a really excellent model for this sort of thing. It laid out an approach to a disciplinary marriage that was comfortable to a lot of people who followed it.

The key learning that I got from it was that the focus was on effective punishment. It wasn’t concerned with correcting serious problems. It was all about allowing the husbands to voluntarily submit to their wives’ authority. That’s what Mrs. Lion and I are doing. The idea is that the disciplinary wife uses her ability to painfully correct her husband as a way of improving their relationship and his behavior. The reason the focus was more on the punishment, rather than identifying the crimes, was because these disciplinary wives, like Mrs. Lion, weren’t natural disciplinarians.

Without exception, every one of the DD blogs that appear to be based on real-life, stresses the need for very painful, memorable punishments. This focus is borne out by what Mrs. Lion and I need to do. I wanted her authority to be real. I wanted to be punished in a way that would genuinely influence future behavior. While the words may be different, every single site I read had the same purpose.

It’s Also sexual

At the same time, there was always a distinctly sexual undertone to all this. I get that too. Sometimes groups of couples would get together and practice discipline with one another. One event I read about (not sure it really happened but sounds like it might) was a Confessional Weekend. Each man had to write out in detail something he wanted to confess. When the couples arrived, each man was assigned to one of the wives (not his own) to present his confession. He confessed then the woman disciplined him.

Obviously, this borders on a BDSM event. It doesn’t have a lot to do with domestic discipline. It does have a lot to do with helping women feel good about causing pain.

I think it was much harder for Mrs. Lion to get into DD than it was for me. It took a long time for her to feel okay about causing me a lot of pain. She worked hard at it and I supported her efforts. Now, while it might not be fun for her, she has absolutely no qualms about bruising my bottom and making me scream.

After doing this online research, I’m much more comfortable with my role in developing our disciplinary relationship. I’ve been a cheerleader and in many cases, the architect of my own misfortune. It makes sense if you consider that there is a sexual component to this. That doesn’t change its disciplinary value at all. I may be turned on by being a disciplined husband, but I absolutely hate being punished. I recognize that these two things actually work well together. My sexual interest keeps me relatively docile and willing to get in position for punishment. The very strong pain I get during punishment is sufficient to drown out any potential sexual interest and reinforce the reason I am being spanked.

Until we reached the point that my spankings were completely unpleasant to me, the sexual value got in the way of the important lessons I needed to learn. It may be completely illogical, but this particular combination of attraction and repulsion helped us get where we are now.

What’s in it for the disciplinary wife?

I think that Mrs. Lion has a similar combination of feelings about our domestic discipline. I know she enjoys “catching me” doing something wrong. She gets real satisfaction out of being a keen observer. That’s her equivalent to my sexual arousal at the thought of being disciplined. She’s learned to punish me without feeling bad herself. I think she’s beginning to feel a sense of accomplishment when she successfully spanks me. It isn’t fun for her, but it’s part of what we have to do. This is the equivalent of my hating the painful spanking itself but liking my role.

Neither of us is willing to stop. For our individual reasons, we get satisfaction out of our disciplinary relationship. We are still growing. Mrs. Lion is still very hesitant to observe and punish things I do that are annoying to her. She is perfectly willing to punish me for forgetting a chore but still struggles with spanking me when I interrupt her or say something that upsets her. For my part, I think the real value will only increase when she’s able to do this.

All this reading and introspection makes it clear that I should feel fine about having permission to get aroused thinking about my role as a disciplined husband. It’s perfectly reasonable for me to get turned on thinking about being spanked. It’s also absolutely okay for Mrs. Lion to enjoy establishing things for me to do and then carefully observing my compliance. She likes that. Invariably, her increased vigilance will result in more spankings for me. That’s not a bad thing. After all this time, it’s still what I want.