Eighteen years ago today, Mrs. Lion and I met online. I learned that she lived about 50 miles from my house. At that time both of us were looking for sex. We didn’t have anything more involved in mind. It took us almost no time to decide to meet. In fact, we met on that Friday, August 16.

Our first meeting might not be the textbook description of how future mates get together. We met at a motel and within five minutes of getting to our room, we were both naked and Mrs. Lion was on her knees on the edge of the bed. I entered her anally. She had mentioned that she liked anal sex.

Our second meeting went the same way. I have no idea if Mrs. Lion had orgasms. She must have had fun. We kept meeting one or two times a week. Happily, after those first two meetings, I got to see what the front of her looked like.

She has the most beautiful smile (at both ends)! After sex, we cuddled and talked. Our activities became more varied. We did the usual: oral and vaginal sex as well as staying in touch anally.

Neither of us remembers exactly how long we met at that Super 8 Motel. The owner and I got to know each other on a first-name basis. After a while, Mrs. Lion would drive all the way to my house. She stayed with me until she had to leave for work. Love sneaked up on us. We both realized that we hated to be apart.

Our kinky life, as I recall, began in the motel. I told her that I like to be spanked and she agreed to try. Her first few attempts were so timid, I could hardly feel them. She quickly learned to hit a bit harder. During those motel days, Mrs. Lion said she was worried she might grow bored. I worried that she didn’t like sex with me. She was talking about spanking me and other BDSM things we had discussed.

When I first decided to meet Mrs. Lion, I knew that she was sexually vanilla; well not that vanilla, she did want me to fuck her in her ass. She had never spanked or tied up a man. I realized that there was a decent chance my sex life would be vanilla with her. I decided that I would be fine if that was how it turned out. I loved the peaceful feeling I had when we were together.

This may have been my first glimmer of love. She recognized that I probably needed the painful play she didn’t understand very well. She decided to do it with me until it got too boring. She’s still not bored. Eventually, she moved in with me (and my dog who adored her). We’ve been together ever since.

Now, I am the one who is fucked in the ass. Mrs. Lion likes that too. I’m not so sure I do, but it isn’t up to me. Fifteen years ago this Saturday, we got married in a small town hall. We bought a Carvel ice cream cake and had the perfect wedding reception: the two of us and our dog. The dog died eight years ago. We have another now. She will be celebrating our anniversary with us this year.

It will be another big party: the two of us and our sweet dog.

It appears that expanding our disciplinary relationship to cover things I do that are thoughtless or annoy Mrs. Lion is stalled. I get it. Spanking me for breaking a rule like not setting up the coffeepot is more of a game. Don’t get me wrong, the spanking I receive is no fun. Spotting my offense is something that Mrs. Lion enjoys. She tells me that she’s neutral about the actual punishment. It neither bothers her nor turns her on to spank me.

That alone is substantial progress. It wasn’t that long ago when Mrs. Lion disliked administering a disciplinary spanking. She was fine spanking me for “play”. She knows I want and in a perverse way, like those spankings. She also knows that I really hate her disciplinary spankings. She’s learned that in another way I want strict punishment. Now, she’s fine about administering it.

I think that the problem we currently face is more about the subjective nature of these more personal offenses. When we discuss what the problem might be, Mrs. Lion most often says that she’s already bothered by what I did and it feels like too much trouble to bother herself more by punishing me. She also says that sometimes she doesn’t think it’s worth it to call me out on something.

It’s true that identifying my contribution to how she is feeling isn’t direct and easy to understand. It’s much easier to see that the coffeepot is not set up. Identifying my contribution to how she might be feeling requires her to do some introspective analysis at a time when she’s clearly not interested in doing anything. I think this is a slippery slope.

For example, one thing I know she hates it when I interrupt her. On some occasions, it’s obvious that I’ve broken her chain of thought and stopped her from communicating. Other times, it’s not that clear. She may have paused for a rather long time and I’ve interpreted the silence as an opening for me to contribute. On the other hand, she was pausing because she wanted to complete a thought. Do I deserve to be punished for misunderstanding that pause?

Even if it annoyed Mrs. Lion that I spoke during her thoughtful silence, she generally recognizes that I had no way to understand that she had more to say. She wants to give me the benefit of the doubt. The net result is that I have to do something fairly egregious before she thinks about spanking me.

Other, more established disciplinary couples seem to have developed a kind of silent system to accumulate these minor annoyances. From what I’ve read, the disciplinary wife keeps mental track of these little annoyances. If she experiences more than a couple in a week, she informs her husband that he earned a spanking. I think this would be a workable solution for us. I don’t think it would work right now.

The problem is that Mrs. Lion doesn’t have that internal annoyance counter. She likes to minimize stress by avoiding even mentioning that she is annoyed. Somehow we have to get past that. One way might be for her to try telling me when something bothers her. I will have to understand that this is not an invitation to discuss it. In fact, perhaps starting a discussion is immediate grounds for spanking.

The idea is that for the time being Mrs. Lion could put me in charge of counting these little annoyances. She doesn’t have to keep track at all. Her job is simply to identify them. It’s also not to assign blame. We both will understand that I am probably not the complete cause of the annoyance. However, I am a contributor. If the count goes to, let’s say, three, I let her know and I earn a spanking.

We had discussed having her spank me every time one of these little annoyances happens. I think her sense of fairness has prevented her from doing that. Maybe this new idea will work better for her. She’s not condemning me to a beating every time she gets that twinge. Essentially, by letting me know I should add to the count, she is warning me to be more careful. If she picks three as the number, I know that I better get on my toes if that account gets to two within a week.

I’m suggesting that the counter resets every Saturday at midnight. If Mrs. Lion likes this idea and actually trusts me enough to inform me when I should add one to the count, I think we will be on our way to expanding our disciplinary relationship to include more meaningful offenses. I realize that I have a big responsibility in this. My inclination is to discuss things. If this is to work, I have to just silently accept what she says and add one to my count. She doesn’t have to explain or even identify what I did. Even if she is consistently silent about the nature of my offenses, I’m smart enough to figure it out for myself eventually.

One thing that is true of every person (and lion) practicing male chastity and orgasm control is that it is a very individual experience. Some of the basics are the same: a male wants his frequency of ejaculation controlled, he wants his partner/keyholder to decide what kind and how much sex he gets to have. Beyond that, it is very different.

It takes time for these differences to emerge. Most couples treat male chastity as a sexy game. He isn’t expected to wear a chastity device all the time. Orgasm control is a form of play. A chastity device is locked on for an evening or a weekend. Maybe a couple will control his orgasms during a vacation. It’s an exciting game.

Some people decide to practice it for long periods of time, even for life. We fall into this group. With or without a device locked on my penis, Mrs. Lion produces every orgasm I get. This has been true since the end of 2013. There are no exceptions; none.

Part of the time I’ve been wild (no chastity device). That hasn’t changed anything. I am not permitted to jerk off and I don’t. Mrs. Lion’s sexual control is absolute, no hardware required. We aren’t unique. Many long-term couples practicing male orgasm control are the same.

In our case, Mrs. Lion generally teases me every day or two. She makes me ejaculate every week or two. There are no hard and fast rules determining how long I have to wait between orgasms. I ejaculate when Mrs. Lion decides I should. She doesn’t need a reason.

For the last year or so I’ve been wild. Surgeries and health issues made wearing a chastity device very difficult. Nothing changed, well almost nothing. I still got teased almost every day. I got to ejaculate on the same basic schedule we had when I wore a male chastity device.

Mrs. Lion liked the convenience of my free-range penis. I was in no danger of jerking off. Being wild saved her the trouble of locking and unlocking my cage. She could play with me without dealing with hardware. We discussed it. She knows that I get something out of being locked up. She agreed that she would lock me into my cage if I wanted.

At the same time, she noticed that it took quite a bit of penis massage to get me hard. This was true even if my last orgasm was over two weeks in the past. I remembered that when I was locked up, I started to get hard almost as soon as Mrs. Lion began removing my cage. We both wondered if the simple act of keeping me in a chastity device made me much more responsive.

Since I had asked to be locked up and since Mrs. Lion was curious about how my ability to get hard would change, she locked me up again. To our surprise, I started to get hard as soon as the cage came off. This was true just a day or two after I ejaculated. When I was wild, Mrs. Lion had a lot of trouble getting me hard so soon after I came.

It’s not the novelty of being locked up. I’ve spent the vast majority of the last seven years locked 24/7 in a male chastity device. I wonder if it is because the device won’t let me even begin to get hard. I can’t say that I am experiencing many in-cage attempts at erections. Maybe I am without knowing. Or, maybe my body “knows” it can’t express itself sexually until Mrs. Lion unlocks me. Perhaps I am making sure I get hard as soon as I can.

Having observed this, Mrs. Lion has decided that from now on I will be locked in a male chastity device. She is also being more diligent about returning me to my cage after teasing or ejaculation. I think that is important. Tomorrow, we are going on a trip with our camper. For the first time, the chastity device stays on for the trip.

As it stands, the only time I’m allowed to be wild is when Mrs. Lion needs my penis for sexual purposes or I will be getting a medical procedure that might expose it. She is indifferent about which cage I wear. I’m allowed to ask her to lock me in a different one. I’m not allowed to be wild. That makes sense to both of us. It turns out that wearing a chastity device is truly beneficial.

When I first read about male chastity in the 1990’s I have to admit that I was a bit turned on and also put off. Everything I read talked about strict keyholders and long deprivation. It was extreme submission expressed via a device that locks up the penis.

I understand that some guys love these fantasies. It’s ironic because they use them as fodder for jerking off. Read about never ejaculating while you bring yourself to orgasm. Go figure. I liked the idea of being sexually controlled. It didn’t turn me on imagining extreme scenarios.

Those stories eventually piqued my curiosity enough to investigate actually wearing one. I had started a website that reviewed sex toys and decided to branch out into male chastity. I began contacting people who made chastity devices. There weren’t many. Most were happy to send me a device to review. This isn’t the story of those reviews.

If the device didn’t injure me right off the bat — a surprisingly large number did — I wore it for a few days. I didn’t find myself sexually aroused by the confinement. I was mostly annoyed by the challenges the crude chastity devices presented to me. None of them were particularly comfortable. I suppose that wouldn’t have been an issue if I found some inner arousal because I was locked up.

Of course, I was locking myself up. I just couldn’t get into the fantasy that I had a keyholder. I didn’t look for one because the entire idea of male chastity wasn’t all that overwhelmingly interesting to me at the time. Nevertheless, I had fun trying the devices and reviewing them.

Over a decade later I discovered my secret sauce. My sex life had gone down the tubes. Mrs. Lion had lost interest in sex. We hadn’t discussed it, but she didn’t display any interest in sex. I’ve always been rather shy about initiating sex. I think it comes from a very serious fear of rejection. I’ve missed countless opportunities for sex thanks to this fear. A woman would have to almost ask me to fuck her before I would be brave enough to pick up the ball, so to speak.

That meant I always waited for Mrs. Lion to make the first move. I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to do it even with her. She made less and less first moves. It ended up with her jerking me off or giving me a very-rare blow job about once a month. This was my worst sexual nightmare. I still couldn’t turn it around on my own. I was withdrawing and felt very depressed.

One day I stumbled upon cheap male chastity devices on amazon.com. I had no idea that there were cheap devices and that Amazon actually sold sex stuff. I felt that old chastity tingle. Since I had a lot of experience with chastity devices from the old days, I looked for some that might fit me. I ordered a couple.

When they arrived, I excitedly tried them on. It was very cool to feel them restraining my cock. Neither fit well enough to wear for more than an hour or two. Besides, I didn’t want Mrs. Lion to know about them. I ordered two more. One of the new batch fit pretty well. I decided to tell Mrs. Lion what I was thinking about.

I had been reading whatever I could find on the Web. Most were worthless, but I got some ideas about talking to her about male chastity. It took a lot of effort to bring up the subject. After all, it was S-E-X. I proposed locking me up. I explained that I thought she could tease me often, but only let me ejaculate once in a while. She agreed. There are tons of posts from 2014 about how this got going.

a sneaky way to get sex (for me at least) going

My reasoning was that if Mrs. Lion had the only keys, she would need to remember to provide me with sexual stimulation. It was a somewhat sneaky way to transfer sexual initiation to her. She agreed because she loves me and wants me to be happy. I don’t know if she read the subtext at that time.

As it turned out, she wasn’t very interested in sex for herself. Male chastity allowed her to keep me sexually satisfied without pushing her into sexual activities she didn’t want. Over time, I missed the fucking and she missed me initiating sex. Thanks to the blog,  we wrote about these feelings. We tried and failed to bring two-person sex back. I tried initiating; it was so hard. Mrs. Lion responded a little, but apparently her pilot light was out.

Male orgasm control became the only sexual activities we share. I am forbidden to masturbate, so I am at the mercy of Mrs. Lion for any sexual pleasure. We both learned to like this. It mostly satisfies my continuing need for sex. I still miss fucking. I really miss giving Mrs. Lion orgasms. But that doesn’t mean I am not having fun. I worry that there is nothing in it for her.

The entire point of all this is that male chastity is the secret sauce of our sex life. Most recently, Mrs. Lion discovered that if I wear a male chastity device, I am more responsive when she takes it off. It isn’t because I secretly jerk off when I am wild. I don’t know why this is true, but it is. For this reason, I am permanently locked up again. At least that’s what she says. Love that secret sauce!

the brand new lioness box o’fun

After Mrs. Lion previewed my post, we went off to run some errands. I asked her what she thought of my post, particularly about my problem with initiating and sex for her. She said that she sort of knew about why I wanted to be locked up.

I asked her about sex for her. On a few occasions I’ve given her some orgasms. I asked how she liked them? She said that she enjoyed them but she didn’t feel that she wanted to go out of her way to get more.

cowgirl position
This is cowgirl position. It’s most successful for giving Mrs. Lion orgasms.

It sounds like the old iniitiation issue. I had an idea. We use the Box O’Fun to jump start BDSM for me, why not create a lioness Box O’Fun with orgasmic activities for her? We could have cards for oral sex, finger fun, and lion riding for starters.

Lion riding in the old days was when Mrs. Lion mounted me cowgirl style. This position has the best chance of getting her an orgasm and is very likely not to allow me to have one. More recently. we she’s mounted me reverse cowgirl where she faces my feet. This position will get me off, but not her.

reverse cowgirl
Reverse cowgirl. In this position it is easy for me to come, but difficult for Mrs. Lion.

I suggested we go back to cowgirl. In the past if she decided she was done riding my cock, she would slide forward and I would continue with my tongue. I love that! Since an orgasm for me isn’t part of any of this, she could have a great time. Her Box O’Fun contains 6 Oral, 4 Finger, and 2 Cowgirl cards. This covers what I think she will enjoy. She still insists it’s for my pleasure. We’ll see.

Mrs. lion wondered if picking from the lioness Box O’Fun would be enough to get me going for teasing? Oh yeah, it would! Now we have to get going. I know us, if we don’t start right away, we may never begin. I’ll make sure we have it going before we leave on vacation.

Yum!