I’d Like To Leave At Least A Little Ripple

Another blogger, Erica Scott, lost her long-term love and partner. She’s been writing about her life since she lost him. In her latest post, she considers whether or not to get a tattoo to memorialize him. It’s a sweet story that touched me. It isn’t the idea of a memorial tattoo; I’ve never been a fan of ink. It’s her reflection on his memory.

I’m almost certainly going to die before Mrs.Lion. I’m older than her. I have no doubt that very little will change because I’ve left the planet. I know she’ll remember me, and I hope she misses me a little too. We’ve talked a bit about the practical issues of losing my income and how she can continue without having to move. It’s good that we are planning for the inevitable.

Erica’s posts reveal how painful it’s been for her to deal with all of the financial and physical issues her love’s death created. I would like to spare Mrs. Lion as much of that as I can. It will be a mess, not a big one, but a mess nonetheless. I think that most of our financial matters will be fairly simple to manage. However, dealing with money isn’t something Mrs. Lion handles very well.

I worry that she will move on without too much pain, and I also worry that she won’t. I know that my daughter won’t be particularly affected. We aren’t that close. I expect that Mrs. Lion will have me cremated. For a long time, I wanted to be buried. Then, I realized that no one would ever visit my grave. I want her to do the least expensive thing she can to dispose of me.

One reason I wanted to get a novel published, aside from added income, was to leave something behind that would be mine. I think the saddest thing about dying is knowing what a tiny difference my existence made. Maybe that’s a good thing. Life goes on without a ripple.

Meanwhile, I’ll go on imagining that I can reach people with my writing and can do some good by sharing my experiences. I’ll go on loving Mrs. Lion and continuing our disciplinary lifestyle. I suppose what happens when I’m gone doesn’t really matter.

I would like to know that someone will smile when they remember me. That thought makes me very happy.